Shopping List

Shopping List ©

By

Michael Casey

There might be a few mistakes in this as Tinnitus has been roaring like a storm since yesterday. It’s not fun, and whatever I try, between Prayer and Profanity has not kept it at bay nor lessened it, so I feel like…

Now as I sit here I have Ellie Goulding in my ears, with headphones on my head, I look like a Cyberman, maybe I’ll add a photo. I just noticed she is singing The Writer as I write, I’m sure Taylor Swift left her a note, or a message written in the dust on my ceiling. A spider did appear and crawl over my screen earlier, though spiders mean money, so I may try a lottery tonight. As Ellie Keeps on Dancing, but she is dancing with howling wolves of Tinnitus, and I’m 50 shades of S(*& as the din is too much, not of her, but of Tinnitus.

I’ve just taken a snap of me as a Cyberman so you can look at it, when I post this on my sites, Ellie’s singing Your Song now, I just hope you all don’t mind a badly shaved me with headphones on. Now, where was I? Yes, I was going to talk about Shopping List, and why, because I was going to trek down the hill to the shops, or rather to the Pharmacist to collect my 2 monthly supply of Meds, which as I am in UK are totally free now, because I’ve reached the age where they are free. Instead with Tinnitus roaring and April showers in May, I’ve decided to stay in, though I might sneak out for a Lottery and a visit to the Post Office, as the spider could have been a message. And Ellie is laughing at me, she’s just started It’s a little bit funny, she’s so cruel. Is Elton mocking me too?

Back to the plot. When you go shopping you have an idea of what you want, well apart from the impulse buys which are located near the checkout. So, we all buy chocolate and chewing gum and spare batteries for our toys. They should have chewing gum, and toothpaste too. And other things that could help in our passion, though that’d probably be in France. Or maybe you  buy in bulk from Amazon. Though I’m side-tracking you all. Anyway you have a list and you work your way through the list, but supermarkets are clever and move things about, so to tempt you. Even shopping online as you are about to pay you get items thrown at you, to get more of your money in their pockets.

It is nice just strolling about, I used to do it religiously, but moving here, where I am the fool on the hill, the shops are even further away. So it’s rare for me to stroll around a supermarket, I have minions who do it for me. Ok, the Truth, I have a hernia through my bypass scar, and lifting and carrying hurts. Or if I do, do it then I’m in pain for days afterwards. I can move a sofa with my strong legs, but through the chest movements really hurt. But if you’ve been following me you know all this already, or have you not read my Blogger profile, or the About me on Wordpress? Makes me sound like an add on at the supermarket, just as you are checking out and slapping your children as you are on the phone as you ignore the checkout girl. Or is where you shop, so much posher?

Ok, so you are in the shop, with your shopping list, it’s quicker, or online is quicker still as Graham once said, as he saved his bread, by buying online instead. But back to me and you, as Graham practices his martial arts, he slices the extra bread he can afford to buy by saving his bread by buying online, with his fists of fury. That’s a trick sentence for all Esol students. But moving on again. How do you shop? I look for all the offers and buy those, because I am still poor, when you all finally buy books, then I might get some money, and buy honey. Governments complain about this and that and us the public getting fat. The truth is real people, real families need these offers, two for one offers on champagne, yes ban those for the elite in their “gites”, with their reserved this and that, while I get an offer for the cat. 

Instant food is bad, add vegetables, sweetcorn, peas and tomatoes, plus some cranberry juice too, and stop the orange juice because it is so full of sugar. And this is what I’ve done in an effort to live a bit longer post quadruple heart bypass. And as if on cue Tototo our cat has sneaked into the study. I said the girls could have a dog if I died or a cat if I had a heart attack, so Totoro is 6 now. So, Totoro is a constant reminder of what happened to me, we even put her name on a nameplate with the house number on. So, if on your way home from shopping you dally, then you can find our old house because Totoro is on the wall by the front door. I write stuff that may be off the wall, but Totoro is stuck to the wall, and no don’t call the RSPCA or Prince Harry, not literally.

I’m going to stop now, as this imaginary shopping is too heavy for me to carry, and I used to carry a ton of stuff, of shopping and of paper and suitcases in my past lives. So, as you idle in the aisles looking for this and that, imagine Totoro our cat, and pick something healthier too. A colourful plate they call it, or otherwise you’ll be dead without a Cat Nameplate, to say you made it.