Hiding the Fat

Hiding The Fat ©

By

Michael Casey

I just looked out the window 30 seconds ago and I was wondering what to write about, I mean talk about today when I spotted a fat girl bulging out of her clothes. She may or may not have been pregnant, you wouldn’t want to ask just in case she was just fat. Now 1/2 my audience may hate me already, I think half do already, so is that 3/4s hating me now, you can do the Maths for yourselves. That’s the trouble with words you cannot say anything or the Snowflakes will be upset. A reality is a reality, so let this big guy through to the toilets, ok I’m just a fatso, so there to you too.

When you are fat you tend to try and hide it. I have a big bum, but it’s behind me, so it’s not a problem for me. But if you are in a scrum then that might be a totally different situation, as your head is nearly up my bum as the ball is thrown in. So perhaps you shouldn’t play rugby with me. And why are rugby players’ balls bigger than football players’ balls, because they sell more tickets. Or it could be that they need to buy more shampoo after their heads have been up each other’s bums in the scrums. Which reminds me there was a book called The Art of Course Rugby, I read it 50 years ago maybe, if you can track it down it is very very funny. And no there is no mention of the best shampoo to use after your head has been up somebody’s bum in the scrum.

But enough of my formative years in the 1970s, what about the fat girl outside? Tight clothes reveal all, cyclists beware, so if you are fat everything will be on show and cling filmed against your body. If you are happy then that’s fine. But if you don’t want folks to say, she’s so fat, even if they say it under their breath then, by having looser fitting clothes , or a scarf or a shawl you can disguise yourself. I can feel the anger mounting as I talk to you. All these methods you big girls know already. And yes if anybody dares to upset my stick insect girls, I’d throw a hissy fit like in White Chicks. I might even climb up on desk and get my kit off and shake my fat hairy ass, that would certainly distract attention away from their awful evil vile comments about my Princesses, the fruits of my loins. A dad will do anything to protect his girls, even baring his fat hairy ass.

Some girls have big chests, others have padded bras. Some are shy about their assets, some are not. This is where let it all hang out, or strap it down or cover it up comes in. It’s up to everybody to decide, what their style is. Temptation or the Nun look. We all have personal choice. I am of course the buttoned up look, I used to wear shirt and tie for years like a member of Status Quo with my jeans too. All men are bastards as we girls know, so you have to decide what’s appropriate  on where you are going.

As for myself if I open a button or two all my new regrown chest hair is exposed. It’s taken 4 years to get back to full growth. You lie on a bed semi naked and a nurse shaves your chest, and then both legs from the ankle to your naughty bits, then they cut you open and do an unplanned quadruple heart bypass. Without the surgery bit in a different setting it could be called erotic or even kinky, what you get up to in your own bedrooms is up to you.

So you can imagine, should I open my shirt and reveal my hairy 46inch chest, with my bulging belly below, with my pirate, not pilotes, pirate scar in its full 12 inch glory, with my chest hair adorning it like Japanese Knotweed, or should I cover myself up like a blushing virgin. The answer came to me, or rather the gales of laugher, and one person puking all over my pirate scar. Though that’s how I met Betty a nurse who led me away to the car wash and told me to clean myself, then she make me give her dad 2 quid for the use of his brushes.

But nevertheless Betty and me became bosom friends, and she has no scars on hers, she told me, how else would I know? Which brings me back to the behind. We don’t see it, but it is a most useful thing. If you wear tight, skin tight clothes you can really drive the boys wild, so obviously I always wear loose fitting trousers. I’m too old to be chased down the street, and the last boy that tried to pinch my bum I threw him into the fountain at Victoria Square Birmingham. You see in the dark, with my short jacket on all that you notice is my tight 46inch bum, which is too much temptation to some boys. Though when I spin around and they see my face, and my rugged good looks, they do get a fright, and some get such a shock they go of and join the French Foreign Legion.

So don’t mock me for my looks, I just try and wear the right clothes at the right time, something for every occasion. My bum is the same as Donald Trump’s look closely and you will agree, so have pity on me. If ever I end up in a Finnish Sauna all I can do is try and wear the right shade of lipstick, and then everything is based on the size of my personality, because when you lie down naked in the dark, all you have is your personality and see how that fits.