Wednesday 27 March 2019

Russian Eye View

Russian Eye View

Russian Eye View ©
By
Michael Casey

Now I seem to be getting more and more Russian readers, so I’m going to tempt Fate and write something with them in mind. I did write something with Polish readers in mind once, and my Polish figures dropped off, but they may have just finished reading the best bit. I did get 21,000 Polish readers in under 3 weeks for a Polish Translation of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker which is still on my sites. Lately all manner of readers have enjoyed my comic novel in a variety of languages, all over the world, its all on my WordPress site too, just find my Blogger ID and follow the link. https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/
THOUGH I’D PREFER YOU TO BUY THE ENGLISH
https://www.amazon.co.uk/l/B00571G0YC

Now a History lesson for the rest of the world. I once did an Open University course 3rd level in History and one in Shakespeare also at 3rd level. There was a lecture at York University Summer School, and guess what all the other History Doctors of History attended. The lecture was on the Eastern Front, i.e. RUSSIA. And what did the Doctor of History say? The War, World War Two as we call it, was won on the Eastern Front. If the Nazi bastards were not defeated there and tied up there then the Dday invasion could not have happened.

Think about that, and think would Nuclear Weapons have been used on Berlin to end the war? And that’s why Russia feels the way it does, it had the Nazi bastards in their backyard, in their living room and in their cellar, every _____ where. We in the West are generally ignorant of the Eastern front. Now we can argue about post war and so on, but you have to understand what Russia suffered. Just as we need to be aware of the Famine in Ireland, and the Civil War in USA. It’s only by understanding the background of a People’s suffering that you can appreciate their Present.

I hope Russia accepts I’m just a Fool hoping to make everybody laugh, I’ll poke fun at everybody, but I hope I do it with love, like your fat silver haired writer uncle in shades from Birmingham the one in England. I might also add my Lech, Boris and Gregorgi stories are about Polish,Ukrainian and Russian first cousins. You can find the stories if you search my site.

Now where was I, in the shed trying to have a quiet toilet, only there is a rumbling noise, I’m trying to pooh, and I hear this noise, how can I concentrate. I’m about to clean myself, there is a gun shot whistling through my beautiful silvery hair. Then I scream as a hairy claw scratches my behind. Gregorgi has shot a bear dead while I was on the toilet, the toilet is an old oil drum with a wooden seat on top. We are in the Arctic circle, do you think you get 5 star plumbing everywhere? I’m in a primitive outside toilet next to where the Huskies live.

Well, at least you’ll have a new fur coat says Gregorgi, and a bit of meat to share too. He then examines my bum, and the Huskies take turns to lick it. The indignity of it all, is this how Russians treat their guest from Birmingham. Though I do like the way the gun shot has parted my beautiful soft silvery hair, I look more like my mother than ever.

Gregorgi throws me over his shoulder and takes me back inside the quadruple or is it quad roubles glazed living quarters. At least I have pulled my trousers up by then. Once inside he reaches for the vodka, now if Lech and Boris were here the’d debate the merits of Polish, Ukrainian and Russian vodka. While sampling several bottles of each. But we are in Russia with Gregorgi so we are drinking, or rather he is drinking Japanese vodka, left behind by tourists.

He swishes the Japanese vodka around like a wine expert and tells me to drop my trousers and show him my bum. I was scratched by a bear, so he has to check for infection. His wife laughs heartily, she is busy sharpening her knives prior to skinning and butchering the newly dead bear. Gregorgi spits Japanese vodka on my bum, that’s to protect you from infection he intones.He wouldn’t waste good Russian vodka on my bum, that’s why he picked the Japanese variety from his small supply of 100 litre bottles. Up in the Arctic you have to have plenty of everything, just in case.

He then leads me to a room and asks me to get on an exercise bike, only I have to sit side saddle as my left buttock is bear scratched. I had the same problem as a child 50 years ago when I fell on a bolt hold an old Anderson air raid shelter together. So when my brother came home from Oxford University I had to show him my 1/2 metre of plaster, from my waist to just above my knee bend. Months later my GP removed the stitches on the doctor’s couch, only he left one in and I pulled that one out myself. So your family is clever said Gregorgi, but you are the one who always has a pain in his arse. He laughed and laughed, and knocked over a pile of still wet icons.

So as I got on the bike he explained, I was to top up the batteries and get some fat off my arse at the same time. In the room they painted icons for the Japanese tourists. I thought you had to be a Priest to paint icons? I am, I got a certificate online from Trump University, I am a priest. He then explained how each icon took 40 hours to make, and was made with love and prayers. He got the certificate so he could honestly say painted by a priest. They had to make as much money as possible while the season was on after all. His 9 children were all priests too, he bought a family Priest certificate from the Trump University. Good economics I said, my other brother did economics at Cambridge. He must be clever too Gregorgi intoned like a priest, but you still are the little brother with the pain in his arse. He laughed even more now.

3 hours later sweating like a pig I was allowed off the bike, I had topped up every battery he had. He’d bought them from the old Soviet Army discount store. Then he let the huskies in to lick the sweat off me, it was a treat for them, they loved licking sweat off. His wife had finished butchering the bear by now and was slightly blood spattered. A kind of Kill Bill Parts 1 to 5.

Then we had dinner. His friend Olga was going to drop in and fly me to the airport, she could fly a helicopter blindfolded. And when the weather descended she often did. So my trip was over, he handed me an icon, it had an angel on it. I reached for my wallet, don’t insult me said Gregorgi, just tell everybody in your blog to come and visit the Russian Arctic circle.They can buy one for themselves. Just bring some of your Cadburys chocolate from Birmingham, the huskies love it, if the kids let them have a tiny bit. With that Gregorgi kissed me, Olga send him back to Birmingham, but give him a cushion for his sore arse.  To the sound of Gregorgi’s laughter Olga started her helicopter, she was smiling as only a Russian girl can.




































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Published by michaelgcasey

I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the exact same name, they are not me, and would not want to be me. Not unless they like arthritis, look for the silly photos, not the stereo-typical "I am a writer" photos which I hate. michaelgcasey is what you should look for and the TRANSLATIONS GALORE here on this site so tell all your friends all over the world, or just in your street. Remember too the click to Translate Button, so all of you everywhere can "suffer" my words. I write HUMOUR, with English Spellings, a relative of Arron's(only joking) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC for my 17 books you can email, but scam emails are deleted unread, with due respect nobody ever opens or replies to contact me on a DIFFERENT email to the sending one. email michaelgcasey@hotmail.com BUT WITH a good subject line I'm Michael Casey or just look for michaelgcasey, all one word. or just look for my face,

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