Tuesday, 12 January 2021
The Birmingham K-Drama Story for Korea
The Birmingham K-Drama Story ©
By Michael Casey
Now Park worked in her dad’s store, she was Korean of course, every Korean is called Park. As every Indian is Singh, and Pakistani is Khan, and every English person is Smith, and yes Greeks earn a lot because they work so long and hard. Ok, I’m being simplistic, but I am a Simple Man, or is it simpleton? Park worked hard, she did have a Christian name and she was a Catholic, so her name was Mary, what else, just as every Irishman is Patrick.
Park, had friends, they were all daughters of all the take-aways, they met at Birmingham wholesale market buying onions in bulk. The “sisters” were always bulked up against the cold. So a nod from Park to Singh and Khan and a look at Smith. Their dads wanted to marry them off and expand the business by marrying into bigger families. But the “sisters” said they could not marry till their “sisters” were married first, so this ploy kept them all safe and single.
Now Slim Simon was one of their best customers, he’d turn up as regular as clockwork, after he’d been to a bar to see some music. Jazz, Folk, or Blues. No he didn’t travel everywhere, The Waterworks was Jazz, renamed to Bell and Pump for Folk, and Blue Notes for the Blues. It was stuck by the reservoir in a dodgy part of town, but Slim Simon was safe, because he was built like a safe, though he kept his cash in his socks just in case of muggers. Not that anybody dared try, he has a Judo badge on his lapel, and it’s not just a decoration. Slim Simon was always on a mat, he ran a Judo school, Black belt 4th Dan, and he wore braces too, to keep his trousers from sliding down his belly, he was a cuddly Winnie the Pooh, but deadlier.
So Mary would hear all about the music as she served the last customer, why you no married, she asked. Slim Simon explained, his wife had ran away with the double glazing salesman, so he took up Judo to manage his anger, and try not to think of Derek the salesman who was all front. Mary sighed, she’s a bitch, so that brought them closer. Singh her friend was getting pressurised to get married, so Khan and Mary suggested she pretended that Slim Simon was her boyfriend. Mary persuaded Slim Simon with the offer of more spring rolls, so the deed was done.
Slim Simon went to Singh’s place and played the part, and Singh would stroke his big strong hands over the cash register. Her parents were disgusted at first, but he seemed like a nice boy, so if she was happy they were happy. Now Slim Simon said to his best student, Pal, that he was saving a Indian girl, so Pal said could he come and take a look. So after a Jazz night Pal was taken in toe to Singh’s place. Now Indian girls have the best eyes ever, just look and you will see. So when Pal saw Singh he sighed. And then when she smiled at he could not be denied. You see Pal was an Optician with 14 shops in the family. Later Singh confided, Pal is the one for me.
But her parents were convinced Slim Simon would be the one for the family. So a plan was hatched. Mary and Khan would hide their identities and arrive at Singh’s and slap Slim Simon’s face hard. He’d be a cad, and a lowlife, not good enough for an Indian wife. Then Pal would arrive and save the day. Pal was a mere Black belt, no Dans yet. So he’s stage fight Slim Simon, and save the day. Then he’d reveal he was an Optician, and it would be love at first sight.
So Slim Simon was swooning over the cash register at Singh, then first Mary Park arrived and slapped his right cheek, and just like in the Bible, he turned the other cheek only for Khan to arrive and slap that one even harder. Then on Q Pal would arrive to dispense with the bounder, never trust a white guy, yes stereotypical. So Pal and Slim Simon threw each other about, before Slim Simon was left in a rubbish bin, appropriate enough.
Singh’s family applauded, Pal was in, and Slim was out. And when they heard he had 14 Optician shops, they soon persuaded their daughter to see sense. As for Slim Simon, he crawled out of the way, and made a mental note to get Pal to take a grading, first Dan coming soon. And if I race to the conclusion, Singh and Pal’s first child just had to be called Dan. But for the moment Mary sneaked Slim Simon away in her car, Khan waved them good night as she jogged home chuckling.
Now Mary could see that Slim Simon was a great man, well he was literally, and yes he was divorced, but he didn’t marry in a church, so maybe an annulment and she’d have him as her man. Mary Parked her car and stroked his face, then kissed it better in slow motion for half an hour, it is a Kdrama in Birmingham after all. Slim Simon couldn’t visit Singh’s any more, he’d been thrown out the door, so he went to Park’s twice as much. He taught her a few throws and more, but he always caught her, before she hit the floor, again in slow motion, it is Kdrama in Birmingham like I said before.
Singh soon got engaged and the wedding would be quite a spectacle, so Mary took Slim Simon around to the shop to explain. So it was all a trick, yes they confessed. But now not one bride, but two, two for the price of one, like any take-away special, or the Abba song. But what of Khan? Well she fell for the Uber delivery driver, take me away take away. I did mention Smith at the market, what about him, he was Gay, but he loved dressing up for Weddings, so he was delighted to be invited, not once, or twice but thrice. Like three coins in a fountain, and if ever you’ve been to the Trevi Fountain, if you throw a coin you can make a wish. Smith did, and now at the 3rd time of asking, at the third wedding, he met the man for him, a contractor, a drainage contractor. So the pair of them were forever gushing and laughing like drains, you see True Love Conquers All.
But what of Mary Park? Yes, she married Slim Simon and had 4 kids and formed a Kpop band, Faith, Hope and Charity were their names, the 4th was an extra surprize, a boy they called Julian. Just as this writer’s mother always said name a boy after her, Julia becomes Julian if ever Mary had a boy child. Just like the song, by Boney M, Mary’s Boy Child, Julian.
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