Dad and Daughter Time

Dad and Daughter Time

we went though what we need to get for my daughter before she departs for University to do Bio Chemistry

my small daughter had a list too, so we went through it

Quality Time

I also had a major pain attack, just as I was in the middle of a phone call

so I had to take oral pain killers and slap on the Movelat while trying to

continue the phone call

Some days are ok, other days its BAM just  like in BATMAN  and  the pain

monster returns, you instantly age 50 years, until the pain fades

I have had more DAD time than most dads, which is great, it's the only "bonus" of being at home, the other dubious bonus is writing so much

Unknown Regions as well as 60+ Countries reading my stuff in English and multiple computer translations is good for my ego, though it does not work as pain killer.

In fact I don't take enough pain killers as I said on the phone tonight, if I did I'd be a Zombie, so I take the pain to save my brain.

Though I'm sure Clever Dicks out there are making up their own jokes.

Stay Happy there may be a new story in the morning to add to the THOUSANDS

and maybe somebody someday may actually buy a book or all 18.

Once India realises that The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker can be read in HINDI on my Wordpress site I HOPE  they'll all enjoy an Indian character in my comedy drama story, In Search of an Indian Princess is the dramatic ending.

The story can be transposed to any nationality, for in the end it's about friends and family, just as Shakespeare is.

Are you ready India? IN HINDI The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

Just go to my wordpress and its all there ready to be  read

can you find The Indian Princess at the end

go to Wordpress and read In HINDI

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

Enjoy and Respect my  Copyright

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/2019/08/16/hindi-indian-language-version-of-the-butcher-the-baker-and-the-undertaker-by-michael-casey-c/

Lech, Boris and Gregorgi Check it Out

Lech, Boris and Gregorgi Check it Out ©

By

Michael Casey

So your small girl is a big girl now, leaving home to go to University. I nodded trying to hold back the tears, the boys understood and put protective arms on my shoulder. She’ll miss Totoro the cat no doubt, but her little sister will send updates on the cat’s progress to her studying bigger sister. She may even miss her old dad, the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England. I began to sniffle, but the boys understood, they were Popaloffoff’s finest, they visited me often just to see how Totoro the cat was, or so they claimed. But now the family was scattering, they knew what they had to do and do it they would.

The boys left me as I looked through the photo albums of my treasure soon to be far away in a different part of the country and I wouldn’t be there to protect her. Lech, Boris and Gregorgi went to the still hidden in the woods, the Vodka wouldn’t be ready for 3 more days. More than enough time to check out my daughter’s new home and University.

As they drove their tanker down the motorway they phoned home, their wives all agreed, they had to do what they had to do. And if only they hadn’t been so spontaneously the wives could have prepared a gift. The Butcher’s Choice, a step by step guide on how to butcher pigs along with a lethal knife. They did not expect my daughter to become a Home Butcher and chef like them, however it also taught knife skills that a single girl might need in a hurry, and I don’t mean when an unexpected dinner party arrives.

When they arrived at the University town the boys sat on a bench next to a drunk, so they asked the drunk all about the city in exchange for a tiny bottle of their fresh vodka. So that’s how they got the low down on the city, ask a tramp, they know everything. So first of all they went to the local Gay bar, and had a pint of Guinness each, by way of a change. The clients all thought Christmas had come early, or the were a Strip Act. Lech, Boris and Gregorgi laughed, we’ve done that before but only at a car showroom, the memories made them smile. Sorry but certain things are only for our wives eyes only.

They explained that their friend, the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England had a pussy called Totoro, and that his daughter only got a cat 4 years ago as he promised her and her little sister a pet if he had a heart attack, or they could have a dog if he died. And now she was going to their city to Study. Is she Gay asked the clients? We don’t think so, it’s not something you ask somebody, of course she not, here’s her photo, so the boys showed my daughter’s photo. A few sighs went up, they were quickly silenced as the boys gave them a look. You see if she comes here she’ll be safe from BASTARDS, explained the boys.

They had another Guinness each, this time on the house. In exchange they handed out a Holy Picture of the Icon of Mary of Popaloffoff. If you put that in the window, she’ll know she’s safe here, the owners of the club promised they would, wiping away tears as they did so. The boys left the Jester, they were no fools, they had found the 1^st place of safety for my daughter. They did take the boys’ photo too and would place that next to the Holy Picture. Faith and Brawn, nobody would ever dare to even think of playing games there, a new symbiotic relationship.

They went around town to sandwich bars, and coffee shops explaining the situation, at each place they handed out the Holy Picture of the Holy Icon of Mary Popaloffoff. Each place took their photo too and would display it next to the Holy Picture, something was happening, Mary of Popaloffoff was doing her bit but they were doing theirs too. The boys saw themselves just as cuddly Slav Bears, from where Russia, Ukraine and Poland make love on the Map. But to a University town in England, they were strong men from the Circus. One so strong, one so tall, one so very wide, not the kind of men you see in the back streets of a small university two.

They were hungry now, so they went to Greggs only the machinery had broken and they may have to throw the food away. If we fix it, can we have free food? So a deal was done. In the East, you have to fix things, 2 metres of snow, who’s going to come and fix your plant, Father Christmas? So in one hour they fixed it. The staff were mightily impressed as were the queue of people who were all dying for what only Greggs can supply. Our Lady of Popaloffoff and the boys own photo was soon installed by the door.

This had not been their plan, they just wanted to make sure my  daughter would be safe. Now over 200 Holy Pictures of Our Lady of Popaloffoff Icon were everywhere. There was a man walking with his nose in a book, he walk straight into them, spilling hundreds of Our Lady of Popaloffoff Holy Pictures everywhere. He bent down to pick them up, then he began to cry. It was Andrew Graham Dixon the greatest Art Critic in England, and friend of Popaloffoff, the boys each gave him a bear hug and kiss on the lips, like old friends do in the East. Andrew Graham Dixon took a copy of my daughter’s photo, phone to phone transfer and  said his Italian friend had a restaurant in the town, so should she want a job he was sure he could persuade his friend.

So the lads were pleased, but now the most dangerous part was to be done. The drunk had told them about the bad side of town, so now they must confront it. They banged on the door and waited, 3 large men with Rotts appeared, the 3 men laughed at them. You are those bleeding poofs we saw in the street picking up all those rubbish leaflets up, and then kissing that bloke on the lips, bleeding poofs, just get lost or I’ll set the Rottweilers on you.

Now you never ever ever speak to a man from Popaloffoff like that, or to anybody, straight or gay or any which way. And to say that a Holy Picture of Our Lady of Popaloffoff Icon was rubbish, was just too much. Lech looked at Boris and Boris looked at Gregorgi. They cursed the bad men with the worst word you can use in the East. NAZIS. After that the Rottweilers attacked, but punch on the nose had all 3 run away like puppy dogs. NAZIS Lech, Boris and Gregorgi  again screamed. In seconds those 3 hard men were no longer hard men, they were very scared men.

All were going to ask, was that you turn this girl away if she comes to your club your place by accident, tell her to go home and put her in Mr George’s taxi, he is a nice man we met him today. But to say the Icon of Popaloffoff is rubbish, and then to set the dogs on us. That is to much. Being called Gay does not matter, one day one of our sons may say he is gay, or one of our daughters may say she is Lesbian. WE WOULD STILL LOVE THEM AS THAT IS OUR JOB TO LOVE THEM ALWAYS WHATEVER THEY ARE. We are from the East and we love our Motherlands just as we love our own mothers and daughters.  With that Lech, Boris and Gregorgi spat in the Nazis faces.

Then there were Police everywhere, they had been watching the club, and knew a knew loads more drugs must be there with 3 Rottweilers to guard everything. Lech, Boris and Gregorgi had speeded up the process. In fact there was a reward, but they insisted it went to the Drugs Rehabilitation Centre.

So that is how the boys spent their day. And yes the Chief Superintendent himself kissed the boys of the lips, much to the shock of the PCs, but he had a Russian wife, so he knew about the Culture of the East. There was one other thing to mention, inside the Holy Pictures was a tiny chip, and they would give my daughter an App, it would show her all the Safe Places, and guide her safely home, whatever the darkness.

15th August Assumption Day 2015

well the pain monster has returned, it's like having a Sumo sat on my left shoulder, I've slapped on the Movelat pain killer let's see what that can do

the side of my head feels as if it's been hit by a brick too

just so you all know

the joys of chronic random pain

a sine curve my daughter calls it

I call it  **&*(^*&*%^*^*^*  myself

Now today Israel is reading the Hebrew Translation of

The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

so I hope the computer translation is good enough

I also hope that EVERYBODY EVERYWHERE in the WORLD

enjoys the story which really is about a Family,  a street of shops

I cried the day I finished it on Leap Years Day 1988 , 29 2 88

that's why the taxi driver used that code.

A year later I wanted the story on my computer so I started to copy type it, but the story just grew and ended up as 600 pages

It's all effectively just one draft, one telling

Tears for a Butcher  the sequel is semi formed in my brain, but whether or not I finally get it down on paper is another story. Life is not what you hope, it's what you get.

So without the Kpop Korean girl to sit and speed type it , it'll probably never see the light of day.

Butcher Baker Undertaker is being read all over the world in up to 7 different languages is a day. Sadly nobody buys the English yet, as the Internet is free
but there is always hope, never give up any of you.

that'll  do, the pain is too much right now

heads up for new Lech, Boris and Gregorgi story

heads up for new Lech,Boris and Gregori story

 michaelgcasey  Uncategorized  14/08/2019 0 Minutes

heads up for new Lech,Boris and Gregori story

I hadn’t even thought about it but as I brushed my teeth an idea came  to me, it’ll be a lot of fun for me, so in the morning I’ll write it  down. Tomorrow is Results Day in our house, and the idea links to what happens after the results, kind of.

I’ll say no more, but I’m looking forward to it.

the snap is from 2007 I think and it’s my 2 daughters in Shanghai at a family gathering

and now the bigger one is 18

The Word Eater from 2 years ago

the pain monster descended and I had to slap on the Movelat and  lie down, then I watched the WU Assassins and so should you. then I stumbled over this story

The Word Eater ©

By

Michael Casey

Janet and John were small children they lived with their dad in a dusty house, dusty because dad wasn’t very good at dusting and mum was dead, so she couldn’t dust could she? She was very nice and great at dusting, she used to sit on dad’s shoulders to reach the high places in the house where spiders like to live.  They used to laugh a lot, but mum died. Dad said she fell off his shoulders while they were dusting, and even grasping at spiders webs was not enough so she fell and died and slipped and fell all the way down the stairs, bumpty bumpty bump. So now they were orphans or half orphans, they still had dad. Dad was fat and silver haired and wore shades, people thought he was blind or posing. And why such a beauty from Iceland fall in love with him anyway.  Did the freezer  melt and did he offer her a blanket, or did she like his dog as he looked like a blind man in his shades.

These were just some of the unkind words spoken, but really she had a cancer that spread as fast as the spiders’ webs in their house, she had made him promise to tell them she fell down the stairs while on his shoulders cleaning. So they wouldn’t pity her pain. So dad lied to them, and they pretended it was the truth to make him and their dead mum happy. Of course it was a lie, they knew what Marie Curie was, and they knew she was a nurse not just a friend stopping over because her husband had left her. They had collected for Marie Curie at school. So Janet and John ate mum and dad’s lie, because it made their dead mum happy and kept their fat silver haired dad in shades sane.

At school the lie was shared, their mum had fallen down the stairs while on her husband’s shoulders cleaning the spider’s webs. So people were sad but smiled too, then were sad again. As for the kids in the playground, they just laughed and laughed. Killed by a spider, not from Mars but from Iceland, now your mum is as cold as ice. And your dad is just a fat fat old man, is he your granddad really they laughed. They did not notice the Marie Curie badges that Janet and John  had on their lunch boxes, and that their fat silver haired dad in shades had on his lapel. 

He really needed the shades now, not just because he had sensitive eyes, but because he always had tears in his eyes. No more wife on his shoulders cleaning the spiders’ webs away. Now he had an empty King size bed, he was just a pauper now, his wife, his lover, his friend, his cleaner of spiders webs as gone. Cancer was quick like a thief in the knife, it had stolen his wife, but at least Marie Curie was there, better than a best friend for real. Now he had to continue, to be the fat dad as his Iceland wife called him, to mum too, if only he had a clue.

Your dad killed your mum, he threw her down the stairs, for the insurance money teased the kids in the playground.  An Janet and John  ate all those bad words. For their dad’s sake they ate those bad words, for their dead mum’s sake they ate all those bad and sad and tear making words that they  heard. Janet and John smiled and just said, mum died happy while cleaning the spiders webs while sat on dad’s shoulders, it was quick and painless and she died with a smile on her face. It was an accident. Yes the Spiders’ Revenge teased the kids in the playground.

Now this kind of torture can go on for a long time, but sometimes Fate intervenes. On this occasion it was a new PE or Gym teacher, no she did not beat every single one in the playground, though they did deserve it, she sung to them. Miss Fiord was an exchange student from Iceland, she had only just arrived the day before. The head teacher had told her to look out for Janet and John as their mum had died tragically falling down stairs while cleaning spiders while sat on her husband’s  shoulders. Dad had decided not to tell the school the truth, when um dead, um dead, and why take a chance that the painful truth about cancer would be revealed to the children.

Miss Fiord was a beauty, just as all Icelandic girls are, and when she saw Janet and John she loved them, even more than that teacher in Matilda. So when she caught the children teasing and bullying Janet and John she started to sing an old Icelandic song.  The children did not know what it meant, only Janet and John understood, they were bilingual after all. The song was so beautiful and cold that all children started to cry, not just a little bit but a lot, a Paul Daniels amount of tears. And on and on Miss Fiord sung, till the children begged her to stop, but she would not until the whole playground was on their knees and in tears. She only sung the first 100 verses, there were 240 more, but 100 was enough. The children would never ever be nasty again, for the rest of their entire lives. A road to Damascus experience in a school yard.

Miss Fiord then climbed the climbing frame in seconds and beat her chest, like a gorilla, she was the king of the jungle, and the school kids would never argue about that. Miss Fiord was a hit with all the school and everybody loved her, especially Janet and John. That evening she met their dad the fat silver haired man in sunglasses, she introduced herself and found herself speaking in Icelandic, he replied in perfect Icelandic. He told her the truth, she cried and her heart broke, and she loved his children even more. So you lied to keep your Icelandic word, and to spare your children. Miss Fiord kissed him on the cheek, and that one kiss melted the iceberg in both their hearts. For Miss Fiord had lost the love of her life, he fell off a mountain in Iceland and his body was never found, his body would have frozen and turned into an ice cube in the drink that is the North Atlantic Ocean.

But now tragedy had brought them together.  Ice takes a while to melt, first you get slush and cold water and then slowly the ice melts. And that is what happened with Miss Fiord, she fell in love with his children and then with the fat silver haired daddy in shades. He was old enough to be her dad, but his heart was young. Miss Fiord won a spa day as a school Christmas raffle prize, so on impulse she invited the fat silver haired dad in shades plus Janet and John, they could play in the swimming pool. So Miss Fiord and the fat dad tried the sauna, but in Iceland you are always nude in saunas, so as Miss Fiord was nude the fat daddy followed her example.

In future they would say their first of seven children was conceived in a sauna, everybody thought it was a joke. Same as falling down stairs while on shoulders cleaning spiders’ webs. Or falling off a mountain and becoming an ice cube.  But the truth is, when the ice melts it melts totally, and it becomes warm liquid. Janet and John loved having a load more brothers and sisters, they moved to a big house next to their grammar school. There even was a sauna in the basement, which their new mum Miss Fiord just loved. How could they afford it, well Miss Fiord became a head teacher. There was a big garden too and every year they had garden party in aid of Marie Curie, oh and what is Miss Fiord’s first name? Maria of course, because the fat silver haired writer in shades had  problem and Maria solved it, just like in the Sound of Music, and she did sing that Icelandic song in the playground after all.

Dear Donald Letter

Dear Donald Letter ©

By 

Michael Casey

                                                                            12^th Aug 2019

Dear Donald,

I know this must be an unexpected honour for you, to get a letter from Birmingham. I know they must all hate you down there, but I’m in Birmingham England, and we pronounce it BERMINGUM. We also spell correctly, we use OUR not OR, so  it’s an  honour for you to get a letter from Birmingham.

Now if you are wondering who I am, just shout up the stairs and ask Barron your youngest son. I’m sure he’s found my website by now, under “surreal stupid stuff from England, to the right of USA” that’s Geographically to the Right, none of your Political stuff, just so you know. We  heard Geography wasn’t one of your strong points.

I have your Grades in front of me, they were stacked in a shoebox next to the furnace for quick disposal, but you kept them for sentimental reasons, and you plan to force your teachers to regrade them or you’ll stop their Pensions and have their medals withdrawn. However my dad used to work next to a Furnace at the District Iron and  Steel Brasshouse Lane Smethwick, so I managed to get hold of the shoebox. I swopped it for some Cadburys’ Fruit and Nut, the chocolate factory is just up the road. I also gave them 2 bags  of Pork  Scratchings.

So pardon me while I laugh at your grades, they should have been stored under Fiction. My own brother did Economics, but that was at Cambridge, the one here in England, not in Mass. On the subject of Laugher, I write Humour, which is Comedy but with less frequent laughs, but when they come they are worth the wait.

You’ll have to forgive me a minute while I slap on the Movelat, no Donald it’s not some kinky foreplay. Its Movelat a painkiller gel I use for my arthritis. Though I could slap your bare legs with a wet lettuce, if you don’t behave, as Larry Grayson used to do with Pop it In Pete his Postman, I bet you feel you’re drinking now. It’s just the British Humour, ring John Cleese if you are confused. He was at Downing Cambridge too just like my brother, is your intellectual ego battered now, never mind. God will pray for you.

I did like Melania’s new frock, when she gets bored with it she can send it to England in the Diplomatic bag, Megan Markle has a charity where old frocks are given to people so they can look good at interviews . Maybe Melania’s old frock can help somebody become a classroom assistant.

I noticed too that you are having a new wall around the White House, you should be knocking down walls and building bridges, especially the state the infrastructure is. I’m sure the preacher and sons of preachers will all tell you this, or Dusty Springfield, you may have met her in the past. Tom Jones sung with  everybody, you have played golf with everybody.

Me I used to play golf in Abegele Wales with my brother, nowadays my old neighbour who was a policeman for 30 years he is now a groundsman  at a golf course here in Birmingham. So if ever you come to Birmingham, the one in England then if I have a word maybe my groundsman friend he can get you a round on the golf course, though you may have to get up early to squeeze you in. But the green fee will be half price if you play around early.

Walking around might be too much for me, so I’ll wait in the chip shop, so we can get the first  frying of chips and saveloy, they’ll be piping hot for when you finish your round of golf. I’ve got Trevor the local vicar to pair with you, he’d the only person I know who gets up so early. He cheats all the time, and curses like a Furnaceman, well because he used to be a furnaceman. He nearly got burned to death, but somehow he survived, so he said he’d become a Priest. God works in mysterious ways. But one warning, if you take the Lord’s name in vain he’ll slap the back of your legs with wet lettuce. He’s a very big Larry Grayson fan, so be warned.

I have bought a fresh box of Tetley tea ready for when you come and visit my home. I know you are all Americans but I’m not sharing my Kenco Instant Coffee with anybody, I should cocoa. So suffer tea and be done with it, you didn’t moan when the Queen gave you Tetley tea did you? I don’t have a teapot so a bag in your mug will have to do, I don’t have teacups either. I do have 20 litres of fresh Warley Woods Vodka, Lech, Boris and Gregorgi  left it, so I’ll be using that in place of sugar. I’m sure the boys in the Secret Service will appreciate that.

I’ll finish now as I have to go to bed with Taylor Swift, Mylie  Cyrus, Katie Perry, and Will Young. Yes it’s a very big bed, but I have Tinnitus so their voices are not my vices. Singing drowns out the hiss, till sleep finally gets me. So  good night Donald and will you review my 19^th book? It will be called The 19^th Hole and I should be finished by Christmas 2019 or maybe a bit later. Please don’t cut Barron’s 10 dollars a week pocket money as a punishment for reading my websites, he’s just a very tall teenager. Who knows one day he may become a Priest, God works in mysterious ways after all.