Pompous Old Fart or POF for short
Pompous Old Fart or POF for short ©
By
Michael Casey
Hello Dear, as my dad a steel worker and father of six always used to say. Or My Darling Young Man as my Uncle Henry in Kerry used to say, he was a farmer and father of 5. I’m telling you this because Language really does give you away, Google https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00c7q4l and Around the Horn.
There you will laugh and enjoy British Humour from 50 years ago and more, and it will be worth it, and if you don’t laugh never come back to my page again.
So let us begin, I am POF an influencer and sage from another age, Old Age, you little snot, speaking to me like that. I’ll have you know, we know already. You were in a Paint Commercial 30+ years ago, when colour tv first reached the UK. Mr Spangle the silver glow man, you and your can of Brighten Up, the paint for all occasions. Jealous, it’s no use putting your tongue out, this is Radio.
Ignore those noise off, them and their Potty Mouths, they should sit and pooh, there are so windy. More like food poisoning after dinner made by you. There is no such thing as a free lunch, free of food poisoning. Cheek, I was on the cover of Food Dinner, or was it diner? Advertising Anti Acid tablets, before tablets were invented, you are so Old Moses must have shared his tablets with you.
Just ignore those little FARTS, literally, now we are all alone I can give you the benefit of my Wisdom. I am POF and I will guide you with such Wisdom, you’ll be amazed that your little small lives could have evaporated without ME!
Now first lesson, I am your Leader, more like a little bleeder, get back to that toilet you stink, and literally too. So let me begin once more, I have barricaded the bathroom doors.
Yes, without me you are so incomplete, just take my advice and your life will always be full of rice, the kind you get from your local take away, the one you love so much, Took’s Touch. Buy a subscription online, just follow the banner below, and not only will you get me in your inbox every day, but 10% off Took’s Touch whenever you are in Old Forge and Singing Anvil, my abode. More like a smelly commode. Pardon them while I superglue the bathroom door, but we need more Andrex, USE YOUR FINGER. These Plebs don’t deserve toilet paper, my own dear mother God rest her, used a blade of grass to wipe her **(* back in Cromane Lower Kerry.
I’m using a boxing commentators close mike now, those Plebs won’t annoy us anymore. So where do I begin? Yes, here’s a vacuous quote, from Big Bert the Belly the alcoholic darts champ from down our boozer. Some times you have to throw up, before you grow up. Some times you hit the Bull, while others just talk BS, sometimes it’s a double, sometimes a triple, I’m talking about Darts now, not my drinking. But if you just keep on pointing your arrow, if you don’t get your face slapped, then you’ll hit the target. And if you are in Target in USA, we don’t have it in UK, though Disney is everywhere, then you can buy all the baby products you need, as too much pointing your arrow will result in babies.
So I’ll leave you glow in the relevance and import of such a quote, as I count the new subscriptions flooding in from Fools, which is my pet name for you all. The T word calls his fans Fools too, but I used it first, before his hair suddenly went Grey, and I have to teach him to spell his colours too. G R E Y. I can offer you all a signed by me Tee shirt too for 99 quid, but I’ll accept dollars. It has my face on, with a link printed below where can send me more of your money.
What other gems can I give you, wait while I finger the influencer’s guide to scamming, 2.99 on ebay slightly used. It says here I should just ramble on and on and on, just look sincere and straight down the lens, blush occasionally, as if I’m modest and honest. I could go on but all this is so boring, did I switch off the mike, or was I caught out like in Truman show last night, where he escaped. You’re so stupid anyway, never underestimate the ignorance of your audience, the T word told me that, as we sat watching tv for 8 hours a day.
So I hope you all enjoyed today’s broadcast, Mary T is coming over for tea, I’ll break it to her slowly, the Entire World already knew what she wrote, but it’s always best to get it off your chest. I hope you are all feeling so much better now, don’t forget to buy all the books, I know you won’t but miracles do happen. Maybe Birmingham is Ballet will be picked up by Matthew Bourne, did I email him today, I’ll check my diary, after I evict my lodgers from my bathroom.
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