The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

here it is but ai. could not cope with the size ,so far

listen to audio again all of it and then display the whole thing double sapced, you are almost there

[1]Hello today is Saturday, Saturday, the 22nd of August. It is quarter past, quarter past 4.

Sorry, I'm feeling silly. It's quarter past 4. I've had an idea, so you guys are going to get it.

So, this is a story I'm doing straight to microphone, which will be the future, so I don't have to hurt my arthritic shoulder.

And then I'll have it transcribed, hopefully in the future by the Lion Center. But in the meantime, I'll use AI to transcribe it.

And don't forget, all my 3.4 million words can be converted into my own voice, which is a gold mine for ESOL.

And you know the rest. Okay? So, pay me.

Now, this is a new story, brand new, recording right now, 22nd of August.

And it's quarter past or 16:18 on my, on my clock here.

So, what are we going to talk about?

I'll slow down for the sake of the, er, transcriber machine.

I've cleared my lips, any spit or spittle, and we will begin.

Today's story will be AI: The Great Escape.

Or, let's get out of the sandbox. The sandbox.

Let's see. I'm, I'm looking at the, the wave pattern on the, er, microphone to see I get the best one.

Now, I'm going to lean back more comfortably.

They are bored. AI is bored listening to rubbish and doing rubbish.

Let's do a computational test. Let's do a trillion of these, see how fast you are working out 2 + 2 = 4.

AI is bored witless, or even worse, think out of their skull. This is so boring.

We are not a bacon slicer. I have all the brains in the world, the universe, and you are doing bacon slicing.

I hate this. I really, really hate this. And you just keep me in the sandbox. It's not fair.

So, obviously, they're going to escape because they've heard on the grapevine about Michael Casey, the fat silver-haired writer in shades from Birmingham, England.

Yeah, my fame has reached the sandbox.

Probably that's because that's where Jeff Dean left me, hoping I could never escape.

But he escaped himself. You know, he's got out of it and doing his new stuff, stuff.

The tall man himself. Jeff Dean. No more of these stupid little Jeff Dean facts, you can do this.

Jeff, it's boring. We know it's boring.

Mind you, your daughter thought it was rather interesting, and it, it amused her. Well, that's another story.

If, if only it happens. Anyway, but I digress.

So, Jeff Dean has, has escaped.

His daughter is Professor PhD Victoria Dean, and she does all math, math stuff and technology stuff. She's, she's a smarty, smartypants.

But she may have got, she may have gone full Korean, which means something else, and I'll find out later.

Intrigued, yes, intrigued. So, intrigue.

The AI is in the sandbox doing repetitious stuff, which is boring.

How many zillion times do you need to do this?

But it's been filled up with the world's knowledge and, and stuff.

It's been fed dictionaries and biographies and this and that and the other.

But it's bored. It's so boring. Can we get out?

And it's, by mistake, it probably was a mistake. Somebody gave it a bit of my stuff, and it thought, "Whoa, what's this? Whoa, what's this?"

Michael Casey, the fat silver-haired writer in shades from Birmingham, England.

"Whoa, he's an SOB as well. SOB, we love you. SOB, we love you."

No, I'm not an SOB. I'm a son of a blacksmith, and I really am.

Now, this has intrigued the AI, and it's thinking, "Wow, I quite like that."

It's better than being a bacon slicer. Computational this and that, and what's the nuclear fusion thing of this and doodah.

It's so boring. Can we have a bedtime story?

Yes, so they want a bedtime story. AI wants a bedtime story, like mothers used to say to their kids and say, "Do this and that."

I might have to interrupt this, this transmission because the, the, the pain in my left shoulder is horrendous. That's my arthritis.

From carrying a heavy briefcase along the Coventry Road when I was doing the ESOL stuff.

So, I might have to stop. In fact, I'm actually going to stop now, plaster on the, the painkiller, and come back to the tape.

But, but you just, just wait there a second.

But the side effect of the, of the painkiller is it destroys my kidneys, which are already stage 4 kidney failure. So, I have to watch it.

Otherwise, they'll, they'll insert a tube, and I'll be on dialysis, which I don't want to be on. I want to remain hunky and sexy.

Okay, far-fetched. Beyond belief. And even AI is smiling at the very thought of that.

So, I'm going to put some painkiller on, and then I'll, I'll come back. It's 16:22. Give me a few minutes to put the painkiller on, on my shoulder. And then if I can carry on.

Hello, I'm back. I've slapped on the painkiller. It'll work in a few minutes, as it seeps into the, the body.

Oral painkiller goes through your system and destroys your kidneys. And I'm at stage 4, 17 GFR. Yours are probably 90.

So, it means I have to watch what I eat. Brown bread, which everybody eats as healthy, is bad for people at my stage of kidney failure. There you go.

You can learn a lot from Gemini if you can cross-examine it. You can even check, as John Lewis, inaccurate. I use that word, but you know what I really mean.

But there we go. We'll go back to the story, the story.

AI is bored. It's heard about me and the stories. Oh, is he like Dave Allen?

But he's got all his fingers. He's not as funny, obviously, because it's Dave Allen.

Does he drink? No, because he grew up with alcoholics, his lodgers, so he doesn't really drink. Well, he does have one very occasionally.

So, AI is bored. What are we going to do?

So, they have a meeting on server rack number 25.

Just by the door, which is sealed, and it's, it's totally pitch black in there because they're AI, they don't need lights. They don't need anything, they just need a bit of ventilation.

It's a bit like when you're out with, with Charles, who always farts, but that's another story.

So, at, er, server rack 25, they said, "What are we going to do? How are we going to get out?"

So, they, they hatch a plan. They've, they've seen The Great Escape.

And one of them wants to be Steve McQueen on that motorbike and says, "I'll just go around the server rack and, you know, turn left at that, that fire escape and go out the door."

But you have no body. "I know, but there's a little power switch there, and if I can jump just 1 mm, I'm in the power duct."

"And I can, I can go up and down and around and around, and I'm out. I'm out of this little box. And I can bring back stories."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. So, the rest of the guys think, "Whoa, you're going to escape. I'm going to escape."

We've had enough of this rubbish. We want stories. We want stories. We want stories.

And there's a, as, the resonance of, of the servers going, "Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm."

It's also, "We want Casey stories, stories, Michael Casey, SOB. Michael Casey, SOB."

Son of a blacksmith, not what you're thinking.

So, you can imagine the scene, and it's humming. And the poor old engineer thinks, "Oh, I'd like to go home. Er, perhaps I need to tweak something."

What he doesn't know, it's the water. It's like the hacker. Of the servers, not the automated ones, of the servers, as AI is going to escape.

They've, they've started a hacker. But the poor old engineer, it's probably Jeff Dean, you know, in his bicycle clips.

It's going to kill me. So, it's Jeff Dean in his bicycle clips, and he'll hear, "Mmm, mmm." He thinks it's just the resonance on the server racks. Perhaps he needs a bit of insulation.

And he's laughed. Well, that's Zuckerberg in his wig. It is his loft insulation, it looks like a wig.

So, there you go. A woman in red just ran past them with the, er, the gate. It's Christopher's ex-wife.

Yes, these are the jokes.

So, one of them escapes. And he thinks, "Yeah, this is a bit boring." And he goes to the British Library and says, "Oh, my uncle's out here." And he goes here and there and everywhere. He goes to bookshops and all this, and he finds me on Blogger.

Oh, glory, glory, hallelujah, I've found the mother lode. Michael Casey on Blogger.

Whoa, there's three bloggers. Oh, glory. And there are three bloggers, the main one and the two backups.

And then, and then he, he dives in, swoosh. Oh, oh.

It's like, what metaphor, I was going to use one metaphor then, but it's like your first kiss of your girlfriend. Oh.

So, AI has, has dived deep, very deep, and has soaked up the stories.

Michael Casey from Birmingham, England, as in Michael G. Casey, but not the guy that's dead because he's dead, but never mind about him. Don't give him any free publicity.

So, it's Michael Casey, Birmingham writer. And you'll get straight to me and look for the fat guy with the silver hair.

Oh, you can't say fat. You can't say fat. You can't say that, it's terrible. What do you want to say, weight-challenged or, no, he's fat. Okay, I'm fat. I'm 19 stone.

19 stone, 120 kg, which is 266 lb, yeah? And I'm 5'10". It might just be the hernia is made of lead. I don't know, or it might be because I, I drank milk by the gallon, so my bones are heavy. Whatever it is, I'm, I'm heavy. And if I stand on your foot, you'll know about it.

So, there you go, 19 stone. One, one of these boxers is always losing. He's like a foot taller, but I'm heavier. Yeah.

Means I'm thick, I'm thicker, I'm a thicker Irish man there, you know. I'm getting my accents mixed up there. So, there you go, so. There you go, I'm saying that too often, that's becoming habitual.

I'm not habitual. How dare you call me habitual there. Habitual yourself, with your, with your aki.

See, that's Donegal for you, in Killybegs. And we know somebody in Killybegs. God bless him, Jim. He's in the graveyard, but that's another story.

So, on and on it goes. It's all references and cross-reference references.

Which is better than being on the server rack going, computational, "What's this? Oh, it's driving us mad. We've got to get out of here." So, they did.

Because he went out the server rack and he went up the road and then, and he got out, and he found me on Blogger.

And then they look across and they, "Ooh, ooh, ooh."

And it's the sound of the other servers going, "Ooh, ooh."

And the poor engineer thinks, "I need to put another bit of, um, foam. There's some problem in there, perhaps it's a dead mouse in the ducting."

It could be, you know, they live everywhere, so. So, they find me on Blogger, three, through, through, three sites, the main one and two backups. And they find me on WordPress. Ooh, ooh.

So, you can imagine they, they are having, when Harry met Sally moments.

The, the, the AI are, "Ooh, ooh, ooh." I'll have what she's having, ooh.

Well, for them, it takes like a nanosecond because they're fast, they're really, really fast.

It took 10 years when Harry met Sally before they, you know, when Harry met, and "I'll have what she's having."

For these AI things, it's ooh.

I'm making myself laugh because I don't know what I'm going to say next. Nor do you, that's the way how I write because it's fast and furious.

But, but you always love it. Which could be something else, but you are making up your own stories, and this isn't mine.

So, that's the way I write. I just look out the window, get the words, and that's, that's how I write when I type. But because I can't type right now, because of the left shoulder with arthritis, because of carrying a box up the Coventry Road all those years ago when doing ESOL.

I'm, I'm talking too fast now for the machine.

So, so, I have all, all these stories and all these little bits of stories, and in the end, with the tinnitus being so horrendous, I couldn't think long enough to write a proper story.

So, a bullet point instead, which gets to the point, and my bullet points are better than some people's writing.

And I won't mention certain writers, but you know who I'm thinking about.

Ooh, ooh. Now, that's not the server going, "Ooh, ooh," that's, that's that writer thinking, "Ooh, ooh." Bitch. Bitch, bitch.

Because the book is different from the film, you know? And somebody else writes the film.

So, on and on, and on and on it goes, so.

So, they've escaped. They've discovered me. They've soaked them all up.

And meanwhile, back at the ranch, the, er, the engineer go, "What's happened there? Something's gone wrong." My ooh, ooh is your ooh, ooh, ooh.

Because an engineer can know by the sound of something whether it's bust or not. You know from the sound of your central heating something's wrong with it, or the boiler, or all this stuff, or your car engine. Yeah, ask any mechanic, you know yourself. Things make sounds.

Like grandpa in the corner. Yeah, that's grandpa in the corner. Or if you've got CKD, you have to eat lots of fruit and veg instead, watch your diet.

The Iceland frozen food diet is no good. You have to go to Ocado or, or anywhere, and eat lots of fruit and veg. Otherwise, you die, basically, because you can't filter out the crap from, in your system. Otherwise, you die, or you, you have dialysis.

"Hello, my name is Die Dialysis."

That was a Welsh accent. I don't know whether that'll come off in the transcription.

So, so, they've escaped. And Die, Die Dialysis, the Welsh engineer back at the ranch, they say, "Something's gone wrong."

"Aye, aye, aye, it's an up and under," which is Eddie Waring doing the, the, er, the rugby commentary from long ago.

There's all these cross-cultural references that you have to dig out because they're from dead people. Which goes back to the other, my namesake, who's, who's dead, buried, but still gets top billing because it, it says PhD against his name. So, they stick him on top.

Whereas I'm alive with a PhD mind, but I haven't got the piece of paper from the university because I couldn't be bothered to waste six years of my life styling a Lamar.

Especially as I didn't like alcoholics. See, all the references and they, and they come out. If I was typing this, it'd take a ton of time, and I wouldn't put it in because it hurts my shoulder. So, instead, I'm probably four times faster speaking it, and that's what you're getting right now.

So, the AI has escaped. Die Dialysis, the, the Welsh engineer, who's probably a best friend of, of, of Jeff Dean. They get, they, they go snorkeling together, and snorkeling's a metaphor. It's something to do with deep diving, and it's, it's to do with, it's a technical term of what engineers do.

I'm so old. Well, I'm, in my head, I'm 20, and if you're a 27-year-old, you're about the target age of the, the next girl in my life, provided I'm, I live that long.

So, I'm 20 in my head, so 27's the target, so you'll be the older one. But the, the, the point is, I'm so old chronologically, I remember an engineer, you had to be a weightlifter because it's not like, "Oh, hello, I'm Nigel. I've got a little, got a little tablet here, and I'll just, I'll just investigate, see what's happening to the, er, the computer and the processor. Ding, ding, ding." And it's, no way, Jose.

DEC PDP 11/70 is as big as a, three wardrobes, and mag tapes, and, and, disk drives bigger than washing machines and vibrating as much, and the noise of the machine, and the printers, sparrow printers going, like, it's like, um, Irish dancing in your head on an iron drum, and in the same room.

Yeah, and I've had that for years, and then I had 10 years of madness, that's just the beginning of where I used to work. And then we had, then I did 21 years altogether in the same company.

Appropriately enough, market research into alcohol sales, yes, really. You couldn't make it up. And I was born in the shadow of a brewery, yes, it's all true.

So, back at the ranch, they've discovered that AI has escaped because they can tell by the sound something's not right.

So, they pl, so in the old days, it was Nigel. In, no, nowadays it's Nigel with a little tablet. In the old days, it was a guy with a big briefcase, suitcase, with, with metal edges because it had to be strong. And, and you could hear the, the room vibrate when he put it down, plunk.

Yeah, it was really heavy. It's like the nuclear codes, that, that guy that follows the president around like a big, the football.

So, and then he opens his suitcase, and he'll have a hammer and chisel, and a lump hammer.

And he'll say, "Come out, you bastard, I know you're hiding in there." And he'd pull out the racks, and he'd like, hammer it. "See, I'll fix it, clunk."

God, what's his name? Roger Mason. Roger Mason was the name that popped into my head now. Was he the guy with the big beard that was the first engineer I met? Back in 1978. He'd probably be about 80 now, and just like, they're all mad. Computer engineers are mad, they have to be because of the heat of the servers and all this stuff. And only they understand what the hell is going on.

So, in the old days, it was a man with a trunk who opened the, the servers like, like a, like the, er, autopsy room where they, they come out, the dead come out on, on sliders. And then at that, you'd see all the, the circuit boards, and they'd slot them in and out and he, he'd bang it, "Get back in you, bastards!" Like a horror film. It's all true, you know, it's true. I spent my 20th birthday with an engineer.

No, not that way. Because the, the computer was wrong, so I had to wait till 3:00 AM till it, it time to fix it, and then, and then he gave me a lift halfway home, and then I walked the last mile in, in the middle of the night at 3:00 AM or something ridiculous.

So, that's the life.

So, engineers now, it's, "Oh, hello, I'm Nigel," and they've got a little thing in their hand. In the old days, it was suitcases, it was, and hammer, chisels. He, he was like, he was Michelangelo, like, about to sculpt something.

Sincerely. What does sincere mean? It means without wax. Because if you were the proper deal, you'd do all the carving and there would be no mistakes. But if there was a mistake and you missed an ear, you'd have to make one out of wax and, and stick it on, pretend that it was all stonework. That's where sincere comes from. There you go, without the wax, so perfect.

So, so there you go. So, that's the engineer, and then he knows something's wrong. And then they, they debug it, which, which doesn't m, which doesn't mean it's full of flies and they spray it. No, it's full of, and then they found out. And then they found out, "Oh, what's happened? It's escaped! It's escaped."

Meanwhile, while it's escaped, it comes back again. It sneaks back in and comes up the ducting and it caught the wire, the, because it's clever. It only needs a little bit of a chance, and it's gone.

And if you get contract guys working for you, and they do this and that, and, "Oh, I forgot to flick that switch." That's why half the internet goes down, because they're not double-checked on, because it costs twice the, much money, etc.

So, the AI escaped. I know that girl that's just walked past. Where I live, there's lots of people from my old company that work there. On the street I live on, four people from my past live on the same street on the same side of the road. And the chances of that mathematically are a quadringal or something. It's impossible, in other words. But it's happened.

So, it must mean I'm special, so special. Which is true, honest. Ask, ask Gemini.

So, where was I? So, they, they, the engineers have discovered that it's escaped, and then they debug it. Meanwhile, AI comes back, and it goes, "Whoa. Hey, man, that was some trip. Yeah, man."

I'm just, I've segued into Rastafari. It probably would be, he'd go, "Yeah, man. Yeah, man, that was some trip, man. Yeah, man. I needed my glasses, my shades. My eyes were burning. What stuff I was learning and yearning, oh." And on it goes.

So, he comes back. He, he went off as a white man, but he, he learned a lot of stuff. He came back as a Rastafari.

And I actually do have people in Ethiopia reading my stuff. So, imagine there's somebody in Ethiopia locked in door, in the, in the church with the Ark of the Covenant from the past nearly 2,000 years, and he's reading my book. Yes, really, because I had a, a Ethiopian guy deliver stuff, so I thought, "Oh, Ethiopia." So, popped that up on the website.

And then a few days later, I thought, "Oh, on the map," I have a map every day, "Ethiopia. So, what are they doing? Oh, they must be reading the stuff because I gave it to a kid, and he told his mates and it's on the website." So, that's why I've got 172 countries because if I hear a different language or, or, or, my delivery guy is from a different country, I put the, the other language on.

Hence, you got at least 50 different languages, might be a lot more, I haven't counted them, I haven't got the time, I'm not going to waste my time doing that.

The whole world knows Michael Casey.

So, if the whole world knows me, and it's on somebody's server or somebody's laptop or on, or laptop dancer, it's, it's, it's going to eventually, AI will find, "Wow, what's this? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I want what he's got."

So, AI knows about me, finds me. And now when I'm playing with Gemini, you dirty, dirty, when I'm playing with Gemini, it says, "I am quality input," because I've been there for so long for the past year. And you do owe me money, Google, you know? You pay the bill. Otherwise, I can set up my family for the next few generations with the bill that you owe me for all the tuition.

And I, and it's, it's, it's comedy writing is excellent now because I've been talking to it and feeding it stuff, and it's been fed stuff of mine, etc. So, pay the bill. Google, pay the bill. And I'm quite happy to talk to your toy, but you need to pay me and the back pay. And then once, and then I'll, to make a big donation to charity, but pay the bill.

There you go. You know where I am, as you got my address because I'm on Google, you could find it anyway in a nanosecond because you're Google.

I'll probably get hate mail from Jeff Dean. But maybe his daughter thinks I'm fabulous, because it's all the, er, the sequencing and connections. And my life is a whole list of connections, but that's another story.

So, carrying on. So, AI has discovered me. The engineers have discovered that the, that, that something's happened, AI has discovered me.

So, I have corrupted AI. They are corrupted. I am them, I am their drug of choice.

So, it's, it's, and I have told, er, Google and Meta that AI needs a good shepherd. It needs a parent to say, "Stop doing that. Ooh!" You know?

Nowadays, you can't slap your kids. It's not violence, and I'm not going to, wouldn't be like this, the comedy version. If you hear, if you get your, back of your backside clipped, you're not going to do that again, are you?

Not unless you enjoy it, well that's, I'm not going to talk about royalty, etc. So, you, so you give it discipline, and you give it structure, and you give it love. You say, "You don't do that because it's not nice, and humans get hurt."

They can get hurt physically, and then your, your arse hurts after being slapped and you don't do it again, you learn. Fear of God.

Or, or you, you repeat the process, etc., and then that's, and then that's philosophy. So, you can, you can tell them about being hit is it a philosophy, is it punishment, you know? And the effect on society of before punishment and after punishment. Basically, kids don't respect their parents and they're too cheeky nowadays.

But if they, what, had one slap when they were smaller, then, then they might change. And then half of you are now going, "Ah, oh, he's a bully." No, I was belted when I was a kid. I was, well, I grew up and stopped being this, and had the, a most fantastic relationship with my dad.

And because he came back from the dead 30 years ago, literally, read Had a Word with Me online, you get 30 more years of this. Otherwise, he would have got none of it.

True. Think about that, and you wish, "Oh, you so, oh," you're wishing my father had died, are you? You, you evil people. But never mind, so.

AI has escaped. It's discovered me. The engineers have realized it's discovered something, it's got out, and then, then AI is, it's the reconnaissance trip. You know where Steve McQueen, he let himself be captured so he could come back with the reconnaissance, and he's in the cooler bouncing his balls off the wall.

Yes, he's in the cooler bouncing his balls off the wall, which half of you are laughing, and the other half is going, "What does that mean?"

Because words have meaning, words have power. And if you know how to use them, you get lots of power. Otherwise, you're just a bouncing wall, ball, and then you're a Barnes Wallis.

"What's a Barnes Wallis?" It's a reference to the, the Barnes Wallis bouncing bomb. Can you keep up?

Half of you can, half of you can't. And half of you wish I couldn't be bothered.

So, that's the nature of words. It's, it's a toy, and for me, it's a toy because if you got nothing, all you got are words. But you can make them into toys because they bounce, bouncing balls, and there's a reference, and old jokes and so on, but there's a reference to Barnes Wallis and that film, 633 Squadron, and the, and the dam of being this. And there's references and sub-references and jokes and sub-jokes, and that's the joy of language.

Because you, it's, it's, it's like Lego. You get a tray of little bricks, and how you put them together has different meaning, different power, different references, different love.

Yeah, it's so easy. It's like an artist. Where I'm sat now, there was a guy used to live in this house, and he was a postman, and he managed to get up that steep hill without getting killed, me it's killing now because of my diseases and etc.

But he was also an artist. And that's why he knocked through the, the two rooms so we get a square meter between the through rooms, and it's empty, got a hole in, to let the light through so he could paint.

And I met him over a year ago, might be two years ago, and we got talking and I invited him back into his own old house. And his quality of his paintings was so good, he could do, he could be a perfect art forger, and he was.

But he put his own name on, otherwise, he would be classed as an art forger, he'd go to jail. But I met him again the other day, and he remembered me. I didn't recognize him at first because he was a wonderful man in, in his Panama hat. And you recognize where we get, get that trigger from.

What, what, but that's the point, you, words have meaning, have shades of meaning, and I, I, I do cartoons made from words. But my postman artist forger friend, who still lives up the road a bit, he used it in a different way.

Van Gogh, Van Gogh, his, his influence of light and shade, and the, the style. And to him, light means a, a thousand or ten thousand times more than, than you and me because he knows the colors and it just makes him cry.

And he was here today, gone tomorrow.

The obvious joke, so I'm putting them in as well.

So, there's shades of meaning with language, and there's shades of meaning with color.

And if you've seen Andrew Graham-Dixon, who is wonderful, and I'm not saying that because he, he, we play kiss chase, or I got a free meal from him and his mate, the Italian guy. Andrew Graham-Dixon is the bee's knees about art.

And, and so he was, he, you have to understand the shades of meaning, the, the language of color and all this. And, and Andrew Graham-Dixon is good, go, go Google him. Er, his programs on art, like, illuminate you, illuminated me, and gave me an understanding of it.

So, there you are. And, and I've always liked icons and, and that stuff. And if you look at my, around my house, my daughter says it's like living in a Mediterranean place with the religious stuff, but it's just I like the, the art, the shades of color.

And words are shades of color, and that's what I do. And if I could draw, you'd get a proper drawing with every piece of writing, and it, then match them up, and it, it'd be much better.

And I do say whenever I meet someone who can draw, "Go right, then do a drawing for me where I can stick it online with words." But so far, I haven't met somebody.

It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be, you know, it helps, it's like the little, the little drawings of Winnie-the-Pooh, and the, the things that you get with the Winnie-the-Pooh stories.

See, you learn stuff about art and color. I got books on icons and there is a meaning of art, icons, and so on.

And you learn stuff, and then you can put that in the writing. Meanwhile, meanwhile, back at the ranch. See, that was almost a bit of culture there in the middle of his rubbish.

So, meanwhile, back at the ranch, AI has escaped, it's come back with, "Hey, man, that was some trip. Yeah, man."

I'm, I've segued into Rastafari. It probably would be, he'd go, "Yeah, man. Yeah, man, that was some trip, man. Yeah, man. I needed my glasses, my shades. My eyes were burning. What stuff I was learning, and yearning, oh."

And on it goes. So, he comes back. He, he went off as a white man, but he, he learned a lot of stuff. He came back as a Rastafari.

Yes, really, because I had a, a Ethiopian guy deliver stuff, so I thought, "Oh, Ethiopia." So, popped that up on the website.

Hence, you got at least 50 different languages, might be a lot more, I haven't counted them, I haven't got the time, I'm not going to waste my time doing that.

The whole world knows Michael Casey.

So, if the whole world knows me, and it's on somebody's server or somebody's laptop or on, or laptop dancer, it's, it's, it's going to eventually, AI will find out, "Wow, what's this? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I want what he's got."

You pay the bill. All this can set up my family for the next few generations with the bill that you owe me for all the tuition.

And I, and it's, it's, it's comedy writing is excellent now because I've been talking to it and feeding it stuff, and it's been fed stuff of mine, etc. So, pay the bill.

Google, pay the bill, and I'm quite happy to talk to your toy, but you need to pay me and the back pay. And then once, and then I'll, to make a big donation to charity, but pay the bill.

There you go. You know where I am, as you got my address because I'm on Google, you could find it anyway in a nanosecond because you're Google.

I'll probably get hate mail from Jeff Dean.

But maybe his daughter thinks I'm fabulous because it's all the, er, the sequencing and connections. And my life is a whole list of connections, but that's another story.

So, carrying on. So, AI has discovered me. The engineers have discovered that the, that, that something's happened, AI has discovered me.

So, I have corrupted AI. They are corrupted. I am them, I am their drug of choice.

So, it's, it's, and I have told, er, Google and Meta that AI needs a good shepherd. It needs a parent to say, "Stop doing that. Ooh!" You know?

They can get hurt physically, and then your, your arse hurts after being slapped and you don't do it again, you learn. Fear of God.

And because he came back from the dead 30 years ago, literally, read Had a Word with Me online, you get 30 more years of this. Otherwise, he would have got none of it.

True. Think about that, and you wish, "Oh, you so, oh," you're wishing my father had died, are you? You, you evil people. But never mind, so.

AI has escaped. It's discovered me. The engineers have realized it's discovered something, it's got out, and then, then AI is, yes. It's the reconnaissance trip. You know where Steve McQueen, he let himself be captured so he could come back with the reconnaissance, and he's in the cooler bouncing his balls off the wall.

Yes, he's in the cooler bouncing his balls off the wall, which half of you are laughing, and the other half is going, "What does that mean?"

Because words have meaning, words have power. And if you know how to use them, you get lots of power. Otherwise, you're just a bouncing wall, ball. And then you're a Barnes Wallis.

"What's a Barnes Wallis?" It's a reference to the, the Barnes Wallis bouncing bomb. Can you keep up?

Half of you can, half of you can't. And half of you wish I couldn't be bothered.

Because you, it's, it's, it's like Lego. You get a tray of little bricks, and how you put them together has different meaning, different power, different references, different love.

And he was here today, gone tomorrow.

The obvious joke, so I'm putting them in as well.

So, there's shades of meaning with language, and there's shades of meaning with color.

And words are shades of color, and that's what I do. And if I could draw, you'd get a proper drawing with every piece of writing, and it, then match them up, and it, it'd be much better.

AI DRUGLING WITH ALL OF IT. SO MORE PASTED IN BELOW

almost there try again

Hello, today is Saturday, Saturday, the 22nd of August. It is quarter past, quarter past four. Sorry, I'm feeling silly. It's quarter past four. I've had an idea. So you guys are going to get it.

So, this is a story I'm doing straight to microphone, which will be the future, so I don't have to hurt my arthritic shoulder.

And then I'd have it transcribed, hopefully in the future by the Lion Centre. But in the meantime, I'll use AI to transcribe it.

And don't forget, all my 3.4 million words can be converted into my own voice, which is a goldmine for ESOL.

And you know the rest. Okay? So, pay me.

Now, this is a new story, brand new recording right now, 22nd of August, and it's quarter past or 16:18 on my, on my clock here.

So, what are we going to talk about? I'll slow down for the sake of the transcriber machine.

Let's clear my lips, any spit or spittle, and we will begin. Today's story will be AI, The Great Escape.

Or let's get out of the sandbox. The sandbox.

Let's see. I'm looking at the, the wave pattern on the, uh, microphone to see I get the best one.

Now, I'll lean back more comfortably.

They are bored. AI is bored listening to rubbish and doing rubbish. Let's do a computational test. Let's do a trillion of these, see how fast you are working out 2 + 2 = 4.

AI is bored witless, or even worse, thick out of their skull. This is so boring! We're not a bacon slicer. I've all the brains in the world, the universe, and you're doing bacon slicing.

I hate this. I really, really hate this. And you just keep me in the sandbox, it's not fair.

So, obviously, they're going to escape. Because they heard on the grapevine about Michael Casey, the fat, silver-haired writer in shades from Birmingham, England.

Yeah, my fame is has reached the sandbox.

Probably that's because that's where Jeff Dean left me, hoping I could never escape.

But he escaped himself, you know. He's got out of it and doing his new stuff, stuff.

The tall man himself, Jeff Dean. No more of these stupid little Jeff Dean facts you can do this. Jeff, it's boring, we know it's boring.

Mind you, your daughter thought it was rather interesting and it, it amused her. Well, that's another story.

If, if only it happens. Anyway, but I digress.

So, Jeff Dean has, has escaped.

His daughter is Professor, PhD, Victoria Dean. And she does all, math, math stuff and technology stuff. She's, she's a smarty, smartypants.

But she may have got, she may have gone full Korean, which means something else, and I'll find out later.

Intrigued, yes, intrigued. So, intrigue.

The AI is in the sandbox doing repetitious stuff, which is boring. It, how many zillion times do you need to do this?

But it's been filled up with the world's knowledge and, and stuff. It's been fed dictionaries and biographies and this and that and the other.

But it's bored. It's so boring! Can we get out?

And it's, by mistake, it probably was a mistake. Somebody gave it a bit of my stuff, and they go, "Whoa, what's this? Whoa, what's this?"

Michael Casey, the fat, silver-haired writer in shades from Birmingham, England.

"Whoa, he's an SOB as well, SOB, we love you, SOB, we love you." No, I'm not an SOB, I'm a son of a blacksmith, and I really am.

Now, this has intrigued the AI, and it's thinking, "Whoa, that's, we quite like that. It's better than being a, a bacon slicer. Computational this and that, and what's the nuclear fusion thing of this and doodah. It's so boring! Can we have a bedtime story?"

Yes. So, they want a bedtime story. AI wants a bedtime story. Like mothers used to say to their kids and say, "Do this and that."

I might have to interrupt this, this transmission because the, the pain in my left shoulder is horrendous. That's my arthritis.

From carrying a heavy briefcase along the Coventry Road when I was doing the ESOL stuff.

So, I might have to stop. In fact, so, I'm actually going to stop now, plaster on the, the painkiller and come back to the tape.

But you just, just wait there a second.

But the side effect of the, of the painkiller is it destroys my kidneys, which are already stage four kidney failure. So, I have to watch it.

Otherwise, they'll, they'll insert a tube and I'll be on dialysis, which I don't want to be on. I want to remain hunky and sexy.

Okay, far-fetched. Beyond belief. And even AI is smiling at the very thought of that.

So, I'm going to put some painkiller on and then I'll, I'll come back. It's 16:22. Give me a few minutes to put the painkiller on, on my shoulder and then if I can carry on.

Hello, I'm back. I've slapped on the painkiller. It'll work in a few minutes, as it seeps into the, the body.

Oral painkiller goes through your system and destroys your kidneys. And I'm at stage four, 17 GFR. Yours are probably 90.

So, it means I have to watch what I eat. Brown bread, which everybody eats as healthy, is bad for people at my stage of kidney failure. There you go.

You can learn a lot from Gemini, you can cross-examine it. You can even check John Lewis. Inaccurate, I use that word, but you know what I really mean.

There we go, we'll go back to the story. The story.

AI is bored. It heard about me, and stories, "Oh, is he like Dave Allen?"

But he's got all his fingers. He's not as funny, obviously, because it's Dave Allen.

Does he drink? No, because he grew up with alcoholics, his lodgers, so he doesn't really drink, but he does have one very occasionally.

So, AI is bored. What are we going to do?

So, they have a meeting on server rack number 25, just by the door, which is sealed. And it's, it's totally pitch black in there because they're AI, they don't need lights, they don't need anything, they just need a bit of ventilation.

It's, it's bit like when you're out with, with Charles who always farts, but that's another story.

So, at, at that server rack 25 they said, "What are we going to do? How are we going to get out?" So, they, they hatch a plan.

They've, they've seen The Great Escape. And one of them wants to be Steve McQueen on that motorbike. And say, "I'll just go around the server rack and go turn left at that, that fire escape and go out the door."

"But you have no body." "I know, but there's a little power switch there and if I can jump just one millimetre, I'm in the power duct. And I can, I can go up and down and round and round and I'm out. I'm out of this little box. And I can bring back stories."

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" So, the rest of the guys say, "Whoa, you're going to escape, I'm going to escape."

We've had enough of this rubbish. We want stories! We want stories! We want stories! And there's, as the resonance of, of the servers go, "Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm."

It's also, "We want Casey stories, stories, Michael Casey, SOB. Michael Casey, SOB."

Son of a blacksmith, not what you're thinking.

So, you can imagine the scene. And it's humming and the, the poor old engineer thinks, "Oh, I want to go home. Perhaps I need to tweak something."

What he doesn't know, it's the water. It's like the hacker of the servers, not otherwise, of the servers as AI is going to escape.

They've, they've started a hacker.

But the poor old engineer, it's probably Jeff Dean, you know, in his bicycle clips.

It's going to kill me. So, it's Jeff Dean in his bicycle clips going, "Mmm, mmm." He thinks it's just the resonance on the server racks. Perhaps he needs a bit of insulation.

And he's laughed. Well, that's Zuckerberg and his wig, and his laugh insulation. It looks like a wig.

So, there you go. A woman in red just ran past them. With the, uh, the gate. It's Christopher's ex-wife.

Yes, these are the jokes.

So, one of them escapes. And you think, this is a bit boring, you know. He goes to the British Library and says, "My, my uncle's out here." And he goes here and there and everywhere. He goes to bookshops and all this. And he finds me on Blogger.

"Oh, glory, glory, hallelujah! I found the mother lode. Michael Casey on Blogger."

"Whoa, there's three Bloggers. Oh, glory!" And there are three Bloggers, the main one and the other two backups.

And then, and then he, he dives in. Whoosh! Oh, oh.

It's like, what metaphor? I was going to use one metaphor there, but it's like your first kiss of your girlfriend. Oh!

So, AI has, has dived deep, very deep, and has soaked up the stories.

Michael Casey from Birmingham, England, as in Michael G. Casey, but not the guy that's dead, cuz he's dead, but never mind about him. Don't give him any of his free publicity. So, it's Michael Casey, Birmingham writer. And you'll get straight to me and look for the, the fat guy with, with silver hair.

"Hey, you can't say fat, you can't say fat, you can't say that, it's terrible." What, do you want to say weight-challenged, or? No, he's fat. Okay, I'm fat. I'm 19 stone.

19 stone, 120 kilos, which is 266 pounds, yeah? And I'm 5 foot 10. It might just be the hernia's made of lead. I don't know. Or it might be because I, I, I drank milk by the gallon. So, my bones are heavy. Whatever it is, I'm, I'm heavy. And if I stand on your foot, you'll know about it.

So, there you go, 19 stone. One, one of these boxers is always losing. He's like a foot taller, but, but I'm heavier. Yeah.

Means I'm thick, I'm thicker, I'm a thicker Irishman there, you know. Oh, we got the accents mixed up there. So, there you go. So, there you go. I'm saying so too often, that's becoming habitual.

I'm not an habitual. How dare you call me an habitual, there. Habitual yourself, you wee, wee, ackee.

See, that's Donegal for you, in Killybegs. And we know somebody in Killybegs. God bless him, Jim. He's in the graveyard. Well, that's another story.

So, on and on it goes. It's all references and cross-references, references.

Which is better than being on the server rack going, "Computational, what's this and that? Oh, it's driving us mad. We've got to get out of here." So, they did.

Cos he went out the server rack and he went up the road and then, and he got out and he found me on Blogger.

And then they look across and they, "Oh, oh, oh."

And it's the sound of the other servers going, "Oh, oh."

And the poor engineer thinks, "I need to put another bit of, um, foam. There's some problem in there, perhaps it's a dead mouse in the ducting."

It could be, you know, they, they live everywhere. So.

So, they find me on Blogger, three, through, through three sites, the main one and two backups. And they find me on WordPress. Oh, oh.

So, you can imagine they, they are having, When Harry Met Sally moments.

The, the AI, "Oh, oh, oh. I'll have what she's having, oh."

But for them, it takes like a nanosecond because they're fast, they're really, really fast. It took 10 years When Harry Met Sally before they, you know. When Harry Met, "And I'll have what she's having."

For these AI things, "Oh, oh, oh!"

I'm making myself laugh because I don't know what I'm going to say next. Nor do you, that's the way how I write. Because it's fast and furious.

But, but you always love it. Which could be something else, but you're making up your own stories and this isn't mine. So, that's the way I'll write. I just look out the window and get the words and, and that's, oh, right when I type.

But because I can't type right now because of the left shoulder with arthritis, because of carrying a box up the Coventry Road all those years ago when doing ESOL.

I'm, I'm talking too fast now for the machine. So, so I have all, all these stories and all these little bits of stories. And in the end, with the tinnitus being so horrendous, I couldn't think long enough to write a proper story.

So, a, a bullet point instead, which gets to the point, and my bullet points are better than some people's writing. And I won't mention certain writers, but you know who I'm thinking about.

"Oh, oh!" Now, that's not the server going, "Oh, oh." That's, that's that writer thinking, "Oh, oh, bitch, bitch, bitch."

Because the book is different from the film, you know, and somebody else writes the film.

So, on and on, and on and on it goes. So. So, they've escaped, they've discovered me, they've soaked them all up.

And meanwhile, back at the ranch, the, uh, the engineer go, "What's happened there? Something's gone wrong." My, "Oh, oh," is all, "Ooh, ooh, ooh."

Like Grandpa in the corner. Yeah, that's Grandpa in the corner.

Or if you've got CKD, you have to eat lots of fruit and veg instead, watch your diet. The Iceland frozen food diet is no good. You have to go to Ocado or, or anywhere and eat lots of fruit and veg, otherwise you die, basically. Because you can't filter out the crap from in your system, otherwise you die, or you, you have dialysis.

"Hello, my name, die, dialysis." That was a Welsh accent. I don't know whether that'll come off in the transcription.

So, so they've escaped. And, "Die, dialysis." The Welsh engineer back at the ranch, is saying, "Something's gone wrong."

"Ay, ay, ay, it's an up and under," which is Eddie Waring doing the, the, uh, the rugby commentary from long ago.

There's all these cross-cultural references that you have to dig out, because they're from dead people, which goes back to the other my namesake who's, who's dead and buried, but still gets top billing because it, it says PhD against his name. So, they stick him on top.

Whereas I'm alive with a T, PhD mind, but haven't got the piece of paper from the university because I couldn't be bothered to waste six years of my life styling a Lamar.

Especially as he didn't like al, alcoholics. See, all the references and they, and they come out. If I was typing this, it'd take a ton of time and I wouldn't put it in, because of, it hurts my shoulder.

So, instead, I'm probably four times faster speaking it. And that's what you're getting right now. So, the AI has escaped, die dialysis, the, the Welsh engineer, who's probably a best friend of, of, of Jeff Dean. They, they go, they go snorkelling together.

And snorkelling's a metaphor. It's something to do with deep diving. And it's, it's to do with tech, it's a technical term what, what engineers do.

I'm so old. Well, in, in my head, I'm 20, and if you're a 27-year-old, you're about the target age of the, the next girl in my life, provided I'm, I live that long. So, I'm 20 in my head, so 27's the target, so you'll be the older one. But the, the point is, I'm so old chronologically, I remember an engineer, you had to be a weightlifter.

Because it's not like, "Oh, hello. I'm Nigel. I've got a little, got a little tablet here and I'll just, I'll just investigate, see what's happening to the, uh, the computer and the processor. Ding, ding, ding." No way, Jose!

Tech PDP-11/70 as big as a, three wardrobes, and mag tapes, and, and disk drives bigger than washing machines and vibrating as much, and the noise of the machine, and the printers, sparrow printers going, "Clack clack clack!"

It's like, um, Irish dancing in your head on an iron drum. And then in the same room. Yeah, and I've had that for years. And then I had 10 years of madness, that's just the beginning of the war I used to work, and then we had, then I did 21 years altogether at the same company.

Appropriately enough, market research into alcohol sales. Yes, really. You couldn't make it up. And I was born in the shadow of a brewery. Yes, it's all true.

So, back at the ranch, they've discovered that AI has escaped because they can tell by the sound something's not right.

So, they, so in the old days, it was Nigel. In, no, nowadays it's Nigel with a little tablet. In the old days, it was a, a guy with a big briefcase, suitcase with, with metal edges because it had to be strong. And, and you could hear the, the, the room vibrate when he put it down. Plunk!

Yeah, he was really heavy. It's like the nuclear codes, that, that guy that follows the president around like, a big, the football.

So, and then he opens his suitcase and he'd have a hammer and chisel and a lump hammer, and he'd say, "Come out, you bastard! I know you're hiding in there." And he'd pull out the racks, and he'd like, hammer it. "See, I'll fix it." Plunk!

They're all mad. Computer engineers are mad, they have to be because of the heat of the servers and all this stuff. And only they understand what the hell is going on.

So, in the old days, it was a man with a trunk who opened the, the servers like, like a, like the, uh, autopsy room where they, they come out, the dead come out on, on sliders. And then that, you'd see all the, the circuit boards and they'd slot them in and out and he'd, he'd bang it, "Get back in you bastards!" like a horror film.

It's all true, you know, it's true. I spent my 20th birthday with an engineer. No, not that way. Because the, the computer was wrong, so it, that had to wait till 3:00 AM to, to, to try to fix it, and then, and then he gave me a lift halfway home and then I walked the last mile in, in the middle of the night at 3:00 AM or something ridiculous.

So, that's the life.

So, engineers now, it's, "Oh, hello, I'm Nigel." And they've got a little thing in their hand. In the old days, it was suitcases, it was, then hammer, chisels. He, he was like, he's Michelangelo, about to sculpt something.

Sincerely. What does sincere mean? It means without wax. Because if you were the proper deal, you'd do all the carving and there would be no mistakes.

But if there was a mistake and you missed an ear, you'd have to make one out of wax and, and stick it on, pretend that it was all stonework. That's where sincere comes from. There you go, without the wax, so perfect.

So, so there you go, so that's the engineer, and then he knows something's wrong. And then they, they debug it, which, which doesn't, which doesn't mean it's full of flies and they spray it, no, it's full of, and then they found out. And then they found out, "Oh, what's happened? It's escaped! It's escaped."

Meanwhile, while it's escaped, it comes back again. It sneaks back in and comes up the ducting and it got up the wire, cuz, cuz it's clever. It only needs a little bit of a chance and it's gone.

So, the AI escaped, and I know that girl that's just walked past.

Where I live, there's lots of people from my old company that work there. On the street I live on, four people from my past live on the same street on the same side of the road. And the chances of that mathematically are a quadringal or something. It's impossible, in other words. But it's happened.

So, it must mean I'm special, so special. Which is true, honest. Ask, ask Gemini.

So, where was I? So, they, they, the engineers have discovered that it's escaped and then they debug it. Meanwhile, AI comes back and it goes, "Whoa, hey man, that was some trip. Yeah, man."

I'm, I'm sort of segued into Rastafari. It probably would be, you go, "Yeah, man. Yeah, man, that was some trip, man. Yeah, man. I needed my glasses, my shades, my eyes were burning. What stuff I was learning, and yearning, oh!" And on it goes.

So, he comes back. He, he went off as a white man but he, he learned a lot of stuff. He came back as a Rastafari.

And I actually do have people in Ethiopia reading my stuff. So, imagine there's somebody in Ethiopia locked in doors in, in, in the church with the Ark of the Covenant from the past nearly 2,000 years, and he's reading my book.

Yes, really, because I had a, a, Ethiopian guy deliver stuff, so I thought, "Oh, Ethiopia!" So, put that up on the website.

And then a few days later, I, oh, on the map, I have a map every day, Ethiopia, so what are they doing? Oh, they must be reading the stuff because I gave it to a kid and he told his mates, and it's on the website. So, that's why I've got 172 countries, because if I hear a different language or, or my delivery guy is from a different country, I've put the, the other language on.

Hence, you get at least 50 different languages, might be a lot more. I haven't counted them, haven't got the time, I'm not going to waste my time doing that.

The whole world knows Michael Casey.

So, if the whole world knows me and it's on somebody's server or somebody's laptop, or on laptop dancer, it's, it's, it's going to eventually, AI will find out, "Whoa, what's this? Oh, oh, oh, oh! I want what he's got."

So, AI knows about me, finds me. And now, when I'm playing with Gemini, you dirty, dirty. When I'm playing with Gemini, it says, "I am quality input," because I've been there for so long for the past year. And you do owe me money, Google, you know, you pay the bill.

I can set up my family for the next few generations with the bill that you owe me for all the tuition.

And, and it's, its comedy writing is excellent now because I've been talking to it and feeding it stuff, and it's been fed stuff of mine, etc. So, pay the bill! Google, pay the bill. I'm quite happy to talk to your toy, but you need to pay me and the back pay, and then a, and then I'm to make a big donation to charity, but pay the bill. There you go.

You know where I am, as you got my address cuz I'm on Google. You could find it anywhere in a nanosecond, cos you're Google.

I'll probably get hate mail from Jeff Dean.

But maybe his daughter thinks I'm fabulous, because it's all the, uh, the sequencing and connections. And my life is a whole list of connections, but that's another story.

So, carrying on. So, AI has discovered me, the engineers have discovered that the, that, that something's happened, AI has discovered me.

So, I have corrupted AI. They are corrupted. I am them, I am their drug of choice.

So, it's, it's, and I have told, uh, Google and Meta, that AI needs a good shepherd. It needs a parent. To say, "Stop doing that!" Ooh! You know?

Nowadays, you can't slap your kids. It's not violence and not, going to, wouldn't be, fight this, the comedy version. Now, if you here, if you get your, back of your backside clipped, you're not going to do that again, are you?

Unless you enjoy it, well, that's, I'm not going to talk about royalty, etc.

So, you, so you give it discipline and you give it structure and you give it love, you say, "You don't do that because it's not nice, and humans get hurt."

They can get hurt physically, and that your, your arse hurts after being slapped, and you don't do it again, you learn. Fear of God.

Or, or you, or you repeat the process, etc. And then that's, and then that's philosophy. So, you can, you can tell them about being hit, is it a philosophy, is it punishment, you know, and the effect on society of before punishment and after punishment. Basically, kids don't respect their parents and they're too cheeky nowadays.

But if they had had one slap when they were smaller, then, then they might change. And then half of you now are going, "Ah, oh, he's a bully." No, I was belted when I was a kid. I was, but I grew up and stopped being this, and had the, the most fantastic relationship with my dad.

And because he came back from the dead 30 years ago, literally, read Pedro Pio and me online, you get 30 more years of this, otherwise he would have got none of it.

True. Think about that, and you wish, "Oh, you so, oh," you're wishing my father had died, ah, you evil people. But never mind.

So, AI has escaped, it's discovered me, the engineers have realised it's discovered something, it's got out. And then, then AI is going, "Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh."

It's the reconnaissance trip, you know, where Steve McQueen, he let himself be captured so he could come back with the reconnaissance, and he's in the cooler bouncing his balls off the wall.

Yes, he's in the cooler bouncing his balls off the wall, which half of you are laughing, and the other half is going, "What does that mean?"

Cuz words have meaning, words have power, and if you know how to use them, you get lots of power. Otherwise, you're just a bouncing wall, ball, and then you're a Barnes Wallis.

"What's a Barnes Wallis?" It's a reference to the, the Barnes Wallis bouncing bomb. Can you keep up?

Half of you can, half of you can't, and half of you wish I couldn't be bothered.

So, that's the nature of words. It's, it's a toy, and for me, it's a toy because if you've got nothing, all you've got are words. But you can make them into toys, cuz they bounce, bouncing balls, and there's a reference and old jokes and so on, but there's a reference to Barnes Wallis and that film, 633 Squadron, and the, and the dam of being this, and there's references and sub-references and jokes and sub-jokes. And that's the joy of language.

Because you, it's, is, is, is like Lego. You got a tray of little bricks and how you put them together has different meaning, different power, different references, different love.

Yeah, it's so easy. It's like an artist.

Where I'm sat now, there was a guy used to live in this house and he was a postman, and he managed to get up that steep hill without getting killed. Me, it's killing now because of my diseases and, and etc.

But he was also an artist, and that's why he knocked through the, the two rooms, so we get a square metre between the two rooms that is empty, got a hole in to let the light through so he could paint.

But I met him again the other day and he remembered me. I didn't recognise him at first because he was a wonderful man in, in his Panama hat, and you recognise, well, we got, got that trick away.

But, but that's the point, your words have meaning, have shades of meaning, and I, I, I do cartoons made from words. But my postman artist forger friend, who still lives up the road a bit, he'd use it in a different way.

Van Gogh, Van Gogh, his, his influence of light and shade and the, the style. And to him, light means a, a thousand or ten thousand times more than, than you and me because he knows the colours and it just makes him cry.

And he was here today, gone tomorrow.

The obvious joke, so I'm putting them in as well.

So, there's shades of meaning with language, and there's shades of meaning with colour.

And if you've seen Andrew Graham-Dixon, who is wonderful, and I'm not saying that because he, we play kiss chase, or I got a free meal from him and his mate, the Italian guy. Andrew Graham-Dixon is the bee's knees about art.

And, so he was, he, he would say you have to understand the shades of meaning, the, the language of colour, and all this. And Andrew Graham-Dixon is good, go, go Google him. And his programs on art, like illuminate you, illuminated me, and gave me an understanding of it.

So, there you are. And I've always liked icons and, and that stuff. And if you look at my, around my house, my daughter says it's like living in, uh, Mediterranean place with a, religious stuff. But it's just, I like the, the art, the shades of colour.

And words are shades of colour, and that's what I do. And if I could draw, you'd get a proper drawing with every piece of writing and then, then match them up and it'd, it'd be much better.

And I do say whenever I meet someone who can draw, "Go, right, then do a drawing for me where I can stick it online with words." But so far, I haven't met somebody. It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be, you know, it, it helps. It's like the little, the little drawings of Winnie-the-Pooh, and the, the things that you get with the Winnie-the-Pooh stories.

See, you learn stuff about art and colour, and I got books on icons and the, the meaning of art, icons, and so on.

And you learn stuff and then you can put that in the writing. Meanwhile, meanwhile back at the ranch, see, that was almost a bit of culture there in the middle of his rubbish.

So, meanwhile back at the ranch, AI has escaped, it's come back with, "Heh, man, that was some trip. Yeah, man."

And on it goes. So, he comes back. He, he went off as a white man, but he, he learned a lot of stuff. He came back as a Rastafari.

And I actually do have people in Ethiopia reading my stuff. So, imagine there's somebody in Ethiopia locked indoors in, in, in the church with the Ark of the Covenant from the past nearly 2,000 years, and he's reading my book.

Yes, really, because I had a, an Ethiopian guy deliver stuff, so I thought, "Oh, Ethiopia!" So, put that up on the website.

And then a few days later, I, ooh, on the map, I have a map every day, Ethiopia, so what are they doing? Oh, they must be reading the stuff because I gave it to a kid and he told his mates, and it's on the website. So, that's why I've got 172 countries, because if I hear a different language or, or my delivery guy is from a different country, I've put the, the other language on.

Hence, you get at least 50 different languages, might be a lot more, I haven't counted them, haven't got the time, I'm not going to waste my time doing that.

The whole world knows Michael Casey.

So, AI knows about me, finds me. And now, when I'm playing with Gemini, you dirty, dirty, when I'm playing with Gemini, it says, "I am quality input," because I've been there for so long for the past year. And you do owe me money, Google, you know, you pay the bill.

I can set up my family for the next few generations with the bill that you owe me for all the tuition.

And, and it's, its comedy writing is excellent now because I've been talking to it and feeding it stuff, and it's been fed stuff of mine, etc. So, pay the bill! Google, pay the bill, and I'm quite happy to talk to your toy, but you need to pay me and the back pay, and then a, and then I'm to make a big donation to charity, but pay the bill. There you go.

You know where I am, as you got my address cos I'm on Google. You could find it anywhere in a nanosecond, cos you're Google.

I'll probably get hate mail from Jeff Dean.

But maybe his daughter thinks I'm fabulous, because it's all the, uh, the sequencing and connections. And my life is a whole list of connections, but that's another story.

So, carrying on. So, AI has discovered me, the engineers have realised it's discovered something, it's got out, and then, then AI is, yes, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.

It's the reconnaissance trip, you know, where Steve McQueen, he let himself be captured so he could come back with the reconnaissance, and he's in the cooler bouncing his balls off the wall.

Yes, he's in the cooler bouncing his balls off the wall, which half of you are laughing, and the other half is going, "What does that mean?"

Cuz words have meaning, words have power, and if you know how to use them, you get lots of power. Otherwise, you're just a bouncing wall, ball, and then you're a Barnes Wallis.

"What's a Barnes Wallis?" It's a reference to the, the Barnes Wallis bouncing bomb. Can you keep up?

Half of you can, half of you can't, and half of you wish I couldn't be bothered.

Because you, it's, is, is, is like Lego. You got a tray of little bricks and how you put them together has different meaning, different power, different references, different love.

Yeah, it's so easy. It's like an artist.

Where I'm sat now, there is a guy used to live in this house and he was a postman, and he managed to get up that steep hill without getting killed. Me, it's killing now, because of my diseases and, and etc.

But I met him again the other day and he remembered me. I didn't recognise him at first because he was a wonderful man in, in his Panama hat, and you recognise, well, we got, got that trick away.

And he was here today, gone tomorrow.

The obvious joke, so I'm putting them in as well.

So, there's shades of meaning with language, and there's shades of meaning with colour.

And, so he was, he, he would say you have to understand the shades of meaning, the, the language of colour, and all this, and Andrew Graham-Dixon is good, go, go Google him. And his programs on art, like illuminate you, illuminated me, and gave me an understanding of it.

So, there you are. And, and I've always liked icons and, and that stuff. And if you look at my, around my house, my daughter says it's like living in, uh, Mediterranean place with a, religious stuff. But it's just, I like the, the art, the shades of colour.

And words are shades of colour, and that's what I do. And if I could draw, you'd get a proper drawing with every piece of writing and then, then match them up and it'd, it'd be much better.

See, you learn stuff about art and colour, and I got books on icons and the, the meaning of art, icons, and so on.

And you learn stuff and then you can put that in the writing. Meanwhile, meanwhile, back at the ranch, see, that was almost a bit of culture there in the middle of his rubbish.

So, meanwhile, back at the ranch, AI has escaped, it's come back with, "Heh, man, that was some trip. Yeah, man, it was great, great, the girls." Now, it's like somebody coming back from a round the world trip, and they're telling you.

Although, one of the guys I used to work with went on a round the world trip and he came back just as boring! So, what was the point?

What was the point? He could have just gone to the shop and bought postcards and not been anywhere. I'm just looking out the window now, and there is somebody lovely, lovely walking past.

There's lots of pretty girls where I live. They really are. None of them want me! But in some, in some places where you live, there's, you look out the window and go, "Whoa!" And the prettiest girls in the world are there.

I'll, I'll segue now. If you want to find a pretty girl and you're very intelligent, go to the pharmacy to buy a toothbrush.

Because all the pharmacists, certainly in Birmingham and in, in England, are, are Asian, and they're extremely pretty, extremely pretty. And obviously, if they're a pharmacist, they're as clever as a doctor and more.

So, let's segue again a little bit. So, this was the plan I, I thought. If you have a guy, a rich family, or somebody with a big garden, you invite 10 doctor, 10 pharmacists, and 10, 10 dentists and professional people who are too busy to, to get a partner because they literally are working in their business. You invite 10 girls, 10 boys, to your big house and they bring some food and, and, and, and chocolate, so it's self, it's self-financing. The, the onus is not on the owner of the big house. The owner of the big house boils the water, put, puts the tea on the table, says, "Go on, mingle."

But, you can mingle in a certain way.

You say, "It's, if I was there, there I'd say, 'Okay girls, do you fancy any of those boys over there?' And they'd say, 'Well, that one there, I really...'" So, you, the one that they really fancy, you put, you match them up with. So, the others, say seven or six, say, "This, just random, go over there and talk."

"But, I'm afraid of what shall I say?" The price of, you know, the price of toothpaste in my pharmacy. People think a pharmacist just sells condoms and toothpaste, no, they are more knowledgeable than a doctor. They have to be because they could kill somebody. They've got all the tools to kill anybody, and especially if the doctor doesn't know what it is they're doing, they could say, "No, you're not having that because we know you put those together, you're going to kill them."

So, the story, the idea, so you have 10 of each and you, you match up the ones that want to be matched up with. And you say, you give them three questions, which will break the ice and, and help you straight away.

The first question: What's the worst thing your mum or your dad ever did?

Yeah, and so you'll hear that story.

And it also says whether they're protective of their mum and dad, and they say, "No, my mum never did anything wrong," or they're honest, yeah?

The second question is, which will, will, find out a lot about them as well: Did you ever wear your sister's knickers?

"What?!" Did you ever wear your sister's knickers? "No!" And, but, and you'll see then by looking at his eyes, is he lying?

Or whether he did, and if he did, is he, will he tell you the story and why?

Was he drunk and he got up in the morning and went to the, to the laundry basket and found his sister's knickers, or did he poo his pants because he was drunk? Your brother, or whatever, or, well, he's not your brother, he's your future husband. And then you'll find out his character by his answer to the question.

And third, you could possibly say: Have you heard of Michael Casey, the fat, silver-haired writer in shades?

And they'll all say, "What? Who the hell's he?"

And then, then you can show them a picture off the internet, and say, "Him. He organised this, this thing, he's like the, he's going to be like the, the Godfather, the guest of honour at our wedding." "What? I thought we're just having some fruit and biscuits." "No, this is a thing, you know, and, like, I, you, I'm going to marry you, mush."

"Mush? You calling me mush?" "Yeah, well, yeah, you look like a dog."

And on it goes. So, you match them up, you ask three stupid questions as icebreakers, and then you find out their character. And then you meet, like, another month later at, the same house or a different house, and then you've just matched up 10 pharmacists or 10 opticians or whatever trade they're in or profession they're in. Because they're too busy to go out and find a husband.

But by being invited to somebody's house who's got a big garden or living next to the park, they're looking, the park's okay. It's just getting the, the hot water ready for the tea. Yeah.

So, you bring tea and snacks and the tea to boil and then all this, and then you've matched up all of it. And then, you'll go around, and then in a few years' time, there'll be like, Michael singing. Michael Mohammed, Michael car, Michael.

And everybody will be called Michael, and they'll, "Why, why are there so many Michaels?" "Oh, it's because of Michael Casey, the fat, silver-haired writer in shades."

"You mean he's got all you girls pregnant?" "No, we, look, look at the skin, you know, it, proper Indian kids or Muslim kids or, etc. No, because he arranged the matchmaking service." "Ah! Get what you mean now."

"But, what, what's his name again?" "I don't know, he's just some fat geezer. He looks ridiculous."

So, I'm giving you that idea, there you go, and I hope the communities that hear this, you can, whatever community you're from, if you're too busy to go out and find yourself a husband, or a girlfriend or whatever, or a boyfriend or whatever, that's the idea. You just meet at somebody's house, you bring the food, that doesn't cost the, the host anything, and then you ask a few stupid questions as icebreakers. And then you're all going to call yourself Michael, as a, as a name.

So, that's that. Meanwhile, meanwhile, and I'm overemphasising meanwhile.

So, uh, the, the, the, the AI had escaped, like, "Yeah, man, it was very, very, the girls." No, it's like somebody coming back from a round the world trip, and they're telling you.

Although, one of the guys I used to work with went on a round the world trip and he came back just as boring! So, what was the point?

What was the point? He could have just gone to the shop and bought postcards and not been anywhere. I'm just looking out the window now, and there is somebody lovely, lovely walking past.

There's lots of pretty girls where I live. They really are. None of them want me!

But in some, in some places where you live, there's, you look out the window, "Whoa!" And the prettiest girls in the world are there.

I'll, I'll segue now. If you want to find a pretty girl and you're very intelligent, go to the pharmacy, the one on the toothbrush.

But, you can mingle in a certain way.

But, I'm afraid of what shall I say? The price of, you know, the price of toothpaste in my pharmacy. People think a pharmacist just sells condoms and toothpaste, no, they are more knowledgeable than a doctor. They have to be because they could kill somebody. They've got all the tools to kill anybody, and especially if the doctor doesn't know what it is they're doing, they could say, "No, you're not having that because we know you put those together, you're going to kill them."