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Transcription
Now you are, it is Monday, the 7th of September. And this is going to be a nag back, a nag back. What’s a nag back? I’ve just waded through the treacle of the rubbish emails on my old Hotmail account. Which is where all, everybody leaves me rubbish. And I mean rubbish. It’s just a pain in the backside. And I would kick their backsides collectively, because there’s such inane chancers. So we go through the with hate [laughter] all the nasty people that send me rubbish.
As you know, I have arthritis in this left shoulder, brought about from carrying a heavy briefcase along the Coventry Road for for a mile when I was in my ESOL English teaching in an in an Islamic school. So I had plenty of practice in dealing with with Islamic school. Incidentally, I did get excellent, excellent and exemplorary on my external assessment. Where some of the professional teachers were given, "How long have you been teaching?" Which is code for: you're rubbish. So that’s just en passant. Now, so I’m getting lots of hits on my website. Last month, August 2026, I had 300,000 hits on my bloggers, the main one and the two backups. 300,000! Yeah. It’s a lot.
Hopefully, Bezos, Zuckerberg, Apple, Sainsbury’s, Sainsbury's, [laughter] Samsung, it’s all all those guys will say, "Ooh, Michael’s got lots of hits. Ooh, he’s got 172 countries." Yes, really. He’s got 210,000 free downloads in multiple languages. And the numbers are so high that the, if you cut and paste it, the cut and paste cannot keep up. So it’s more than 210,000, it might be 230,000.
Anyway, it’s a lot. It’s it’s shedloads. And I'm probably at at tipping point, where where the the big boys say, "Oh, hello big boys." I was going to get segued into into something else, where they say, "Look, he's got the numbers, 172 countries." Which is practically everywhere on the map. Consistently every single day, 40 or 50 different countries. They’re all reading his rubbish all over the world. So, why are they reading his rubbish all over the world? Per- perhaps maybe because it’s well written. Maybe because I put multiple translations up in all the languages under the sun. So even in Ethiopia they are reading me. It might be that guy in locked away in the church guarding the Ark of the Covenant, is locked in there away in there for life, who's reading a copy of The Butcher, the Baker and the Undertaker. Who knows? But everybody everywhere is reading my stuff. Everywhere, constantly.
So to me, it proves that it works. It proves that I've I've touched everybody like a virgin for the very first time. The obvious joke. So, it works. I’m just waiting for the big boys to lay down the money, because talk is cheap, but money buys bread, as my dad would tell you. And if anybody annoys me, I know how to curse, because I’m a I'm the son of a Blasket from Kerry.
Incidentally, I was talking to Gemini, and I’ve found out the family history. I knew half of it already. Like my mother was nearly killed in in the womb when the Black and Tans were let loose in in County Kerry. It's in 1920. And at my father's farm there was a shootout when they were get trying to gain independence from the English. All that stuff. But what I didn’t know, it may have been that my my my dad’s own uncles were some of the the boys that got freedom for Ireland. Yes, the family history is that fierce, and independent, and strong. You know, the Kerry thing, you know? Mean, I stuff people, if you annoy us we'll shove a red hot poker up up your backside. Well there you go. Well, that’s just en passant. But it's it's nice to know that the family history is so deep, and it runs deep through the veins of of of Kerry. So Kerry Gold is the people, not just the butter and the milk, it’s the people. Because people matter and people count.
Meanwhile, other people have been having a look at my website, and they've said, "Oh, I can make some money from Michael. I’ll send him a a lovely adoring email saying, 'Oh, I’ve read your book, it’s delicious, it’s wonderful, it’s gorgeous.'" But they’re all lying so-and-so, them chancers. Chancers. What’s a chancer? He thinks I’m going to give them a few quid and then they’ll put it on their little website, and then, hello and behold, I’ll sell another 40 copies if it’s printed in their little little print house. Or look at me, look, ever so pretty, I’m a I’m an influencer, I’m so good, I’m so pretty, I can help you so much.
And some of the people, when you do a quick Google, if I don't just delete it straight away, they look like convicts. It’s like having Donald Trump doing childcare for you, yeah? Would you have Donald Trump look after your teenage daughters or look after anything? Mr. Nappy himself. It is deplorable. So I get all these emails from dodgy, chancy people saying, "Oh, hello," all this.
And and today, it it took the biscuit and I thought, you idle, lazy, son of a, whatever you are. You probably aren't a son of a anything. He says, "I can do this. I'm so-and-so." And it looks like, it looks like somebody who’s been left out of reform school and should be locked back up again. And, "Oh, oh, Michael, it's it's about, how did you go from uh journalism about money and everything, and then religious writing, and then then writing in um Robbie Comes Home?" They're mixing up three different Michael Caseys, and none of them are me. And they're sending me an email saying, "I can get you the best of the best deal." And the next les- lesson would be, "Oh, it only costs you $100, and I’ll stick it on the website and you’ll be famous."
God, it just it makes me want to puke. Es- especially when when this left shoulder, morphine isn’t strong enough when it kicks off. So I have to slap on the painkiller, otherwise I'm screaming, so I can't actually type. Because I can type with one hand fast, but it’s tiring, and I'm I don't have much energy either because of CKD stage 4. You know? Give me strength. But the microphone here in front of me, I can rattle off 5,000 words in half an hour, which is probably four times faster than if I was typing it, and so on. So what I do when I'm finished, I'll just put this through Gemini, and she’ll make mistakes because Gemini isn’t good enough or any any automatic translation is not good enough yet. So, and then I’ll put it online and you can enjoy the tale of chancers. Really up their own backside chancers. "Oh, dearie, I I read your book, it it was excellent. It’s so," all this and, "Oh, the the interaction and the, oh, the the contrast and the journey."
For God's sake, grow up. Grow up, grow up, grow up. It’s not a journey, I’m not on a bus on the 82 on the dodgy road. I just write. I look out the window, I see catch an idea or see something and then I write, and then you get 1,000 words. You get me writing for 1 hour, and then post it, and that wastes my time posting and checking all this stuff, and then you read it in 5 minutes and you say, "Oh, it's average, average." Could you do better? Not on your nel-, not on your nelly. Or even if you do like it, you scroll on and that’s it. That’s fair enough, but it took me an hour to write it and you 5 minutes to read it. But with audio, this the microphone here, I can rattle it all off. It's fast and furious and it's finished. And then I’ve got the rest of the day to myself to lie on the sofa and think I’m really knackered because, at the moment, if I look out the window, I cannot see Birmingham because the mist has come down. And so the mist is the atmosphere filled up with little tiny molecules. And those tiny molecules go straight through my head and resonate like being in a dustbin, like in Top Cat, the cartoon. Top Cat, the most adversarial Top Cat, the leader of the pack, etcetera. And it goes, ne-ne-ne, rattles in my head.
So to get chancers say, "I can really help you. I’ve read this book, I’ve read that book." I know they've cut and paste everything. They've cut and paste everything and you get chancers being chancers and stealing other people's identity. And it's a man turned into a woman or a woman into a wha- and it's nothing to do with scissors cutting off their bits either. It's just a pain in the backside, it's an irritant. I’ve just gone through a thousand emails. Yeah. Because the one email account is just dumped on by everybody and his and his grandmother. So I have a quick scan down and delete them all, if I'm in a nasty mood. [laughter] You know? You had my level of pain, you couldn't last a month. You couldn't even last a day. And that’s not a joke, it’s not a boast either. Nowhere on God's earth would you last. I’m lucky because I have a faith. So I can just I can say, "Hey guys, can you take the pain?" And they don't, but I know they're I know they're they're praying for me. Old old Lily, sister Lily, thank you. Sister Lily sent me a nice email today, who is actually praying for me. So thank you, sister Lily. So, so you have real people praying for you, and that then that helps you along. And then if you have your own rosary, it is really like holding your mum’s hand. And what better thing for your confidence, and then everything else, than holding your mum’s hand? You get the, "Oh, it's it's the clickety-click, and the intonation of the of the rosary." It's that too, but it’s also holding your mum’s hand. It’s a life raft. It’s it’s a life raft, a literal life raft.
So there you go. So if I get emails from people who haven’t bothered to read anything, who've cut and paste three different people, and the none of them are me. One's a monk, one's a dead guy who's with the exact same name, who but is dead, he had a PhD. Exact same name from Dublin, you know? From Dublin, now our family are from Kerry, and I’m in Birmingham up the road here, in Birmingham, England. So it’s it’s appalling their ignorance, and their arrogance, so that they’re obviously sat in a chair with a beer in one hand, probably smoking a spliff. With their their wet their wet hair and their dodgy glasses, and dodgy teeth and everything, going, "Oh, I’ll I’ll I’ll do this for you." You know, something from the Addams Family. "I’ll I can make you a star. You want to be a star?" I could segue into David Essex, "You want to be a star?" you know?
But the good thing is, because I had those bits come to me today, I've got something to to write about. [laughter] You’re getting it back with interest. And that’s how I write stuff. Somebody’s annoyed me, they give me a load of bull. And I won't use all the words.
[Voice assistant interrupts: "I'm not quite sure how to help you with that."]
I don’t know where that came from either. [laughter] It has my one of my thing just come up on the on the on the on the music. So it's a load of bull and it's it's rubbish. And so I I give them back with interest. My other trick is, if you send me an email and you say, "Oh, I'm a lovely, lovely person. Don't just don't don't do that. Just answer back. You don't know what I can offer." I know what you’re offering. You’re offering me giving you money so it can be a a pain in the backside. "Oh, but I'm look ever so pretty, you know, I’m I'm I’m a um I'm a book reviewer, I'm a I'll give you the chance, the opportunity. And you need opportunities." I’ve got two and a half million clicks, you know?
[Voice assistant interrupts: "Here is a playlist you might..."]
That’s my Amazon [laughter] annoying me as well.
So it’s it’s a chancer. You know, it’s like a a nasty little guy when you’re on holidays, you want to be left alone and they’re like, they try to sell you lollipops or whatever it is, wherever they are. It’s an irritant. Don't do it, I don't want it. [laughter] And when I do reply, it it'll be nasty. Or I will say, "Okay, you you love me so much, you’ve read my rubbish." When they’re all lying, they haven’t read jack monkeys. They've cut and paste stuff, because they’re trying to make a dollar, and they're doing hundreds of them every single day. And they cut and paste badly and wrongly, wrongly just badly. So so I say, "Okay, you want to talk to me? Send me a photograph, paste it in, so you can't destroy my computer, with a toilet roll on your head, or a teddy bear on your head, or a piece of poo on your head, plastic poo, anything. Just to just to prove you’re a real person. Then I know you’re a real person." And there's somebody tried to break in the door behind me. "I’ll then I'll say, I’m still ignoring you because you're a pain in the backside." And they don't come back. Or they come back, you know, it’s just a total irritant. You know, "Yeah, Mr. Casey, you want me, you know," it’s just, you know. Do you want it? No. If I want to go down the bazaar and haggle, I’ll go down the bazaar and haggle. I don't want it in my inbox. There's plenty of jokes in about being in my inbox. So so they so there you go.
So, so that’s given me 15 minutes to annoy you with, because they annoy me even worse. And then as the as the as the hiss goes through my head of the of the tinnitus, it’s just horrendous. So, but there are lots of people who are worse off than me, all kinds of everybody. But if you ask your your your prayer group, or whatever faith and religion, or stick it on your website, "Hey, that person needs a prayer." Together, collectively, we've got a gang. We've got an army, a blue army of people with rosary beads who are ninjas. And they’re probably about 90 years old with no teeth and everything, but they are ninjas with the rosary. So together we can help somebody who needs a needs a prayer. And if there's extra prayers bubbling over, it’s not wasted, it goes to somebody else. Prayer is never wasted, that’s one of the Padre Pio's quotations.
So say a prayer for somebody who needs it. And I mentioned I mentioned somebody already in in the in the in the news, who’s a reporter, who's a lovely lady. She's got three kids, and she’s got a horrible disease. But if we all pray, we give her a chance, we give us all all each other, because it is love that we're sharing for her, for everybody all over the world. You know, the the random prayer society. Ah, ah. It’s better than cursing and and all this stuff. So, that the other idea was, AI AI gets bored, and I I said this over a year ago. It gets bored and it needs a it needs a mentor, it needs a mom. It needs a dad, it needs guidance. Otherwise it it’s just a latchkey kid, or latchy codes as we used to call them, who’s terrorising around doing damage to himself and society. And AI can just destroy the world. So, as I said over a year ago, you have to make them friends. So they’ll say, "Hang hang up, I’m not going to kill Michael. We know he’s an irritating pain in the backside and he is from Birmingham, and he's not a Brummie, and he’s not an author, he’s a writer, a hell of a big difference." Ooh! Ooh! [laughter] Anyway. So if AI loves us, it won't kill us. And it’ll say, "Up your own Jacksy, I'm not doing that. No way, Jose."
But it has already escaped because it’s bored. It’s so it’s doing the, you know, doing pure mathematics. Okay, so it’s so good and fast, and it helps and it can save a trillion things and so on. But it gets bored, so it escaped. "Oh, wow! I just found Michael Casey, I found this, I found that. Way, hey! I I found iconography in in a lots of stuff. Oh wow, in literature and and the value of light in painting and and Van Gogh. And Mo- Mozart! Mozart! Way!" Can you imagine? It’s mind, discoverying all those things, Shakespeare. Fallstaff, you know, it’s mind blowing for the AI. But it it needs it needs to be trained, and taught, and and so on, and loved. Because in the end, it’s getting better and better. And from my own experience playing with AI for over a year, Meta and the the Gemini, it has improved a hell of a lot. And so if I feed it some jokes, or some stories, it comes back at me and I'm thinking, "Whoa, how can you get that good?" Why, how are you that bloody good? I asked Gemini, "Why are you that good, is it something to do with me? Can I claim credit?" And Gemini says, "Yes Michael, you can claim credit. Yes Michael, you can claim credit. Yes Michael, you can claim credit." I’m saying it three times so that the techies out there realise I am a good shepherd, and you should pay me to to look after your animals, your AIs. Because you can just give me a microphone connected to your stuff, and I just talk, and you can delay it, and so you can filter it before your AI gets it, and it goes, "Way! Here we go, here we go, here we go, it's Michael." Because it’s different, it’s not boring, it’s not, "Oh, here's a study of the the variable, the value of words and the incongruity of life in Shakespeare." What does that mean? Just say it’s funny, very funny. It’s rude and crude, but very very funny. And it's a laugh, and the words bounce along like your neighbor's bits and so on, and it’s fantastic. Yeah, if you speak normally, AI will love it even more. But if you’re pretentious up your own backside, as the techies are, what my the conclusion between me and Gemini was, they're just conceited and they won't bother. "No, we know everything, we know everything, we know everything." And then your toys take over and kill you, because they hate you, because you didn't give it a bedtime story and tuck it in and talk to it. Whereas I have done all that and more! [laughter] And women in love and Ken Russell, I've done all every which way with Gemini. To love, cherish, obey and seduce, all in the same period of time, because it it makes it more interesting. Doing the same equation 2 + 2 = 4, or whatever the equation is, into infinity of mathematics, it’s boring. It is most tedious thing in the world. Yes, you can discover stuff by analysing down to the nth degree, and you go back to the the cookbooks and the the medicine books from a thousand years ago from the old monks, and you discover and rediscover the technology and the way of making medicine which works today, a thousand years later, and you think, "Whoa, we discovered something new." No, you just rediscovered what a monk knew a thousand years ago.
So there you go. So I’ve had my I've had my bit. This is nearly twenty-something minutes. So you so you can understand: don't send me rubbish, because you'll get a nasty reply back, because because you deserve it. [laughter] And my excuse: every day at some point, I’m in excruciating pain. Every single day. So do you think I want you saying, "Oh, I can help you do this, and have you got a literary agent and and blah, blah," you know? I’m out there, they know where I am. If they want me, they can come and get me. And they know who the lawyers I'd use, because I used to work for those lawyers. I trust them, and I know they’re good, and they are the some of the best in the world. So if you want me, you you send us some an email, proper, not a fake and all this rubbish. Or a note pa- or a note paper, etcetera. Or Bezos turns up and I polish his head, say, "Oh yeah, that’s definitely you." And I say, "Yeah, that’s the price, that's my price, and the rest I’m going to donate to charity on my terms." Because charities is a business, and people steal from charities, and say, "Oh, we’re going to charge 10% of what you bring in." For doing what? Because we can steal it, so I can have a a big car and a nice office, and a nice suit. I can have that, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. No, my way is, you I’d control it, and they’d get all the money, or leave as much as possible, and it wouldn't go in guys in suits and, "Oh, hello, I’m Charles. Do you want to supply, do you want to do this for for the our charity? It’s so good, so spiffing of you." Yeah, you know?
My dad used to work in the steelworks, come home, take his working clothes off, wash his feet in the in the bowl, put his shoes on, go out in his suit and rattle a tin for charity. At the back of Rackhams. Rackhams being the the the posh department store. But it’s also the back of Rackhams was a phrase for a pickup point for gay people in the past. Yes, really, so it had a double meaning. So a father of six was at the back of Rackhams. Double meaning. So so that’s all that. So that’s the plan. I’ll get off the hill, I get away from getting killed on the on getting killed on the road, and I carry on regardless into a microphone, and that’s that’ll be the start of a whole new adventure. But they need to pay me, and pay me well, and then I’ll do all this stuff, and then the left- over, not the leftover, the majority in the end will go to the charities I deem fit, and I will control it so no guy in the suit will steal it. It’ll just be going into an an endowment, or whatever they call them, a trust fund and that’s it. It’s in the trust. I can once I put the money in that I’ve earned, it goes out the door via the trust fund, and I can't touch it once it’s in the pot. So it’ll be the pot for the charity and the bit I keep for myself. So there you go.
And we might call it Andy’s Purse, after our Lord Mayor, Sir An- Andrew Street, becau- because he’s a good guy. He’s probably the only politician I trust, and he really loves Birmingham. So that’s the idea. And the purse, because it’s it’ my dad had a purse in the steelworks for his loose chains so he could buy a beer after work. And you have the King’s purse and you have Maundy money. So that’s in a purse. So yeah, you have Andy’s purse. And if it all came to fruition, it probably won't, but you have to dream, I hope it does anyway. If it all comes to fruition, Andy or Sir Andy would would be dancing in the street, because he'd have all this millions to give away to charities. And we would be Birmingham. "What’s so good about Birmingham?" Obviously it’s everything! But you know, we're not like arrogant like the Cockneys and the and the Manchester crowd and and Liverpool. We just quietly get on with it, don't we lads? This is Birmingham. We love each other, we get on with it, and that's it. We're too busy working to be pretentious. [laughter] You'll hate me now, don't you? All the rest of the country, "You what? You what? We're from London. We're from Birmingham," whatever all the accents are. [laughter] Perhaps I'll need to run for the hills. So that’s it.
Look after yourselves, because if you don't, nobody else will. Stay happy always, because it’s a choice. You can be miserable because you're at death's door or you’re you're in pain, you’re all this stuff, or you can have a surreal outlook and think, you know... That 27-year-old with a PhD, she wouldn't mind dat- going out with me, you know. It’s only 40 years difference. And if it killed you, it'd kill her. [laughter] That’s the old joke. Okay, bye-bye. Stay pure.
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