Heaven’s Devils ©
By Michael Casey
Rodrigo was a bad man, a very bad man. He had
lied and cheated and killed his way all over Central America, but he was good
at his job. He was a killer for the cartels. Obviously he was going straight to
Hell, the hottest part of Hell itself, but he neither cared nor believed. He
was BAD with a Capital B, Michael Jackson could sing and dance and prance as
much as he wanted but compared to Rodrigo, he was just DEAD with a capital D.
Jackson was not Bad, he was Sad with a silly voice and bad dance moves, and he
was DEAD. Rodrigo was the MAN and his moves left a trail of Death all over
Central America.
Rodrigo had no friends, but he did have one
cousin, Miguel was his name, and he too was a bad man, a very bad man, who like
Rodrigo lied and cheated and killed his way all over Central America. They used
to send postcards to each other, with cartoons written on the back showing how
many and how they had killed their latest victims. The postmen just assumed it
was children scrawling things. But to the FBI it was evidence.
Rodrigo and Miguel were tasked to kill a priest
who condemned the drugs trade from the pulpit. So obviously they sat at the
back and enjoyed the sermon, they would slit his throat after the Mass and
steal the offerings too on the way out. Only Fr. Camillo had other ideas, he
was not stupid he knew when death was calling him, and today after Sunday Mass
was the day. But the thing about Death is that it is not the Master, there is
only one Master, and today the Holy Ghost was in town. Now the Holy Ghost was
faster and quicker than any assassin, so Rodrigo and Miguel had better watch
their backs.
Now who or what is the Holy Ghost? Well the Holy
Ghost was a retired CIA assassin, he knew Fr. Camillo from high school, and
every day Fr. Camillo had prayed for his dark and evil soul. If the thief on
the cross could be spared and Saul could become Paul, then the Holy Ghost could
be saved too. And so he was, the Holy Ghost became plain old Sancho, he was Fr.
Camillo’s invisible bodyguard. Any time the cartels sent a hit man to kill Fr.
Camillo the hit man disappeared off the face of the earth. In actual fact,
Sancho cut their ear off and posted it back to the cartel. As for the hit men,
they just retired to Miami, thanking God they were still alive, though slightly
hard of hearing. They grew their hair and enjoyed all their ill -gotten gains.
Rodrigo and Miguel were about to strike, when
Sancho hit them first. They awoke to find themselves tied up chickens ready to
go in the oven. Fr. Camillo blessed them with Holy Water, Sancho who had been
drinking relieved himself on them. They were about to swear, but Sancho hit
them with two Bibles across the face. There will be no more swearing ever,
Repent or Die, with that Fr. Camillo threw a bucket of Holy Water over each of
them. Now the Holy Spirit the real Holy Spirit works in most strange ways,
Rodrigo and Miguel had come to kill, but now they would become savers.
They were shackled and told to read the Bible,
every day Sancho fed them and Fr. Camillo blessed them, the Holy Spirit did his
work too. That is the real Holy Spirit and the Sancho the retired assassin.
Sleep deprived and forced to change, this was no road to Damascus, this was
Central America. How many months it took I do not know, but I do know, light
began to shine in their hearts, a tiny tiny light, but Fr. Camillo could feel
it. The Holy Spirit was at work. Sancho had to go away with his donkey Panza
for supplies, so with a wave and reminding the prisoners that there would be a
1000 question Bible test when he returned he disappeared like a Ghost, a Holy
Ghost maybe.
Now an ill wind blows no good, and fools rush in
where angels fear to tread. The cartels had not received any ears lately so
they dispatched an entire squad to kill Fr. Camillo. Would they manage to
finally kill Fr. Camillo? In the jungle whistles broke through the animal
sounds. To Rodrigo and Miguel it was obvious what was about to happen, they
smiled. The old priest would get his comeuppance. But as they read their
Bibles, the gentle breeze of the Holy Spirit fell upon them. The Padre Pio
prayer card which had acted as bookmark, fell from their Bibles, Padre Pio’s
face gave them a hard stare. As Mrs Casey would say, don’t give me any cheek or
I’ll slap you in the puss with the mop bucket. They had had enough of murder,
it was now time to save. This was their Damascus moment.
So like any good assassins, Roderigo and Miguel
broke free from their shackles and slipped away.
The assassination squad numbered 10, but 10
divided by 2 is 5, and 5 to 1 were easy odds as far as they were concerned. As
Fr. Camillo prayed they took action, then 10 became 9, became 8, became 7,
became 6 and then Panza the donkey came to the rescue. Panza distracted the
assassination squad while Miguel and Roderigo with the returned Sancho finished
off the 10. All of whom were tied up like chickens ready for the oven.
Don’t think you’ll not having your Bible test,
after supper will be you final test. They spun round it was Fr.Camillo who had
finished praying. They followed him into the jungle, there on the ground was
another 10 men, how come to assassinate him. They were the advance party, I
sorted them out myself, they were such amateurs. So they tied those ten up and
dragged them to join the others. 20 men sent to kill just one priest. Roderigo
and Miguel bowed their heads, you love God so much and the send so many killers
to get you.
Fr.Camillo blessed them and they all had supper,
afterwards Sancho gave them their 1000 question Bible test. So what happens
now? Well said Fr. Camillo, Sancho has some friends in the CIA they could use
men like you. But we aren’t killers any more, you know I think we could become
Christians, real Christian, do you think your boss would accept people like us.
Of course he can, but listen to Sancho. So Sancho explained the CIA or the
friends of friends of the CIA needed bodyguards, not close protection ones, but
invisible bodyguards to protect special people from a distance, and maybe
sometimes to intervene. They would become Ghosts, Holy Ghosts if you like.
Roderigo and Miguel took all of 2 seconds to say
yes. But don’t you need more than 2 sometimes? Well yes explained Sancho, after
I cut off all those ears and previous assassins are official dead I stay in
touch with the “dead” so to speak, and they do me favours occasionally. What
about these 20, they are the worst of the worst. Well you could help us
re-educate them. So after they had cut both ears off all 20 assassins, they
chained them up and Bible school began. Fr. Camillo was left alone after that
the cartels gave up on him, the Sicorro was blowing after all.
Now where did Roderigo and Miguel go? Well if you
remember Mrs Murphy likes to visits lots and lots of churches and some are not
in nice places. And her Jewish friend Esther has a zillionaire son who makes
satellites for CIA etc. Well a satellite is all fine and dandy but Esther
worries about her friends, her close friends. So it makes Esther sleep easier
knowing that the Holy Ghost Protection Society is only a heartbeat away.
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