Don't you Dare email Me

Don’t you Dare email Me (c)

By 

Michael Casey

Sounds like a Threat, Don’t you Dare email Me, what a jilted girlfriend or some kind of “Royalty” might use, or maybe just your Bank Manager. I’ve got your attention, as the UK starts to breakup, like some kind of boy band, when really they should stay together, and not be a “victim” like in some Taylor Swift song. I hope I haven’t upset her, or my high shelves will be forever covered in dust. It’s ok, she just emailed me, of course she’ll always be there for me, besides my house is near the chip shop where her lad works. And he can always kip in the dog’s basket if he’s a bit too battered.

 

So back to emails, and I am a bit of an email addict, ask anybody who’s received an email from me. It’s so easy, and if I had decent handwriting I’d be always asking Pop it In Pete our Postman to pop it in his box for me, as our house is last on his round, and the red letter box is on his way home. Pete is ever so accommodating. You can read about his colleague Pat in Chapter 7 of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker, I just remembered just how much fun there was at the Fete for the Children’s Home. I won’t spoil it for you, there are Translations on my Wordpress, or my original English on Amazon books.

 

But back to emails, why do I get so many? Is it because my email address has been harvested, or because it’s on my website? I have the vain hope that Media will get in touch and discover me. Yet in reality the only people who want to touch me are those who think I am a soft touch. I will delete and mark as phishing all and any email scammers. So their email disappears and they don’t get more morons replying to them. I also get loads of stuff for various diseases, some of which I have. Arthritis, Tinnitus, Ckd, and I really did have a heart bypass, 6 years ago now. I even put my scar photos online, to prove just how divine I look. But people think I’m an exhibitionist, and ask do I want to join the cast of The Greatest Showman, and for just $100 I can join the cast, just keep my shirt art half mast and display my scar, and wear shorts to show the scars on my legs too.

 

And on  it goes, do you want this, do you want that? And they assume I want the other, and I even get emails for that. Ukrainian, Russian and Eastern ladies, ready made to marry and have babies. Is Putin, trying to get rid of excess population? And how about making money on Bitcoin, and whatever else Musk was on about the other night. I’d say listen to BBC Radio Comedy and forget SNL, we’re funnier over here, though the USA Political Class are the funniest of them all. What other junk do I get? Oh yes, we have offers for your home. In USD, dollars, $$$, but I happen to live in UK, in Birmingham England. Sometimes I reply with a poem of a story in a foreign language, English. That was cruel, I send them Japanese translations. Well if they send rubbish in Hebrew or in Korean, of course I’ll send back some of my rubbish to them, in any language I can, just to annoy them. I even get Concealed Carry emails, I thought it was a corset, or girdle of some sort, it turns out its guns. And nobody has a gun in UK, nor even wants them. Concealed Carry my arse, if it were a bum lift, somebody might be interested, but not me. I am a large tight arse, maybe I should forward it to Kim or somebody.

So on it goes, emails galore just to annoy me. Tinnitus ones might be of interest, but I never open links, so all your emails just stink.

 

Which reminds me I need to order more toilet paper. I use it to blow my nose on, as well my own trumpet on. No doubt I’ll get emails for that too now. So don’t you dare email me. I have other things to do, like take pain killers. I even get emails for cannabis tablets, without the highs, just pain killers. Do you think I’ll accept anything over the Internet, if it’s not sold by my own Pharmacist or Prince his Prince look a like son, then I don’t want to know. So stop sending me emails advertising it. Now I must really go and have a s___.