So Tired

So Tired ©

By Michael Casey

We are all tired today, we got up early as the cat wanted feeding and then we couldn’t get back to sleep so we got up early. 6am is early for us, especially at the weekend in school Summer holidays. The girls had to sing at a wedding later in the day so they showered and then went on the Internet till it was time to go out.  As for me I went back to bed and stayed in my stupor listening to the radio. Totoro followed me to bed, she jumped up on the windowsill and looked out at the world and the neighbouring cats.

Hours later I got up while Totoro snored from under my bed, my room is the warmest so obviously being a cat Totoro picks this as her favourite spot to rest. When you are tired you have to be careful with stairs, as you all know the stairs are the most dangerous part of any home, especially if the cat runs downstairs after you in the hope of getting some chicken from the fridge. 

Totoro recognises the sound of plastic wrapping being opened so will run faster than Hussain Bolt to the fridge, he is a very poor 2^nd compared to her. Totoro also recognises the sound of paper being crunched up, and will gallop much faster than Red Rum used to just so she can play ball with the crunched up till receipt. Obviously a writer’s cat because she loves the sound of paper.

Today we were all so tired, stopping up late watching movies is a bad summertime habit but films are the family weakness. When you are tired you stub your toe on the step into the bathroom, you never do it normally but when you are tired you do. You also don’t bother lifting the toilet seat before you pee, which is a cardinal sin if you live with 3  bilingual girls and a  bilingual female cat, so you end up both peeing on the seat, and the floor, and just for good measure on your own leg and pyjamas, or if you have put your trousers on the trousers, then you nearly guillotine your future, in your haze of tiredness as you pull your zip up.

Still patting your leg, as you are too tired to change trousers, you trip over the step in the bathroom again. Then you remember you have not brushed your teeth, so you go back to brush them only you drop your wife’s brush down the toilet, so you just put it back in her glass on the bathroom shelf, the toilet is clean, it automatically cleans itself.

So you just brush your own teeth, leaving a trail of Colgate down the front of your shirt. Instead of changing your shirt you will just wear  an old wide kipper tie, nobody will notice, besides women like the lived in look, instead of all these posers, that’s what you believe in your head anyway, besides you are so tired, so you just could not be bothered to change.

It’s time for breakfast but you have no bread, so you eat dry baby biscuit, Farley’s Rusks, you cousin left them last time she and her baby visited. You like the taste and ponder is it worth having another baby just so you can eat Farley’s Rusks again. You look at the clock and have to rush now or you’ll miss the bus to work. You cannot find your shoes so you’ll wear black trainers instead, why is the house in such a mess. It must be your children’s fault.

 Just as you are about to leave the house your girls come down and laugh at you, you turn and trip over your black shoes, who put them there. Dad its Saturday didn’t you know, they laugh at you the stupid dad. You don’t know what day of the week it is, you were just so tired. So you dash back upstairs to bed, maybe your side of the bed is still warm. And who knows if you are lucky Farley’s Rusks might be back on the menu in 9months time.