A Tinnitus Story ©
By
Michael Casey
A Tinnitus Story, I wish I never had to write this, but it is a pain in the ass, or is it asp? Where is Elizabeth Taylor when you want her, she’ll do it for a $1,000,000 she said, not wanting the role, but they gave her the money, so the rest is History.
As for me Tinnitus jumped on the bus, or is it my Magic Roundabout of Pain, 3 years ago, 2018, I think. Though years merge, especially when you are screaming with pain. Now where does Tinnitus come from? It’s not actually there, it’s a by-product produced in your brain, that your ears fizz. Mine has got worse this Summer and yes it‘s a bummer. During the day the noise, the hiss, the shake rattle and hum, like an Irishman on a drum subsides. But at night when you go to bed the tide comes in, and its such an infernal din.
It may take hours to get to sleep, or even 8 hours later and you have not slept. So, you have an early breakfast and let the cat in or out, this is anytime between 3 and 7 am. No wonder Lockdown Belly is getting bigger, a you have a hot drink to wash down the toast. The cat, Totoro our Ninja killing machine, may awake just to see will I share anything with her. Or demand to be let out, for a predawn killing spree, Frogs are nice, so I’m told, or just hanging loose with the foxes. And yes she’ll sneak up to the Woods, for a swim in the still with Lech, Boris and Gregorgi. That’s why Totoro’s coat is white as the driven snow.
Meanwhile I shake the bread crumbs from me, I’ll say it’s the cat’s dandruff, and climb the stairs again. Then exhausted I’ll get back into bed again, and finally sleep. With all my scars and my through bypass hernia I can no longer just dump myself in my bed, I can no longer be a Kebab on a Stick. I am more the Elephant Man, only able to sleep in certain positions, the Karma Sutra reduced to the cover position, not the actual cover position, just I can only sleep in one position. Then 2 hours later, or is it more like 90 mins recently, I suddenly awake, and the roar of the sea is in my head again. So I negotiate that, and get back to sleep and my one Karma Sutra position again.
And that’s not forgetting the trying to get to sleep mind games. Music does help a lot, as just the Sound of Tinnitus is horrendous, so you break it up with music. The Hills are alive with the Sound of Music, or rather the pillows are bashed, you trash the duvet, you open and close the curtains so you get enough air coming in. Then you sleep and may have to do it all over again. If you are lucky after each slot of sleep, you actually get back to sleep relatively quickly. But if you do not then, just SUFFER. Am I exaggerating, probably the reverse. And have an old phone ready to distract yourself, with Music and News and any Damn thing, just so you are so tired the roar of the sea is tamed and you get back to sleep again.
You finally get up and you make use of the Day, as best you can. But at least you can have a nap on the sofa later on as you are just so exhausted, and nearly fall asleep at the keyboard like Duncan used to do, 40 years ago maybe. I hope he had a nice life, and lived in the Daylight and no Night Shifts, or maybe joined a Circus. So that’s about it, as I now have to go and have a _. Tinnitus is no friend of mine, it’s no fun, a dollop of cream on top of my cake of pain. And worst of all it slows me down, and pushes me away from the writing. So this is enough on Tinnitus, I’ll get back to another proper story tomorrow maybe.
And that’s why I have a Korean dream, it’s really a bucket list, as what are the chances of that. Though read Padre Pio and Me, and see just how remarkable is my Shanghai Life. And yes I really was vetted by a Chinese Ballerina in The Queens Tavern, a straight bar up the side of The Birmingham Hippodrome Theatre, home of the Birmingham Royal Ballet in our Gay Quarter. Or read Birmingham is Ballet, perfect for the stage anywhere, in a Circus tent even. Ok enough of this, my small daughter will be home soon, so we can have Year 13 chat, then she’ll ignore me and play with Totoro our cat. And yes, I did say my girls could have a Dog if I died or a Cat if I had a heart attack, then weeks later I was having what turned out to be a Quadruple, and the photo is really my bare chest, after they shaved me. Now I have a breast poking through a Hernia, I am one of the 1%. Or maybe you think I’m one in a 1,000,000 as a Chinese Uncle once said.
Or maybe you think I’m one in a 1,000,000 as a Chinese Uncle once said.
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