In the Pink with Pink ©
By Michael Casey
Well as the dinner is in the oven and hisses, so does my Tinnitus head, but Pink is here hanging from the light fittings as she sings while I have my supper. Yes, she is a great singer, and I’m not saying that because I’m afraid of her, she pretends to be fierce, but she’s really nice really, just like Totoro, our Ninja cat.
Her voice is so good too, her softer side vocally is almost choir like, that’s if Hells Angels had a choir, how the choir master would deal with her I just would not know. This is doubly funny for me as the choirmaster is my daughter’s Godfather, but as Pink and Saint Cecelia know to Sing is to Doubly praise.
So today I’ve been looking at mice, no Totoro hasn’t been slacking, she left a dead thing in the garden only yesterday, if it moves, she catches it. Despite having two bells and an id locket, when the bell goes ding ding, it’s bad news for anything in the neighbourhood. No Totoro is sleeping now as she did an all nighter last night, getting drunk with the foxes, or maybe drinking fresh vodka with Lech, Boris and Gregorgi up in the woods, or pretending to be adopted by some old lady. Totoro comes home smelling of perfume sometimes, so she has another mistress, though with cat’s they just call us all fools.
Well while you were affronted by Totoro I’ve just had my dinner, I’ve noticed a bit of plaster has fallen from the ceiling so I may give Pink some Sellotape to stick it back in place before she finishes her practice. The way she moves and twirls she better than any electric fan, just in time for the mini heatwave that’s due here in Birmingham this Holy Week. Though my priest might call her gyrations most unholy, but she is cheaper than buying an electric fan, I just tell her what a big fan of hers I am and she stays up there for hours.
What else, I did ask her did she want a snack, Taylor Swift will be back from the chip shop soon, where her beau works, I could text her to get her to bring back some mushy peas and a saveloy. I had to explain to Pink what a saveloy was, and she was impressed, you cannot get one of those in the States she said. As she dropped to the floor, she was glowing a bit, so I offered the use of my bathroom, but she said she wouldn’t intrude into my sacred space. I had just used the bog, and it was a bit iffy, so maybe that was the real reason. So I took her outside and used the garden hose on her, while Totoro watched from the garden fence. Pink bared her teeth, but her manager who had turned up to take her home just laughed and filmed it. Pink in the shower, with a pussy on the fence watching was the caption. It got 1,000,000 views in under an hour.
So, Pink’s manager gave her a giant towel, managers are always called “Big Towels” in the States as they say. And took her away. She shouted over her head that Taylor should let me have the mushy peas and saveloy myself, as I was looking faint. But maybe Pink was joking. So, I had mushy peas and a saveloy when Taylor has climbed the hill to my house. Taylor was a bit annoyed, Pink being in the house, and making a mess. So as I had my mushy peas and saveloy still piping hot from the chip shop, Taylor did some high dusting, she is such a kind and tall girl after all.
So that’s been my day today, I’m so lucky that Taylor’s boy works in the chip shop down the road, I’m always dusted and well fed. Taylor’s going now, they have to clean the deep fat frier together, and deep fat frier is not a nickname for me I’ll have you know. Taylor just calls me Mr Casey, though behind my back she may very well have other names. You can ask her next time you are in the chip shop waiting for a shake of salt, shake shake shake as she often sings to her beau. Wait the door bell is ringing. It’s a special delivery at this time of night to my abode, what might it be. It’s from Pink, I could tell as it was wrapped in pink, it was a complete set of bath towels and robes for all the family, from her manager. 15,000,00 hits for the video in my back yard, in just hours. As for Pink she sent me something in a small packet, a new nozzle for my garden hose. Is she trying to tell me something?
p.s.I forgot to say computer mice.
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