Procedure

 

Procedure ©

By Michael Casey

 

As Fool on the Hill plays in the background, a version by Sky, I sit  here and begin again. Yes I am a fool, and I do live on a hill, the steepest hill in the locality as says the Postman. The Postman, actually used to live in our house many years ago, he is in fact a painter. I met him on the hill as I gasped for breath, we got talking so I invited him and his wife in. So beware who you meet in the street or you could end up being sat opposite me in our kitchen. There’s a thought, all alone and in a kitchen with me. I am no Mickey Rourke, though tea with me may feel like nine and a half weeks. I don’t serve cold drinks or ice cubes either, you’d have to bring your own.

 

But I was going to start on Procedure, as I have to follow a procedure at the moment, but luckily everything seems to be in order. Which made me smile as I just remembered a dittie my mum used to say to my little sister. Jane Doe wants a man, the hem of her shift wants a lift, to keep her drawers in order. I’ve substituted Jane Doe for the American audience. See key words lead to memories, and procedure be damned. Boring people follow procedure. However if you break or lose something, Procedure will help the most, as well as a Logical approach. You watch your cleaners at work, in your hotel, or in your home, or anywhere. They are smooth and very quick, 20mins a room was what CPNEC used to give the crew, I “helped” Vicky by staying out of her way and cleaned the toilets for her, hello to her if she is in the Hacienda.

 

Doctors and Engineers follow procedure, it’s the best way to sort things when they are bust, mechanical or physical, though both merge nowadays. When my computer breaks I follow the path until I fix it. Not skilled, but dogged, and I get there in the end because I don’t give up, besides what else have I got to do?

 

I have a procedure for when my left  shoulder hurts, I take my shirt off and slap on the Movelat gel, then I wash my hands and wait till the pain ebbs  away. So be warned if ever you are sat having tea with me, as I may just whip my shirt off, and no it’s not Mickey Rourke, and no need to get excited, it’s me in pain. But all of this is me, side tracking myself again. I was going to talk about circles you have to go around before you get this or that. Fill in the form, get your mum’s signature, and your dad’s if your mum even knows who he was, then we’ll give you a 2% discount, or whatever. But if you are poor you have to follow all the rules and procedure.

 

If you are rich, then you pay a bribe and you’ll get into that university, of course you are that skilled, and really should get a sports  scholarship. That does not happen over here, so how 2 inner city lads got into Oxford and Cambridge starting  50 years ago, perhaps they actually studied hard, very hard. My brothers. Which brings me to procedure when you study, my small daughter is today starting as her 6^th form college, a very good one, same one her cousins went too, and her big sister went to. She is very organised, no I’m not boasting, I’m telling you a fact, an organised person will  catch up and beat a cleverer person, application is everything. If you just Play all the time then you may have more Fun, but when push comes to shove, you don’t do as well. You have to have a plan, and not waste your time chilling so much. Put chilling on  the timetable, but talking till 3am because you are having fun will come back and bite you on the bum. Yes breakout occasionally, but a Timetable is the most important thing in any form of study.

 

Obviously I have the luxury of no timetable, and frankly such are my sleep patterns adjusted by Tinnitus and pain, I could never have a proper timetable, but I do come here to my desk and  talk to you all, very regularly, I am the laxative of writing or talking, as I hope this really reads as a Voice, though you may prefer vice with Mickey Rourke on the floor. The other “trick” is inserting a joke, and then repeat it, again and again, a great rhythm method. I also use verbs that’ll make you smile, like licking ice cream from your fingers. Yes, as Gill from StatsMR will tell you, I have you up the garden path, with little or no effort.

 

So as I need to fill my belly, and find a new Kdrama on telly, I’ll finish for my day, I may come back later to annoy you all, as I check my reading figures again, remember you are all in different Time Zones, so I need to check a few times, through the day. Procedure works, as I go now to mop up the kitchen floor, no I wasn’t copying Mickey Rourke, I’m just inserting a joke at the end, the best place to finish, so long as the floor isn’t slippy. Garden Path again.