this is me Michael Casey from Birmingham England 11th Aug 2020

Published by michaelgcasey

I've updated this today 4th July 2020 I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the EXACT SAME NAME, they are not me, and would not want to be me ... I've done loads of writing, about 1,630,000 Words worth over 33 years now But before I started I LISTENED to BBC Radio 4 for 20 years, from the age of 10 or younger Frank Brown our lodger, went back to County Tyrone and he gifted us his Bush Radio.

 He'd be nearly 100 now if he is still alive, so say a prayer for him 50 years in love with words, and I still look so dashing. I have a picture in the attic, just like Dorian Gray I've also had an interest in Politics for 50 years with my dad heckling the tv and Politicians. I almost immediately had a hit, a play called Shoplife was accepted but not finally produced by a Theatre. The Kenneth More Theatre, so thank them for sparing you all. This was back in 1989 yes, 30 years plus ago, the play was written in 1988.

 So since then I'm more than good enough, as a writer. Anything else..... I also had other high praise, so I ignore all the nasty negative people who use too much alliteration. I also ignore those who just cannot write. Today's world has much print, but a page will not refuse ink, as my dad used to say. I tend to write Comedy as I'd rather make you laugh than cry I have written over 2000 short pieces of writing, yes 2000 If you include "chats" 2800 samples, the chats do NOT go into my books when I compile them. 

My first book ,a full length comedy/drama is The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker You can read translations of it here on this site Up to 10 different languages/translations have been read on the same day via this site, here on Wordpress so you have no excuse, find your own language and read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker This proves to me that the humour does travel I have readers in over 80 countries now From Nepal to American Samoa and all places North South East and West Or its just a hit man on the run, or whatever Unknown Region Means 

It may also mean that only non English Speakers like my stuff I did get 21,000 readers in 3 weeks for the Polish version of In Search of an Indian Princess. which is basically the final 3 chapters of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker all by word of mouth. If you add up all the downloads from my Wordpress + 13,000 when somebody stole the file. I have had more copies than Boris Johnson's Churchill book distributed. Though Boris earns more than any of us. I also had a low budget film producer take a look at it back in 2013 Book Publishers have said I've made the commissioning editor laugh Radio People say they like my style So close but no cigar is the story of my life, so all you power people, do something useful HELP ME REACH FOR THE SKY from my position in the gutter looking at the stars

 As for my life, I was a computer operator for a market research company into alcohol sales 21 years altogether I also was a concierge and 10 other roles at Crowne Plaza NEC Birmingham for 3 years. I even hid a copy of my comic novel "BBU" in the Law Library at Pinsent Masons, well just for a day.. and I was an Esol English teacher in an Islamic school, I knew I could teach. I got Excellent, Excellent and Exemplary on the external assessment 

beside which I've had a Shanghai connection for 20 years now, including 2 bilingual daughters and being a hausfrau a long time too, I'm a great dad, as I've had lots of time with my daughters I can always make somebody talk or laugh, I am an 18 stone George Clooney look alike Laugh or Die so to speak I believe my short stories could be used to teach English, just package them up correctly or App them What else, I was brawn and brains, I used to be as strong as an Ox, now I just smell like one 

We have a cat called Totoro, my daughters wanted a pet I said they could have a dog if I died , or a cat if I had a heart attack. A few weeks after that in Jan 2015 I had an Unplanned Quadruple Heart Bypass , it was supposed to be a triple but it ended up a Quadruple, 33% extra free so to speak. Now with an add on Hernia pushing through my bypass scar, it hurts when I laugh, so don't make me laugh I also have arthritis and other hindrances that hobble my body and give me pain galore. 

But my mind is free, though having read my stories you may wish I didn't bother But I'll ignore you, and carry on regardless. I do get heckled by my own Tinnitus these past 2 years+, so I have music on all night long to drown it out. I sleep with Miley, Taylor, Eric Clapton and Will Young, maybe I should buy a bigger bed, or just get a better mattress. That's the end of the tidy version of my life, if you want more come and buy me a Stella Artois and all will be revealed. Though 12 pints a year is my ration.

 To finish here's the list of my 19 books, so far:- 1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 2.Shoplife 3.Essays and Plays 4.Blogs 2011 5.300 and Not OUT 6.Shorts 2013 7.More Shorts 2014 8.Quick Stories 9.Still Alive 2015 10.Undiscovered Words 2016 11.Still Smiling 2017 12.Altogether Now 13.New Horizons 14.14 Up 15.15 Down 16.Sweet Sixteen 17. 17 Again 18. 18 New Views 19. The Final Cut of the 19th Hole https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC to buy ebooks I'm working on 2020 Words right now, which may have the banana head on its cover when I'm ready to launch it at the end of 2020 

Tears for a Butcher will be the sequel to BBU, and it too will be 600pages, however I really need a speed typist to put it down, while I sit and dictate like Barbara Cartland, and hopefully my speed typist would be impressed. 

ok, that's your lot, p.s. Don't forget I have readers all over the world in over 80 Countries now and on some days up to TEN different translations of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker are being read, on the same day, so Media groups do get in touch email michaelgcasey@hotmail.com or send a message via Wordpress Michael Casey aka the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England

 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=dp_byline_cont_ebooks_1

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/

unfortunately I cannot draw

unfortunately I cannot draw

though I try to draw cartoons made from words

as I lead you all up the garden path

past Gill from StatsMR, she is a great Lady

hello to her if she sees this

Anyway if I could draw I'd have a cartoon attached to every story

Don Camillo was invented to fill a space in an Italian paper

if I have the facts right

there is a link on my Blogger Profile which has a film

in English  of  Don Camillo , enjoy

Mr Trout recommended him to me 45 years ago

The story dictates the style I use, so some are very sharp

others are my usual style, you decide what to call it

I look out the window and I get an idea then in a hour

you have a brand new story by Michael Casey

these go into my books as I write/compile them

this note on this page does not

If you wanted everything then find a Publisher

and he can put everything in.

Yes, I know it'll never happen, but I keep on annoying

you and the world. Hello Nigeria today as well as Saudi and Japan

As Evanescence sing behind me, bringing me to life

The £1,000,000 offer is still on the table

You donate £1,000,000 to Medecins Sans Frontieres (MSF) Charity

and then you buy me dinner and I'll teach you speaking skills

If Subway is all you can afford after the £1,000,000 Charity donation

that's fine.

But if you want more lessons then you have to donate again and again

to MSF, hello to MSF if they read this, all I get is a free lunch

Who would you  rather eat with?

that's enough for now,my frozen chicken pieces are burning in the oven

right now.

Don't forget to visit Britain as soon as you can, we need your money

Besides Birmingham folks are a friendly bunch

other cities are also available

After my  chicken delights I may write something new

Draw a cartoon of what I've just talked about

it may be better than my actual words

J'arrive le dejeuner es brulle

Reading List for Politicians

Reading List for Politicians ©

By Michael Casey

Let’s start with a ray of Hope, all Political Lives End in Failure, this is what Enoch Powell said. So we can all live in Hope that Political Lives end, pick your own dictator wherever you may be. As for Enoch Powell you can Google him and learn some British Political History, he is not a great ambassador for British Politics.

Now, while you all check that out, let’s care on. Politics is also the art of the possible. How many times can you be sacked or resign before your career is over. Or you end up as Prime Minister. Alternatively you could shoot somebody on 5^th Avenue and still get away with it. I could list Trump’s failings but you can do that for yourselves, not unless you are a Fox man, though I doubt any Fox people read my stuff. So what do Politicians read? Obviously Trump has dyslexia and cannot read hence all the cartoons and photos of himself, when he gets a CIA morning briefing. He does know a photo opportunity when he sees one and Snoop Dogg is still cursing him using the T word (Trump), for abusing a Bible after gassing a march so he could get his photo op. Sadly the attention span of Americans is limited, so The T words thinks they’ll have forgotten everything before Election Day.

So what books do Politicians read, Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics is the first one everybody reads. It’s a set text for a Politician. I actually worked for 21 years as part of ACNielsen, though we gave the truth, about alcohol sales. It was a job for life. Politicians also read Goebbels a Quick Guide to Lies, if you repeat a lie often enough then people believe you. Or keep on changing  the lie, so people and the Press cannot keep up, so give in. Then Apathy lets you win, as people say let’s just say in the pub or at home watching tv. We’ve all read 1984 as a set text, or book list at school. It was written in1948, Orwell inverted the date. If you like watch the 1984 film of 1984 with Richard Burton, the big line is “Do it to Julia” you know then that  folks are beaten. So obviously do it to me, because you Love somebody so much you will bear any pain. There’s a line Christ used too, whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren you do to me. I’m sure the T word knew all this as he held  A bible aloft with the tear gas still swirling as he posed for the camera. I’m an old fashioned Altruist and catholic myself, so I’m appalled that any people of Faith puts up with Trump’s lies, we were all give Free Will after all, we are not slaves to a man made entirely of clay.

The Complete Kama Sutra for Politicians, wipe clean edition is also a must for Politicians, with a tear out Non-Disclosure form at the back, or rather 17 of them on the deluxe edition. With a stand-alone section on denial and I’ll sue you threats section. It also has a built in flashlight for when you are doing things alone in a wardrobe, or when you are sneaking our via the  fire escape. 9.99 and  printed in China, an absolute  bargain.  As is the Bible also printed in China, China has cornered the market for Bibles after all. Be careful though as the dust covers are very similar, you don’t want to pose holding a Bible with a free bookmarker made of, well you can guess what they are made of. Only for it to slip out during your photo opportunity. Though a real Politician should be able to talk his way out of it, so I’d say Trump really is a real Politician. Though Politician is the ultimate form of abuse, you go ask the Electorate.

A cook book is also a book every Politicians should have, how to cook the books and scam the voters. Or how to make cookies and hand them out at events. So you and your ever so perfect Adams Family can prove your values. A copy of Speaking Vacuously for Beginners, is also an essential must have book. You meet 1000s of people and you must pretend you like them and have something in common. Personally during my 3 years Front of House I must have spoken to 100,00 people, just a couple of minutes at a time, and yes the Guests all thought I was the best thing in the hotel, I did work very very hard, but it was the most fun I ever had in any job. But I digress.

Speech giving for Morons is also a must have for any Politician, I do of course offer a training course for this myself. Donate £1,000,000 to a Charity I name and over dinner, which you pay for I can teach you. Now there’s an offer, I sure I’ll be flooded with requests. MSF or Medecin Sans Frontiers would be the Charity by the way. As bastard politicians cause wars, so they should fund MSF. But maybe I’m being too naively Policitical.

A hymn book is also a useful tool, if you can master a few songs then the Religious Right will stick with you through thick and thin, even when you impregnate their wife and daughter.  As it’s an honour to be abused by you.

Well I hope this reading list has been of help. I also hope it inspires you to register and Vote. This time in USA  you really are voting for the Soul of the USA, and maybe even the world, that’s why this fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England is encouraging you to THINK for YOURSELVES and VOTE. By the way  the Stock Market will Fall in the Fall, it is 30% overvalued,  with millions unemployed  it does not reflect reality and rich people are keeping it high artificially, but maybe I’m being cynical.

come back later and I'll have Politicians' Reading List for you

come back later and I'll have Politicians' Reading List for you

I spotted Boris was going to reread and old Classic

so it got me thinking,so come back later

I have to watch Hotel del Luna my Kdrama  first

I'm wondering will it end like The Ghost and Mrs Muir

I remember falling asleep to it as I shared a bed with my brother

50 years ago and more

and from that you get this Writer before you

Radio has POWER

Read this and be Inspired to do Something

this is from Guardian newspaper

Doctors and medical students across the US push to register patients to vote

More than 60 hospital networks are taking part in campaign as some of the usual ways of registering are curbed by the pandemic

Alister Martin, an emergency room doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital, holds up a voter information card he wears on his ID. Photograph: Charles Krupa/AP

Associated Press in Boston

Published onSat 8 Aug 2020 15.17 BST

1,368

An emergency room doctor in Boston is assembling thousands of voter registration kits for distribution at hospitals and doctors’ offices.

Later this month, students at Harvard and Yale medical schools are planning a contest to see which of the Ivy League rivals can register the most voters.

And a medical student in Rhode Island has launched an effort to get emergency ballots into the hands of patients who find themselves unexpectedly in the hospital around election day.

Advertisement

Amid the dual public health crises of Covid-19 and racism, some in the medical community are prescribing a somewhat nontraditional remedy: voting.

Hospitals, doctors and healthcare institutions across the country this month are committing to efforts to engage Americans in the election process as part of Civic Health Month, a nationwide campaign that kicked off 1 August.

Hospital networks in Arizona, Kansas, Missouri, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Wisconsin and elsewhere are among more than 60 institutions participating, along with thousands of individual physicians.

Benjamin Ruxin, a Stanford University graduate student who heads the campaign, said the coronavirus pandemic underscores the importance of ensuring everyone can vote and help shape healthcare policy for the challenging times ahead.

Voter registration rates are down almost 70% in some states this election cycle because the traditional ways of registering voters have been curtailed by the pandemic, including DMVs and in-person registration drives, he said.

Vulnerable patients ‘have to be involved in politics’

Alister Martin, an emergency room doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, said he founded VotER to provide medical professionals voter registration resources after years of seeing patients struggling from the health consequences of poverty, drug addiction, homelessness and other social ills.

“We’ve been trained to solve these really complex health problems, but not everything we see can be treated with a prescription,” he said. “The healthcare system does not work for vulnerable people – full stop. We have to help them get involved in the political process if we hope to change any of this.”

The sheer number of organizations and the range of efforts being proposed during the month-long campaign shows that the medical community is increasingly shedding its reticence at civic engagement, said Kelly Wong, a medical student at Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island.

Alister Martin, an emergency room doctor at Massachusetts General Hospital, poses outside the hospital, in Boston Photograph: Charles Krupa/AP

Where prior generations may have seen the voter registration and other nonpartisan election work as outside their purview or too overtly political, newer medical professionals see civic engagement as a crucial part of “treating the whole patient,” she said.

Wong founded Patient Voting to get doctors and other hospital staff to commit to helping patients request, cast and submit emergency ballots when the time comes. The nearly three-year-old organization’s website is also a repository of verified information about every state’s emergency ballot process.

Another effort, called Med Out the Vote, is focused on getting medical students registered to vote and encouraging them to organize voter registration efforts on campus where possible.

Jonathan Kusner, a Harvard Medical School student who co-chairs the effort, said students at dozens of institutions have expressed interest, with a number looking to host head-to-head voter registration competitions against rival schools.

Medical students at the University of North Carolina recently bested their counterparts at Duke in a three-day contest that resulted in more than 500 total new voter registrations and requests for mail ballots, he said. Harvard and Yale students are planning a similar competition, as are those at Penn State and Ohio State.

Martin, meanwhile, said VotER is struggling to keep up with more than 15,000 orders for its “Healthy Democracy Kits,” which include a badge and lanyard that doctors and other hospital staff can wear while on the job.

The badges have a QR code that, when scanned by a person’s smartphone, will take them to TurboVote, an online tool that can guide them through the voter registration process and send them reminders about election deadlines. A helpline is also available to field any questions, he said.

“We’re underwater and trying to get out these kits as fast as we can,” Martin said. “It’s a good problem to have, but at the same time, I wish this wasn’t something that had to be done. Being able to vote should be automatic for all citizens.”

hello Italy Saudi and Japan not forgetting Russia USA and UK

hello Italy Saudi and Japan not forgetting Russia USA and UK

you  are my far flung readers today

Italy is reading Butcher Baker Undertaker in Italian too

the TRANSLATIONS mainly live over on my Wordpress

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/

Arabic as well

Thanks for passing by, a bunch of Vapers did leave messages galore on my

Wordpress, only I see them

Email michaelgcasey@hotmail.com if you really feel the need to talk

with Shady Writer in subject line, so I don't delete you

my small daughter is gearing up to return to school in a few weeks time

I hope all your kids go back

If you are students reading me I hope you've enjoyed some of the

2900+ pieces here, 2000 must be stories, the rest chats like these

only the stories go into my books, I'm writing book 20 right now

I've culled my Amazon books, to make space for your laughter

But should Jeff Bezo want to back me then we'll see what happens....

That's your lot for now

Whatever passes through my mind/window real or on screen will

become the next thing I write about

It's more fun for me that way, I hope the Agony Aunt liked what I wrote

I email the world as well as posting what I write

I am a Writer not a blogger, there is a mighty big difference

now go outside this fine day and play, as my dad use to say

List of Books Written by Me ©

By Michael Casey

1.The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

2.Shoplife

3.Essays and Plays

4.Blogs 2011

5.300 and Not OUT

6.Shorts 2013

7.More Shorts 2014

 8.Quick Stories

9.Still Alive 2015

10.Undiscovered Words 2016

11.Still Smiling 2017

12.Altogether Now

13.New Horizons

14.14 Up

15.15 Down

16.Sweet Sixteen

17. 17 Again

18. 18 New Views

19.The Final Cut of The 19th Hole

20. 2020Words I've reached 215 pages or 64,530 words so far

I may keep going till I hit 100,000 more words

my total word count in 1,630,000 words, though that's excluding chats like these

so probably 2,000,000 words spread like butter over 80 countries to date

I feel like Brutus is my friend + a Blue Brothers style story too

Ides of March and all that

the pain monster stabbing me in shoulder and chest

which is my normal pain life

I had a nice day otherwise

I was at Saint Patricks  PA. for Mass in USA

I sent a message as a thank you, very good sermon

The Little Whispers

I hope the folks in USA stop watching 5 hours a day of tv

and watch 15 mins of quality NEWS

and then listen to the Little Whispers

and vote out the bum Trump

But I'm in UK so I have no vote

Putin has far more power

As Trump does not listen to anybody

but his own LIES

Kim and Kayne are having a make or break meeting

Though I know it'll end in tears of far worse

And yes GOP is helping him, in order to split vote

Normal Politics in other words

Read Chapter 9 of The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker

M.P. Married to a Person, Married to a People

its online in many many languages over on my Wordpress

or my original English on Amazon

up to 10 different languages being read on the same day

in up to 80 countries world wide too

So my rubbish is as good as anybody else's rubbish

and Kayne please go into a clinic

you can save the world when you are better

otherwise you may help Trump win the Electoral College again

even though he loses by 40 million votes the popular vote

Is that what you really really want to go down in History for?

Yes I bore you all with my love of Politics

But Trump is a dictator who wants to be King

so here's a story to keep you going till the Morning

***********

Trump, Putin and the Pope plus British Prime Minister in a BAND

I’m Setting Up a Band ©

By

Michael Casey

The Pope was cursing, he had had enough, those Heathens were just that Heathens. He just wanted a quiet life, all alone with his Rosary, maybe it was Divine Inspiration, or maybe God was playing a trick, it couldn’t be a dream it was more like a living nightmare. But this is what happened.

Donald Trump said he’d resign immediately if Putin did too, he did have his fingers crossed behind his back, and Fox did show his fingers. Francis, Pope Francis was watching the BBC, for the sake of his sanity, when he heard Donald Trump make yet another lie. Francis looked up at the Cross on the wall, Lord if Trump and Putin both resigned now that might be a good thing. But it’s more likely that I resign too, and what would the 3 of us do then, form a Rock Band like in the Blues Brothers.

Francis liked that film, especially when the Nun hits the boys with a ruler for swearing. Francis smiled, Rahm Emanuel is leaving Chicago soon, perhaps he should be our manager. There is always a Jewish manager in pop bands, Francis smiled again.

Now God works in mysterious ways, and as he was tending to a junkie who had just entered the Gates of Heaven, washing his feet and kissing his track marks and then putting his a white suit like a 60s band member, well God thought it would be a bit of fun. So a dream, the same dream entered Putin’s and Trump’s mind. The next day simultaneously they invited the other to Birmingham England, God loved the surreal so it just had to be Birmingham. The Press corps thought Trump was on drugs, but as they laughed, and Jon Sopal led the chorus of REALLY? The news came in that Putin had just made the same comments. In actual fact, when they checked the announcement had been made simultaneously.

Was Putin on drugs too, was there Collusion? Trump winged it, I had a dream last night, much better than what’s his name’s dream, yes Queen, I mean King. In the dream it said meet Putin in Birmingham. Barron my son said he’s like to look at the Pre-Raphaelites, whatever they are. He wants to meet Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades too, he’s in Birmingham. Though it’s more likely the Secret Service will just shave his head and make a wig for that loser, Jeff Bezo, that’ll teach him and his failing Washington Post.

I like that idea myself, but Jeff’s wig would be no match for my mane. And that’ll teach Casey to respect THE PRESIDENT, Trump reached for his phone to tweet that bit. The entire  Press Corps reached for their phones to read what he had just Twittered. Jon Sopal ran from the room laughing and in search of a fresh pair of trousers, he’d just pissed himself laughing. There was a rush for the men’s room, Trump was left alone rambling.

In Russia Putin said he had had a dream too, he was naked and riding a horse through woods, the trees swayed and turned into displays of watches hanging from every tree branch. It was a metaphor to remind him that as great as he looked on his horse one day his time would be up. Just as Autumn leaves fell, as the watches started to drop off Putin  realised he only had so much time, his secret heart problem would in the end kill him. So he would meet Trump in Birmingham, he knew what Pre-Raphaelites were and he’d enjoy looking at them. He might even bring an Easter egg to the museum, a jewelled one. He’d get to taste Cadburys chocolate eggs too, what more could any Russian want?

The Pope was asked was this Divine Intervention, he just joked was that some American singer. But in his heart Francis knew what he had to do. He must go to Birmingham and jump out of a Confessional and persuade the two of them to resign immediately. Maybe then the world would stand a chance, he would trick them by saying, if you both resign I’ll resign too, and we can form a Rock Band. He’d had a phone call from Theresa May the night before, after she’d stopped swearing he said maybe she could resign and become a lead singer in a rock band. She laughed, if you get Putin and Trump to do it, then I’ll do it. Francis got her to say it 3 times and he recorded it, Nixon learnt everything he knew about taping from his old priest after all. All Francis had to do was to sneak into Birmingham cathedral, and then pounce, he’d record everything with his bodycam and then upload it to the Web. Then both Trump and Putin would have to resign. And to keep his bargain with God so would he, and Theresa May could be the lead singer. In Paradise the junkie laughed till he cried, am I still on drugs Lord? Yes, it’s called God’s Love, the only drug worth having.

Francis had a problem, he couldn’t get a flight to Birmingham, everything was booked, all the world was coming to Birmingham. Luckily he had a friend with a balloon, Richard Branson was his name. Richard explained his balloon would not be fast enough, but he had a friend called Musk or something. Now this friend loved rockets, so if they strapped a rocket to the basket then they’d get there much faster than 80 days. Francis gave Musk some scented candles as a thank you.

Richard flew the balloon at night, and landed at the Oratory, Benedict had asked Francis to return a book of Newman’s he’d borrowed.At the Oratory Francis would catch a black taxi driven by Nanjit Tanjit, who Nanjit Tanjit, he’s a character in The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker, you’ll have to do some research. And then under cover of darkness Francis would sneak into Birmingham’s Saint Phillips’ cathedral. In the morning Trump and Putin would light a candle for Peace.

There were no confessionals in Saint Phillips as it was an Anglican cathedral, very small but very nice. This writer used to hide in there during his lunch break for 3 years, the Verger who looks like Jeff Bezo thought I was Holy, I was just sitting down, away from the heat of the Print Room at Pinsent Masons law firm. Francis just hid for teh night in something just as small as the Confessional, the toilet at the back of the church behind the double doors.

In the morning Francis all in crumbled white readied himself. The Secret Service and the FSB had checked the cathedral, so Trump and Putin were all alone, just a remote camera showing live pictures only. Francis had written “out of order” on a piece of paper so nobody had bothered to check the toilet. As they postured for the cameras Trump and Putin spoke. Well NO COLUSION, smiled Trump, yea but I still want the Presidential Suite as soon as your tower in built in Saint Petersburg. Deal done smiled Trump and they shook hands. The candles were lit and they bowed their heads. Don Camillo would have given both of them an almighty kick up the arse. Saint Petersburg, they had changed the city, the heir to Saint Peter was angry.

Francis jumped out and grabbed a lit candle, the pair of presidents, which is a metaphor, jumped back. We thought we saw a Ghost they exclaimed. The Holy Ghost sent me, now you both have to resign immediately and join a Rock Band, the pair of presidents, still a metaphor laughed. If Theresa May is lead singer and flashes her legs then we’ll do it. Ok we will they both joked like a pair a presidents, even more a metaphor. Francis paused, if you 2 resign then I will too, so long as Theresa May joins the band? YES YES YES they said simultaneously. Francis was uploading this to the Holy Friar website, in second the whole world heard the news. Then he played the tape of Theresa May, including the bit where she was swearing like a trooper.

And that is how the Golden Politicians were born. Francis too resigned on the spot. He wasn’t going to flat share the Vatican with Benedict and his piano. He was hitting the road Jack and he wouldn’t look back. In Parliament Mrs May punched the Speaker, which many had thought would happen, but Mr Bercow just smiled, our views may be at variance, but to forgive is divine, so I forgive. Mrs May had come to her senses by now so she French Kissed the life out of him by way of apology. The kiss lasted a full nine minutes, they say being Speaker is a dangerous occupation, but now History would say otherwise.

If you have wondered why Mr May always looks so happy and slightly bewildered behind his Biggles’ glasses well the Speaker can explain things for you. With a parting Vsign to her own back benchers Mrs May left the chamber, now the Speaker looked happy and very very bewildered behind his disordered papers. He had to order a pint of Stella Artois be brought to the Chamber to revive him.

The new band members met in an upper room, the old Waterworks Jazz club venue. They had a pint of Stella Artois each, though Pope Francis has a glass of wine too. Donald said he did not drink, but when Theresa gave him the eye he was putty in her hands. So Donald had 17 pints of Stella Artois and a packet of cheese and onion crisps. His lifetime thirst was over. Stan the caretaker tapped another barrel. Then then the new band moved to the Bell and Pump room to rehearse. Theresa now liberated was the leader of the pack, and dressed all in skin tight leather she now felt so so liberated.

They rehearsed all the ABBA back list, it was the one thing they all knew. Francis was a great base guitarist, and Putin just liked to stand at the keyboards, he was great, but Classical was more his forte,but everybody just loves ABBA. Put what about Donald? Well he put on a kilt and no knickers, and reached for a guitar. He knew that girls loved to sleep with rock musicians, so he had secretly learnt how to play. The servants had assumed the noise in the attic was his kids, but no, it was the Donald. He’d paid Mick and Keith a lot of money to come and teach him back in the 1970s. And he’d been practising for decades. Property he knew, but strutting with a guitar he was even better at, but nobody knew. Except a few ladies who’d signed non disclosure agreements.

So they played, while Rahm Emanuel their new manager made calls as only a Chicago mayor or former mayor can. He’d left Chicago safe in the hands of a Black Lesbian Mayor, now Rahm Emanuel would face his biggest test. Getting the biggest paying concert ever on the road. The Stones were  delayed so while Mick stopped prancing they could step in and seize their stage. Two Presidents, a Pope and a Prime Minister. What a line up, Rahm Emanuel decided to call them The Four Golden Peas. He rung Esther his dear friend and asked could she arrange security and the finances once he funnel them to her. Security was easy her son made military satellites, and knew many tough guys.

The money side of things was kind of not legit, you see all the money would be going to Charity. The first charity being  Médecins Sans Frontières, MSF or Doctors without Borders. Those bastards, the politicians had started more wars between them so they should give back something.

So Médecins Sans Frontières, would be first. Rahm had set himself a target, One Billion US Dollars. And to help things along, Fr.Dan was going to hear Confession with El Chapo and when he finished every cent he had stashed away would be going to Charity, real Charity not his favourite hooker called Charity.

Fr. Dan knew how to hear Confession, he would beat the ____ out of El Chapo while they were along in his cell. Then he would use Voodoo and put the fear of God into El Chapo, finishing with the words, God Doesn’t Love You Any More. This would break any man in 30 mins tops. Screaming for mercy El Chapo would reveal all. Then Esther would use her Russian Money Laundering Connections to launder the money, and it would end up sparkling clean in each Charity’s bank account. Besides with Putin in the band, no questions would be asked.

Rahm Emanuel smiled, he should have been in the real Blues Brothers but he was just too busy, though he did do one day’s work on the film. It was Rahm Emanuel who drove the car at the Neo Nazi Bastards, so they had to jump for their lives. Not a lot of people known this, Rahm is modest about his film driving career.

The first gig arrived. It would be at Birmingham’s NEC Arena, the one that looks like Spider landed. Rahm Emanuel smiled, Fr Dan had IMed Chapo had talked, in fact he sung like a canary, when a multi black belt Jesuit asks you a question then you answer. Fr.Dan had used Voodoo too, Chapo had peed himself in under a minute. The guards were watching the Concert live in their rest room, so Fr.Dan was left in peace to hear Confession.Rahm was too busy to count the zeros, it was 15,000,000,000 USD.

Esther smiled, her dear friend Mrs Murphy would be so happy, but now she was busy moving the money. In and out of Government’s own bank accounts as well, to make it all sparkling clean. Esther has her list of Charities and smiling she went about her work. Meanwhile Artist Differences had reared their ugly head. Theresa decided to let it all hang out. So she stripped naked and demanded they all did the same. Stripped back music, was different, maybe kissing Bercow had confused her. Give me your tie Donald. So Theresa wrapped his red tie down below. She was like Cher with her modesty half covered but with her behind hanging out. Then she grabbed Donald’s lapel badge to cover her left nipple and Rahm gave her his badge for the right nipple.

Glitter me she commanded, and then she was spray painted in glitter,the perfect Glam Rock look. The Pope stayed clothed in white, but he wore silver high heels. Donald and Putin were sprayed in glitter, Donald lost his trousers but put a kilt back on. Putin just put some very tight shorts on to highlight his accomplishments, of course he was bar chested too.

With that Francis started to play, And The Winner Takes it All, and Theresa May strode out and hit the stage. Overwhelming Applause. She did grab her husband and give him the kind of kiss you’d get arrested for if you did it in public. They lashed the crowd with ABBA hits, and everybody was amazed  and Donald Trump showed the world his class and more as he spun around in his kilt, knickerlass to the world. Putin stopped the show with his piano playing, he inserted a few Russian classics.There were no flies on him, and certainly no shirt required, he played his heart out. On the top of the keyboard were Cadburys cream eggs which he scoffed as the show went on.

Francis disappeared in smoke, like holy orders gone mad, but his Bass was unbelievable. Back home Benedict was a little jealous, he was stuck in the Vatican and soon they’d be a 3^rd Pope. When they ran out of Abba songs Putin to sing, Russian traditional songs about combine harvesters and wheat yield. But he knew nobody would understand, so he cried as he sung and as the others jammed around. It was an absolute hit, everybody in the audience was crying. Esther was laughing all the way to the bank. 40,000,000,000 USD had been stolen from locked up drugs barrons, as Fr. Dan had toured the jails. Many many charities had benefited. Even Spangle Shoes for Prisoners would get 10,000USD.

What more can I say. Theresa May was a Rock Chic, she wiggled and sung with all her heart. She was free from all those BASTARDS, now she could give her husband everything she had. Her husband rung Beds4Politicians and ordered a new divan set, he knew he’d be needing it. Covered in Sweat and Naked before the Audience, was the title of the Live Triple Album, Rahm certainly knew a good title. That made 100,000,000 USD for Charity. The true figures were never released to the Public nor to Governments, Esther and Rahm didn’t want too many nosey parkers into their business. They’d give the finger to those kind of people.

At the end of the concert Rahm gave each member of the band a crisp dollar bill. After expenses this is what you get. A dollar each, the Pope looked at the reverse. IN GOD WE TRUST. Pope Francis cried, he cried like a baby. Then he woke up, it had all been a dream. But when he woke up under his pillow was a fresh dollar bill with Love Rahm written on it.

Theresa May woke up her new divan set, Beds4Politicians, was broken,  her husband was gently smouldering, tea and crumpet for breakfast dear. I’ve had the strangest of dreams she began sitting up in bed, a crisp dollar bill with Love Rahm was under her pillow, and why had she got USA flags stuck to her nipples. And what was irritating her down below, she pulled out a red tie, her husband never wore red.

What of Trump and Putin? They awoke in The Plough and Harrow, they were in bed together, naked with each clasping a dollar bill signed by Rahm Emanuel. Now am I making this all up, or is this a Dream within a Dream. Donald did say at the beginning that he had a dream better than a Queens…..