State of the Union 2019 by Donald Trump

State of the Union 2019 by Donald Trump ©

By

Michael Casey

Thank You Madame Speaker.

(I really hate you, you old B**&&)

It’s such an honour to be here.

(Thank ***** I caved in or I’d still be in the WH)

I am as you know the Best President Ever.

(I REALLY MEAN THAT)

I stand before you, the Greatest President of The Greatest Country.

(Wild, applause, I knew I could sucker them with a double sentence)

The Shutdown was all Nancy’s Fault.

(Nancy and the Democrats roll their eyes, she resists the tempatation of hitting him with the gavel)

America is Great Again because of Me, JOBS, JOBS, JOBS.

(It was nothing to do with the hard work of all the American people)

I repeat everything is because of me, or MOI as my good close friends in France say, and thanks again for the Statue of Liberty.

I will build a wall, a W A L L.

( forget the tests saying it can be cut through with basic tools or tunneled under)

I will build more N U C L E A R weapons, to make us safer.

( Putin has the codes he hypnotised me when I was alone with him)

I will enact new law to deport nasty people

( I would say I’m xenophobic if I could pronounce it)

I will enact new laws to enhance women

( I like enhanced women, paying off 18 women 2 years ago does not mean I’m guilty of Anything, and Cohen is a LIAR  anyway)

Let’s get even more women working in business, equality for all.

(Ivanka needs more tax breaks, so I need the cover)

Poll numbers mean nothing to me, only the welfare of Americans.

( The Government Layoffs don’t count, they are slaves anyway)

I will be giving more Press Conferences in Future

(Nancy smiles, he is hitting himself with the Gavel now)

I want people to hear the Truth straight from the horses mouth

(Nancy nearly chokes with suppressed laughter)

The People Know I am an Honest Man, a hard working man for them.

(Trump points all around Congress, smiling his best smile)

Together we the people can keep me in the White House, till we finish cleaning the dump, if it were a hotel I’d shut it, Chelsea can shut it too.

(Sound of jaws dropping and people dropping pens deliberately)

I’ve hardly had any time for golf since I’ve been in office, check my Facebook page if you don’t believe me.

(Ripple of laughter all over Congress)

People respect us now, they know limp Obama is not in charge any more, a real man, a tough guy is in charge now. A MAGA man.

(rolling of eyes everywhere, especially from back from school Intelligence crew)

I will be meeting with North Korea again, they know I’m great. Kim has such nice handwriting too, I keep all his letters on my bedroom wall.

( I also have pictures of other Koreans on my wall too)

China respects us now, Xi and Me really have Chemistry.

(No mention of World Economic crash if he gets it wrong)

All in all I give myself an A++ for my first two years, don’t you agree?

Trump extends his hands awaiting applause like a travelling preacher.

(Nancy starts to laugh aloud, she cannot stop herself, everybody joins in, Putin is right, he really is too immature.)

Trump smiling his conceited smile leaves the room, if he hurries he’ll be back at home in the White House to watch the reviews of himself on Fox News.

Outside the statutes of the greats cry with shame, oh God Oh God, why did thou desert us. The security have funeral faces, is this man really the President? The cock crows and they all cry bitter tears.