Spots and Tomatoes and new haircut 11 June 2018

Monday, 11 June 2018

Spots and Tomatoes and new haircut 11 June 2018

 

Spots and Connecting the Dots ©

By Michael Casey

Spots appear before your eyes and you squint, different patterns have different effects on us. ZigZags and thin stripes and thick stripes, straight down or across all sorts of patterns and designs.This is fashion, and knowing what suits you makes all the difference.

Knowing what colours suit you best is the greatest knowledge of all, and having a swatch done can really change your life. A bit of orange lipstick can make all the difference too, power make-up that suits your skin tone and personality really does work. I speak as a make-up artist now. You think bright red all over your lips makes you so sexy, in fact it can just make you look stupid, or just cheap.

Style in make-up is everything. Watch the tv and see some of the female reporters, who looks best, the less is more, or throw as much make-up on as possible as if its going out of style. If you are going up Broad St and you are after a night of passion in a city centre hotel after you pick up some bloke then you dress and behave like Geordie Shore.

But if you hope you might just meet somebody nice, then you’ll dress differently, and use more subtle make-up. Think how a man’s brain works, yes it s a contradiction in terms, a man having a brain when they just think from their their trousers. All Men Are Bastards after all, apart form your own dad.

So you may chose a little bit of lipstick, or even a bit of eye-liner, and earrings to highlight your very kissable neck. And depending on your bust a tight top or a loose one, it also depends on the level of your shyness. Ditto with you bum, a tight skirt or jeans or maybe loose clothes. Same goes for legs, to show or not to show, but definitely wax or shave, no man wants a women with more hair on her legs than him.

This is up to you. If you’ve got it flaunt it, whatever your best feature is, use it. Not everybody can be a 10 like me, I was in that film after all, Dudley Moore was incorrigible you know. The rogue.

Perfume should be light and nice, you are not hiding your smelly feet after all. Then you are ready to allow a man to sweep you off your feet, are you up for it?

Having said what I’ve just said, I need to remind you all, its Conversation that makes the difference. After you have caught your man either for a night in a Broad Street hotel, or for life and if its for life he’ll remind you of your dad, smelly feet and all. But you’ll forgive him all his weaknesses and even ex-wives because he makes you laugh.

Looks fade, clothes are discarded, and beds make break either in shared lust, or he just trips over your discarded knickers, so what is left after the passion is gone. Conversation endures and when the lights are out and the passion is spent you still can talk as you curl into each other. Until one of you farts and you laugh together, and if you can laugh when he farts in your bed, then he’s the one. Take it from me, my name is Tootsie, you did see my film didn’t you?  

High Hopes, Low Desires

High Hopes, Low Desires ©

By

Michael Casey

Well the tryst is on in Singapore, Trump left his wife all alone in the White House while he meets little Rocket Man,I never knew he was an Elton John fan, now he’ll be holding his candle in the wind. Rocket Man has stolen a pair of Elton’s specs, hopefully now he can see clearly, for miles and miles. He is so worried about assassination he had a dummy plane take off first then he hitched a ticket to ride on an Air China plane pretending to go to Beijing before bending over backwards to Singapore. It also proved China is doing its bit in getting Kim to the altar on time. In fact they have done everything, but will allow Trump’s ego to get all the credit.

Trump’s plane is great he can tweet while airborne and denigrate the Canadians too, that is multitasking. He really is a Red Bull in a china shop, I know he doesn’t touch alcohol, but maybe Red Bull is allowed, and too much of it. Though NO American President will ever allow anybody else to treaten it with nukes, and that my friends is why nuclear fallout could be blowing in the wind. And maybe why Elton  John, sorry I mean Kim is blowing too, and its not just the free beans from Heinz, but fear of God, not that believes in anything except Kim.

So when Trump and Kim meet it will be a case of you show me yours and I’ll show you mine. Kim’s big envelope had a drawing of a Trump golf course and hotel with a MacDonalds too. That’s his first position. Trump will just show him his hands and then like a magician show a satellite picture of Kim’s nukes on their trailers. Kim has to tick the boxes to admit the picture is correct and in return the Donald will sign the back of his scorecard, which will mean Kim gets his golf course.

Simple negotiation really, John Bolton will appear as a waiter with decent Chinese beer for Kim and Coca Cola for the Donald. As Kim gets more and more drunk, Pompeo will note down all the military dispositions, he was in the CIA before so he can sift BS from truth. Donald will look at his watch and suggest they play around, a round of golf that is. So with 100s of bodyguards in attendance Kim and Trump will play golf. Kim is great in bunkers, he’s had years of practice hiding things and making them reappear. The Donald will give him a free Pres45 baseball hat. Kim can give nothing in return, though he will offer to send 1000 Army girls to parade down Pennsylvania Avenue for Trump. Trump smiles more than when he had Kim’s namesake Kim in his office the other week.

A special relationship is forming between Kim and the Donald, Theresa May is no doubt spitting at her tv, and cursing as old a vicar’s daughter can. I should have never held his hand, I should have twisted it up his back and broken it, she spits at the tv, before her husband consoles her.

In the afternoon what are they going to do? Well Kim suggests a bit of surfing, trying to body shame the Donald. But Trump is a secret nudist, you ask the White House staff, that’s why Sarah Huckerby Sanders has that expression on her face, too much exposure to the Donald as he lies naked on his sun bed, dictating. So Trump folds his clothes and leaves them on a rock, with is code for a secret service guy. Kim just strips and together hand in hand they walk into the sea. Obviously no official photos of the event, apart from a Russian Nuclear submarine live streaming video to Putin, to add to his Trump collection. His hands, his hands is all Putin can say. Obviously this is hacked by both the Americans and China.

Kim and the Donald emerge from the sea like from in Here to Eternity or some James Bond film. Lovers, ego lovers united hand in hand naked on a Singapore beach. Kim was Trump’s little brother, Trump gives him piggy back rides, and holds his hands and swings him, but deliberately lets him fall into the sea. They both laugh, but Kim stumbles and bangs his head on a rock.

Disaster has stuck, has Trump killed Kim, there would be no more laughter on the beach, not even Barry White could sing it away. Trump rushes and drags Kim out, he gives him CPR, and mouth to mouth. The Russian Nuclear submarine records everything, Putin is so jealous, Kim kissed Trump first. If Kim dies it could be nuclear war. In China they are mass producing the Singapore video already, either way it a win for China.

Kim awakens, his big brother before him, Trump is relieved his little brother is still alive and kicking. On that beach through adversity, naked together they had regained their innocence. So using a shell Kim draws the location of all his military hardware in the sand. There are no more bunkers for Trump, he is on the fairway. A still naked Kim gives Trump all he has by way of missiles, and in return Trump gives Kim his balls. North Korea will have Christmas, they will have a Trump hotel and golf course. Trump is so happy still naked he motions over his Body Man, and taking his phone rings Xi and says THANKS, I COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.

Then hand in hand Trump and Kim walk still naked up to the beach house, they are brothers, and brothers have no secrets, no weapons to fight each other. A brother will save your life, and that’s exactly what Trump had done. It was time for Green Tea and a MacDonalds.

And how did this all come to pass, well a bit of Angel Dust was used, real Holy Angel Dust. Saint Michael himself was on that beach and in the water banging a head on a rock so that the man within could reveal himself and do the right thing, Saint Michael had turned Trump into the man he should always have been. 

Round the Horne classic radio from 1960s follow link belown

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=round+the+horne

Comedy Writing, Allegedly

Comedy Writing, Allegedly ©

By

Michael Casey

Well I’ve finally got around to writing the Comedy piece I’ve been promising. Other things arrived in the day, like bringing in the dustbins, in 2 stages as the bin men arrived at different times. Yes, real life gets in the way of being an Artist, no sniggering in the ranks or I’ll get Larry to hit the backs of your legs with wet lettuce, that’s Larry Grayson, not Larry Olivier. Larry Olivier was never any good with wet lettuce, ploughmans’ lunches were his speciality.As for Larry, Larry Grayson, he was always good with a wet lettuce, ask Pete his Postman, that’s Pop it in Pete.

Now if you are American you might think I was off my Meds, or needed to be on some by those explanations. However this is Comedy Writing, Allegedly so you will have to Google things for yourself, I’m too lazy to explain everything. And Googling will make your eyesight weak, so use a bigger torch under the bedclothes, or you’ll have to see nurse in the morning, this is Harrow or is it harrowing after all. And to harrow sounds like a strange verb or is it noun, the BBC  have been using nouns as adjectives lately, the England Writer,instead of English Writer. I’m not very patient with them, it sends me out in blisters, but they never listen to me no matter how hard I SHOUT at the tv.

But this is just silly little me, the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham, THE ONE IN ENGLAND, there can only ever be one real Birmingham and that’s in ENGLAND. That’s just me making it clear to my USA readers. I’m sure they steal my stuff and put Sarah Palin’s name on it and so I’m big in Alaska, or rather she is, and I don’t get a penny in Royalties.

As for Royalties, the Queen stole a pair of my shades, and the corgis returned it all dog eared. Never trust a Queen is all I can say, apart from Barry the drag Queen I know. I meet him often outside Tescos, we share the bench on the street, Bazza as he is know always has a nice word to say to me, one day you’ll get a Pulitzer Prize Michael he says repeatedly. He’s so thoughtful, apart from leaving his legs wide open as he sits in stockings and suspenders and an evening dress split to the thigh, like Amal Clooney’s, but better. He does wear the same shade. of lipstick through.

But I digress, which is like cross dressing but with thoughts and not clothes, it could be worse I could be a nudist, the sick bucket is to the left of your computer screen by the way. Well I just noticed I’ve gone past 500 on the clock, no wonder I’m so tired, 500 hours in a day, what planet am I on? Hollywood? Though we have a Hollywood in Birmingham too, though HOLLYWOOD is USA not Birmingham, though don’t forget what I said before though, BIRMINGHAM is England, you can keep your HOLLYWOOD.

Where was I, what’s that ringing in my ear, did somebody slap me, or is it the telephone, or just my Tinnitus? Yes I’m still here, like those old hippies with the never ending tracks like Crowded House, or backward stuff like the Beatles. Yes ridiculous thoughts, as Cranberries sing in my ear, I’ll have to hold on, too many girls in my house I cannot get in the bathroom. David Bowie used scraps of paper, I just use scraps of background music playing, or just reality. And what is reality anyway, you’re in for one hell of a trip when you get to Heaven.

So have I written any comedy yet, or is it just a bad experience and you’ve wet your pants, as you could not get into the bathroom. It’s just the Queen trying to look cool in the mirror in my shades, you try getting past her corgis, I dare you. So what can I say about Comedy? Well surreal is my favourite word, so think Picasso on a good day, where you can actually understand his Art. Then imagine Jackson Pollock comes in with the coloured chips from my local chippy, he trips over one of Picasso’s nudes, a real one not a painting. The chips and kebab sauce go everywhere, and that’s how Picasso and Pollock found another avenue for their Art. You Dozy Pollock was also invented as a curse, the nude on the floor did not like vinegar in her belly button after all, it made her squirm. Though she did invent a new style of exotic dancing.

Well my kids are demanding chocolate so I’m off to the Polish shop to fetch it for them, as for Comedy Writing, you’ll just have to make your own up. I could get Knighted in the morning, Sir Michael Casey, what do you think? It’ll never happen, it’s as likely as the youngest son of a Kerry Blacksmith becoming an International Famous Writer. I can hear God laughing now, not at me but at Einstein trying Pole dancing with Stringfellow in the Angel’s bar.

Time for bed now

well I met a very good man today, he serviced my gas boiler.

His nephew teaches English so I told him to suggest to his nephew to come here for inspiration.

I was an Esol English teacher too among my Jack of  Trades.

If I could break into the Chinese market using my comic stories to help teach English then I'd be a very wealthy man.

Tonight the pain monster came down so all I've done is loaded up a few translations here and on my  Wordpress site.

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/


In the morning I'll see if I can write an out and out comedy piece, or you could just find Round the Horne recordings on Utube instead from the 1960s and you would not need me.



https://archive.org/details/RoundTheHorneCompilation02_201708


 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC