Freebies

Freebies (c)
By
Michael Casey

I was just looking through the newspapers after I’d had a sandwich after I’d come in after yet another blood test, and what did I read? A girl wanted a free room and board in a Dublin Hotel over the Valentine’s Day period.

In return she would put it in her Vblog, as she had 70,000 viewers. Now this struck a chord with me for a couple of reasons. When I was on Google+ I had 300,000 views. I did not believe it I thought it might just be one with OCD. I used to be on Facebook but I seem to attract strange people or chancers.

So I’m not on anti social media for years now.

What you get is my writing here free of charge, then I direct you to Amazon to buy my books.

https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC

I did get 21,000 or so Polish readers in a month just by word of mouth a year ago.

So perhaps I’ve missed a trick and should allow adverts for hemorrhoids and their treatment on my site in exchange for product. No I don’t need such things, yet.

In my hotel days I know how hard everybody works, because I was that man doing 10 different roles, despite my humble title, I really did everything and for 3 years. So when somebody asks for a free stay when I, Michael Casey the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham was a hotel worker and has had far more viewers than this young girl it makes me think what has she done to deserve it. Did she stand for 12 hours a day on hard marble, or walk 5 miles a day for 3 years, every single day. If she had then maybe I’d think she might deserve Royal treatment such as Me and Roger and Jim gave to every one of our guests for years.

Sometimes you get a reward when you work in a hotel, the Jaguar car coat you see me wearing was a thank you gift from a thankful lady. The fleece you see me wearing on the cover of 15 Down was another thank you from a nice guest. Both are 13 + years old. The old child’s bike in some older photographs were from a very kind guest too. But I really had to work hard at the hotel. My neck measurement went up an inch to 18.5, and my chest went up 2 inches to 46 because of all the hard work at the hotel. My belly also went up 2 inches as the food at CPNEC was fabulous. I am 17.5 stones if you are wondering how heavy I am. But you need to have some weight behind you to sling luggage about.

Hotel work is hard work, but great fun, I would encourage everybody to try it. Robin started on Reception back in 2002, now 2018 he is a General Manager, all because HIS own hard work. His hotel is in Birmingham city centre. So look out for him, look for Robin on the name badge

Writing takes time too, 20 years of listening to BBC Radio 4, before I started to write and now 30 years of writing. So that’s 50 years, I started as a child. So if I say I can write and if I say I’m good, its because of the 50 years first.

I once had to book an outside restaurant for a guest, for Valentines, he wanted a table for 3. So that brings back a memory, as for me asking for a free hotel room, I would not do it. Because I know NO, would be the answer. But if I’m offered I’d greatfully receive, but I’d need a padded room, not for any kinky reason, though I am open to offers,but because I wake every 2 hours for the bathroom, and I also occasionally scream in pain.

So with that I’ll shut up, Paris Hilton is at the door, she is taking me to Malta for the weekend, its such a lovely hotel they have there. I was almost inside in 2013, I was in the supermarket in the basement. Sums me up, close but not cigar.

Excuses, excuses

Excuses, excuses ©

By

Michael Casey

People have an excuse and they have a reason, there is a difference. My dad died so I cannot come to work. As I write that sentence it really does bring back memories, as 16 years ago that was the reason I really could not come to work. So it was a reason, not an excuse.

You’ve been on the pop, so you have a hangover and you wish Death would come as your head feels so bad. The reason why you drunk so much was it was a free bar at your friend’s wedding. Now you regret it, despite the Walker Brothers singing No Regrets on the radio. Shut up you scream at the radio, only this hurts your head even more. Then there is the little matter of WORK. Now you have to think of an excuse for your bad head.

You could say your aunty died and you have to help her husband as he is old and frail. So that’s your excuse or rather your LIE. Luckily nobody keeps track of all the dying aunties you have, or rather all the HANGOVERS you have. Can you see the page go in and out of focus then, you really do have a hangover, you naughty naughty boy. Girls never have hangovers, the reason being they are good girls, or that they only drink champagne.

You go to work and you have the wrong shoes on, or rather two different coloured shoes. You got dressed in the dark so as not to disturb your champagne drinking girlfriend, she’d kill you if you woke her up, you’d give her a hangover. So you get to work and nobody notices your two different coloured shoes. But then you go to Court and the judge notices, I forgot to say you are a Lawyer. Luckily your girlfriend is his niece, so nothing is said in Court. Though months later when its your girlfriend’s birthday her Uncle the Judge sends a magnum of champagne as a birthday present, with a card which says from Uncle Two Shoes. Judges are like Elephants they never forget. A Reasonable Excuse for the card.

Some Reasons are not reasonable, others are. So you don’t go the 2 miles to choir because its too cold, as it is tonight here in Birmingham. So that’s the reason for my girls not going to choir tonight, its not an excuse. There will be an excuse as to why there are no biscuits left when I fancy one with a coffee when I finish talking to you all. Because they were at home instead of out singing, my little pigs have eaten all the biscuits. The only solution is not to have daughters if you want to retain all the snacks in your house.

And on it goes, why is the bathroom all wet. Because you are a hippo dad and splashed too much in the bath. So that’s my excuse they claim. The real reason is because I have daughters who spend forever in the shower or in the bathroom.SCREAM, this piece of writing is interrupted. WHY? Because of post quadruple heart bypass pain and arthritis combined. I’ve had to slap on the Movelat pain killer, it works in 5 minutes whereas Paracetamol takes 30 mins, but you have to watch when and where you use them. Which is no excuse, its a real reason why I might suddenly scream and make the neighbours drop their bottle of milk in the street outside our house. Its also the reason why I’ve not had a holiday in 5 years and maybe even never again.

Speaking of holidays, where did you go and what did you do with that bloke you met at the disco last night? What bloke you innocently reply. What bloke? The bloke who was cleaning your tonsils with his tongue. Oh him. He was a Divinity student. So he was Blessing your tonsils with his tongue? Yes, And where did you go? I waited up half the night. You mean you had a dodgy bum and slept on the toilet. Yes, well kind of. So what about you and that bloke.Who? Him. Who?Him who cleaned your tonsils. Who, he showed me some lighted candles. In a church, I know what you were thinking, you and your filthy metaphor mind.

You get on my wick. I’m sure he got on more than your wick. And in a church too. Its the Church Bar and Restaurant, a deconsecrated church. You think I’d get do dirty things in a church. Never stopped you before in graveyards, the things you’ve done on tombstones. That’s because I have a bad back on account of the big. Big boxes of paper you carry. You are disgusting. If you weren’t my sister I’d never talk to you again. Just like you never talk to mum and dad. Yes but they cut my allowance to 10,000,000 a year so I just had to stop talking to them to teach them a lesson.

And on it goes, reasons and excuses. Just be happy in your life and make love to that somebody special, Korean or Shanghai or English or anything else in between. Live long and prosper as Vulcans do, and they do do, or Dr Spock would never have written that book. But do remember 2 things, always drink champagne and never have a hangover, and the one last thing. Making love in a shoe shop always leads to Hush Puppies, and Judges adore Hush Puppies, it stops them from having hangovers, that’s why they wear wigs.  

B93 8QE

B93 8QE

I was just checking to see how many readers I have today when up popped

B93 8QE  which is a British Post Code or Zip Code as you call  them in USA.

It said I was there according to my IP address.

Obviously these things are not straighforward.

So I Googled B93 8QE and it turned out that it was a hotel.

A very posh one at that.

So I wondered was a North Koerean army girl team of hackers visiting the hotel before coming to visit me the other side of Birmingham?

Could it be they were hacking me before taking me out,  hopefully for dinner?

All manner of ideas spring to mind, its better than nuclear war, they could just come and visit and teach me how to make egg fried rice Korean style.
In return I could teach them Irish dancing.

Or it could just be that B93 8QE is near a hub for internet access.
Or just a mistake.

So another dream bits the dust, but at least you can all see just how the Writer's Mind works.

So no Liasons Dangereuses a la North Korean Army Hacker Girls, so I may as well hang out the washing and try and dry my drawers before the ice cold comes down.

Another day in Paradise...

Pain and the Wife

Two different things.

Pain is my chest pain descending like an iron curtain

So taking pain killers

2nd item My wife went to our daughter's Parents Evening

One of the tutors looks exactly like my sister.

Then the chemistry teacher asked was my wife my daughter's sister.

Even though my daughter is Western and my wife a Shanghai girl.

Then the Philosophy Teacher did not know our daughter was bilingual.

Even Totoro our cat is bilingual.

So a funny end to the day.

I just wish the pain would not come out to play.

That's what wears me down. Random pain.


this is me and my bilingual daughter 15+ plus years ago

this is me and my other bilingual daughter a couple of years ago

this is Totoro  our Bilingual cat, she looks like the Downing Street cat, but ours is apolitical.

Positive and Negative Energy

Positive and Negative Energy ©

By

Michael Casey

There are some people you love and there are some people you hate, and there are even some you love to hate. Where I live I see some people who were part of my life, our paths cross and we smile and exchange a few words, even more than a decade afterwards. There are others you really should punch for all the rubbish they gave you, when you worked together. Sadly I did have a few people like that cross my life’s path. But luckily I have met and worked with a lot of good people. And for others they were lucky I was prepared to carry them while they sinned. Old fashioned word that, sinned.

So some people give you energy, there was a buzz when you worked together, you enjoyed each others’ company, even if it was you cleaning the bathroom while she cleaned the bedroom. Hello to Vicky in the Hacienda is she is reading this. On the other hand other people just drain you, they are either lazy or just so negative. So you are glad to avoid them, you’ll go outside and dig ditches just to escape them.

Form fillers are that kind of person, you must fill in part A then parts D and F and forget G, if you want pencils. The fact that the whole company will stop without pencils, as you are an art college, does not matter, forms are forms after all. This can be so soul destroying,I know I’ve met such people in my travels.

Sometimes it is the unexpected person that gives you the most lift. That bloke you met on the coach from Canterbury to Birmingham, he just listened and did not judge as you explained your complicated love life. You just had to talk to somebody and he had a kind face so he became your priest/hairdresser/lawyer for the ride. You were able to tell him everything and he just listened and talking it over really really helped you. He was asleep for 2 of the 7 hours of the coach journey but you felt so refreshed being able to unburden your soul, so you did not notice him snoozing. In fact by the end of the journey he could have become your next boyfriend, but for one fact, he was gay. But you did feel lifted.

Other people you meet can have the opposite effect. They are so sad that their sadness seeps into you, like a liquid spilled and rolling towards you, like spilling a coffee down your trousers. The problem with depressives is that they depress you so much that you have to shade off their sadness like shaking sand from your clothes when you’ve been on a beach. Only the negative person is forever saying that the waves are dangerous, and he or she does not like water nor the sea, because it is wet.

I’m using these examples to illustrate, I am generally the one that jollies things along, mainly through surreal ideas and methods. I am the listener on the coach, only I’m not gay, and nobody would ever think of me as new boyfriend material. Old Santa Claus material maybe. I am also the stoker, who throws the coal on the fire, who gets people talking, remember I spent 3 years Front of House at CPNEC Birmingham 16 years ago, I spoke to 100,000 people at least.

And on it goes, good times and sad times. The thing I have learnt in my own life is that you do need to prioritise. Get the rubbish out the way then you can all relax by the coffee machine in the middle of the night shift. You also need to know when you are banging your head against a brick wall, and when a situation is hurting you more than it is helping you. You just have to let it go, if you can’t alter a situation you have to drop it. Yes its hard to forget, and it is not fair, but finally Negative energy will kill you.

So walk away and start a new day, life is short. I know that so well as I’ve had 3 years extra time, and Cyrille Regis has just died having reached his full time. Me with my heart and other problems I know I can’t waste time on rubbish, so I’m motivated to enjoy what’s left of my life despite all the random pain, and you should do exactly the same.