We all look like somebody

We all look like somebody ©

By

Michael Casey

As I said earlier today before the pain monster got me for a good 2 hours, like carrying a cross of concrete on my left shoulder, I spotted folks reading the Mitt Romney is Captain Pike comment.  So that gave me the idea for this, and that’s why you can all suffer, just with my words, I wouldn’t want any of you to have my physical pain. So, have you seen something and said that guy/girl looks just like X Y or Z. I of course am a George Clooney look alike, though I weigh more than Tyson Fury the world champion heavy weigh boxer, but am 11 inches shorter. See it’s how thick you are, and I am very thick. Being thick is also slang for stupid, so you will all no doubt be smiling over that, and agreeing, you are all so cruel, sob, which is sob not SOB, sob means cry. You are a far-flung audience so I’ve explained things for you. I’m going to stop now as the pain is too much, so go and have fun till I get back to you, and no this is not a pretentious word play.

Well it’s the next day now, I had to lie down the pain was bad, then after 3 hours I arose like a vampire. However, it would now seem that I really am a vampire, as for 4 nights I don’t sleep till after Dawn.  Tinnitus my Roman slaves really deserves a damn good flogging. So, I look like death warmed up, and I know the wise guys in Ukraine are saying, but he always looks terrible, can’t he take photos? That’s the idea, I take rubbish photos because I hate the pretentious, I am a Writer photos, or am I being pretentious?

So, who do your friends say you are? He looks like a security guard in that mismatch collection of clothes he wears, pretending it is a suit. Him a writer? He looks like a refugee from a charity shop, wearing all that was left over after the bus went through the front shop window. And how exactly are writers supposed to look? Just not like YOU! You are so cruel, I’ve heard it all before, you wrote that? As if I’m chewing gum stuck to a shoe, or worse. I have feelings and I put them on paper, and what you read is my heart on my sleeve. Just like snot when I forgot to bring a handkerchief with me, tissues are all so modern.

How we look betrays us, in every sense of the word. A cool person will pretend not to look when the bus goes through the charity shop window, and as I grab the clothes and put them on, best way to carry clothes is to wear them. My mother once went back home to Cromane Lower Kerry, wearing her clothes all on top of each other. Her mother told her she’d belt her if every she did it again. This was 1930s or 1940s Ireland. But back to the Future, or 2020 present, being cool was a very big thing, then selfies and accidental death by selfie stupidity took over. Everybody just had to have a selfie, and the Cloud was invented to hold all these inane photos. Apple built an empire on selfies with ever more costly and fancy phones. All made in China. Though now a 100 quid Huawei takes just as good photos. Do a blind test if you don’t believe me.

As ever I digressed, that’s the trouble if I don’t write my piece all in one go, my chain of thought does. Put it like this, STOP, you’re making up your own jokes now. I’m the only Comedian here. I just remembered a trainee teacher with arthritis and a stick he once said that in a 2^nd year English class, we laughed our pants off. His tutor arrived, and yes he had a stick too, you can’t make this up. In 1985, I even saw Sky the Classical/Rock band at the Birmingham Odean when I had fractured my left elbow, and in the audience everybody seemed to have an injury, cripples’ night out. And yes nobody would use that  phrase nowadays, because we care, or Corporate People want to give the impression that they really care. Discuss.

As well as having the Cool attitude, people adopt a style of clothes, which shows just how fab and groovy they are. Though professional photographers bemoan the fact that everybody dresses the same now, to prove just how cool they are. Nobody has a personality, standing out would be uncool, so they dress uniformly in a “uniform” to prove just how cool they are. Come back Glam Rock, all is forgiven, at least people dressed differently. Abba where are you?

I just wear a shirt and chinos, with multiple jumpers on top which make me 4 inches thicker than I am, my waist, not my intellect. As for others, they have fast fashion, so some poor malnourished worker in the 3^rd world, works hard so we can change our Fashion quickly, more often than we change our knickers. I of course don’t wear any knickers, a panty line would detract from my Kardasian shaming large derriere. But I won’t show you any back view photos, as it may excite you too much, it’d be like looking at Trump’s bum, mine is even bigger and firm, unlike his.

Style lasts, and can be worn forever, that’s why I am so stylish. Don’t snigger or I’ll get you on toilet cleaning duty, after my dinner. That’s wiped the smirk off your face. Yes, style does cost more, but it transcends time, I’ve seen Devil Wears Prada 3 times I’ll have you know. Don’t buy 3 cheap belts buy one nice one and it’ll last forever. If you’ve seen Guy’s film The Man from Uncle in it Guy has the two hulks argue about Women’s Fashion. I did of course give Guy the idea, same as I gave him my uncle’s old cloth cap to wear, uncle’s cap while he directs Uncle. So simple really, you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to work it out.

I recently discovered an old belt I bought in Italy in 1995, and yes it still fits, but the style is nice and will last till I die, if you say a word, or even half smile I’ll get my Ukrainian friends to stand outside your house, it’ll feel like a total eclipse of the sun, Ukrainians are HUGE, taller than trees, they cannot hide.

It's the belt in the photo, assuming you are reading this on my site. If you are reading this in 2020 Words, then you’ll just have to use your imagination, this is radio after all.

Pick a nice colour, Primary colours are good, and I don’t mean your old school uniform. Red, Blue, Green stuff like that, a decent shade too. Then as 40 shades of grey becomes a fading scar in your mind, too much spanking at school, then good colours remain vivid forever. Buy styles that aren’t happening right now, and in 10 years time your fashion sense remains ahead of the game. Glam Rock styles are of a certain time and place, but true timeless fashion is just that, Timeless. Yes it cost a little bit more, but just listen to your own Gay Dads or just the Men from Uncle, then girls people will always call you Bitch behind your back.

I could say more, and I would have written something different if yesterday hadn’t been such a pain day, but what you have got is Timeless, like my totally unfashionable fashion, I can dress and undress others but not myself.