An Ordinary day in the Casey Household

An Ordinary Day in the Casey Household ©

By Michael Casey

I was having some Green Tea at 5am, no I’m not an early riser, more like pain was annoying me, so I decided I may as well get up. I was enjoying my ta in the kitchen when I caught a blur of white in my peripheral vision, a bit frightening at first. It was just Totoro our cat, she had slunk out at Midnight and was now returning at 5am, the dirty dirty bitch, though I may be misjudging her morals. But a pretty girl who cannot get pregnant may be tempted to be a cat on a hot tin roof.

So I let Totoro in an went on the computer to read Press, then after an hour with the pain lessening I went to bed, though I did get the wife up first, I am an alarm clock. Writing stories and being an alarm clock is my role now.

My small daughter got some new clothes in the post, our street must be the biggest supporter of White Van Man in Birmingham, the amount of transits dropping off parcels and so on is very high. Its less boring for dads too, you just look at a screen and together you pick what you want, then you ring in your order. Clothes Takeaway, the modern way to shop.

My other daughter managed to break the family laptop so I spent hours trying to fit it. My conclusion was that Totoro the cat had walked or sat on the keyboard and managed to delete something, no wonder she goes out at night to drown her sorrows. I get blamed for everything, calling me a dirty bitch, I’m a cat a cat with a Japanese name what do those humans think I should do? 

Totoro then curses in Chinese, just so I cannot understand her. She comes in the door and then lets herself out of an open window. She’s just like a teenager.

The girls eat all the Italian pasta I got them especially, I don’t even get the slops. So I have scrambled eggs made in the microwave, they are Polish eggs with toast made from Polish bread. The yolk is so yellow in Polish eggs, just like a yellow from a Yellow Submarine.

I’m getting tired now, in the story and now 3 hours later, 2 days of pain has worn me out, but the end must be near, Q a fat ugly woman to say The End is Nigh just like in Up Pompeii. My daughter reminds me she has an eye test, so we have to go up the road for her to have her eyes tested. Why can’t a courier take her eyes up to the Optician for her, or why can’t we do it over the Internet?

I sit and wait while the eyes are tested, I resist the temptation to eat the Chocolate Easter Bunny in the corner of the shop. 

Finally my big daughter returns, she has to change her lens, why can’t she borrow the cat’s eyes instead? Then I have to watch as my 15year old tries on all manner of frames, some are just too horrid to mention. Some designer frames only have one design, fleecing you and taking your money. Others are not so bad. Finally to much relief the frames she likes are the lower price range. So I get her to say, Hello I’m Dr. Annie as she tries her new frames. If all goes to plan that’s what she’ll be in less than 10 years’ time.

I pay for 2 new frames, wear and spare as they say. Her current frames are black, just like Michael Caine in Harry Palmer mode, or Joe 90 if you can remember that show. Luckily my bladder has survived the wait so now the highlight of my day, a trip to Aldi. I tell the staff she is my Carer, and obviously they believe me, due to my silver hair and because the Arthritis is making me limp today, I hadn’t shaved either. Then as a treat we go to the Coop as well, that’s where the donuts are, why do girls love donuts?

Once home 4 donuts sink faster than the Titanic, the other 4 I manage to make them save till after Choir Practice. Meanwhile the wife returns laughing, a new employee turns out to be the mother of one of my big daughter’s best friend. Small World as they say. People deny me 3 times, as they order another round of drinks, no cocks crowing. Which reminds me once home I am bursting for the toilet, we have been out an hour.

Now as the gentle rain falls I ring my sister to touch base, she says our brother has had another small win, I laugh and say if I won the lottery I would buy that house around the corner from the one we should have bought. Me too says my sister, we laugh and say our goodbyes.

So this is my ordinary life, today no surreal moments, but it’s not yet 7pm and I do have an imagination, so you better watch out wherever you are. And Mexico I see you reading, if you are Carlos Slim, read more of my words and you will soon get fat. In 1920s Ireland the Priest Banned the song Down Mexico Way for being Immoral. But welcome to you anyway, I do know a little Spanish, so I’ll finish in Spanish, yo hablo espagnol como un burro hablando frances.

Hasta Luego.  Michael