Getting a Needle

Getting a Needle ©

By

Michael Casey

Today North Korea got an injection of Trump, which may or may not result in North Korea becoming the new Miami, though as silly as it sounds if you Google you will see that the North Korean countryside is so beautiful. Today also saw me rearranging the deliver of cat food, its cheaper if you buy in bulk, so that I could meet my small daughter at the doctors where she would have a needle. The needle being Tetanus, this protects from outside cuts and grazes, bacteria in the earth can lead to really bad infections. As my daughter is doing her Bronze Duke of Edinburgh walk soon she has to be all up to date on her inoculations.

When I grew up we’d splash disinfectant straight from the bottle over any cuts we got while climbing over the garden fences, that was our protection. They say that the youth of today have no immunity from anything as they have sterile, safe wipe lives. You try getting a massive splinter in your finger and screaming to mum, who’d head for the sewing basket, then armed with a large needle would put your hand in an armlock, just like a wrestler, before attacking you with a needle. Many screams later the splinter was removed and you were dropped by Kendo Nagasaki, mum left triumphant to sew the chicken with the same needle, you’d head upstairs to squeeze the blood out and splash the disinfectant.

Our garden fences were none of these effeminate panels, our garden fences were made from floorboards. Mum had actually gone begging around all the building sites and the boards were dumped in our garden. Then dad and mum sunk concrete posts and made cross supports, then the floorboards were nailed on. We had had a massive storm and that’s how dad and mum had fixed them. My job was to paint them in brown evil smelling creosote, my green jumper stunk for months afterwards because I’d splashed creosote on it.

I did have my my own needle when I was a child, the booster injection when I was 4 or so. Being me I kicked and punched the doctor, so that the needle bent in my arm, little did I know that I’d have so many needles and blood tests in my life. I suppose the doctor must have cursed the little child. I do know of one person whose CB handle is NeedleMan, but that was then and this is now.

You can needle somebody too, you annoy them so much they punch you, and they will say, is the needle stuck, as you repeat yourself. If you are young you may not know about needles and records, and fluff on needles. One of the first things I bought when I went to work was a record player, it cost £30 and I used to play all my LPs on it. I had it for 10 years I think before splurging on a fancy Technics HiFi. This is what boys waste their money on, hifi to listen to music on. And no I don’t have any fancy hifi now. Marriage means getting the needle from your wife so you don’t spend any money on yourself, just her and the kids.

A marriage sews two people together, for richer or poorer etc, but it beats being all alone. You may needle each other, and say change the record or is the needle stuck. But it is far better than being alone, or so the other half always nags you. Sometimes you have to burst each others’ bubbles with a needle and the splash of reality slaps your face.

Then she goes back to darning your socks, forgetting to tidy up afterwards, so you sit on a needle and jump up screaming like Shrek. So she has to calm you down as she laughs her head off, so she removes your trousers and wipes your bare arse before kissing it through her tears of laughter.Your neighbours wonder what is going on as you never close your curtains. Nine months later, and after the neighbours close their curtains, little Nail is born, and all because you sat on a needle. Not only rich men can go through the eye of a needle, but babies too.