The Things I Love, The Things I Hate

The Things I Love, The Things I Hate (c)

By Michael Casey

Well I was having a leak, then I had a thought

The kitchen tap was dripping, as was I

Then I thought I could write something new

So I pushed the cat away as she as following me

She'll following anybody for the thought of food

Or she'll just stay as she is, not unless you offer 80 quid

If you rustle food wrappers she'll come

But otherwise, fat chance, this cat is staying on the mat

Though banknotes, the plastic sort, do sound like food wappers

But it has better be 80 quid, or she'll stay where she is

We offered 20,40 then 60 but it was 80 I think

Before Totoro our cat stopped grooming

she was a litter of 4, but sadly the other 3 are no more

7 years old now, a reward for my quadruple heart bypass

I told my girls they could have a pet

A dog if I died or a cat for a heart attack

Then no sooner had the words been said

At Christmas 2014, I could have been  no more

instead 13 Jan 2015 I had what turned out to be 

my Quadruple

I've told you all this before

So me repeating myself, must be something you all hate

I do love to hear stories, and that made me close to my dad

In fact I was practically in the same bed as he , in 1996

But they had made space on the ward, so I was in the the one

next to where he had been

I love sunsets, and views 

I used to look out the office windows

on Smallbrook Queensway, overlooking the Chinese Quarter

Little did I know in 78 that 20 years later, a piece of Shanghai

would come to me

I love puns and plays on words, maybe because I have learnt

So many languages, Latin, French, Spanish and English Literature

as well as Shakespeare at Open University, Level 3

in addition to decades of BBC Radio 4 

Then teaching English as a 2nd Language to the Shanghai girl

Not Forgetting Esol English in an Islamic school

So my view on words can make me quite absurd

I'll even put in a rubbish rhyme, like a school principal

who should know better, but no names mentioned

as I don't want them to cry

I hate bad writers who bore me with their style

Harry Styles is the only style I like, I'm listening to him right now

He's calling me a Woman, it must be my 3 breasts

Long Term Paracetamol gives you man boobs

and now a Hernia in between, no wonder Harry is Confused

But at least he can sing

I do enjoying ad libbing to songs I know

Adding a new line, in a different voice

while I wait for the kettle to boil

Though my neighbours next door tolerate me

It may be because of my 3 boobs

and my 3 cups hanging on the washing line

They can't work out how to address me

Man or Woman, or IT, maybe Sam would cover it

Though Political Correct People, complained to BBC

about Sam's treatment on a radio show,

Even though she was a non existent comic device

I hate left-overs too

I eat everything I put on the plate

No waste me

Though when you look at me you'll say

LIAR, big tum like Winnie the Pooh

46 inch waist, to match my Beyonce backside

If she saw my tight firm bum, she'd cry

Cry me a River, almost, until

it winds past Timber on the Lake

I like him, I sing along to him too

PSY is a good,  he reminds me of myself

If I had talent, and could move like him

But I am 120 kilos and he is not

I'm all Birmingham style, Wobbling

PSY is like a singing and dancing Benny Hill

I've worked out how to watch Utube on our family telly

So now I laugh along to PSY

When not watching K Drama

And Alchemy of the Souls

was very dramatic, I was amazing

Maybe she is not the girl for me,

all she can do is use a sword

I bet she cannot type

She's having my Baby, Harry Styles sings

The Alchemy assassin would just kill me

so it won't be her, who comes and types for me

I like running jokes too

Though, you may not understand the concept

Like British Humour, it's not just Slap Stick

and Telegraphed for Americans

Clock strikes 6pm, News on TV maybe

I love News, and current affaires

But I detest rubbish, about how many affairs

X Y or Z has had, and splashes all over the Newspapers

What 2 people do, is up to them

It should never be all over the TV and Newspapers

Besides I don't want a staple all over my 3 breasts

or enormous, Beyonce shaming backside

Podcasts are rubbish too

Whatever happened to Radio

I was a Royal, and I hated it

etc etc etc

Most people are worried about the Gas Bill

So self indulgent people, just make me want to puke

I hate Liars too

Trump, being the biggest one

But he'd be elected today

As USA is just too stupid for words

PAUSE

while USA readers revolt, or agree with me

I'd imagine if you are reading this

YOU agree with me

I hate sports men who state they are doing it for their Country

or for their City etc

They are doing it for the  MONEY

If they do some good they that's fine and dandy

But most are just very very Randy

which rhymes with dandy

And they are all Dandies too

as they can afford too

People not knowing their own Style

brings me back to Harry

What am I now, he sings

Take time to discover your style

And stick with it

Obviously, I look like Charity Shop left overs

But I live with 3 women

and a female cat

They know what is best

So I'm a Gay Dad by default

Devil wears Prada was on TV again last night

So don't wear Elton John track suit

No matter what brand it is, Elton you look like a Chav

You can thank me later

He's covering for Taylor Swift, and Snoop Dogg

who do my high dusting

Though he may just say Life is not Everything

and smile at me

Well I've put this down, as I had a break in the Tinnitus

and now the pain is coming back, Codeine is wearing off

and I got spelling right in the end

And life is like that

So long as you get it right in the end

All is forgiven by God

Though he may not like my writing

and I'd end up as a greetings card writer

DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING

end