Tinnitus is:-
make your own list
but being awake till 7am before sleep finally comes
I could go on, but I'll let you all finish your Cadbury's Easter Eggs
so I hope you all liked the April Fool
Patrick in The Butche The Baker and The Undertaker has
April Fools Day for his Birthday and the story in the book
is a true story I inserted years later to have a big hook
Otherwise 1st daft everything
Though I did only have one typescript
So as copy typing to Computer is slow and boring
I actually expanded and rewrote the book a couple of years later
So would that be 2nd draft, or 1st draft again but 3 times bigger?
You decide, I don't have the energy today
If ever I get that copy typist, she'll type as I sit on the sofa
behind the computer on the desk
Then in one daft I'll write with her fingers in one draft
Tears for a Butcher, I would lose the will to live
if I did do 13 drafts like Jeffery Archer
I speak as I write and it's done
The only difference is HE has a MONET on his wall
I do have readers in 90 countries now
HE has £300,000,000
I have nothing, except saggy knickers, I must buy new ones
so here's something random to read, this fine day
first 3 stories from The Final Cut of The 19th Hole
Revenge
on the Joker©
By
Michael
Casey
So this
joker is the worst, so we are going to give him something to remember. Can’t we
just kill him and have done with it asked a voice from the darkness, the flash
of his blade giving his position away. No, we are going to have fun with him
then M will give him something he really really deserves. A bullet between the eyes,
asked another hopefully. You Yanks are so brutal said a voice in the ceiling,
before descending through an air vent. It’s something big and I know why we all
want to do it, but this operation is a British show. Mad Dogs and Englishmen go
Out in the Midday Sun and all that, Coward. The Americans bristled. Noel
Coward, I should explain. I’ve heard of him, A Talent to Amuse. I found a copy
of the book in a toilet when I was on a mission. It was a great book,
especially as there was no toilet paper.
First of
all we have to spring El Chapo from a Super Max, then he’ll “bake a cake” for
us. Then we’ll slip him back inside. Once the cake is ready we deliver it to
this Joker. You’ve all seen his photo file. He’s gonna get what he deserve if I
might speak American for a moment. And the horse’s head, we’ll be leaving that
on his bed. We’ll take photos and post our message, then other Jokers out there
will be warned, you don’t mock us ever.
Now
breaking into a Super Max is very hard to do, it’s like asking Special Services
to sing all the Barry Manilow back catalogue pitch perfect. Obviously the
Italian Special Services could do it, as they are all Opera lovers. But the
Yanks and the Brits had a plan. They hijacked a tour bus and parked it outside
the Super Max. Then they went through the sewers, El Chapo inspired that bit,
till they reached the recreation area. They did have a play with the weights,
on the way, they are very fit people after all. Then putting their masks on
they waited, a hijacked news helicopter gassed the entire facility. LSDEEEEE,
in the air, fairies and goblins everywhere. It was such a stroll in the park
then. They did take selfies too as they moved about, resisting temptation was
the hardest bit, there are some really really nasty people in the Super Max, so
to accidentally on purpose snuff a few out was so hard not to do. So instead
they ta-tooed them with a rubber stamp, “FBI Informer”, that’d make for great
entertainment in the recreation yard. Special Services do have a sense of
humour after all.
El
Chapo was placed in a body bag and carried away. They left a note sellotaped to
the toilet stamped on toilet paper “Back in 24 hours, dead or alive, love and
kisses a friend” with a phone number. They left a note saying “Back in 24
hours, dead or alive” because they did not want to get the staff into trouble.
It was the Brits who demanded “love and kisses a friend” just as a bit of
reassurance. Then they departed, through the front gate in the prison
governor’s nice new expensive car. Obviously they trashed the car, they were
impressed by the leather seats and DAB hifi. And guess what was playing on the
radio? The Barry Manilow hour, they all smiled and left it on, they were off to
Italy next so they could sing with the Italian Special Services now.
The
governor rang the number once everybody awoke from the drug induced trip. He
smiled as a voice replied, the boys are having a bit of fun, the kind of smile
you make when the executioner says “this won’t hurt me” as he put the noose
around your neck.Now I cannot tell you who answered the phone or he or one of
his many many friends might just have to take your cupcakes away. Though some
call him the Monk.
El
Chapo was put to work, “baking a cake”, he knows so much about mixing and
bagging after all. As he was pulled out of a bag, a body bag he realised this
was not a family situation. The Special Services are a family, but not the kind
El Chapo would like to marry into. So El Chapo was stripped naked and steam
cleaned. Then in fresh new whites he was set to work “cooking”.
Meanwhile
Blue team was in Italy, again the Brits thought “Blue team” sounded nice. Now
all they had to do was steal the Pope’s personal Rosary Beads. Now is this a
metaphor? Well we shall see. First of all they climbed over the garden wall
which is very tall, you ask Tom Cruise he broke his best finger nail when he
did it in one of his films. Then a Brit dressed as Liberace started playing
Benedict’s piano, the old Pope was thrilled.They ended up dueting all Barry
Manilow’s tunes, good job the Brit had leant them in the Governor’s car.
The
other member’s of Blue team stole robes from Benedict’s closet, then processed
through the Vatican till they reached Pope Francis’ room.They headed for the
bed but it was empty, then in a corner on a camp bed they found Pope Francis,
he was not alone. Don Camillo and Totoro was in bed with him. Don Camillo is a
book I should add, and Totoro is my cat, she does travel far and wide every
night.
We came
for your Rosary, Blue team explained, it’s in my trouser pocket over there
gestured Pope Francis. I thought you might want to kill me, the world is so mad
now. We love you we would never hurt you, as Danny produced a battered plastic
Rosary from his own pocket. It’s missing a few beads, it deflected a bullet, so
it saved me. The Pope smiled. Here in my desk I have a few Rosaries. So then he
passed a few out. Then he Blessed the Rosaries and Blue team. Anything else
asked the Pope? Can we have a few more blessed Rosaries? Where shall I send them?
Just throw them out your window at Midnight, somebody will catch them. The Pope
smiled and went back to reading his Don Camillo, having to hunt Totoro out the
way as he got back into his camp bed.
Then
they hijacked a plane to get back to England, when Special Services go on a
road trip they really do know how to have fun. El Chapo had finished baking the
horse’s head. It really was a cake in the design of a severed horse’s head just
like in the Godfather. You see while El Chapo was on the run he learnt to bake
as a way of passing the time. He had all the Delia Smith books too, maybe one
day this writer’s daughter will have a day with Delia, but that is fantasy. As
for El Chapo it was his demands for quality baking materials that gave the game
away. The FBI tracked down the baker’s needs to where the stuff was being sent,
if you like they were following a trail of white powder, baking powder. And
that was how El Chapo was caught.
The
Special Services all stood back, El Chapo had impressed them, now they impressed
him. First they tasered him, then they chipped him, then they tat-tooed him
with very rude tats all over his body. If ever he escaped he’ll show up in
seconds on satellites, and as for his body, everybody but every would sing at
him.They had put the words to Barry Manilow’s Mandy all over his body too,
nobody would ever call him El Chapo, they would just sing MANDY to him.
They
called UPS and had him delivered to the Super Max, inside the package with him
was enough drugs to add 100 years to his sentence. They could have delivered
him back themselves but they had other things to do.
So now
the end is nigh. The horse’s head and Rosary beads were to be delivered. The
Joker as to be pranked. There he was asleep in his bed. As silent snow falling,
the horse’s head was placed on the bed with Rosary beads. Then they all
screamed. HAPPY BIRTHDAY,JOKER.
The
Joker awoke screaming and then fell back with a heart attack, M stepped forward
and gave mouth to mouth, M seemed to enjoy it, it went on for half an hour. M
was a female Special Services girl. Do you think any special services guy would
give me mouth to mouth, I should cocoa, I repeat I should cocoa. So it was left
for M to save me. M was a Korean girl, and her name was MANDY. The guys then
shot me with those kids’ rubber sucker guns, right between the eyes.
And
that’s the first story in my 19th book, I always feel protected,
it’s the Rosary beads, or the Special Service watching me from the shadows. And
General Mathis if you are reading this how about telling your friends to buy a
copy or two. Stay safe all of you everywhere.
You
Can’t say that ©
By
Michael Casey
Well I
found my story down the shop. The trouble is though that I love wit and
language, and others don’t, or not as much. So if an American hears this “it’s
been 6 weeks since I had a drink and a fag” what does it mean? Over here in
England it means “it’s 6 weeks since I had a drink and a CIGARETTE” so
immediately we are divided by language. And then you have all the other
baggage.
I
spotted somebody coming out of the voting place and I said “you must be Nigel’s
friend” and immediately he cursed to high Heaven as if he was denying Christ on
the night he was taken in. He even said “he found what I said was offensive.”
Yes Brexit divides that much, and one trick pony Nigel will have his day when
the results are announced tomorrow. Nigel has screamed “FOUL” when asked what
are his Policies should he go on to contest National Elections, even though
it’s a vital question. I should remind everybody Nigel failed 7 times to get
elected in National Elections. I offer no opinion here on Brexit, I’m just
stating the obvious, which must be stated. Basically a Political Vacuum allows
any form of Populism to appear.
I don’t
want to dwell on this, let’s keep it light. When Rich came back to work when
his dad died 35 years ago the lads did not know what to say. I just told him he
looked like the cartoon on the Kellogg’s Rice Crispy box. He was wearing a
handkerchief around his neck. So this broke the ice. Then we got back to
reality. When my mother died, and then my dad nearly died just 8 weeks later it
was my turn to get support from the lads. So I know it’s good to show
friendship.
Another
example is when people don’t know what to say, so it’s best to say “give us a
hug” human contact, a hug really does help. That is why instinctively we touch
somebody we like. Silence may be Golden after an argument, or we bite our
tongue, I have too much experience of that as well.
One
example is a bad boss you put up with because you have toddlers and need to
feed them, whereas the boss is all talk, and no action, just hides in the
Concierge room. Or another boss is about to punch you after a failed night
shift, when the team leader goes home “sick” and you are left with the pieces
and this particular boss to face in the morning. And yes I really did have to
restrain this boss, I have very good grip after years of screwing magnetic
tapes onto computer tape readers, one finger on my right hand is even bent
slightly inward. I’m not just a smile and 1000words, and the lads I worked with
were amongst the best in the world, and great characters too.
Speaking
of lads, you cannot say “I Love You” to the lads they would laugh, and stand
with their backs to the wall. Yes people used to be that non PC, everybody is
more open compared to 40 years ago. The lads would just say give us a beer, and
whisper in your ear, we all know and we all don’t care, so long as you get the
beers in. It’s all about equality, tolerance is the wrong word. Life is all
about equality. It’s about gay, straight, black, white, green, faith or no
faith accepting each other. Which is why I think UK is the best place to be as
we get on, most of the time.
I was
classed as the strange one because when I worked Sundays I’d use my lunch break
to dash to a church for Mass, none of the lads had any formal faith. Beer was
their faith, as it was for our lodgers. It’s when people don’t practice what
they preach that we get problems. The trouble is the Twitter world, people just
don’t listen, life has no depth on Twitter, Everybody just reads the headlines.
As I’ve said before I browse on 3 national newspapers daily plus BBC and SKY.
So we all need a bit of depth.
Fast
food and fast life, leads to shallow life. Stop and sit and watch New Amsterdam
on tv, it always makes me cry, and the ensemble acting really does deserve an
Emmy. Now I’m finishing on a fictional hospital show, based on a book I
believe. My point is that in this show you have people at their best, doing
their best. How Can I Help is the catch phrase so to speak. My favourite
character is a bear of a man, who is a Dr and the Shrink. He is also gay, what
really shines through is his compassion, he is a giant teddy bear who loves to
help. And that is what I’d like to be remembered as, somebody whose words help.
Who brings laughter to the screen in front of you all, you might think I look
stupid, is he gay or what? No, I’m a boring straight guy, who may never get
discovered, not even by a Korean Kpop girl singer. I’m just being read on the
toilet by some Russian guy while he waits for his constipation to end, and then
he can drive Putin to meet Trump.
Ignorance
is Bliss ©
By
Michael Casey
I will
not believe until I put my hands in his wounds
Here
place your hands in my wounds
Now I
believe
Better
to believe and have Faith rather than wait, have trust
The
earth rotates around the Sun
Galileo
Galilei should be locked up for heresy
The
moon is made of cheese
Neil
Armstrong faked it
At
least the trains ran on time under Mussolini
It’s
all lies about Hitler and the Jews
Assad
loves everybody, he gassed nobody,
he’s a
doctor he’d never hurt anybody
Car
exhausts never hurt anybody, they are just stupid kids anyway
Smoking
is cool, that’s why it’s in all the 1950s films
Radiation
does not hurt
Sunshine
is good for you, get a tan
Some
meds give you great tans as a side effect, so take meds
Eat fat
and don’t exercise you won’t have a heart attack
It’s
all a lie to punish farmers
Speed
does not kill, let people drive as fast as they like
Guns
don’t kill, let everybody have a gun and an assault rifle too
Why
shouldn’t I have 10,000 rounds of ammo in my house
Why
should I lock ammo and guns away separately
The 3
year old deserved to have its face blown off by a 5 year old
It’s my
right, there were just stupid toddlers
I can
talk on the phone and ignore my kids playing in the kitchen
It’s
not my fault I they scald themselves, I warned them once, 3 years ago
Arms
races don’t cause wars, selling arms is great for the economy
Pollution
does not kill
Global
warming does not exist
Who
cares if a few islands in the Pacific disappear,
they
are only small anyway
It’s
great to have more sunshine
It only
snows in the Rockies, it’s great for the skiers anyway
A bit
of wind is good, it blows the cobwebs away
Vaccinations
are BAD, they make you sick
Measles
is no big deal anyway
Bill
Gates is a fool wasting all his money on vaccinations for poor countries
Poor
Countries don’t matter, what did they do for ME anyway
I could
have sold him Manhattan at half the price
And on
it goes, STABLE GENIUS IGNORANCE
Now a
commission to prove The Earth is Flat
Will
USA finally wake up to the total ARROGANCE of IGNORANCE?
It
really is heart breaking that a Fool is in charge of USA
People
all say yes, for Power, whatever happened to Love of Country?
The
Fool has taken over, and nobody has done anything
Every
day is a wasted day
A lie
if you repeat it often enough is believed
But
rather everybody is deceived
Liar,
Liar burn in Fire
Everybody
must run to defend the TRUTH and the Planet Itself
So
let’s all run BONE SPURRS permitting and Defend Planet Earth
Or are
you going to sit it out, while others go to war to save our Home, Earth
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