Friday 11 January 2019

a Cheesy Photo

Sock Drawer

Sock Drawer ©
By
Michael Casey

I was still throbbing with pain and I still am, and I was struggling with what to pick to talk about today. Struggling means I hadn’t thought of a topic in 2 minutes, I did have an idea for a topic yesterday as I lay in bed. Stop no making up your own jokes, there is only one stand up comedian allowed on my page, and that’s me. So I thought of an idea, of a topic, and let’s see where it will lead us, just take my hand and I’ll lead you up the garden path, maybe we’ll meet the brave Gill there. And if Gill is reading this, you have such a kind disposition, just promise not to hit me with it, one day I will learn how to use a dictionary, but at the moment it’s under my bed, holding the bed up as the bed leg broke off.

Now the opening did remind me of two other things. In English in First year at Grammar school the student teacher did say he as the only comedian so we should stop messing about, and his Tutor had a beard and a walking stick. Funny how a 50 year old memory comes back, but it does help fill the page. As for Gill when I was exposing myself as a Writer, over 20 years ago in the office, it was her who said I lead people up the garden path, to the potting shed, even though my writing was compost. She had such a lovely way with words.

But I was going to talk about my sock drawer, though in my case it’s a orange coloured Sainsburys’ bag. In my sock drawer all my socks are the same, there was a sale in Aldi years ago so I bought a load. Two years ago we moved to a posher supermarket as my daughter was doing her GCSEs, today she is doing her Mock Maths A Level, Mechanics is the hardest part, so we can all cross our fingers as the exam starts in 5 minutes time. Thanks to a better diet these past two years I hope she’ll do well in all 4 A Levels.

Well, what about socks? A pair of socks keeps you warm, as cold feet are a terrible terrible thing, ask any old person you know. Not me, I’m young at heart, the cheek of thinking my silver mane makes me old.
Some people have funny socks, with President Trump on them, to think the Simpsons had Trump as President as a joke, and the joke became a bad sad smelly sock reality. You can have the days of the week on your socks so you don’t need to sniff them before you put them up, or ask your dog to do it for you. If the dog falls over then it’s time to change your socks.

Thermal socks are great too, as I can attest as I just nipped out mid story to get more Movelat painkiller gel, did you miss me? I just tiptoed carefully away with just Rag and Bone Man singing to you all. He’s still singing now, maybe the needle stuck in all the fluff from my belly button, I must remember not to use it to make candy floss as I lay in my bed. Now half of you have said YUCK, while the remainder are in the potting shed with me and Gill and all my other compost.

When I was in Shanghai for the first time about 20 years ago it was so very cold, so I wore 3 pairs of socks. We stopped off at a shoe stop, and the girls looked on in amusement as I removed 2 pairs of socks so I could try on some Shanghai shoes. They were all drinking green tea from old coffee jars they kept under the counter. Then after I bought some new shoes I put the extra 2 pairs of socks back on.

After a hard day at work we all kick off our shoes and relax in stocking feet, and yes in my case I may really be wearing women’s stockings, and garter belt, I prefer red to black by the way, so if you are in the Ukraine reading this you know exactly what to buy me. Then we may actually peel off the socks and let the pet dog lick the salt from your toes and in between the toes too. I did mention my dad used to take off his steel toe-capped boots and wash his feet in the washing up bowl with a splash of Jeyes Fluid. Though due to all the sweat involved from the Steel Works mum used to use the tongs from the twin tub washing machine to pull the socks off dad’s ever so lily white smelly feet.

I myself used to have long socks to just below the knee with a garter underneath, which may explain why I wear women’s stockings with garter to this day. If you have good legs you should show them. Though nowadays my seams show, they are in fact my scars up my legs where the veins were harvested to fix my heart, but my legs are still great, so don’t be jealous.

I need to finish now so I’m going to help you buy socks when you are in Spain. This was a piece we learnt in Spanish 45plus years ago. If you look for socks and you cannot find them because you just cannot remember the word in Spanish, then when the shop assistant hold up various items just say No. Until he holds up socks, then you can exclaim. Eso Si Que Es. At least you have learnt some Spanish today on your way up the garden path to the potting shed with me.

d86b2-20171217_114746The Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREANСтраница 1ЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADインドのプリンセスを検索するには – Copyインドのプリンセスを検索するにはページ1 Quick Stories in Japanese아직도 살아있는 2015shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples50 Spanish Examplesface2e208c-image2

ThankGod no snow this year

Thursday, 10 January 2019

Thank God no snow this year

Thank God no snow this year I’m glad we had no snow this year, I had the flu twice despite flu and pneumonia shots in September.
So while you all suffer the bad weather in Southern Europe. here in Birmingham its mild and snowless.
AS ever thanks for passing by, the WordPress site had 3 different translations in a day being read of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker plus the Polish In Search of an Indian Princess which is the final 3 chapters of the novel.
It would be nice to dream that finally I explode all over the world and make a few quid to pay off the mortgage. But I’m a realist, if I have a few days with no pain that’s the only joy I will get.
Yes many more millions are in far greater pain, mine is only 6 years long  so far.
But miracles do happen, read Padre Pio and Me on my sites to read about a couple.
I’ll produce something new tomorrow Friday, though if you are in USA a pay check would be far better now that the Constitutional Crisis begins, as Trump will try the nuclear option, and say its a National Security Crisis at the border.
One man can ruin a great country, take your pick from History.
I should not be wsting my time talking about a :-selfish, arrogant, conceited person who claims he can connect with the working class, or Blue Collar as you call it.
It does prove the Political system in USA is broken that he managed to get nominated in the first place. I do think Hillary was a bad candidate too, not worthy of the chance, but it was her turn.
You should all read 1984, the abuse of language and double speak lives in USA today.
As Goebbels no doubt said if you repeat a lie often enough peolple will believe it.
Politicians should not be allowed to use Twitter, it debases conversation and thought.
Certainly a President should stand before the people and be cross examined
However only if the Republicans put Country before Party will the impasse in USA be sorted
As for Foreign Policy, that is a total joke, Turkey must protect the Kurds when USA trainers pull out.
When they are swore enemies. Go figure.
Trump’s selfish isolationist attitude, is short termism at its worse.
I’m turning off the pumps to save energy, then the ship of state sinks.
World War One was 100 years ago, but the echoes scream through time, in 2 years the organs of state have been corrupted by Trump. It is time for the People to Rise Up and March to make sure that he is neutered before USA itself is neutered and turns into a shadow of what it once was.
&&&&&&&&&&&&
Yes I watch the news, its just a pity that not enough people in USA  and elsewhere do to.
&&*********
SO TOMORROW I’LL WRITE COMEDY, BECAUSE IF I DON’T WE’LL ALL CRY

Thursday, 10 January 2019

Thank God no snow this year

Thank God no snow this year I’m glad we had no snow this year, I had the flu twice despite flu and pneumonia shots in September.
So while you all suffer the bad weather in Southern Europe. here in Birmingham its mild and snowless.
AS ever thanks for passing by, the WordPress site had 3 different translations in a day being read of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker plus the Polish In Search of an Indian Princess which is the final 3 chapters of the novel.
It would be nice to dream that finally I explode all over the world and make a few quid to pay off the mortgage. But I’m a realist, if I have a few days with no pain that’s the only joy I will get.
Yes many more millions are in far greater pain, mine is only 6 years long  so far.
But miracles do happen, read Padre Pio and Me on my sites to read about a couple.
I’ll produce something new tomorrow Friday, though if you are in USA a pay check would be far better now that the Constitutional Crisis begins, as Trump will try the niclear option, and say its a National Security Crisis at the border.
One man can ruin a great country, take your pick from History.
I should not be wsting my time talking about a :-selfish, arrogant, conceited person who claims he can connect with teh working class, or Blue Collar as you call it.
It does prove the Political system in USA is broken that he managed to get nominated in the first place. I do think Hillary was a bad candidate too, not worthy of the chance, but it was her turn.
You should all read 1984, the abuse of language and double speak lives in USA today.
As Goebbels no doubrt said if you repeat a lie often enough peolple will believe it.
Politicians should not be allowed to use Twitter, it debases conversation and thought.
Certainly a President should stand before the people and be cross examined
However only if the Republicans put Country before Party will the impasse in USA be sorted
As for Foreign Policy, that is a total joke, Turkey must protect the Kurds when USA trainers pull out.
When they are swore enemies. Go figure.
Trump’s selfish isolationist attitude, is short termism at its worse.
I’m turning off the pumps to save energy, then the ship of state sinks.
World War One was 100 years ago, but the echoes scream through time, in 2 years the organs of state have been corrupted by Trump. It is time for the People to Rise Up and March to make sure that he is neutered before USA itself is neutered and turns into a shadow of what it once was.
&&&&&&&&&&&&
Yes I watch the news, its just a pity that not enough people in USA  and elsewhere do to.
&&*********
SO TOMORROW I’LL WRITE COMEDY, BECAUSE IF I DON’T WE’LL ALL CRY

Thursday, 10 January 2019

Thank God no snow this year

Thank God no snow this year I’m glad we had no snow this year, I had the flu twice despite flu and pneumonia shots in September.
So while you all suffer the bad weather in Southern Europe. here in Birmingham its mild and snowless.
AS ever thanks for passing by, the WordPress site had 3 different translations in a day being read of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker plus the Polish In Search of an Indian Princess which is the final 3 chapters of the novel.
It would be nice to dream that finally I explode all over the world and make a few quid to pay off the mortgage. But I’m a realist, if I have a few days with no pain that’s the only joy I will get.
Yes many more millions are in far greater pain, mine is only 6 years long  so far.
But miracles do happen, read Padre Pio and Me on my sites to read about a couple.
I’ll produce something new tomorrow Friday, though if you are in USA a pay check would be far better now that the Constitutional Crisis begins, as Trump will try the niclear option, and say its a National Security Crisis at the border.
One man can ruin a great country, take your pick from History.
I should not be wsting my time talking about a :-selfish, arrogant, conceited person who claims he can connect with teh working class, or Blue Collar as you call it.
It does prove the Political system in USA is broken that he managed to get nominated in the first place. I do think Hillary was a bad candidate too, not worthy of the chance, but it was her turn.
You should all read 1984, the abuse of language and double speak lives in USA today.
As Goebbels no doubrt said if you repeat a lie often enough peolple will believe it.
Politicians should not be allowed to use Twitter, it debases conversation and thought.
Certainly a President should stand before the people and be cross examined
However only if the Republicans put Country before Party will the impasse in USA be sorted
As for Foreign Policy, that is a total joke, Turkey must protect the Kurds when USA trainers pull out.
When they are swore enemies. Go figure.
Trump’s selfish isolationist attitude, is short termism at its worse.
I’m turning off the pumps to save energy, then the ship of state sinks.
World War One was 100 years ago, but the echoes scream through time, in 2 years the organs of state have been corrupted by Trump. It is time for the People to Rise Up and March to make sure that he is neutered before USA itself is neutered and turns into a shadow of what it once was.
&&&&&&&&&&&&
Yes I watch the news, its just a pity that not enough people in USA  and elsewhere do to.
&&*********
SO TOMORROW I’LL WRITE COMEDY, BECAUSE IF I DON’T WE’LL ALL CRY

Thursday, 10 January 2019

Thank God no snow this year

Thank God no snow this year I’m glad we had no snow this year, I had the flu twice despite flu and pneumonia shots in September.
So while you all suffer the bad weather in Southern Europe. here in Birmingham its mild and snowless.
AS ever thanks for passing by, the WordPress site had 3 different translations in a day being read of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker plus the Polish In Search of an Indian Princess which is the final 3 chapters of the novel.
It would be nice to dream that finally I explode all over the world and make a few quid to pay off the mortgage. But I’m a realist, if I have a few days with no pain that’s the only joy I will get.
Yes many more millions are in far greater pain, mine is only 6 years long  so far.
But miracles do happen, read Padre Pio and Me on my sites to read about a couple.
I’ll produce something new tomorrow Friday, though if you are in USA a pay check would be far better now that the Constitutional Crisis begins, as Trump will try the niclear option, and say its a National Security Crisis at the border.
One man can ruin a great country, take your pick from History.
I should not be wsting my time talking about a :-selfish, arrogant, conceited person who claims he can connect with teh working class, or Blue Collar as you call it.
It does prove the Political system in USA is broken that he managed to get nominated in the first place. I do think Hillary was a bad candidate too, not worthy of the chance, but it was her turn.
You should all read 1984, the abuse of language and double speak lives in USA today.
As Goebbels no doubrt said if you repeat a lie often enough peolple will believe it.
Politicians should not be allowed to use Twitter, it debases conversation and thought.
Certainly a President should stand before the people and be cross examined
However only if the Republicans put Country before Party will the impasse in USA be sorted
As for Foreign Policy, that is a total joke, Turkey must protect the Kurds when USA trainers pull out.
When they are swore enemies. Go figure.
Trump’s selfish isolationist attitude, is short termism at its worse.
I’m turning off the pumps to save energy, then the ship of state sinks.
World War One was 100 years ago, but the echoes scream through time, in 2 years the organs of state have been corrupted by Trump. It is time for the People to Rise Up and March to make sure that he is neutered before USA itself is neutered and turns into a shadow of what it once was.
&&&&&&&&&&&&
Yes I watch the news, its just a pity that not enough people in USA  and elsewhere do to.
&&*********
SO TOMORROW I’LL WRITE COMEDY, BECAUSE IF I DON’T WE’LL ALL CRY

Tv Shows

Tv Shows (c)
By
Michael Casey
I’ve decided to write something else, so here is something else, which is an old joke that sounds so much better on Radio, and remember everything I write is radio. Which you Philosophy students can argue about as you drink your Stella Artois, and my old sparing partner may just do that this weekend as he pays us a visit, Dr P will grace us, ok he’ll visit and leave rasping farts everywhere. I did nearly kill him 50 years ago in Grammar school, so he still likes his revenge.
What has this got to do with anything, well nothing, which is a puzzle for you Maths students. When me and Dr P were at school together we all did Latin, and Up Pompeii was a hit new new show set in Latin times, with lots of bawdy humour, so as we learnt Latin at night we  watched the tv show, no doubt it is on Utube, so you can see what I was watching nearly 50 years ago. Decades  later on a tour of Italy I did visit Pompeii and as I sat on a cold stone I pulled faces just like Frankie Howerd, go google for yourselves to see buxom slave girls in togas.
As you grow your taste in tv shows grows and alters. Nowadays I watch too much tv news thanks to the News Channels that are available. I did enjoy Fox too, because it was so outrageously Right Wing, so had great heckle value. But now I do not have it on my tv package, and Fox News was actually removed from Sky, because nobody was watching it in UK, apart from me for heckle value.
I do miss Shepherd Smith as I think he is a good reporter, I always said he was so nice he could be Gay. So I was not surprised when I saw reports he was happy and Gay, so God Bless him, in actual fact I want to put him in a story in Tears for Butcher when a American body is discovered in a bar. Maybe I’ll never get to write it but it would be very funny and Shepherd could win a Pulitzer but decides to bury the story out of respect for his British hosts, and the true source of 70 year old spirits.
I do miss Charles Krauthammer too, he was the grown up on Fox tv shows. So that’s just some of my dirty secrets. What else do we all like, Police Shows. I can remember Ironside as a kid, and I spotted it somewhere on tv recently, detective shows run forever. Cagney and Lacy my mother and sisters liked a lot, now Brocklyn 99 has the big guys daughters called Cagney and Lacy. He’s very funny, and yes I don’t know his or any of their names, but they all make me laugh. The Captain reminds me of my friend Dr P, I’ll tell him that this weekend and no doubt he’ll say, Very Illogical Michael.
The modern Sherlock with Cumberbatch has been a great revelation, though the film version with Robert Downey Jnr is also great as are the Basil Rathbone versions, and I’m old enough to remember the Peter Cushing tv versions. I hope I’ve given you enough ideas as to what to watch, and some insights into my tv viewing.
Now we don’t all just watch Police shows, I have a liking for Art, though art with a small “a” is probably best. No this is not looking at naked women in pictures. My mother spent 10 pennies on a less that A4 size piece of card with a print of a Winter scene on. That was 50 years ago, I still have it, it’s in my bedroom. Because of that event my interest in Art was seeded. I had prints galore on walls, then I upgraded to some nice painted pictures. Before marriage and before kids you can do this, and if you barely drink then you have the funds.
My tv tip for Art is Andrew Graham Dixon, find his site, you can buy CDs of his shows,he really is so erudite, and he truly loves his subject. Or you can watch repeats on the BBC, he really does open your mind without any use of substances. He also did an Art and Food show with his Italian mate, so you could watch that as a taster. It’s always great to discover things with a great teacher/guide and Andrew Graham Dixon is the man. And no he has never heard of me, and never will, not unless we get stuck in a lift together, and then God alone knows what would happen.
Trying different shows does lead to treasure, never say this is not your cup of tea have a watch and listen, and your mind will be expanded. It’s like saying you could never watch a film with subtitles, give it a try and you may discover a whole new world of tv and films, ditto with black and white shows, just give it a try. The whole world loves David Attenborough, so watch similar shows, they don’t have to be his brand, just give things a go.
Korean shows are very funny so have a watch of them, I’m not joking, and watch Chinese serials too on Phoenix if you have that. There is a whole world of entertainment out there. Chinese New Year will be coming soon so find some entertainment variety shows to watch.
Well this has turned into a crib sheet for tv watching, basically I’m saying don’t be too insular. Inform, Educate and Entertain was supposed to be the BBC’s motto, but it can also be your own. Try something new on tv, say once a month. Or try a different take away once a month, you can practice your Korean learnt from tv, and who knows you could end up having rice thrown at you , when you marry that Korean takeaway girl.


Welcoming Germany

Monday, 7 January 2019

Welcoming Germany

Well my German readers seem to out in force this New Year, so a great big welcome to you all. I can speak a bit of French and Spanish but I found German too hard so forgive me.
As you know I did visit 10 years ago, Frankfurt and Hotel Offenbach the old meat factory turned into a fancy hotel. Germany was great. We also went to Weilberg where the copy museum of the Chinese Terra Cotta Army is. A friend of a friend owns it. Really worth a visit, I was very impressed.
The German food and people are great too.
I sound like a tourist book, but it really is true.
I will get around to writing  something later in the next 10 hours, I have a idea to show you a few pages of what will be the finale of Tears for a Butcher, a piece of the Lego if you like. The section where Mrs Murphy goes Nuclear on the Prayers to save a shot Big Sid, before the dramatic final 3 chapters where a Chinese Billionaire and an English aristocrat join forces to get justice for Big Sid. It involves a drugs convention  being busted, and the billionaire’s prodigal son returns along with Mrs Murphy’s favourite priest Fr.Dan a martial arts Fr.Dan. Yes lots of comedy too.
Well if only had a Kpop girl band as copy typists as I said before then I could rattle it off in 3 months.
Otherwise just a few snippets here and a few snippets there as the mood takes me, or as the pressure of the story within demands to hit the page. I need to see the story hit the page as I recite it, that’s my method, I could not just recite it without seeing it. I need to see my paragraphing.
Ok Germany a big hello to all of you, and all the 35 other countries world wide that visit this site, and if you are Anthony Stein  my old boss, I hope you are happy whatever you are doing now. I’m sure you are wondering is that really Michael from the Crowne Plaza NEC? Well it is, 17 years ago my dad died during my first week at the hotel. But  he waited till I had found a new beginning, now 17 years on and 17 books later I’m still waiting tobe discovered.
ttfn
Michael Casey
my Crowne Plaza NEC look in 2002
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

6th jan 2019 The Epiphany

6th Jan 2019 The Epiphany ©
By
Michael Casey

I’ve had a relaxing day today, as you know I was watching Star Trek Discovery, I binged on 4 hours worth, 6 more hours left of the dvds my brother gave me. He buys them in charity shops then gives me them later, much later when he is on a flying visit to Birmingham, no he’s not a Pilot, just one of the many teachers in the family.

I just finished stripping the decorations off the first Christmas tree at the new place. I did shout for a stripper but I had to do it myself. I wanted to start a tradition where the youngest ends Christmas by removing all the decorations, but they are not Writers so they could not be bothered. Real exams beckon in days, so I did it myself. I did invite Totoro our cat to climb the tree but even she was uninterested.

Setting up Christmas my girls were interested in, but the reverse was left for the cleaner. I do have a vested interest, after a month of a Christmas tree right next to me I can shuffle over my chair once the tree goes out the door in the morning, I will have more space but less sparkle right next to me. There will be of course a trail of needles all over the floor and rug, and how the branches can be prevented from scratching the walls is another matter. Like a prisoner on the way to execution the branches will reach out beseechingly trying to hold onto the walls to avoid their fatal fate.

The girls also left a bag with a final present in underneath the Christmas tree, the Kings were late after all. 6th Jan was their present day. So now everything is cleared, like Head and Shoulders for Christmas decorations, not a bit of tinsel left. Tomorrow I’ll be treeless and vacuum the rug, and brush my settee behind me, then the Study will return, we do study in here, we are not being pretentious.

But what of Epiphany in general? I’m not one for having epiphanies in general. I tend to stumble into things, but as Mark Harris once said “you are a good stumbler”, he’ll be amazed I quoted him. I’ve got Sat Nav to take me to the end of the page, but how I get to the start is sheer luck. Or maybe it’s the Help of God and Two Policemen as my mother used to say.

I see something or hear something, at a bus stop, or I look out the window and that sets off a train of thought, then you lot suffer what I write. But how can an Epiphany big or small change your Life. Well a fright is an epiphany. You make sure you never catch that bus again, or go up that road again, or never visit that chip shop again. Food Poisoning can be an epiphany, I’ve have two major does of it. So I refuse to eat certain things, or food cooked in a certain way.

Losing half a stone or 6 kilos is one week, is horrible, the loneliness of the glued to the toilet seat runner. Then when your employer rings you up, because you don’t give then a running commentary on your food poisoning. This is an epiphany, you swear you will leave that company, as did many people, that’s why they had such great staff turn over. They will remain nameless their epiphany would have been to realise they were such a bad employer, the worst in my entire working life.

Evolution is better than Revolution, if you want to change things, and many do make resolutions at this time of year. So just drive by your boyfriend, no don’t shoot him this is not America, just splash him in the rain, and leave him fuming. Go to work without him, block his calls, after a week he’ll buy a bus pass, and you can give Jenny your best mate a lift instead. If you decide too that Jenny is so much better than Paul then you may even decide to take Katy Perry’s advice, kiss a girl and like it. Who am I to Judge?

There are many changes and improvements we can make to our lives. I’ve made one myself earlier in the evening, I recycled an old Sainsbury’s orange carrier bag and put all my pants in it. Orange for pants, and green bag for socks, immediately my bedroom is tidier and colour coded too. Though my purple pillowslips do stand out, like a Bishop’s boudoir, or left over packaging from Cadbury’s Easter eggs.

You can tidy up your own life in small ways, enjoy colour coding your clothes in various bags and colour coded coat hangers. You can do all manner of things, life is so much better in colour after all. The thing to remember though is that yes the Kings were late, but they got there in the end and what they did was important. So in your own life it is never too late to start anew.

If I can teach myself to write and then start on another path then so can you, I really am the lowest common denominator, which is a fancy way of saying I was in the gutter but I was looking up at the stars. So I started again, and again, and again, and again, and again and every day is a new day, The star is in the East, you can follow your hopes and dreams. You may never reach that Manger, but it’s always worth trying to. Because the work involved on the journey makes us all stronger, and by getting up out of the gutter we can all reach for the stars. The Epiphany reminds all of us to be Kings, to travel, to follow our stars to our manger, and there we will find pure contentment.
***********
aomw translations  for you all a late Chritmas present, that remains my copyright
Wydanie polskie Still Alive 2015win Wiersze dla wszystkichThe Polish TranslationsThe Polish Translationspolish Guardian AngelPolish Edition of Still Alive 2015Michael Casey The Polish Translations페이지 1 Quick Stories KOREAN아직도 살아있는 2015ページ1 Quick Stories in Japaneseインドのプリンセスを検索するにはインドのプリンセスを検索するには – CopyЭТО МОЙ ЛИФТ ADСтраница 1shoplife spanishJapanese elevator AdvertBBU GermanBBU French50 Spanish Examples

The Matchmaker

Thursday, 3 January 2019

The Matchmaker

The Matchmaker ©
By
Michael Casey
Well I could start by saying the Match Girls did go on Strike, but only you History buffs will know about that. What you are all saying, or go ask my old History teacher, so what has that got to do with Matchmaking? Well we strike matches to make them ignite and then we can make a fire or light the gas under the kettle. Then we can have a hot cuppa to warm us up on a cold day, it lifts our spirits and we can face the turmoils of the day or whatever blocks our way. Or we can have a full warming meal, thanks to that match being struck.
Now Love also has the same effect, that’s why we all long for love and seek out somebody to share our lives with. Sometimes it’s a long and winding road until we find somebody, other times we have known since birth who we’d marry or who has been chosen for us. Obviously over here in the West we can marry or just mate with whomever we chose, other places practices you can do your own PhD on.
So when we cannot find that somebody we turn to the Matchmaker. Matchmaker Matchmaker make me a match, as sung in The Fiddler on the Roof, or wasn’t Barbara Streisand in a film with that in, or was in Cher in Moonstruck? Too many films in my head, thousands of them. So what kind of man would you like. Still breathing. Must he be good in bed? Enough said. Or is kindness the most important trait, but 3 times a week, or did you say night?
So you have a list, and your ideal man must have all those qualities, then you settle for the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham. Because he could always make you laugh, or was it the size of his insurance policy?
You see the Matchmaker and it’s like confession, when will you meet a nice bloke, not somebody who chases every piece of skirt, who has notches on his bedpost. Where have all the nice blokes gone? Then the Matchmaker’s son comes in taking off his clothes and putting them in  the washing machine before he running upstairs to shower. He doesn’t see you sitting in the dark with his mother. He’s a mechanic and knows how fix anything, he can drive anything and make anything move. As he flashed naked before you he had made you move, and at that moment you were fixed on him, and he was driving you wild with desire. Why was he so special? You’d seen naked men before, you were not a virgin, so what was it. Was it love at first sight, were his contours all mapped out, and showing you which valley and peak you’d follow.Was it plain lust? Or was this the Matchmaker’s magic? She had thought her own son was her biggest failure. Now a bolt of Lightning.
The Matchmaker has a list of boys and girls,or rather should I say men and women, she maintains this list through hours of social contacts, and working the phones. Mark likes clever girls, Peter likes dumb blondes, John likes kind hearts. Mary like money, Jane likes doctors, Annie likes the exotic, and Cilla likes anybody who has a heart. Now it is for the Matchmaker to join those two together, it’s mortise joints not superglue that should hold a couple together, and nails would certainly hurt. The Matchmaker has to unite so they won’t fight.
The Matchmaker has a feel for what would make a good couple, a talker with a listener. A passionate person with somebody who wants the same, a hand holder with another hand holder, a ying with a yang. Really its like a cake mix, you have to have enough of all the right ingredients. Not too bitter or too sweet, and then you have to mix well, and then bake long enough to rise at the right moment and not collapse if taken out the oven too early. And if all that goes right the final result tastes just right.
So a Matchmaker will start as a sandwich maker, then an occasional meal maker, before offering a buffet, and then a Michelin star chef, all so her clients can end up having Crumpet. Love is a gentle thing, the Matchmaker must offer something, a potential partner who will give not indigestion to the other. A partner must be like Mary Poppins, a spoonful of sugar not medicine. No bad tastes in the mouth.
So on the Matchmaker works, striking matches and lighting fires of friendship, and embers that turn to Love. And when it works there is marriage and fireworks, the Matchmaker gets invited everywhere, little wonder she is fat. But in return there is great happiness, the Matchmaker is showered with gifts and discounts. You cannot count the happiness a Matchmaker brings, and yes some of the children are named after her. So every family seems to have an Agnes in it,
Well I have to do my own matchmaking now, me and the TV news, I have a relationship with all the Tv reporters, in that I watch them all the time. I suppose that could make me sound sad, but heckling the politicians being interviewed is my Match of the Day.
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