Qualifications

Qualifications ©

By

Michael Casey

There are many forms of qualifications, our kids are taking exams right now that’ll lead to qualifications, then you do more study followed by exams and you gain even more qualifications. Then you go to University and do 3 years of study and get your Bachelors, or 4 in USA, so you can be in that sports team. Over there sports can be king and the study secondary. Over here the top university leads to Footlights and the best comedians or actors are also the most highly qualified, Cambridge leads to Edinburgh Fringe and a lifetime of tv. Originally their mum and dad were so pleased they got into University and are bemused that that became Monty Python’s Flying Circus. But some might say that’s the problem with the British education system, too many clowns in it.

My own path is varied, BBC Radio 4, which is quality speech radio, not Howard Stern, being a major foundation in my education. Why? Well if you listen to clever knowledge people talking for 20 years, you should learn something, not unless you are intellectually deaf. It’s fuel for your own brain, ditto if you hang out with mechanics like the girl in My Cousin Vinny, you’ll learn a lot. Osmosis really does exist in knowledge, its not just soppy plants. Being a Concierge allows you to pick a lot up,as does covering 10 other roles in a hotel, its all part of your qualifications, your life skills as they say.

Politicians should have life skills, they should not have just done PPE at University and then worked as a researcher before being parachuted in to be a candidate. So you have snotty nosed people how have never worked sitting there in Parliament. Over in USA we have Donald Trump who people admire because he is super rich, born with millions which is now billions. Though does he owe money to Russia we’ll never find out, not unless his 3rd wife divorces him.

You should never have unbridled respect or affection for any politician. Respect has to be earnt, courtesy we should give everybody, even those we despise, but assuming somebody has our best interests in mind has to be proven. Was it Animal Farm where the leaders were just as bad as the originals because they were corrupted. Ditto with Politicians, whey should we trust them? At least we can throw them out every few years, which is not the case in the majority of the world.

But I digress, qualifications are a good thing, as is study. However having seen and lived both sides of the coin I’d say experience is all. How would you like to learn about sex, from a book or with a girlfriend or boyfriend, or both, in the interests of balance I have to say that. Which reminds me of a sentence from Pucktoon a Spike Milligan book I read over 40 years ago, you’ll have to dig it out to find out what I’m on about. Then you can see if I’m qualified in surreal comedy.

Yes, experience is a four lettered word. And some Politicians have plenty of experience in that, though we only find out when they fall from grace and its all over the newspapers or TNZ in USA. Others are teflon coated and no matter what they do they get away with shooting people in New York, to paraphrase somebody with a big suntan. Only History will judge were they qualified enough for the job, or was it that the alternative as equally corrupt, so people said what the heck and put their cross where they put it. Then the leader is the cross the entire country carries, until he crucifies everybody either side of him.

So with resurrection we get new beginnings and new hope and almost magical powers. By which I mean political comebacks, or 2^nd chances in your regular job. If you are eclectic then you can fit in anywhere or you are the perfect host because you have a sentence or two about everything. You appear far cleverer, much more qualified than you really are, because you have a wide general knowledge. If you are asking about the flower arranging with the local body builder, and heavy metal with your parish priest, or the best contraceptives with your local politicians they each feel loved by you.

We like Jack, he’s the perfect host at the local superstore, yes really he’s head security guard with two tasers and 5 martial arts assistants and 2 dogs. But he’s such a nice nice man, has a good word for everybody, so well spoken, they say he listens to BBC Radio4 all the time. He did break that man’s arm in two places, or two men’s arm in one place. But they deserved it, they pushed that handicapped lady over when they were trying to raid the store, they wanted flowers for mother’s day. They nearly got flowers for their own funeral. But Jack is such a gentle gentleman.

So Jack is qualified for his position, he has a kind word for everybody, apart for naughty boys that is. So qualifications are great things, they are proof that you have a certain level of knowledge. Though especially in USA you can be a PhD in Gibberish, and have a certificate too just by sending 15dollars to 555 5555, I have mine handing just above the toilet roll dispenser in our bathroom.

Experience is the best and cruelest teacher, you won’t make that mistake again, so long as you learn from each mistake, like don’t park there or your car will be scratched, so think more about your parking. Talk to everybody, even the toilet cleaner, because everybody can teach you something. Learn from their life experience and add it to yours, this adds to your qualifications.

If you think you know everything and you don’t need anybody, and that you are the most qualified person in the world, you will be rewarded by Life in the end.

Or you could just become President of the United States of America.