Where is the

Where is the ©

By

 Michael Casey

I was wondering where, where is, where is the, love, the words, the rhyme in things this morning as I was waiting for the pain to ebb way. And what is the connection between Spirit and Pain, or anything. Well I could have just watched Breakfast TV instead, only I don’t get up that early after my nights of pain. So I’m thinking about how the Spirit copes, as I’m listening to music on the radio, how your Attitude is what really matters. Without Hope, you are soon dead. Dead in all senses of the word. I’m wondering how many of  you have stopped reading now? You don’t like the serious pieces, you just want the Custard Pies.

If I insert a joke I’ll soon get your attention back, maybe gallows humour is the thing, Pardon Me I’m the President perhaps? If you are going to die you may as well have a laugh as you go. In a Carry On film I seem to remember as one guy faces the guillotine he gets a letter and says put it in my pocket I’ll read it later. The point is even at death’s door your spirit helps you along. And it is because you have a Sunny Outlook, that you survive when everybody else gives in to sadness. Positive or Negative outlook.

Personally I try and think of everything, cover all the bases, hope for the best, but prepare for the worse. Like carpet fitters refusing to move a few items of furniture, so you have to find somebody else at short notice. Or if you work in a hotel you can be a miserable person, or a positive person. You can do all the work, or you can hide in a luggage room, does that remind you of anybody you know?

Sunny Demeanor who happens to be Sunny Outlook’s first cousin is the best way to be in my opinion. Or jolly as my mother used to call me as a child. You can be a victim or you can fight. Tip if you are held hostage, fight, because they will probably kill you anyway, if you fight you at least have half a chance, which is better than none. However if you are Patty Hurst or from Stockholm you may have other ideas.

Satire works too, go watch Mel Brooks The Producers, and Springtime for Hitler song. So now it’s two hours later, was I right? Of course I was, so don’t thank me, thank Mel Brooks. I’ve made a fresh mug of coffee while you were all goose stepping, hello to my Korean and North Korean readers. Which brings me to how do we smile through the pain. In North Korea they just want food and decent tv, but how do they endure while the madness goes on? Look at the Rose Garden at the White House yesterday and you will have asked yourself the same thing.

It all goes back to, putting on a happy face and smile smile smile, how did folks here in UK survive back in WWII, it really was the back against the wall time? It all goes back to Spirit. You can be in a super-max jail buried half a mile underground, but you are still free, because of your spirit. The jailers are the prisoners. You could pick Mandela as an example, then the corrupt politicians follow on from him. Pick another place and another superhero. I could say the same with Religion, how it starts Holy but is then corrupted by mortal men. Look at the Catholic Church as just one example.

Now I could sidetrack myself at this point, but I hope my readers are grown up enough to look in the mirror and see wrongs, and also grown up enough to look in the mirror and change, unlike Michael Jackson. So what makes a spirit special, where is the love, where is the kindness? In my own case I would say it was poured into me by my mum and dad. No I’m far from special, but I do claim I do know how to write, or talk to you all.

A caring person, is not Donald Trump checking has everybody got a drink, which is hostess stuff which any of his hotel workers do every single day. A caring person genuinely cares, which is different to photo opportunities. There is Love in their eyes, and music in their spirit. The times I seen Shona people sing at Mass this is when I’ve felt it first-hand.

 Beggars in the street as a rule look lost, but sometimes when you give them something to eat, you can see the spark reignite. Like when the lady from the local store sneaks out with a mug of tea for the beggar. You can see her spirit by her actions, though I know she’d be embarrassed if I named her.   So you can see good spirits by their actions, and it is because they have this good inside them that they can survive when bad times come.

Chronic pain, is a curse, and you are all cursing because I’m not sharing any jokes today. When you spend the nights unable to sleep, not until you are so exhausted that you fall asleep. That is when a radio or some form of music is a life raft in the darkness, or the BBC World Service. As you try and find a less painful place to sleep in, your mind wanders. Sometimes Prayer comes along, and sometime saying the Rosary does lead to sleep, as your mum used to say, say the Rosary if you cannot sleep is what she used to say. However sometimes the pain is just too much, here there and everywhere, which was a song, was it by Peter Paul and Mary, or some other Evangelists?

Yes pain killers are available, and the Pain Clinic can advise, but if you find you don’t like the fizzing in your head if you take the Epilepsy pain killers, they discovered they worked for pain too, so you have to stick to the paracetamol. Though a super dose, of Epilepsy pain killers at night kind of works, but you still wake every two hours, then in the morning 12 hours later you feel all drugged up. So you abandon the Epilepsy pain killers. Not unless you want to join the Opioid club, and lose your brain. So that’s my own personal Catch 22.

So that’s why I am the way I am. You do have to fight with whatever strengthen you have, to keep your spark lit, your hopes going. You have to do what you can do, you used to be able to walk 5 miles without thinking about it. Now you have a rest in the bus shelters as you go along. Some days you are fine, some minutes you are fine, then with the sweep of the clock you are all pained up. Yes for me, it can be like that, I wouldn’t say my spirit is special, but I do know if you have a focus then you are not washed away with a Tsunami of pain or hopelessness.

Daytime tv, or watching the world go by, shouting at the radio, find an outlet, make love to the cleaning lady. Whatever gets you through the night, just do it. I noticed in the Press yesterday something about you can die in 3 weeks if you give up. We have all heard of Dying of a Broken Heart, I remember the look on my dad’s face when my mother died, that was a broken heart. You have to fight, and curse and howl at the moon, and I’ve seen many many moons because of my sleep patterns. One step at a time, like the AA motto, how I can make this day count. Do what you can do. Tiny steps are better than no steps.

I know it’s not easy, I speak from experience, hard won experience I wish I never gained, and in some things I have 50 years’ experience. You have to enjoy the small things, even what most people would consider mundane. Look up at the clouds, see the shapes they form, look at the stars at night, feel the wind on your cheek. You may be stuck in your home, but your mind is not. You may be in a prison cell, but your mind is not. You may be in a bad marriage and have a horrible job, or just hate where you live. But in your mind you can anywhere you want to be, in your mind you could even be in bed with me. Ok, a horror story finish, but the premise holds true.

You are as happy as you make yourself despite your weaknesses or failings, in your mind you are floating in space, not in that super-max half a mile underground. Sometimes the only super-max   is in your mind, if you can break through the pain, the lack of love, or the lack of hope, then you can have a spiritual shelter inside yourself. I can only act as a signpost, a battered signpost, showing you yourself, your own inner light of eternal hope.