Strong Tastes

Strong Tastes ©

By

Michael Casey

I have the taste of garlic in my mouth, it keeps the Vampires away after all, and I recently read that garlic is good for Tinnitus. In fact I had a beef and garlic sandwich, as beef is good for Tinnitus too.I do add Heinz salad cream too, Heinz really is the best. So I’m smelling up the study as we call our front room. It’s from here I talk to you all. So if you are French you will feel at home, or is that a cliche, though garlic is supposed to be the best ingredient of all. Go stop some chefs in the street and ask them. I did know loads of chefs when I worked at CPNEC for 3 years, they really are geniuses, respect where respect is due. Though I was not quite sure what “I’m beating my meat, chef” really meant, it must improve the taste.

Now what do I know about cooking and meat beating? I know about eating, perhaps too much meat and bread and far too much milk. Though I was as strong as a man when I was still in Primary school, sadly that is not the case nowadays. I still have very quick reactions, and if I hit you then you will know about it, but total raw strength has ebbed away, as arthritis and everything else has attacked me.

But back tastes, we all squeeze ketchup on our sausages, but I prefer something that bounces around my tongue, not as bland tasting. I once bought some American style mustard, in a yellow squeezy bottle, no wonder in films they squeeze so much. It was totally tasteless and weak. If you have a tiny bit of Dijon or any other mustard, even our Coleman’s then you have to have a glass of water ready, or some of the specialist mustards, you dial 999 or whatever Americans dial, you dial that first.

I’m not suggesting I’m half Indian and eat very hot stuff daily, but I do want food that has a taste, and not the taste of plastic. Taste generally denotes flavour. There might be something written on the wrapper to suggest this will taste ever so good, and it has such expensive ingredients. When in fact it is 0.000001% of Dodo inside it, and it still tastes like pooh, not that I eat pooh for a living, but I do know who tests pooh, but he works in a Path Lab.

Do read wrappers and have test tastes, or buy a small version before going to the expense of a large portion. If you buy something that should taste sublime then sample it first. Otherwise you end up throwing it in the bin, or as it’s a sin to waste food you give it to a local beggar. You scurry away hoping you don’t poison him, but in fact the beggar thinks its Christmas. Supper truffle enriched energy bars, perfect for the Country Life set. You have the Barbour jacket and boots, and the energy bars were for those long walks around Windsor hoping you’d spot the Royals. Only the energy bars has 0.00001% truffle and otherwise tasted like pooh, but the beggar became a cross country runner and grew an enormous moustache like Dave Bedford used to have in the 1970s.

We all want our food to taste nice, so we can lick our lips, our get our girlfriend to enjoy French kissing even more. Salad cream, strong salad cream does the trick, or so I am informed. Then passion spent a warm mug of Horlicks, or Cocoa, something with flavour, enhances our mating behaviour. Or chew on garlic, now that really really does the trick, vive La France, vive L’Amour Je t’aime Dracula, o la la.