The Senior and The Student ©
By Michael Casey
Dave just loved stacking shelves,
it gave him more time to think through the maths problems from University.
There was a problem though his English and History weren’t so great, why he had
to know about History and English was beyond him, but you know what
Universities are like. So he stacked his shelves and solved his problems. When
Lorries or should I say Trucks were parked outside he’s work out equations on the
side of the trucks using his finger to write in the dirt.
You had to be good at maths to know
what the lorry hurtling past on the motorway was expressing, the formulae and
so on. One day as he was writing with his finger on the side of a lorry a very
old man passed by on one of those motorised wheelchairs, the old man, the
senior must have been 200 years old, with a beard and a dickie-bow, a bright
orange dickie-bow. The old man stopped and corrected Dave, it should be to the
power of 7 not 3, otherwise its correct. Dave looked at his mucky finger and
then the side of the lorry, squinting he followed the formula with his finger,
the ancient was right.
Thanks, I’m Dave said Dave offering
his hand, he realised it was mucky so he rubbed it on the back of his jeans
before proffering his hand again. Hello to you too, I’m Peter, but my friends
call me Pete said the ancient. And that’s how they became friends, Pete may
look like a wreck but his mind was still all there. You’ll have to put those
jeans in the wash observed Pete. I’ll do it tonight when I get home, I can wash
them while I sleep, I don’t have too many clothes. University costs so much and
well, you know, with no backup its expensive.
Pete looked at him, little did Dave
know but he was being assessed to see if he could join Pete’s Program. Pete
came more often to the store now, they would chat and Pete might solve a problem
with Dave. It was like having your favourite grandpa help you with your
homework. With time Dave advanced from a C student to an A student, as far as
his maths was concerned. Even the Chinese in class started to like Dave the
dunce as he had been called.
But still his English and History
was lacking. Pete told him to logon to a certain website, but he must leave his
camera on so that he could pass the security. Little did Dave know but it was a
high finance website, they managed money for billionaires and zillionaires, algorithms
were their business so helping a student with University level maths was like
teaching the times tables to a 5 year
old.
Soon Dave was top of the class and the
Chinese treated like a god, they even brought in food for him. He could have
even got a Chinese girlfriend for himself, only he didn’t like Chinese girls,
the Chinese boys told him they were too bossy, and he should stick with a
Western girl, if he could find one.
Pete noticed that Dave’s clothes
were still shabby, so he gave him another website to logon to, this time Dave was
instructed to strip naked, so after being assured no girls were looking he did,
though he did hold a book in front of him to cover his modesty. The book was a
maths book, the secret art of multiplication, it covered his own
multiplication.
The second secret website belonged
to a Tailor, the famous Taylor the Tailor string of very high end fashion
stores. 10 days later there was a knock on the door, it was a red haired Irish
girl with freckles, Dave was overcome, he mumbled and dribbled like drunk. It
was love at first sight. The girl made him strip and then told him to put the
first set of clothes on, she turned away to spare his blushes, but she did see him
naked in the reflection from the mirror on the wall. She was in lust with him.
Dave tried on all the clothes, they
were great, but but I don’t understand. You are part of the program, grandpa
Pete always said he wouldn’t stop when he retired from teaching at the
University, you are the 40th student in the program, it’s been going
40 years. Grandpa Pete picks a student and he helps them. And I’m here to help
too she said as she kissed him. She then slapped his face, hard very hard. I’m
looking for a husband so don’t get any ideas. As I’m Irish this means I’m going
to help you with your English, then she reached into her handbag and brought
out a Kindle, you have to read
everything on this Kindle.
So Dave embarked on his Kindle,
Irene came around to help him and discuss it with him, little did he know she
had a PhD in English, but when you have such a teacher you are eager to learn.
When he was clever she rewarded him with a kiss or even two, but when he was
wrong she slapped is face hard very hard, though she sometimes kissed his face
better. Soon with Irene’s help Dave as top of the class in English, and people
started to call him Dictionary. The Italians and Gays in the class loved him
too, his fashion sense was so very cool, they would come up to him and take his
photo and say WE HATE YOU, then run away. None of Dave’s stuff was in the
shops, it was all made to measure, but definitely Taylor the Tailor, in fact
once the Italian/Gay websites featured Dave’s clothes so much Taylor the Tailor
decided to make stuff for the general public to buy. They called it The Dave
Line in his honour.
History is Geography is what clever
people say, because in History people try and steal your land your resources,
your Geography. Dave needed help, so Pete provided a 3rd website,
this was just strange, every week a person from a different country gave him a
2 hour lecture on a different aspect of world history. Dave swore he recognised
some of the people giving the lectures, hadn’t he seen them on the news. The
introduction was given by some Bolton guy with a walrus moustache, then there
were people from all the nations of the world talking directly to Dave.
So on and on went Dave’s training, the exams loomed, and Irene
came by for her last session. The final session wasn’t English, it was more
about multiplication, Irene took Dave to bed. She made him put his Barrie White
album on, and as Barry White sung, you are the first my last my everything,
they made love. She had finally found a man with brains equal to her own, so
this was the only man who could have her heart, Dave was in fact the first and
he would be the last and her everything, as it should be.
Dave sailed through the exams, he had got it all, even if it
had started with a dirty finger on the side of a lorry is it truck. At the
graduation ceremony Dave expected nobody, just Irene his future wife to attend.
He was in for a surprise, just as the lights dimmed a ton of security arrived,
as did 7 Forbes 500 Billionaires and grandpa Pete being pushed by Pamala
Zamalar the Fashion icon.
The Italians and the Gays nearly wet themselves, why were they
all here? They were all friends and former students of grandpa Pete, they had
encouraged him to keep on using his mind, even if it was only one student a
year, and for 40 years that is exactly what he did. Pete with their love and
money had kept on producing the best of the best. Little did Dave know the
Billionaires would be offering him a job, no more mucky fingers on the side of
lorry.
The moral of the story is that even though you may be drawing
in the dirt with your finger you never know where you may end up. Never give up,
always have Hope, and if a girl tells you to get your clothes off, then do.
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