Mrs Pooh ©
By
Michael Casey
Now Mrs Pooh is not a foreign name we might laugh at, it’s a name Mrs Pooh got attached to, rather like dog pooh stuck to your shoe. For Mrs Pooh was just that, a married lady who was named Pooh. Rather like Miss Salt who married Mr Pepper, and that really happened to girl I used to work with 40 years ago. Now as for Mrs Pooh that was not her real name, though everybody called her it, it was just that the boss could not remember her married name, so he said Mrs Pooh, and it kind of stuck like dog pooh on your shoe. It was an emergency and Royalty were due, so somebody had to clean up fast. Though the Queen did say it was quite refreshing, instead of the high of fresh paint everywhere. And they did actually meet as Mrs Pooh hid in a cubicle, as it was too late to hide her big fat backside. A note was sent on Palace stationery saying the Queen had been relieved to meet “Mrs Pooh” and after that how could anybody call Mrs Pooh by any other name. Though the Queen did add a p.s. I really do thank a fellow Elizabeth.
So, Mrs Pooh framed it and it was in her store, piled up with toilet paper and towels and millions of cleaning stuff, in a corner of the shopping centre. Mrs Pooh would do her rounds, with a radio in her pocket, come here come there, on this level or that, clean this or that. Mrs Pooh smiled and hummed as she went about her chores, she was happy, who else had a hand-written note from a fellow Elizabeth, one a cleaner another a Queen. Mrs Pooh was there for decades, but now with a fancy iphone, connected to the security system, so half the time she need not be told where to go. She just appeared and baby sick disappeared. She was happy and new staff on orientation were told “that’s Mrs Pooh” we’ve forgotten what her real name is, but if any of you mock her then you’ll be sacked on the spot. Spotless shopping centre of the year 3 times running, that is her claim to fame. They say she has a hand written note from the Queen herself, and yes Mrs Pooh is really Elizbeth, but she only answers to Mrs Pooh.
Now did Mrs Pooh smell, not at all, you see the Perfume store just adored her, and why? Some visitor to the shopping mall had tried to bully one of the staff, only Mrs Pooh pushed the bully against the wall, she knew where the cameras were so nobody would observe her. Leaning her 18stones against the bully, her brush held like a Bushido stick, she told him this. He may be Gay but his a better “Man” than you’ll always be. Now Mrs Pooh was observed, the way she held her brush like a Bushido stick. A visiting Martial Arts team, on a shopping trip. They assessed the situation and gathered around. Their English was not very good, but they knew Bully, as Mrs Pooh pointed. When 18 muscle men look at you what will you do. Yes, the bully poohed his pants and Mrs Pooh told him where the Pants shop was and the closest toilet after that. Obviously the Martial Arts team laughed, and made a friend for life. They also gave her a badge for her lapel.
News spread amongst the staff like wild fire, and the Martial Arts crew visited the Perfume store, they liked to smell nice after all the time on the mat. After that every possible Martial Arts crew you could think of came to visit Mrs Pooh and the Perfume concessions. And yes many a night on mats and marriages after that. The Shopping Mall store was happy, Chinese, Koreans and Japanese were drawn to the centre now, and of course some stray English Martial Arts people too. And all because Mrs Pooh, put down the bully, though the Wing met the Wang, or was it Pong, as an abandoned pair of pooh filled pants were found, and Mrs Pooh had to deal with it.
So, Mrs Pooh, wore a different scent every day, a spray here, a spray there, as she pushed her cleaning trolley visitors would always ask her what she was wearing. But ever so respectfully, as the Martial arts badges on her lapels kept on accumulating. Now in the store was a Rolex concession, and Mrs Pooh would always stop to dream while she had a rest on the bench looking at the display window. So, it was there that she was sat with 2 Korean girls, they were enjoying the view of the Rolex shop window. They also had heard via Social Media about the shopping centre. So obviously, if you were in town enjoy the store and see the lady with all the Martial Arts badges. It was almost as important as taking a photo with a Red Letter Box, perfect for you English holiday face book page.
But there is always evil, nice people suffer. Mrs Pooh was chatting to the Korean girls with Hermes handbags, not that Mrs Pooh knew that. She told the two Koreans all about the store, and waved to old Bill who stood just inside the Rolex door, he was the doorman. Just in case of thieves. Now the man that poohed his pants had always vowed revenge on the shopping Mall. Now with 4 huge men he was going to rob the Rolex store, which is very hard to say if you are from the East, Far East. Mrs Pooh, knew something was up, and told the girls to move away fast. The Korean girls, sized up the situation, here hold our bags, then they slipped off their very expensive shoes .
Now a Korean takes their shoes when they are home and relax, or about to go to bed with you. Or, if they are about to do what these 2 Korean girls were going to do. Uncle they said as they put themselves between old Bill and the five would be robbers. All this happened ever so fast, Bill was swung to safety sat on the bench with Mrs Pooh. Surrender or we will use force the 2 girls said in unison, as is custom in Korea. The five just laughed, the 2 Koreans were tiny compared to them. Mrs Pooh put record on her phone instinctively, and so there was the Evidence for caught. A kick to the knee, a kick to the nose, a kick to the elbow, a kick to the jaw, all four might oaks fell. The pooh pants ran away, so old Bill who knew no Martial Arts skills, just administered an old-fashioned kick in the bollocks. The thing about Martial Arts is, you know the points to do the most damage. I forgot to say the two Korean girls were called Annie and Bettie, the same names as the barmaids in The Trader from Old Forge and Singing Anvil, in The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker by Michael Casey, yes Product Placement this is a Korean story after all.
Dr Annie and Dr Bettie for in reality they were Korean surgeons, they worked in Sports Medicine, so when they Police and Ambulance arrived they could list what was broken and where. As for the Martial Arts, their brothers and all the family did Martials Arts, and they had decided to be Doctors to help fix the broken. So they were only Black Belts in just two martial arts each.
The Rolex company offered them watches as rewards, but as they had them already, Bill and Mrs Pooh had them instead. So over fish and chips that night, as it was a Friday and they were good Catholic girls, when they weren’t kicking bad guys, or healing them. Mrs Pooh introduced them to a couple of nice guys, and that’s why The Korean Flying Kick Private Practice Sport Medicine Centre is now situated in Old Forge and Singing Anvil, in the Black Country outside Birmingham.
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