Navy Seals Team Six
is it you the OTHERS
reading me
hiding where you are
in the paddling pool
down the road from me
Where the Rolling Stones appeared
60 years ago, at a Swimming Baths
I down't know, you hide your IP
so is it you following me
50 ways to paint a writer
should I be in the nude firsr
like an elephant man
with my hernia
or a silver backed gorilla with my hairy back
or my twerking with my firm tight ass
big enough for target practice
5 miles away with the wind blowing
are you gonna at least gonna tell me
or is has the Pope sent me
you are under Holy Orders
to give me the Pope's Rosary
as he doesn't want me sneaking into his
closet and coming out with his best Rosary beads
a Newman, who is my neighbour at the Oratory
and will a lock of my silvery soft hair
be proof
so shall I hurry down the hill in
my Chinese made Russian Policeman's hat
and get a haircut
so you can say you killed me already and
the lock of hair is proof
BUT really you are my Holy Spirits
looking after me
and who is brave enough to argue with that
so as a bribe
here's something for the wet weekend
Revenge on the Joker©
By
Michael Casey
So this joker is the worst, so we are going to give him something to remember. Can’t we just kill him and have done with it asked a voice from the darkness, the flash of his blade giving his position away. No, we are going to have fun with him then M will give him something he really really deserves. A bullet between the eyes, asked another hopefully. You Yanks are so brutal said a voice in the ceiling, before descending through an air vent. It’s something big and I know why we all want to do it, but this operation is a British show. Mad Dogs and Englishmen go Out in the Midday Sun and all that, Coward. The Americans bristled. Noel Coward, I should explain. I’ve heard of him, A Talent to Amuse. I found a copy of the book in a toilet when I was on a mission. It was a great book, especially as there was no toilet paper.
First of all we have to spring El Chapo from a Super Max, then he’ll “bake a cake” for us. Then we’ll slip him back inside. Once the cake is ready we deliver it to this Joker. You’ve all seen his photo file. He’s gonna get what he deserve if I might speak American for a moment. And the horse’s head, we’ll be leaving that on his bed. We’ll take photos and post our message, then other Jokers out there will be warned, you don’t mock us ever.
Now breaking into a Super Max is very hard to do, it’s like asking Special Services to sing all the Barry Manilow back catalogue pitch perfect. Obviously the Italian Special Services could do it, as they are all Opera lovers. But the Yanks and the Brits had a plan. They hijacked a tour bus and parked it outside the Super Max. Then they went through the sewers, El Chapo inspired that bit, till they reached the recreation area. They did have a play with the weights, on the way, they are very fit people after all. Then putting their masks on they waited, a hijacked news helicopter gassed the entire facility. LSDEEEEE, in the air, fairies and goblins everywhere. It was such a stroll in the park then. They did take selfies too as they moved about, resisting temptation was the hardest bit, there are some really really nasty people in the Super Max, so to accidentally on purpose snuff a few out was so hard not to do. So instead they ta-tooed them with a rubber stamp, “FBI Informer”, that’d make for great entertainment in the recreation yard. Special Services do have a sense of humour after all.
El Chapo was placed in a body bag and carried away. They left a note sellotaped to the toilet stamped on toilet paper “Back in 24 hours, dead or alive, love and kisses a friend” with a phone number. They left a note saying “Back in 24 hours, dead or alive” because they did not want to get the staff into trouble. It was the Brits who demanded “love and kisses a friend” just as a bit of reassurance. Then they departed, through the front gate in the prison governor’s nice new expensive car. Obviously they trashed the car, they were impressed by the leather seats and DAB hifi. And guess what was playing on the radio? The Barry Manilow hour, they all smiled and left it on, they were off to Italy next so they could sing with the Italian Special Services now.
The governor rang the number once everybody awoke from the drug induced trip. He smiled as a voice replied, the boys are having a bit of fun, the kind of smile you make when the executioner says “this won’t hurt me” as he put the noose around your neck.Now I cannot tell you who answered the phone or he or one of his many many friends might just have to take your cupcakes away. Though some call him the Monk.
El Chapo was put to work, “baking a cake”, he knows so much about mixing and bagging after all. As he was pulled out of a bag, a body bag he realised this was not a family situation. The Special Services are a family, but not the kind El Chapo would like to marry into. So El Chapo was stripped naked and steam cleaned. Then in fresh new whites he was set to work “cooking”.
Meanwhile Blue team was in Italy, again the Brits thought “Blue team” sounded nice. Now all they had to do was steal the Pope’s personal Rosary Beads. Now is this a metaphor? Well we shall see. First of all they climbed over the garden wall which is very tall, you ask Tom Cruise he broke his best finger nail when he did it in one of his films. Then a Brit dressed as Liberace started playing Benedict’s piano, the old Pope was thrilled.They ended up dueting all Barry Manilow’s tunes, good job the Brit had leant them in the Governor’s car.
The other member’s of Blue team stole robes from Benedict’s closet, then processed through the Vatican till they reached Pope Francis’ room.They headed for the bed but it was empty, then in a corner on a camp bed they found Pope Francis, he was not alone. Don Camillo and Totoro was in bed with him. Don Camillo is a book I should add, and Totoro is my cat, she does travel far and wide every night.
We came for your Rosary, Blue team explained, it’s in my trouser pocket over there gestured Pope Francis. I thought you might want to kill me, the world is so mad now. We love you we would never hurt you, as Danny produced a battered plastic Rosary from his own pocket. It’s missing a few beads, it deflected a bullet, so it saved me. The Pope smiled. Here in my desk I have a few Rosaries. So then he passed a few out. Then he Blessed the Rosaries and Blue team. Anything else asked the Pope? Can we have a few more blessed Rosaries? Where shall I send them? Just throw them out your window at Midnight, somebody will catch them. The Pope smiled and went back to reading his Don Camillo, having to hunt Totoro out the way as he got back into his camp bed.
Then they hijacked a plane to get back to England, when Special Services go on a road trip they really do know how to have fun. El Chapo had finished baking the horse’s head. It really was a cake in the design of a severed horse’s head just like in the Godfather. You see while El Chapo was on the run he learnt to bake as a way of passing the time. He had all the Delia Smith books too, maybe one day this writer’s daughter will have a day with Delia, but that is fantasy. As for El Chapo it was his demands for quality baking materials that gave the game away. The FBI tracked down the baker’s needs to where the stuff was being sent, if you like they were following a trail of white powder, baking powder. And that was how El Chapo was caught.
The Special Services all stood back, El Chapo had impressed them, now they impressed him. First they tasered him, then they chipped him, then they tat-tooed him with very rude tats all over his body. If ever he escaped he’ll show up in seconds on satellites, and as for his body, everybody but every would sing at him.They had put the words to Barry Manilow’s Mandy all over his body too, nobody would ever call him El Chapo, they would just sing MANDY to him.
They called UPS and had him delivered to the Super Max, inside the package with him was enough drugs to add 100 years to his sentence. They could have delivered him back themselves but they had other things to do.
So now the end is nigh. The horse’s head and Rosary beads were to be delivered. The Joker as to be pranked. There he was asleep in his bed. As silent snow falling, the horse’s head was placed on the bed with Rosary beads. Then they all screamed. HAPPY BIRTHDAY,JOKER.
The Joker awoke screaming and then fell back with a heart attack, M stepped forward and gave mouth to mouth, M seemed to enjoy it, it went on for half an hour. M was a female Special Services girl. Do you think any special services guy would give me mouth to mouth, I should cocoa, I repeat I should cocoa. So it was left for M to save me. M was a Korean girl, and her name was MANDY. The guys then shot me with those kids’ rubber sucker guns, right between the eyes.
And that’s the first story in my 19th book, I always feel protected, it’s the Rosary beads, or the Special Service watching me from the shadows. And General Mathis if you are reading this how about telling your friends to buy a copy or two. Stay safe all of you everywhere.
You Can’t say that ©
By Michael Casey
Well I found my story down the shop. The trouble is though that I love wit and language, and others don’t, or not as much. So if an American hears this “it’s been 6 weeks since I had a drink and a fag” what does it mean? Over here in England it means “it’s 6 weeks since I had a drink and a CIGARETTE” so immediately we are divided by language. And then you have all the other baggage.
I spotted somebody coming out of the voting place and I said “you must be Nigel’s friend” and immediately he cursed to high Heaven as if he was denying Christ on the night he was taken in. He even said “he found what I said was offensive.” Yes Brexit divides that much, and one trick pony Nigel will have his day when the results are announced tomorrow. Nigel has screamed “FOUL” when asked what are his Policies should he go on to contest National Elections, even though it’s a vital question. I should remind everybody Nigel failed 7 times to get elected in National Elections. I offer no opinion here on Brexit, I’m just stating the obvious, which must be stated. Basically a Political Vacuum allows any form of Populism to appear.
I don’t want to dwell on this, let’s keep it light. When Rich came back to work when his dad died 35 years ago the lads did not know what to say. I just told him he looked like the cartoon on the Kellogg’s Rice Crispy box. He was wearing a handkerchief around his neck. So this broke the ice. Then we got back to reality. When my mother died, and then my dad nearly died just 8 weeks later it was my turn to get support from the lads. So I know it’s good to show friendship.
Another example is when people don’t know what to say, so it’s best to say “give us a hug” human contact, a hug really does help. That is why instinctively we touch somebody we like. Silence may be Golden after an argument, or we bite our tongue, I have too much experience of that as well.
One example is a bad boss you put up with because you have toddlers and need to feed them, whereas the boss is all talk, and no action, just hides in the Concierge room. Or another boss is about to punch you after a failed night shift, when the team leader goes home “sick” and you are left with the pieces and this particular boss to face in the morning. And yes I really did have to restrain this boss, I have very good grip after years of screwing magnetic tapes onto computer tape readers, one finger on my right hand is even bent slightly inward. I’m not just a smile and 1000words, and the lads I worked with were amongst the best in the world, and great characters too.
Speaking of lads, you cannot say “I Love You” to the lads they would laugh, and stand with their backs to the wall. Yes people used to be that non PC, everybody is more open compared to 40 years ago. The lads would just say give us a beer, and whisper in your ear, we all know and we all don’t care, so long as you get the beers in. It’s all about equality, tolerance is the wrong word. Life is all about equality. It’s about gay, straight, black, white, green, faith or no faith accepting each other. Which is why I think UK is the best place to be as we get on, most of the time.
I was classed as the strange one because when I worked Sundays I’d use my lunch break to dash to a church for Mass, none of the lads had any formal faith. Beer was their faith, as it was for our lodgers. It’s when people don’t practice what they preach that we get problems. The trouble is the Twitter world, people just don’t listen, life has no depth on Twitter, Everybody just reads the headlines. As I’ve said before I browse on 3 national newspapers daily plus BBC and SKY. So we all need a bit of depth.
Fast food and fast life, leads to shallow life. Stop and sit and watch New Amsterdam on tv, it always makes me cry, and the ensemble acting really does deserve an Emmy. Now I’m finishing on a fictional hospital show, based on a book I believe. My point is that in this show you have people at their best, doing their best. How Can I Help is the catch phrase so to speak. My favourite character is a bear of a man, who is a Dr and the Shrink. He is also gay, what really shines through is his compassion, he is a giant teddy bear who loves to help. And that is what I’d like to be remembered as, somebody whose words help. Who brings laughter to the screen in front of you all, you might think I look stupid, is he gay or what? No, I’m a boring straight guy, who may never get discovered, not even by a Korean Kpop girl singer. I’m just being read on the toilet by some Russian guy while he waits for his constipation to end, and then he can drive Putin to meet Trump.
Ignorance is Bliss ©
By Michael Casey
I will not believe until I put my hands in his wounds
Here place your hands in my wounds
Now I believe
Better to believe and have Faith rather than wait, have trust
The earth rotates around the Sun
Galileo Galilei should be locked up for heresy
The moon is made of cheese
Neil Armstrong faked it
At least the trains ran on time under Mussolini
It’s all lies about Hitler and the Jews
Assad loves everybody, he gassed nobody,
he’s a doctor he’d never hurt anybody
Car exhausts never hurt anybody, they are just stupid kids anyway
Smoking is cool, that’s why it’s in all the 1950s films
Radiation does not hurt
Sunshine is good for you, get a tan
Some meds give you great tans as a side effect, so take meds
Eat fat and don’t exercise you won’t have a heart attack
It’s all a lie to punish farmers
Speed does not kill, let people drive as fast as they like
Guns don’t kill, let everybody have a gun and an assault rifle too
Why shouldn’t I have 10,000 rounds of ammo in my house
Why should I lock ammo and guns away separately
The 3 year old deserved to have its face blown off by a 5 year old
It’s my right, there were just stupid toddlers
I can talk on the phone and ignore my kids playing in the kitchen
It’s not my fault I they scald themselves, I warned them once, 3 years ago
Arms races don’t cause wars, selling arms is great for the economy
Pollution does not kill
Global warming does not exist
Who cares if a few islands in the Pacific disappear,
they are only small anyway
It’s great to have more sunshine
It only snows in the Rockies, it’s great for the skiers anyway
A bit of wind is good, it blows the cobwebs away
Vaccinations are BAD, they make you sick
Measles is no big deal anyway
Bill Gates is a fool wasting all his money on vaccinations for poor countries
Poor Countries don’t matter, what did they do for ME anyway
I could have sold him Manhattan at half the price
And on it goes, STABLE GENIUS IGNORANCE
Now a commission to prove The Earth is Flat
Will USA finally wake up to the total ARROGANCE of IGNORANCE?
It really is heart breaking that a Fool is in charge of USA
People all say yes, for Power, whatever happened to Love of Country?
The Fool has taken over, and nobody has done anything
Every day is a wasted day
A lie if you repeat it often enough is believed
But rather everybody is deceived
Liar, Liar burn in Fire
Everybody must run to defend the TRUTH and the Planet Itself
So let’s all run BONE SPURRS permitting and Defend Planet Earth
Or are you going to sit it out, while others go to war to save our Home, Earth
The Final Cut of the 19th Hole by Michael Casey
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