Lech, Boris and Gregorgi save Christmas
Lech, Boris and Gregorgi Save Christmas ©
By
Michael Casey
The cousins had
decided to buy and trade a few old Army Surplus materials. Putin has
updated his army so there was a lot of old kit being thrown away. So
obviously the enterprising cousins decided this was their chance. There
were all kinds of everything for sale at rock bottom prices, such as
Arctic gear, and even parachutes and an ancient flame thrower or two.
Junk to you or me, but to the cousins it was an opportunity.
Sometime what is
discarded becomes the most important thing, like a broken heart healed
by love, or the dream of a dead mother on the feast of Saint Francis,
that comes to heal and strengthen. But I’m talking about the Slav
cousins, and their wives just laughed at them, they were just so stupid,
but that made them love them the more. So as the wives sharpened their
knives ready for the Christmas preparations, which meant death for some
of the animals, but it for good purpose, to celebrate the feast of
Christmas.
Amongst the junk
was an old military radio or two, so the cousins’ children were allowed
top play with one. To their surprise they were able to contact some
other children, so soon there was a radio friendship. It turned out that
they had discovered School 76 in Novablizt, which was a fair distance
from where they all lived. It was a boarding school for children of army
officers, really they should not be talking to outsiders. But it was a
military frequency on an old channel, so that’s how the wall came down.
As Lech, Boris and
Gregorgi rummaged through their treasure their children were enjoying
the radio. It turned out that the parents of School 76 were in reality
Space Engineers, they would not say more than that, but it was
interesting to say the least. Now Christmas was approaching fast and the
cousins had managed to sell boots and coats and the like, so they were
content, they had at least made some money. There was the Christmas
feast on the horizon and their wives were glowing, happy and so deeply
in love. However when all the cousins’ children explained all the
anticipated fun and love that they would have to the children of School
76 they were met with sadness.
You see at School
76 the parents would be working far away, launching satellites into
space for the highest bidder. Christmas was lost to them, duty came
first, if only they got to see a fake Santa, it would be fun amongst all
the books. Now Lech, Boris and Gregorgi were saddened when they heard
this, Christmas without even a fake Saint Nicolas, this was too much.
Their wives looked
at them and all the children looked at them. We need to talk to your
fathers said the three mothers. So the three mothers took the three
cousins to the 3 bedrooms. It is always best to discuss things in a
comfortable environment. 6 hours later, the mothers emerged smiling, and
the cousins emerged too. It had been decided, the 3 mothers would
sacrifice their 3 cousin husbands for Christmas. Lech, Boris and
Gregorgi would bring Christmas to School 76.
Now School 76 is
not on any map as it was classed as Military even though it was just a
boarding school. So a map reference was sent and Lech marked it on a map
with Rudolf’s nose, that was all the map they would need. They loaded
their snow plough with items they might need, and what could they bring
the students? Boiled eggs painted and some English chocolate, Cadburys
of course, and some Oranges. There was some vodka too, but that was for
any stray teachers or caretakers. It was the thought that counted, there
would not be any other gifts as such, or so was the plan. You see the
school was in a remote area and Lech, Boris and Gregorgi may have to
walk in the last leg.
When School 76
heard the news they erupted. They would not only get one fake Santa but
three. Carols erupted from School 76, but the could not tell the
teachers, the caretaker staff as it was still technically called a
Military establishment. So with a final kiss to their wives, who were
probably pregnant by now, what do you think they were doing for 6 hours,
knitting? So Lech, Boris and Gregorgi set off to bring Christmas to
School 76. As they dove away a fancy 4x4 passed in the opposite
direction, paths had been crossed.
In the 4x4 was Mikhail Mikhailovich who
you will remember was the Spaceman who had a visit from the Archangel
Saint Michael, by sheer chance he was driving through Lech, Boris and
Gregorgi’s village.Now there is no
such thing as coincidence, there is only the will of God. Mikhail
Mikhailovich went into the inn and had some food and a rest, he was
going to plough on and get home for Christmas himself but then the
Heavens opened and it was a Whiteout, a mountain of snow had fallen. So
he just knew he’s be spending Christmas there, Mikhail Mikhailovich was
soon telling tales and enjoying all the company. His eyes popped open
wide when he heard what Lech, Boris and Gregorgi were up to, he had
studied at School 76 himself in his youth before he became the world’s
greatest Cosmonaut and then the world’s greatest storyteller.
I actually drove past them, will they be
safe? They are like Polar Bears replied the three wives, besides we’ll
kill them if they don’t come back, as they brandished their knives.
Besides we are all pregnant so they will not abandon an unborn baby at
Christmas. How many weeks are you pregnant asked Mikhail Mikhailovich?
About 15 hours not weeks came the proud reply.Mikhail Mikhailovich
blushed, this was like one of his stories, but true.
Mikhail Mikhailovich took out his
satellite phone and recited another story so that Radio Russia would
have a new story over Christmas. Then the military radio crackled, it
was Lech, Boris and Gregorgi. Well we are 20k short of our destination,
the snow plough cannot go any further so we will walk. We have skis and a
sledge, it will be fun. Everybody looked out the window and saw the
snow, it was deadly dangerous.Mikhail Mikhailovich took the microphone,
hello I’m Mikhail Mikhailovich can I help in any way? We love stories
replied the 3 in unison. I was meaning help in getting to your
destination? We think we will be ok, we have vodka to keep us warm and
multiple layers too, we have got old USSR army kit, so we should be just
fine.
Mikhail Mikhailovich looked about him,
these fine people deserved their own Archangel, so he took out his
satellite phone. In seconds he was talking to Chuck from the USA, his
friend Tim Peak who was back in space again, and Petrov a fine Russian
cosmonaut. Mikhail Mikhailovich was talking to the Heavens Above AKA the
Space Station. Hello guys, do you want to test that new thing you have.
In seconds it was decided, it was a method of tracking Polar Bears, but
now it would be tracking 3 polar bears called Lech, Boris and Gregorgi.
The only problem was their was no radio
tracking device on a collar, just a vintage USSR radio. Looking around
again, Mikhail Mikhailovich rung his good friend Esther, the mother of
the zillionaire space satellite magnate. Shalom he began, and then
Mikhail Mikhailovich explained, Esther would help he knew it. Ester put
her cards down she was playing poker in Vegas, the winner chose which
Charity got the pot, 10million had been raised just through her poker
habit, if you can remember back to the Malta story. A phone rang in the
situation room at the Pentagon, the ring tone was If I were a Rich Man
sung by Topol, an actual one off recording just for a ring tone.If you
are zillionaire then you can have such things.Sorry said the zillionaire
turning to General Jim Mathis, mom insisted on the ring tone. In
seconds all was explained and Esther went back to her poker, she wanted
to win.
The zillionaire looked around, I wasn’t
going to show you this yet, but a friend wants a favour. So with General
Jim Mathis looking on the zillionaire brought up the satellite image.
It was not perfect but through the snow Lec, Boris and Gregorgi could be
made out. We’re guiding them through the snow to School 76. So the
zillionaire spoke to Mikhail Mikhailovich and then he guided the three
cousins.
In deep deep snow they went up and down
and around and around , and this way and that way, leaving a trail as
they dragged their sledge. High in space the zillionaire and brought a
couple of other satellites into play, it was Christmas after all, they
were not the three Magi, but they had friends in high places, very high
places. But then disaster, the radio broke down, at minus 20 even a
thirty year old USSR radio had to come to the end of their life.
All we can do is watch and pray, said
General Jim Mathis as he looked up from the book Esther had sent him,
first edition of a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.So watching from
on high they all watched and prayed. Three cousins, Lech, Boris and
Gregorgi would go around and around until the cold killed them. From
space they tracked their route, then the zillionaire spotted a pattern.
Marked in the snow was PAX VOBISCOM, or Peace Be With You. Then through
the snow the satellite could see a sledge drawn by enormous reindeer,
there was a giant of a man on board. The giant waved at the sky as if he
knew the satellites were all watching him.
Santa Claus himself had come to rescue
them, if the Archangel Saint Michael had saved Mikhail Mikhailovich why
shouldn’t Santa Claus save three Slav heroes called Lech,Boris and
Gregorgi. And that is how Christmas was saved by Lech, Boris and
Gregorgi or rather how Santa Claus saved them. School 76 had the best
Christmas ever, 3 fake Santas plus the real thing. Now if you think this
story is far fetched, just watch Norad track Santa this and every
Christmas. And if you still don’t believe me, why are there photos of
the Real Father Christmas locked in General Jim Mathis’ safe with a
signed copy of a Christmas Carol on top.
since I wrote this general Mathis has resigned maybe he'll visit Birmingham and look at our Pre Raphaelites now that he has more time.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0
or he can read my 17 books in one sitting
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