The Inanity of Conversation and Its Therapeutic Effects

The Inanity Of Conversation and Its Therapeutic Effects ©

By

Michael Casey

Ok, its the longest and stupidest title I have ever used. I just got off the phone with my sister and I had a thought, and that led to the title, and for what you are about to receive…

Now learned people, or clever dicks will ask about the nature of conversation and so on. I’m not as clever as them but what I write is understood by 100% of the population not 30% so I think I’ll carry on writing or rather talking to you all the way I do. Recently I heard somebody say you should write so your grannie and your children understand you, and if you don’t rip it up and start again. I did do 3 years as a concierge and everything else at CPNEC Birmingham, so I may have spoken to 100,000 people over that time. As well as having a writer’s eye, so I hope, ok I’ll say know, no need for false modesty, that I can get on anybody’s wavelength. And yes on their nerves, or on their tits, should I choose to use common parlance.

So what’s so special about having a gossip, having a chat, talking to the cat, or just plain old sex. Well it relieves pressure, I’m back to conversation now, I’ve got your attention so now I have you I’ll lead you down another garden path. If your brain is focused on just one topic it just clogs up, it swells so nothing else can fill it. John Gordon about 20 years ago advised me to have a holiday as all I was doing was working and visiting my dad in the old people’s home. If by a miracle JG reads this in New Zealand then give him a job or promote him as he is really sound. Having a holiday was just what I needed, you don’t love anybody less if you have a holiday from 3 years of visits, every single day. Just as carers need holidays too.

Now some condemn people for talking too much, and yes I am a talker, as you can tell by my writing style. If you take the talker out the room, then the room dies. The talker may not be the life and soul of the party but they are the spoon that stirs the cocktail. And yes you do get the converse or reverse, some big word anyway. The S*&^ stirrer who can destroy all relationships, all friendships by their negative words and emails. Yes I know a few people like that and have suffered at their hands too, we all have. One person got demoted because one of their emails, so think before you hit send.

I am limited now due to the fact that I am at home all the time, if I were at a place of work, pretentious speak for if I had a real job, then I’d have a larger number of people to annoy, or is that fake modesty speaking? See I like to mix and match my words to see if you are all paying attention, Boris put that vodka bottle down its only 1.30 in the afternoon. Pay attention and practice your English with me.

You have a chat about old Mrs Moon’s wok or cat or her old dead husband, but as you listen or 1/2 listen you forget all your troubles, they are packed up in an old kit bag. You are distracted away from your day to day troubles, I really do hate the word “issues”, its a *****ing trouble or problem, you’ve met my girlfriend, my boyfriend or my whatever. By having a chat or a gossip, talking about flea powder, and next time you are buying plant food for your non existent plants, could you buy a flea collar for Tiddles her cat. Then you can’t even remember your own name, and thus, good word thus, so good I’ll use it thrice, thus your problems are forgotten. Not as good as 17 pints of Stella Artois but talking flea powder with old Mrs Moon does seem to cheer you up.

The Inanity Of Conversation and Its Therapeutic Effects really does work, even if it does sound a bit like the Harry Potter Prequel film title. Your spirits lift, a bit like bumping into Steven Hawkins at a strip club, you forget all your troubles, you are star struck, or bra struck by a pole dancer. Conversation, having a chat, a good old gossip, on the phone or in the street really does work. You may not really be even listening to Fred’s list of sexual conquests, all imaginary, or how Janet had her boobs enlarged or reduced, you weren’t even listening, or how Flora won at the bingo, not the money but with the juicy security guard. Or the priest telling about the best buys at Iceland, after he absolved you of all your sins, some real, some imaginary, you just need to have a talk and hear a man’s voice, you miss your husband’s voice so much.

There are many many examples of how conversation saves us, sometimes literally, that kind word stops a suicide, or gives hope and love and encouragement, or just a shared joke that the old lady will talk to her cat about when she gets home. Empathy, or just a face, listening or pretending to listen relaxes and relieves all of us. No man is a island, and we are made the way we are made so that we fit together. We are jigsaws, we are Lego, we are made to couple.