Slim Michael The Fat Man

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 19/09/2019 5 Minutes

Slim Michael The Fat Man ©

Michael Casey

Michael was called Slim because he was fat, he was even nagged to take exercise but he did not. He just ambled along with his shopping and sometimes he walked through the park on his way home with his shopping. The Council in their wisdom had made the park pathways thinner, probably as it would cost less to repair them in them in the Future. All this meant that Michael got abuse for blocking the path as joggers passed by. If you jog you’ll add 5 years to your life span, but they spent 5 years jogging, so what was the point of that, they should just stay at home and read a book as they stroked the cat or dog.

Over the years Michael got to know the know the joggers, he’d stop on a bench for a rest from carrying all the shopping as they jogged past. Hello Slim the nasty ones called him, he just waved at them, using 2 fingers, but only behind their back. There were a few lady joggers too, and one even smiled at Michael, so that was nice. She was perfect in Michael’s eyes, nice and tall and curvy with red hair, and yes he enjoyed watching everything bounce as she went by, and her rear was a delight too. He was only human after all, just as the Rag and Bone man sung as his scrap van snailed by the streets. The Rag and Bone man had heard the singer of the same name, so he had adopted the song as his own. Just as this writer and friend adopted Smooth Operator by Sade when we were all Computer Operators 40 years ago.

Lucy was the name of Michael’s jogger, she dropped her house keys and her name was on a key ring. So as she jogged away Michael picked it up and shouted after her, only his mind spoke the words from his heart. Juicy Lucy your Keys, so she turned around angrily at him, so Michael waved her keys and she came back. She’ gone a fair distance, so by the time she’d sprinted back she was out of breath. Did you really call me Juicy? Michael blushed. I had to get your attention, I couldn’t run after you carrying all this shopping. Michael handed her back her keys, Lucy took them and instinctively kissed him on the cheek by way of thanks. Juicy Lucy thanks you, she then said with a smile and laughed, mum will laugh when I tell her. Michael smiled and blushed, and watched her bum bounce away.

Now Lucy was all alone, with just her mum and a cat called Sam, as she showered she thought of Michael and his shopping bags, she laughed. And that was how their friendship began, a dropped set of keys. So in future Lucy would stop to chat, while still running on the spot, so Michael would give her a Mars bar to eat, so give her some energy.

As she eating her Mars bar and Michael thinking things a gentleman should not think, Poetry was in Motion after all, and running on the spot too, a little old lady collapsed in front of them. Michael had learnt First Aid for his job as security guard so he sprung into action, mouth to mouth and all that. He did pass the little old ladies false teeth to Lucy to hold, as he did CPR. He then commanded Lucy to ring for an ambulance and race to the edge of the park to guide them to where they were. So that was how Michael saved the little old lady’s life. As the ambulance drove her away Lucy gave Michael a big kiss on the lips. You were great, you saved her, then Lucy kissed him again. Michael blushed, you’ve kissed me 3 times now. When you dropped your keys and just now, but I’ve never kissed you. Well kiss me then replied Lucy, so Michael kissed her, with all his heart.

So by saving an old woman Michael has gained a young woman. Lucy looked into his hazel eyes, he really was the man with the child in his eyes, and she decided on the spot as she laughed at the Mars bar her lips had smeared on his lips, that he was the One.

Michael took her home and she helped him carry the shopping, she didn’t realise just how heavy it was, it was full of tins of dog food for Spot his dog. Spot licked Lucy’s face, he was after the chocolate on her lips, he’d also noticed the old woman’s false teeth still in Lucy’s hand. Michael and Lucy laughed again, and kissed again. The damn had been burst. The next day they visited the old woman in hospital and returned her teeth. You are such a lovely couple, how long have you been married she asked, both of them blushed and laughed, then they kissed again. A few months later the old lady died, she was 87 after all, at the funeral a man in a suit came up to them and gave them some keys, a keyring with Lucy and Michael on it and a fluffy yellow ball for the cat to play with. You see the old lady had a house and she left it to them.

Michael married Lucy and the Joggers all came in their jogging things, they were doing a half marathon for charity immediately afterwards. Michael and Lucy moved into the big house, it had 7 bed rooms, just like the house in nanny McFee. Michael really wasn’t that fat, he was very strong after carrying all tins of dog food home through the park. They did not think they’d ever need 7 bedrooms but Nature soon found an answer for that. Lucy gave up jogging, she was busy running up and downstairs and in the garden, what with the 2 cats and 2 dogs and 5 children. Michael gave up carrying tins of dog food, he got Ocado to deliver instead. Carrying his kids on his back, and giving them swings which is children’s alcohol, kept him busy. Then carrying all the children’s books all over the house.

I did lie, Lucy did still do some jogging, she’d put on her jogging clothes and would say to the children in the living room, stay here me and daddy are going to do some jogging, then daddy and mummy would do several laps around their bedroom upstairs, as the kids chanted BOY, GIRL, from the living room below. All of this kind of jogging added 30 years to Michael and Lucy’s lives.