As these tears fall

As these tears fall, we remember we have been here before.

As these tears fall, the love we feel hurts so much more.

As these tears fall, we are stunned and don't know what to say.

As these tears fall, we must remember them all.

As these tears fall, we think of the smiles.

As these tears fall, we remember the laughter.

As these tears fall, we remember the kisses.

As these tears fall, we touch their things that will never be used again.

As these tears fall, we finish ironing the shirt or the trousers that will never be worn again.

As these tears fall, we feel a hole in our heart that aches so much.

As these tears fall, we remember their touch, comforting and more.

As these tears fall, we are heartbroken for our lost futures.

As these tears fall, we give thanks for what we did have.

As these tears fall, love carries on, we will meet again.

Having a Heat Wave

Well the sun has shone on Birmingham, my wife took the kids to a fancy pool with slides and so forth. I had said just go down the road, 200 yards to the local swimming baths. The kids wanted slides so off she drove. Only the Stourbridge centre was closed. So she soothed the kids with magazines. I just laughed when they got back, the kids didn't want to try the local baths as they now had something to read. So the back garden was now the beach, a pink umbrella was now a sun shade, pink hats were worn and sun tan cream was spread everywhere. The plastic kids chairs were also dragged out into the garden, the bedspread from one of the beds upstairs was also dragged into service. The fish radio would also have been pressed into service only the batteries have fallen out. As for me I went out shopping when the edge had gone off the heat. It was a DIY Subway brought into the home, so we had wraps that we filled with mayonaise and ham and spicy stuff. Washed down with fizzy pop and coffee. Ice cream and cones were ready in the fridge. We had a pudding if thats the right word of ice cold pineapple and its juice. If you've never had pineapple and its juice chilled right down, then do try it. It was family affair then we settled down for Dr Who on tv, we cannot decide on the new Dr Who, he just seems silly, we want him to be great but he isn't.

A kind neighbour knocked the door to tell us the car window was still open, the kids had left it that way when they were out searching for a pool. So at least the car will still be outside in the morning. My girls are off to join a choir in the morning, so you can imagine what that'll lead too. I can remember my sister singing and 45 years ago and more "shut up"was how us Casey boys responded, she's still in that church choir. So If I reach 100 my own girls could be singing in the Warley Woods choir. So that's our day today, tomorrow is Pentecost which is when the Holy Spirit came to the disciples, its a kind of birthday, the birth day of the Church. It was a beginning and Pentecost can be a beginning for each and everyone of us, we don't have to speak in tongues or do miracles. Just saying hello to somebody on the bus or in the street, a simple smile can be a beginning, breaking down barriers with love.  

                                         thats us in florida in 2006

As I Look Out My Window

As I look out my window the breeze gently rocks the rose bush in my front garden. Loony Chick the teddy bear or should I say the teddy chick big and bright yellow sits in the front window. He or is it she, came all the way from Shanghai last Summer now Loony Chick sits in the window of our Birmingham home. But at least Loony Chick can still hear some Chinese every day and still smell Chinese food. So Life is normal for him or is it her? So what is normal? Having your own bed to sleep in and not some hotel far far away, not grandma's house in Shanghai, not an uncles house in Shanghai. Just normal, ordinary Birmingham. The clouds are so bright, the white white candy floss with all its funny shapes. The grey clouds are trying to group together to form rain clouds and then in the middle is the blue blue sky. This is Nature and is a Free Show, just as  the breeze can be like a kiss on the cheek, the flowers beginning to bloom, the buds on the buds on my neighbours apple tree next door, the golden chain at the bottom of my own garden. Transplanted 20 years ago and more from  my own mum's garden. The technicolour green grass in the garden, the bluebells in the flower bed and a few stray ones in the lawn itself. Grandpa's flower too, as we call one lone tulip which holds such memories for us. There are a few weeds too and some wild shamrock that survived  this harsh Winter just gone, scattered chalks in the yard, or should I say patio, which has drawings all over it, thanks to my artistic girls. Then there is the view of the washing line with small small clothes on it, untill  you see my "flags" giant items blowing in the wind, my clothes  are so big compared to my girls things. When I was in Shanghai the 1st time, now over 10years ago, we could locate Ma's house by my flags hanging from bamboo poles from the window ledge 4 stories up.

And the point of all my musings? Today everybody wants to talk about the new PM and the New Politics, and there will be much noise made. So instead of worrying about that, why not just sit sit back and have a nice cup of coffee and a Cadburys Crunchy Bar too. Look outside in the garden and see the bumble bees bumbling, see the magpies dance about, they may even steal your Crunchy Bar wrapper. Watch the clouds amble through the sky, listen to that ticking clock on the shelf besides the hugh Chinese/English dictionary, bound in red of course. The Tick Tock is soothing compared to the whine of the PC  processor at my feet, I can hear the back door close as my wife brings in the washing. All these are ordinary things BUT usually they go unobserved, take time out, if I dare mention a rival chocolate bar, take time out just to enjoy life. None of this costs any money nor takes any effort, BUT will be good for your Spirit, failing that just reach for the Johny Walker Red Label, or in my case the Dr Pepper.

This is Me - This is You

This is me, that's what all these these blogs are. Though I'd prefer you'd read the attachments, they are longer and have more depth to them. I'd also hope you'd read the 500page novel The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker. Or maybe my play Shoplife.

Though there is more to me and to you than that. I took my watch off last night and it set me thinking. Our possessions define us, what we own shows what kind of person we are. My current watch is a cheap Russian one, but its an automatic one. I've fallen in love with automatic watches these past 7 years since my Chinese dad sent one to me. I also like paintings, real ones because there was an Italian art gallery near my house, if I look out my window I can see it, the artist is still there but he's moved on, now he does photos printed on canvas, his son's face beams out from the shop window. I also like Kebabs but I hardly eat them at all now. But I still love fizzy pop, 100 times more than I like beer. So does this make me a big kid? Or should I be all grown up and tell lies and pretend to be this and pretend to be that? I also love music, for years I saw bands in an upper room, a very smoke filled upper room. As well as listening to lots of music on the radio and buying CDs. Now I've moved on, I've downloaded my CDs to my PC so while I'm writing I can listen to my favourite groups.

 So there you have it, a picture of me. If you heard this on the radio instead of reading it here would you like what you hear? Or the more of the picture you get do you hate it more and more? Its like the Election 2010 the more we hear from the different politicians the less or more we hate them. But what about you? What would you reveal, what would you hide.? Its like the makeup a woman puts on. If its done right it highlights her best features, but if its done wrong, it can be as bad as a child putting its mom's makeup on. Its your tone of voice which has to connect with or sooth the listener. Just as a mum sooths a sick child, or just as a dad scolds a naught child. Warmth can be heard in a voice, anger and violence can be heard in a voice, a voice can be as bad as chalk screeching on a blackboard. Thats why songs and music is so sweet because instantly it connnects with our souls. If I'm very lucky it takes 20seconds for my words to reach your heart, music is so fast and so powerful, thats why I admire and am jealous of music makers.

This is Me and This is You, you are the reader I hope you like what I write, I DO write so that people hear my voice, I'm not clever enough to write long literary passages. I hope I write as the average reader would write if they had the time to do so. Somebody was very kind the other day and she said she liked my stuff. So I can say that a little encouragement does go a long way. So when your son or daughter won't put the light out because they have not quite finished their diary, just be pacient, just as you have been with me.

                                                   my girls at breakfast

May is a month of memories - something from a few years ago

May is a month full of memories. Tomorrow my wife is 33, so its happy birthday to her.

Next Friday , one week after her Birthday its the 10th anniversary since my mum died

2 months after that ,my dad died, my brother did CPR and saved him long enough for the doctor to come 

injection straight to the heart.Dad had died , but was revived. He was given a week to live. I sat in my sisters house a few hundred yards from mine and we picked hymns for dads funeral.

But he came back, read Padre Pio and Me for details www.michaelgcasey.multiply.com  

Later in May just 2 years ago my wife's dad was killed in an accident in Shanghai. I rushed home from the

hotel, my eyes full of tears. Only he agreed with me and said I'd been right to send JJ back to China with he message to tell her parents all my bad points. Now still young he was dead. He died a few days before his

granddaughter's 3rd birthday, his 2nd granddaughter was still only 7 months old.

Two deaths and 2 Birthdays that’s what May brings. Every May brings the promise of Spring and Happiness that Birthdays bring. But it is balanced by 2 deaths. Death of a mum for me, and death of a dad for my wife.

Eternal balance and equilibrium .I remember my mum standing by the fridge in her blue and white smock, that was the last time I saw her, apart from in her coffin when I kissed her ice cold cheek. So much warmth now it was all gone. My sister went back to her house one day a few weeks after the funeral. There were flowers growing everywhere, white daisies growing everywhere. Our mum had sneaked up to my sister’s house on the 82 bus, then she'd planted seeds. Their scent was her memorial. Always loving her children, her 6 children, now the flowers were her smile goodbye. 

I had put my wife on the first flight to Shanghai, I rung the hotel and said I'd be back in 2 weeks, I was left holding the babies, while my wife dashed off. Her dad was not quiet dead when she arrived in Shanghai, he was on support and still warm, JJ had time to kiss him goodbye. Then she had to arrange the funeral.

Now I wear my Chinese dad's best watch on my wrist, I have always loved watches , now I have a good one , all because somebody had died. May is a time of celebration in China and the East , the Spring Festival and so forth. For me May reminds me of my blessings, a mom who gave me such a deep Faith, as deep as I need it, and we all know that can be very deep indeed especially in time of need. My dad survived because of a miracle and I am not abusing the word. My prayers were heard and now I have 2 daughters too when then I had no clue what the future would do.

May moves me and I hope it moves you all, none of us can predict the future, no matter how hard we try but I know my ma and a are looking down from up there in the sky.

Attachment: Padre Pio and Me.doc

The Chicken or The Egg or I want it my way 1st

Which came 1st? The Chicken or The Egg? When we were kids our parents would say do the chores first and then you can have the tv or then you can go out and play in the garden or then you can shoot hoops. All manner of things, you can think of your own family situation, homework had to be done 1st before the relaxation. I'm smiling now as I think of Matila in the Roal Daohl story, we were wating the film version again recently. There her parents were total slobs and wanted her to watch TV and not study, its a great film, go get it out of the video store. Danny Devito and his real wife star in it. As for my own girls they are turning into minor book worms, and I'm so proud. We are lucky as the public library is at the bottom of our street. They still want kids tv first on occasions, and I might want to watch something myself but I have to keep the tv off, its my small sacrifice for them. I suggest that other parents have to keep the tv off as well as the hifi off too.

Falling in Love is another chicken and egg moment, boys or so it used to be wanted a kiss and more before falling in love. Whereas girls, or so it used to be wanted Love first and kisses and more 2nd. In Ireland its called the urge, when biology overtakes reason or shyness.Its when your body says its time, when your heart says its time. In my family 5 of us were over 40 when we married, but in the end the urge got us all. Its like coming home after a long holiday or vacation as you call it in the USA, finally you are at a place where you feel relaxed, like a comfy pair of shoes, like a warm bubble bath with chocolate and a glass of wine to hand. And if your bath is big enough, like having your love besides you, and if your bath isn't big enough well there is always a Valentine Night at a 5 star hotel. My cousin in Ireland said I had all my luck in one go. My dad had survived a near fatal heart attack and then he went into a home and there I found my one true love, as the National Enquirer might call it. Read Padre Pio and Me in attachment for detail. When you are in love though the chicken and egg does not matter because you try and put the other one 1st which is the old meaning of love. Or you end up arguing, but you then end up laughing so that must mean you both have egg all over your face, but neither of you cares.

Why does it not matter. Because there's always plenty of hot water in a 5 star hotel.

 

p.s. I started writing one thing but ended up doing another, could that too be love?

Attachment: Padre Pio and Me.doc

Volcano April 2010

Some say that Volcano is Iceland's revenge on the UK, as it had to pay back billions when Iceland more or less went bankrupt. It had been selling very high interest bonds which in the end failed. England used anti-terrorist law to freeze and seize Iceland's assets. There is also the memory of the 1970s Cod Wars which were between Iceland and the UK.

The Volcano has made us all think about just what would life be like without planes. Just what it must have been like when people saw their first plane about 100years ago. Life has changed so much and the pace of life really does get faster. The photo below is where my mother was born in County Kerry Eire opposite Inch and the famous Dingle Peninsula. She lived in that "house" until she was 12, along with her mum and dad and 6 other siblings. Her brother Timothy died aged 7 of Rickets. I can remember my mother stood at the kitchen sink, crying as she shared this memory with me. 

The Volcano has stopped all of us in our tracks, for a few days we were back in the 19th Century. Though we still had our phones and our Internet. Back then merchant seamen were the only men who sailed the seven seas. My grandad, my mum's dad, who I never met was a merchant seaman. I muse did he ever get to Shanghai, from the West of Ireland to the East of China. Without planes my wife would never have travelled so far. Airplanes have stirred  the pot, I have a wife from Shanghai for starters, and the rest of my family is made up of different nationalities. Remember the old song "what the world needs now is a great American pot." You can Google it for the words and no doubt its on Utube somewhere.

The Volcano has emptied the skies, but filled our hearts. Filled our hearts with Hope and Longing, just when will our mum, dad, children, grannie be back with us where they belong.

In our house when the Internet was playing up, thats when we think when can we see grannie in Shanghai again, when can she sing songs with the kids over the Internet, when can we laugh and joke? Nowadays in our world air travel is just as important as that.

We only realize just how much we need a thing when we lose it, whether it be a plane in the sky or our water supply. In some Faiths they have a Retreat, which is when you retreat from this world and do without normal everyday things. A bit like a Pilgrimage. I've been on Pilgrimage 3 times in my life at different ages and it was fun. I went to Lourdes in southern France, you can literally  feel the electricity in the air. Then it was stepping out from my normal day to day life and having a dose of Faith. I should add that its not just all praying in Lourdes, there is fun too. I'll write about it in the future. Back to the Volcano, this event has made us all realize  just how much we all use/need planes. It can give us all a time for Peace

to get more connected with our inner self. A chance to get off the conveyer belt, to see the clear blue skies, literally. A  chance to breath,  to think, to ponder.

A Volcano is a big dirty thing that shakes, rattles and rolls us. A kind of rock music without the blue suede shoes. It reminds us just how little we are, we are like ants on this our beautiful Earth.

Attachment: Padre Pio and Me.doc