Friday, 17 August 2018

Tears for a Butcher


Tears For a Butcher.


It’ll take me a year to finish it, not useless somebody donates a ParaLegal secretary, they can type at 100wpm you know. I could sit down and dictate, just like Barbara Cartland did. IF you like this 1st chapter then you can read my other 16 books on Amazon Kindle, only 2quid each.

A Nation Of Shopkeepers Book Two
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tears For a Butcher ©

by


Michael Casey



Chapter One ...Mrs Murphy to the Rescue
ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ


The next day found the street nursing a collective hangover , Mrs

Murphy being the sole sober person . It was her soul and that of her

infant grandchild which concerned her , so as usual she had got up and

said her three rosaries before going to early Mass . In the afternoon

little Shiela was to be Christened so Mrs Murphy at least was getting in

the right frame of mind . Mrs Murphy did stop to light a candle in front

of Saint Anthony as thanks for help in finding Jaswinda , after all wasn't

he the saint in charge of lost things and you might call Jaswinda's

kidnapping a form of being lost , lost from her parents and friends that

is . Fr Shaw had privately offered the Mass up in thanks for Jaswinda's

safe return , even he had felt humbled by Mrs Murphy's faith in God . He

had noticed the lit candle by Saint Anthony's statue and the nod and smile

Mrs Murphy had given to a poster of Mother Theresa of Calcutta . So united

in prayer the Mass was celebrated .



When the Mass was over and Fr. Shaw had taken the vestments off

he walked down the side isle and sat on the bench in front of Mrs Murphy ,

leaning back he spoke to her .

"Well that was quite a night . I didn't have as much fun since the last

ordination I was at " , he said with a smile .

"It was grand , I'll agree with you there , BUT you do know that the food

we were "ateing" was for Shiela's Christening do " , replied Mrs Murphy as

she heaved her bussom indignantly .

"You don't begrudge Jaswinda and her family that do you ?" asked Fr. Shaw

trying not to smile .

"I do not , I enjoyed myself too ! It's just that Patrick doesn't seem to

do anything in the right order . I mean he fathered a child before he got

married , now he eats the food before the Christening " , sighed Mrs

Murphy .

"You don't mind being a grannie , I mean some women feel that they've got

one foot in the grave now that they are grandmothers " , said Fr. Shaw

teasingly .

"I do NOT , now that's the best thing Patrick ever did , and June is such

a nice girl . It was almost the will of God them meeting , fancy it being

her father who lent us that money all them years ago . Now we are one

happy family , APART from that mother of hers . I just hope I'm spared

long enough to see all my grandchildren grow up , I wouldn't want the

"English Grandmother" to influence them too much " , she rolled her eyes

at the thought .

Fr Shaw smiled broadly and tossed his head back , stiffling his

laughter out of respect . Mrs Murphy smiled too , noticing for the first

time the small piece of paper stuck to Fr. Shaw's neck, she'd have a laugh

at him too as well as herself .

"Is the work getting too much for you Father , not trying to cut your

throat are you " pulling the piece of paper from his throat and holding it

in front of him .

"Get away out of that , besides the Samaritans are ex directory around

here" he replied .

"Well I'd better go home for some breakfast , I'll see you this afternoon

with the "Pagan Grandparents" for the Christening " said Mrs Murphy as she

gathered herself and her handbag up .

"You could always try converting them ,I mean their daughter is Catholic

now " , said a deadpan Fr.Shaw .

"And how do I go about that " said Mrs Murphy as she put her gloves on .

"Well we don't have a statue like we have one of St.Anthony nor a poster

like the one of Mother Theresa " , Fr.Shaw paused, he could see Mrs Murphy

blush , she was embarrassed by her shows of faith .

"Don't you dare tell anybody " whispered Mrs Murphy as she fidgeted with

her bag .

"Anyway " said Fr.Shaw diplomatically " haven't you heard of St. Jude ,

she likes a challenge , perhaps the "Pagan Grandparents" would be right up

her street " a smile on his lips .

"St.Jude would be ringing the Samaritans then " was Mrs Murphy's reply as

she nodded towards the altar and headed down the isle and out of the

church .

"Lord grant me faith " , said Fr.Shaw . Then he smiled, he knew the saints

would soon be bombarded with conversion prayers .

In the afternoon Mrs Murphy , Patrick and June and baby Shiela

arrived for the christening . The "English Grandparents" were there

too , that's to say June's parents Mr and Mrs Kemp . Mrs Kemp was dressed

to the nines , with a big hat on her head and matching long gloves .Big

Sid , Mark and Gillian , Percy and Sgt Mulholland and Mathew were also

there , along with Amjit , Balbinda and Jaswinder of course .

"The Lord Save Us , if it isn't The Duchess of York Herself" whispered

Mrs Murphy as she walked up the side isle to the baptismal font . June had

to look down at the baby and pretend to wipe its nose to save collapsing

into giggles . Patrick just bit his lip , the pain would stop him

laughing.

"I'll just go and say hello to "Annette" " , said Mrs Murphy before

striding over towards Mrs Kemp .

"She's up to something " , whispered Patrick .

"I know , but what ? " answered June from behind her hand .

After a few moments they found out what . For Mrs Murphy returned all

smiles , giving a knowing wink to Patrick and June , well that's how it

seemed but in fact the wink was for the baby Jesus in the Virgin Mary's

arms .

"You know you were going to call the baby Shiela , then have Annette as

the middle name , after your mother over there " said a surprizingly coy

Mrs Murphy .

"Yes , we decided that months ago ," answered a suspicious June .

"Well "Annette" agrees with me it would be better if the middle name be

different , I mean Shiela Annette Murphy is a grand name , but the child

might think one grandmother is better than another , what with her name

coming second and that . Now we don't want favouritism do we . So

"Annette" thought that you could save her name for the next granddaughter

, which won't be long in coming , as you are such a loving couple after

all " continued Mrs Murphy .

Patrick blushed at this point , June just twinkled , Mrs Murphy was a

terror to be sure , but it felt alright , well as far as June was

concerned . Mrs Kemp saw Patrick blush and whispered to her husband .

"I bet she's talking about the next doxen grandchildren , and in a church

too . Well at least one will be called "Annette" , and NOT "Shiela

Annette" , she consoled herself with that thought .

"So what will the middle name be then ?" enquired a still red Patrick .

"Jude , of course , " replied Mrs Murphy .

"Jude , of course , " echoed June while pulling a face at Patrick .

"But she's the patron saint of " started Patrick .

"Hopeless causes , " finished June , who had recently finished a book on

the lives of the saints .

"Well it nice to see you're becoming a good Catholic , " smiled Mrs

Murphy beaming with pride .

"Us converts can teach you old ones a thing or two , " smiled June .

"But why Jude , mom ?" asked a puzzled Patrick .

"Well its a nice name , isn't it ? " she replied defensively before

walking towards Fr. Shaw who had emerged from the presbytery .

"What's she up to ? " said Patrick thinking aloud .

"Well you are a bit of a hopeless cause , or so my mother says " jested

June .

Fr. Shaw smiled when he heard what Mrs Murphy had to say , looking over

towards Mr and Mrs Kemp .

"Did you see that ? Fr.Shaw looked at mom and smiled , and he said

something too . It looked like" started already" . "

"I didn't know you were a lip reader . I'll have to watch out when I swear

at you in future " replied Patrick .

"Well only a bit , but what has she" started already" ? " continued a

an intrigued June .

"We can ask her afterwards , " was Patrick's reply , as he could see

Fr.Shaw was coughing and opening his prayer book , a sure sign that Shiela

was about to be baptised .

So with family and friends looking on , Shiela Jude Murphy was

baptised , Sgt. Mulholland and Mathew being her Godparents . Mrs Kemp

rolled her eyes at the sight , to her it seemed like two "King Kongs"

standing over a small bundle , which was baby Shiela . Mrs Murphy would

later explain how only Catholics could be Godparents for Catholic babies .

Baby Shiela stayed asleep during the service , even when drenched , for

Fr. Shaw a baptism meant water and lots of it , no dabbing for him . Yet

the baby slept through it , June had taken a tip from Mrs Murphy , namely

a thimblefull of Irish Whisky in the baby's milk half an hour before the

baptism .

Back at Mark's cafe the baby's health was toasted , Mark and

Gillian having stayed up late to remake the eaten buffet . Jaswinda was

looking at her future playmate , and trying to work out when little Shiela

would be bigger Shiela , or big enough to play at any rate . Outside Amjit

was pacing up and down the pavement in front of the cafe and barking , he

wanted to be let inside the cafe .

"What on earth's that savage dog trying to do ? " said an alarmed Mrs

Kemp.

"He's only saying congradulations , that's all , " said a totally

unperturbed Mrs Murphy . Who then went to the counter to return with the

scraps .

"Jaswinder , do you want to feed little Amjit ? " asked Mrs Murphy ,

holding the plate out so Jaswinder could reach .

"Yes , please , " Jaswinder replied then with a hop and a skip , her one

pigtail bobbing she dashed out to feed Amjit .

"Is it safe , he might harm her ! " said an alarmed Mrs Kemp .

"I don't think so ," said a smiling Mrs Murphy .

After an hour of festivities , the people began to disperse ,

Mrs Kemp was about to leave herself , when she leaned over conspiratorily

and with a glance at Patrick whispered to Mrs Murphy .

"Shiela , it's Patrick's birthday next month and I was thinking of getting

him a nice watch , as I noticed his old one is a bit worn out . "

"More like , knackered , I'm forever telling him to take it off when he's

humping big loads of flour and the like , but will he listen to me ? "

,replied Mrs Murphy shaking her head .

"Quite , but he's changed since he's married MY June , so if I was to

buy him a nice watch then perhaps he'll take care of it ? " said Mrs Kemp

trying not to sound condescending , but failing as usual .

"Oh , to be sure , he's a real man , now that he's married to YOUR June ,

but then isn't he the image of his father , MY dead husband in heaven

who's no doubt having a drink with the angels to celebrate his first

grandchild's baptism into THE CHURCH . " , smiled back Mrs Murphy as if

butter would not melt in her mouth , while glancing over with pride at her

own earthly holy family , namely her Patrick and June and baby Shiela .

"Well , you do agree with me he needs a new watch , I mean we don't want

to end up buying him the same thing do we ?" , said Mrs Kemo , flashing

her best smile .

"Yes , you are quite right "Annette" , and can you tell me where you got

those luvly false teeth from ? They are grand altogether , or did you just

soak them for a week in Domestos ? " , replied Mrs Murphy the butter still

not melting in her mouth .

Mr Kemp came to the rescue , and ushered his wife out of the cafe , giving

a wink to Mrs Murphy , behind his wife's back of course , he had a sense

of humour after all , but he was not totally stupid though .

"I just hope she gets him a stretch strap , otherwise he won't wear the

thing . Mind you the watch he's got now isn't too bad , he's superglued

the glass back in , it could last a while longer . " mumbled Mrs Murphy as

she watched the Pagan Grandparents go .

"What's this about a stretch strap ? " asked June as she placed baby

Shiela in grandma Shiela's arms .

"Annette ,wants to buy your husband a watch for his birthday next month ."

"He could do with one , he told me those Russian one's seem to last him

the longest , the sweat gets in the others he's tried over the years .

Besides the one he's got now has a horrid picure in green of a man playing

a lute , the man looks as if he's just came out of a concentration camp !"

"I've seen that , it could frighten little Shiela here when she gets

older" , said Mrs Murphy as she stroked the baby's nose .

"I just hope mom gets a stretch strap , he hates the others they dig into

your skin when you work , he likes wind up ones too , he said he'd not

have got his present one if he'd realised it was a battery one . "

"I'm sure she'll get a nice one , I mean now there's a real man in your

family , besides she probably fancies him on the quite . " said Mrs Murphy

as she played with the baby in her arms .

"You're an absolute terror , you are ! " laughed June .

"It might be true , I was reading it in the Readers Digest at the surgery

when I was at Dr. Quaringa's for my blood pressure tablets . It said that

some mothers - in - laws have a fixation for there son in laws . "

"Well I'll have to get my figure back quick , and then start to seduce him

again !" laughed June .

"You'll soon have a brother for Shiela if you do that , but at least with

two children to look after , then Patrick would be too busy to notice your

mother's overtures . " retorted a deadpan Mrs Murphy before looking up at

June and throwing back her head to cackle like a hen .

Patrick came over to see what was up . The two women in his life just

looked at him and resumed their laughter with fresh vigour . Then his

daughter joined in to .

"The sooner I have a son , the better , then at least I'll not be

surrounded by mad women " , said a slightly indignant Patrick .

June and Mrs Murphy just looked at each other again and laughed till they

cried . Patrick was bemused , so he repeated his statement . "The sooner I

have a son the better ! " June wiped the tears from her eyes , before

kissing him . "I'll only be too happy to oblige , if you can wait a few

weeks " , she replied as she patted her still swollen stomach . Patrick

blushed as red as the bottles of ketchup on the tables , Mrs Murphy just

swelled with pride and whispered to the bundle in her arms " Little

Timothy won't be long in coming , a year at the most . "

Patrick was still blushing as June kissed him again . Mrs Murphy then got

up and handed the treasure back to June , before snatching a kiss from

Patrick and leaving the cafe , she had other matters to attend to .....


Mrs Murphy had walked to the end of the street when , she had to

stop and shake a pebble from her shoes , leaning on a wall as she did so .

When something cold and wet shoved itself into the back of her leg she was

naturally frighten for a second . Spinning around she saw what it was .

"God blast you , the Devil carry you , Amjit you hairy thing will you

leave me alone . " She screatched at the innocent dog .

Amjit lowered his head , and offered his paw , so they could shake hands

and be friends again . It was then than Mrs Murphy noticed her umbrella ,

hadn't she left it in the cafe and Amjit had brought it after her .

"Sorry , Amjit , but you did frighten me . Here shake hands . "

They shook hands , then with a woof , and what could easily by mistaken

for a smile Amjit was off his tail high and proud . He too had other

business to attend to , if only he could remember where he had buried that

pig's head that Big Sid had given him , Amjit knew there was another meal

or two left in it , if only he could remember where he'd left it .

"Thank's again , Amjit " shouted Mrs Murphy after the hairy hound . Amjit

stopped to bark again , then with a burst of astonishing speed he was off

, he'd probably seen the Post Office cat and Amjit wanted to talk to that

moggie . It started to rain , and thanking Amjit with a "Bless Him" Mrs

Murphy opened her umbrella . She had hardly opened it when old Michael

pulled up in his taxi .

"Do you want a lift , I've earnt my diesel for the day . "

"Well could you take me to Weatherfield Rd ,the one by the Rover's Return

past the old clothing factory ? "

"Hop in , but why are you going over that way ? "

"Me and Mrs Lynch are looking after Mrs Powulska , she's still weak after

her operation , so we take it in turns to keep an eye on her . Her sister

is coming ower from Poland for a month , she will be here in a few days

so I've got to tidy the place up a bit . "

"I like the Poles they are a great lot , I was with a lot of them fellas

in the war , they are sometimes called the Irish of Central Europe , they

have suffered let me tell you . " said Michael as he moved up the gears

and sped off .

"Yes they did suffer , first the Nazis , then the Communists , but they

led the way for Europe to be free , and after all isn't the Pope himself a

Pole , so you cann't beat that . " said Mrs Murphy her voice showing her

passion .

As Mrs Murphy left the taxi , Michael who'd just had 10

minutes on the persecution of the Catholic church in Poland was numbed by

the outpouring . "Is it really true , they built a church themselves cos

the government built the town without one . And that in Albania they shot

a priest dead for babtising a baby ? "

"Yes " was Mrs Murphy's simple reply though her eyes betrayed her anger

and passion .

"The Bastards , I fought a war for them , what are they afraid of ! "

"The Baby Jesus " mumbled Mrs Murphy as she walked away .

"Let me know when your Polish friend arrives , I'll drive you to the

airport " shouted Michael after Mrs Murphy . She just waved in

acknowledgement , her mind was elsewhere .

Mrs Murphy did the vacuuming , and dusting for 2 hours before

stopping to make cup of tea for herself and a hot meal for Mrs Powulska .

She proped Mrs Powulska up in bed , before putting a tray down in front of

her , she watched as a still weak Mrs Powulska ate .

"So which part of Poland , does your sister come from ? " asked Mrs Murphy

as she sipped her tea .

"Oh the south , a little place , a university place , its called Cracou "

Mrs Murphy's cup clattered against the saucer , she put her tea down for

fear of dropping it . To her it was as if a trumpet had sounded to herald

the entrance of an angel .

"That's where the Pope comes from !" she jabbered .

"Oh , of course , he babtised my sister's children . This food really is

good , you could almost be a Pole , Mrs Murphy . " replied Mrs POwulska as

she ate heartily . Mrs Murphy finished her tea fast , she'd have to give a

final sheen to things before she went . After all wasn't a friend of the

Pope's coming . She had seen the Pope in Coventry , sneaked in with the

handicaped thanks to Fr. Shaw , but now to meet with a friend of the Pope

, Mrs Murphy hadn't been this excited since her confirmation .


Mrs Murphy took it upon herself to meet Mrs Powulska's sister at

the airport . On the drive in Nanska the sister , told an awe struck Mrs

Murphy all about "Carol" , which was what the Pope insisted his old school

chums call him , his reasoning being that's what his mum called him , so

they must call him that too . Michael cocked half an ear to the

conversation , after all it wasn't often that he had a V.I.P. in the back

of his taxi . Mind you he had had the odd Lord Mayor or two who did think

that they were important , Michael knew from his own experience that the

really important people tended to be the quiet ones , they knew that they

were the guardians of gifts , however bizarre or seemingly useless , yes

the truly important people were the quite ones that was for sure , ask any

old taxi driver mused Michael as he pulled up outside Mrs Powulska's .

"Thank's Michael , come inside for a cuppa , I'm sure Nanska will not

mind . " chirped Mrs Murphy .

"Yes , Shiela is taking the words from me . " continued Nanska who was

now as a sister to Mrs Murphy . The sisterhood of the faith , was a bit of

a beneign conspiracy . A pair of rosary beeds and pictures of

grandchildren in a bag and there you had it , instant sisterhood no matter

what nationality , it was the mothers that gave birth to faith , and it

was meer men that said the Masses . The Pope himself knew that , that's

why he insisted on being called Carol by Nanska and all his old school

friends .

Inside the tears flowed into the tea , Polish words and songs

rang out from the heart to the heart , there in central England , Mrs

Murphy looked on , she knew that but for the miracle of Poland breaking

the chains of Communism , this happy scene would never have happened . It

was at times like these that a good Irish drink was called for . So

reaching into the bottom of her black bag , she produced Poteen .

"Will you take some in your "Tay" ? " , she said but without awaiting an

answer she was pouring it .

"What is this Poteen ? " asked a curious Nanska , sitting up straight and

straightening her hugh , black clad bussom .

"Vodka " was Michael's reply , repeating the word in Polish , it was one

of the few words of Polish that he could remember from the war , the

others words he knew were certainly not fit for ladies such as these .

So tentatively sipping at the cup , Nanska tried her fortified tea .Her

face changed colour then slowly changed back again , rather like traffic

lights changing , only traffic lights don't breathe heavily and fan their

mouths with their hands .

"It's good " said Nanska with a tear coming down her eye .

"It's fresh if I'm not mistaken " added Michael who was a bit of an

authority on these things .

"It was made three weeks ago , Sgt Mulhollands family send it over "

mumbled Mrs Murphy a tear now coming down her own eye .

So the three ladies and an old taxi driver got quietly and quickly drunk

, on tea strengthened with Poteen . Michael even remembered a whole song

in Polish that he'd learnt . It's wonderful the power of good alcohol , it

brings back the memories to the old and banishes the cold of loneliness .

As for the song , it was as bad or as good as the one Mrs Murphy had sung

at the do for the childrens's home . The two Polish women laughed till

they cried , Michael sung it even louder and was made repeat it seven

times , and all the time he hadn't a clue for the life of him what he was

singing ....


The next day Mrs Murphy took Nanska on a trip around town to show

the sights , Mrs Murphy really liked flashing her bus pass like a police

man , in fact Starsky was her favourite . The two ladies stopped off for a

cuppa at a little cafe by the bus station . Behind them was a park and a

wood , it reminded Nanska of home .

"I feel at home here , with these woods , with a friend by my side " ,

she squeezed Mrs Murphy's hand , as she gazed towards the woods .

" We have woods like that back home , when I was in service in the hotels

in Killarney I used to walk in the woods . Its nice to see something so

tall and strong reach up to the sky and grow . Then you have the low

branches with their leaves leaning down and touching your hair . It always

gave me a thrill . " said Mrs Murphy as she followed Nanska's gaze .

"It was such a thrill , the soft earth underneath the trees , the bouncy

ground , the squirrels chattering away and jumping like acrobats from tree

to tree , the magpies too , oh it was all so grand , just think what its

like to be young ." continued Mrs Murphy in bewteen sips of tea .

"It was the closest we got to sex . " smiled Nanska

"Yes , I suppose you are right - then we realised trees are more

dependable than men . " laughed Mrs Murphy .

They laughed together , a shared love of trees , a shared faith , a

shared hope , they laughed as only the old can laugh , they laughed at

themselves .

"Come on , let's walk in the woods " said Mrs Murphy jumping up and

nearly knocking the table and chairs over .

A smiling Nanska , eagerly joined in this nonsense , oh to be young again

, youth was wasted on the young , they wasted so much time , life is for

living and loving and hoping , not sitting around and saying " I'm Bored"

all this went through both their heads as they strode towards the wood .

Not that they actually strode , in their hearts they did , but they

progressed towards the woods arm in arm .....

They must have been in the woods for a half hour , before Mrs

Murphy felt the call of nature . So making hissing noises , and gestures ,

she ushered Nanska on , while she did a country pee . This is how Mrs

Murphy described crouching behind a tree with her dress held up about her

head so she could let nature take its course . It was while nature took

its course that it happened . A fact of human nature to be prescise ,

greed . Nanska was mugged . Mrs Murphy heard the screams and came running

, or rather huffing and puffing with her drawers still not fully pulled up

"What's up ?" she demanded as she rearranged her underwear .

"A bandit take my bag " was Nanska's reply as tried to contain her heaving

bussum , such was her shock and heart rate .

Mrs Murphy looked feverishly around her hoping to see the mugger , but

there was no chance . So taking Nanska's hand to comfort her , Mrs Murphy

led Nanska out of the wood . On the way out they found Nanska's handbag ,

there was a trail of Nanska's poccessions .

"So we are lucky after all " said Mrs Murphy trying to console Nanska .

"Yes , but he did frighten me , he pushed me to the ground " replied

Nanska as she crouched about picking up her belongings .

"Bad sest him , the divil carry him , if ever I catch him , I'd tan his

bare arse ," said Mrs Murphy as she struggled about picking up Nanska's

belongings .

"I have everything now , he must have thrown it down when he realised my

money was Polish kind . Sadly I miss the gold cross and chain that The

Pope gave me . " sighed Nanska .

Mrs Murphy's ears pricked up as she heard this , nobody , no cheeky

spotty youth was going to steal from her friend , she'd catch this

"person" if it was the last thing she did . Her head raced with anger , as

the two of them continued out of the wood , towards the bus station . Now

how would Starsky deal with this she wondered , then she wondered was

St. Anthony the one for muggings too , after all she wanting help in

finding that cross . She was awakened from her throughts by the

"Chugg,chugg" of Michael's taxi .

"Jump in ladies , where to ? " he said quietly , as his head had not

recovered from the night before .

"You better go to Mark's , WE have been mugged . " said Mrs Murphy .

At Mark's , Mrs Murphy and her soul mate , were the life and

soul of the inquest into the mugging . Concerned looks , and dire threats

of what they'd do to the culprit were the order of the day . Patrick his

hands covered in flour came running .

"Are you alright , are you alright ? " he said , scouring his mothers face

for signs of harm .

"Of course , I am . Only the spotty faced monster made me wet my knickers"

"You were that afraid ? " said a worried looking Patrick .

"Don't be so soft , you overgrown egyt , I was taking a country pee ,

when I heard the fuss , then in my rush I wet my knickers ." said Mrs

Murphy with a look that said "What kind of idiot have I for a son " .

"So we've wet the baby's head last week and now your knickers this

week ! " said Patrick who couldn't resist the chance of a joke .

"I'm not too old to tan your bare arse , Patrick ! " snapped Mrs Murphy

before she saw the funny side and started to shriek with laughter .

"I'm going to catch that cheeky monkey , I don't mind my knickers getting

wet , it's just that Nanska a visiter to our country should not get

treated like that , it ruins the reputation of the place , they'll think

we are all totally uncivilised . " Mrs Murphy sounded more than indignant

, she had that look in her eye . Then by way of afterthought she added

"Besides , the little bastard stole a cross and chain given to Nanska by

the Pope himself ! "

Patrick knew it was definately a waste of time trying to persuade his

mother that she hadn't a chance in hell of finding the mugger . He looked

about the cafe trying to think of something useful to say . Outside Amjit

barked and put his nose to the window .

"Well Amjit can help you , " said Patrick trying placate his mother .

"Well I'll take him home with me then . "


The next few days Amjit found himself under house arrest at Mrs

Murphy's . She was training him with the aid of a hurling stick and ginger

nut biscuits , if he had a soul Amjit would have sold it for a ginger nut

biscuit , wasn't Patrick the same only Rolos were his weakness . Amjit was

a clever dog already , but Mrs Murphy didn't quite trust him as he had

ran after a squirrel while saving Jaswinder . She was an old woman she

didn't want to be attacked while souring the town for the mugger . Amjit

already knew English and a bit of Indian but now the Gaelic were to be his

command words . Mrs Murphy did not want anybody to know what was coming .

"Well , you seem to know your stuff , so we'll go for a walk in the woods

then ."


Walking in the woods was a joy for Mrs Murphy , a harsh word

in Gaelic was all that was needed when Amjit started to trot , having seen

a squirrel ahead .That and the odd ginger nut .She thought she'd only have

to walk into the woods and then the mugger would come out with his hands

up , but neither life nor love is like that . The first thing that Mrs

Murphy came across seemed to be a body , she couldn't quite see so she

sent Amjit ahead , just in case it was dangerous . Amjit crept ahead and

sniffed at a white rounded thing , his cold nose touched it . There was a

startled scream , followed by a girl's laughter . Amjit had disturbed a

pair of natural lovers . Mrs Murphy brought up the rear , averting her

eyes from the naked lovers .

"I'm sorry if my dog disturbed your husband at his "Work" , " the

laughter in her voice , hadn't friends of hers done the same fifty years

ago in the woods of Killarney , in a crowded house a wood can be a thing

of wonder and recreation if not procreation .

"He's only my boyfriend !" came a laughed reply from the girl , while the

boy blushed .

"You should only do that if you know , he'd be a good father to a baby !"

was Mrs Murphy's moral retort her eyes averted still .

"Oh , he will be , I want lots of children , we are just getting some

practice in , " was the final remark before the girl got the boy to carry

on with a job well done .

Mrs Murphy was going to say something more but then thought of Patrick

and June , so she just laughed and laughed , they were true lovers just

like her Patrick and June , so what if they were early starters . And they

wanted lots of kids , anybody who loved children was ok in Mrs Murphy's

book .

Further into the wood teenage children were swinging from a

rope tied to a tree . When they saw Amjit they scattered , screaming

"Police" . They had been playing truant from school , the sight of an

enormous dog had only meant one thing to them - Police . It took Mrs

Murphy a while to realise this . Then she realised she had a new problem

now , how to make Amjit invisible .

Mrs Murphy thought long and hard on how to make Amjit

invisible , it would be easy if she was Paul Daniels the tv magician , but

she was just a poor widow woman , as she insisted to her son every time

she wanted to extract a favour . Saint Francis was roped in to help but

this only gave partial success , what was needed was something to slow the

hairy beast down . Mrs Murphy even thought of attaching the old last to

Amjit's collar , she ruled this out though , something much heavier was

needed , something that would make Amjit slow down and so make him keep

his distance and so be invisible . Then while watching the tv she saw a

blacksmith , a light went on in her mind , now an anvil would be just the

thing to slow Amjit down . It was then that Saint Francis spoke up , she

couldn't be so cruel to a dumb animal especially after he had saved

Jaswinder . The picture of Mother Theresa looked down the wall and said

"have faith ".Mrs Murphy looked at Amjit lying at her feet like some form

of long haired rug and smiled her own saintly smile , they were only

thoughts , meer passing pagan clouds . She threw Amjit a ginger nut , the

"rug" awoke and caught it , licked his lips and wagged his tail ; he liked

her , it amused him how she threatened him with a hurling stick , he let

her think she was in charge , after all he really would sell his soul for

a ginger nut .

The door bell rang , Saint Francis had sent a helper , no last

this but a human anvil who would really slow Amjit down , it was Mathew .

Mrs Murphy smiled , those saints really loved playing games with her ,

they could really drive her to distraction , yet they always came through

in the end , even though if sometimes they puzzled her despite her

fathomless faith .

"Hello Mathew , come in I'll make some fresh tea , I've a favour to ask

you " , she said casting a sideways glance at Mother Theresa on the wall.

The next day Mathew and Mrs Muphy were on the street , a trail

of ginger nuts seperated them . The plan was for Mrs Murphy to call Amjit

and make him advance slowly along the street , picking up the ginger nuts

one by one , Mathew was the braking device to prevent Amjit wolfing down

the lot . This did the trick , as Mathew was heavier than any last or

anvil .

"Follow " commanded Mrs Murphy from up the street . Fifty

yards away Amjit eagerly obeyed , why shouldn't he after all , wasn't

there a trail of ginger nuts in front of him , he was only a dog , albeit

a very large and hairy dog , but he wasn't stupid . The pavement was a bit

wet and slippery after the early rain , and such was Amjit's pulling

power that if Mathew were wearing skis he could have water skied along the

pavement , but since Mathew wasn't then that wasn't a possibility , but it

was a near thing . Amjit proceeded up the road after Mrs Murphy licking

his lips all the way , now this was fun he thought , even if he did have

to drag Mathew after him . After half an hour the supply of ginger nuts

was exhausted . Jaswinder came skipping out with a couple of packets of

ginger nuts , her father like everybody else on the street had been

watching with interest . So patting Amjit hello and goodbye Jaswinder

skipped away , her mission had been accomplished . Amjit again followed

Mrs Murphy at a distance , still weighed down by Mathew , to be honest

Amjit was getting bored , even though it was his duty to do Mrs Murphy's

bidding , it would be a shame to waste all those nice ginger nuts wouldn't

it ? "Now lets see if he'll do it without the bribe , " yelled Mrs Murphy

to Mathew . So Amjit followed her at a distance , almost inventing

pavement water skiing at the same time as he dragged Mathew along . Amjit

followed three times without reward . "Well he seems to have leant it then

doesn't he ? " beamed a happy Mrs Murphy . Only to be disappointed

immediately , Mathew had let go of Amjit , so a disgusted Amjit dashed

off. It wasn't fair was it , Amjit had been tricked , he had obeyed out of

duty hadn't he , the ginger nuts had nothing to do with it , it was the

principle , wasn't it ?

In the cafe Mrs Murphy had a well earned cuppa while she treated

Mathew to a banana milk shake . Where had that turncoat Amjit got to ,

just when she thought he had learnt his lesson .

Amjit too was having a break , he'd dug up a favourite bone and

was chewing on it , pondering on the morning's fun as he sucked the marrow

from his bone . It was while Amjit was chewing that he had an idea , but

he finished his bone first before he put his idea into action .

"I've got an idea Mathew , what if we gradually reduce the

amount of ginger nuts , then even that stupid dog will understand , "

sighed Mrs Murphy , who was tired and feeling her age .

"Like Barbara Woodhouse did on the telly last night do you mean ? "replied

Mathew as he blew bubbles into his milk shake . Mrs Murphy realised what

an old fool she had been and it was Mathew of all people who had made her

realise this .

"Come on then , I'll try and whistle the devil back to us , " she said as

she leant on the back of a chair to lever herself up .

Outside Amjit was sitting with his lead in his teeth , his tail

was wagging , he was pleased with himself and the bone he'd just eaten no

doubt . "Your stomach not full enough is it ? " scolded Mrs Murphy . Amjit

just barked and skipped in front of her just like a puppy . "You better

grab him , before the rascal runs away . " Then in front of them they saw

the fruits of Amjit's chewing the cud or rather chewing his bone . Along

the pavement placed at intervals were fragments of bone ! Amjit thought

Mrs Murphy had ran out of bribes , so he had supplied his own , in

readiness for more fun .

"You'd teach this grandmother to suck eggs wouldn't you ," she

again scolded , as Amjit jumped about like a very excited puppy .

"But I thought we were just teaching him to follow you at a distance , and

how can a dog suck eggs , or do you mean carry eggs like Police dogs can

do , like I saw on - "

"Barbara Woodhouse last night , " interrupted Mrs Murphy . She looked at

Amjit and then Mathew , then she smiled , some would call them dumb

animals yet both had shown her a thing or two . There was no doubt in her

mind , St.Francis was making a fool of her . She shook her head then she

let the laughter out , at her age she had no time nor need of anger ,

laughter was all she wanted , that and to die in her sleep and to convert

the pagan grandparents of course . The shopkeepers who had again been

keeping half an eye on proceedings came out to see what was the cause of

all the laughter , Mathew having started off too , a braying echo of Mrs

Murphy's earthy laugh , Amjit barking for joy too , which would soon start

off all the dogs in the neighbourhood . A look along the street to see all

the bones soon explained things . So the whole street joined in the

laughter . When sanity returned Amjit proved that he'd already mastered

the trick of following at a distance . If the truth be know , Amjit had

worked things out pretty soon , but he hadn't the heart to admit it to

poor Mrs Murphy , besides it was great fun , if she wanted to leave ginger

nuts along the pavement then he wasn't going to stop her . After all a dog

was man's and old ladies' best friend .

Mrs Murphy resumed her search of the woods with her newly

trained Amjit , but to no avail . So she went and had a bun and a tea from

the cafe in front of the wood . It wasn't fair , she'd spent all this time

and energy ,not to mention wasted prayers and still no sign of the mugger.

While Mrs Murphy was having simple fare , on the other side

of town Mrs Annette Kemp was treating herself to Black Forest Gateau

washed down by real coffee and cream all served by pretty young girls in

uniforms similiar to those Mrs Murphy had worn fifty years ago when in

service in the hotels on the lakes of Killarney . Mrs Kemp was pleased

with herself , she'd just bought Patrick his birthday present , a very

nice Rolex with clasp strap . So pleased was she that she had the watch on

her table so she could admire it while she had her gateau and coffee , and

she of course congradulated herself on her good taste , if only some would

rub off on Patrick . Then she smiled to herself , hadn't he married HER

daughter , so if that wasn't good taste , then what was ? She overlooked

the fact that some of her "friends" would have called it a "Shotgun

Wedding" ; but now that SHE was a grandmother those kind of "friends"

could go to hell as far as she was concerned , in many ways she was

already like the other grannie - Mrs Murphy .

Outside on the street somebody else was admiring the Rolex , a

spotty faced youth with a skateboard under his arm , a "class war" badge

on his jumper , next to a gold cross held on with a safety pin . As far as

the spotty youth was concerned here was one of the enemy , flaunting

wealth , that one watch would more than pay for a years poll tax , that's

if the spotty youth didn't feel poll tax was immoral . Not that stealing

was immoral , for that's was what he was about to do .

Mrs Kemp finished her gateau , had a last sip of her real

coffee , then she put the Rolex away , into a dainty carrier with Rolex on

it . She floated outside , with the air of the Queen Mother about her ,

she was happy and content , it had been a nice morning , a very nice

morning . So when a sneering spotty faced youth shouted in her face

grabbing her precious cargo she was to taken aback . She just couldn't

comprehend the situation , it was like stealing one of the three gifts

from one of the three kings , or slapping an angel's bum and asking for a

bit of slap and tickle . It happened to other people but never to you , it

was as likely as a man breaking into the Queen's bedroom . It just did not

happen . Then Mrs Kemp's face fell , it had really happened and to her ,

just as it had happened to the Queen , even the Queen .

"Stop thief , catch that little BASTARD ," she screamed . She hailed a

taxi and ordered "Follow that skateboard . " Only the taxi driver laughed

"It's too late for April Fool's Missus . " This really annoyed Mrs Kemp ,

being called "Missus" , and by a taxi driver . So she ordered him to take

her to the street , her daughter at least would give her some sympathy ..

"So you see the spotty creature grabbed the bag and made off on

his skateboard , I doubt if he could tell the time , unless it was on one

of those horrid digital watches , so why on earth should he steal a

"Timepiece" like the Rolex ? " mused Mrs Kemp to her daughter , as she

sipped her tea in Mark's cafe .

"So Patrick won't be getting his birthday present then ? " said June , who

was holding her mother's twitching hand , the shock only now sinking in .

"No , he'll have his watch , no little hoodlum is going to ruin MY plans

after all , Patrick is family now . Though you will come with me to the

shop to buy him another , I wouldn't feel safe on my own ."

June looked at her mother , she suddenly seemed old and vunerable , the

hard real world had never dared encroach on Mrs Kemp , and now there she

was holding June's hand , looking vunerable , June was the mother and her

mother was the little frightened child .

"Of course I will , but you need not go to the expense , after all it is

the thought that counts , " concern in both her eyes and voice .

Outside there was a screech of brakes ,as three orange VW vans pulled up .

Out jumped eight Indians in turbans and saffron coloured robes , long

swords dangling by their sides . Behind the Indians came Mrs Murphy , like

an honour guard they heralded Mrs Murphy into Mark's cafe .

"Nine teas , please , and some cake too , " flashed a pearl white smile .

Mrs Murphy sat down , her boys surrounding her . It was only then that Mrs

Murphy noticed a crestfallen Mrs Kemp .

"Are you alright ? You look down today , Annette , " Mrs Murphy enquired .

"Mom was mugged , just a while ago ," answered June .

"Jesus , Mary and Joseph it's an epidemic . Didn't somebody have a go at

me , only a few minutes ago ! "

"What , somebody tried to mug you , dear God , Shiela what's the world

coming to ? " a startled Mrs Kemp replied .

"Oh , I'm ok the mugger just pushed me to the ground . You see the bus

conducter was in a funny mood so he wouldn't let me take Amjit on the

bus , so the poor dog had to walk the two miles home on his own . Then

what with the dirty bus windows I couldn't see where I was and got off at

the wrong stop . So this young lad jumped out at me . But luckily my boys

happened to be passing so they jumped out of their vans and chased him

down the street . I think he got the fright of his life , mind you he's a

very fast runner , he just tucked his skateboard under his arm and ran

like he'd just seen a banshee , " Mrs Murphy gave glowing looks to her

boys .

"Well , when we saw Mrs Murphy we were going to give her a lift , as it

was we ended up saving her from God knows what ," said Amajit the one with

the pearl white smile .

"This is Amajit , and these are his brothers , Bamajit , Camajit , Damajit

,Hasajit ,Jamajit , Nanajit and the little one is Pamajit , " said a

proud Mrs Murphy as if they were her own sons , and in fact she would love

them to be sons of hers . For they were all fine strong lads , only they

were sons of India and not of Kerry .

"And how did you you get to know such fine young men , " asked Mrs Kemp

forgetting her own indignatities , for Amajit had the looks of an Indian

screen idol .

"She stopped me from walking under a bus when I was a child , so it is my

duty to honour her and treat her as a mother , " said Amajit flashing his

smile straight at Mrs Kemp . Mrs Kemp very nearly swooned , a smile like

that had never been given to her , never . Mrs Murphy winked at June ,

wasn't this proof of what she had said , Mrs Kemp was after a toy boy ,

and if Patrick was unavailable then Amajit would do fine , very fine .

June looked at the ceiling and bit her lip , Mrs Murphy was a rogue to be

sure . Amajit his smiling over , snapped his biscuit in two , and sipped

his tea . His brothers forming a kaleidoscopic imitation of him , as to

the echo they in turn snapped their biscuits and sipped their tea , if

there had been music it would have seemed like ballet or even opera .

"The lads are off to the Temple for a do , these are not their street

clothes , " answered Mrs Murphy seeing a question form on Mrs Kemp's lips.

"Speaking of which we must be off , " said Amajit looking at his Rolex ,

his action rippling out to his brothers as they in turn looked at their

Rolexes . So rising like a wave , with Amajit its crest the Khan brothers

were off , just pausing long enough to nod at Mrs Murphy , and for

Amajit's final smile to Mrs Kemp . So with a screech and three puffs of

exhaust , the VW vans with the Khan's in them disappeared . Though Amajit

would never disappear from Mrs Kemp's mind .

"He's such a nice man , and were they all wearing Rolex watches ? "

wondered Mrs Kemp trying to appear nonchalant . Mrs Murphy again winked at

June before answering .

"He's a nice lad , so are his brothers . They are worth a few million now

I suppose . Working sixteen hour days does have its rewards . They've

just bought the old pressing works , to expand their clothing business .

They have one sister too , but sadly she's a spastic , they love her to

death , they are building her a bungalow of her own , next to their

parents house , so she can be independent . It's nice that , they are nice

lads . The youngest boy is having a year off before he goes to Medical

School , he's going to go to Birmingham because its the best . "

" I am impressed , " replied Mrs Kemp raising her eyebrows .

"You'll be impressed more when I catch the mugger , " intoned Mrs Murphy .

Two days later Mrs Murphy had dragged a reluctant Nanska to the

woods , not in a last ditch hope to catch the mugger , they would be

more likely to uncover a teddybears' picnic than that , no , to quell any

lasting fears Nanska may hold for woods . They were of course accompanied

by Amjit , whose presence would strike fear into The Hound of the

Baskerville's , Mrs Murphy had more than prayers to be her guide .

"I'm very sorry we haven't been able to catch that mugger ,it really is

such a disappointment to me . Three old woman all attacked by one spotty

youth . I don't mind it happening to me , nor do I miss the fancy watch

that my son's mother-in-law lost , its just that you a guest in our

country , and not to mentiopn a friend of the Pope's should not be treated

like this , " said Mrs Murphy shaking her head , as if it were all her

fault .

"You do your best Shiela , he have the luck of the Devil , and he run so

fast as you tell me , " replied Nanska placing a consoling hand on Mrs

Murphy's .

They carried on walking through the trees , the veins in the leaves

looking like outstretched hands , begging hands , just as Mrs Murphy's

heart was begging the saints to help her and her Polish soulmate . Amjit

stopped and sniffed the wind . The woman looked , ahead of them a man

was relieving himself against a tree , Amjit began to growl softly , that

was one of his favourite trees , he'd often marked it , what was a mere

man doing to his tree . Mrs Murphy was on the point of scolding Amjit when

she noticed first the man's arm . He was far away , but she'd seen eight

Rolexes the other day and to be sure that was a nineth . Then Nanska

pointed , wasn't there a skateboard propped against the tree . Amjit's

growls errupted into one bark ,this made the man turn to see where the

sound came from . It was the worst thing he could have done .

"Bandit , " screamed Nanska slightly shocked at seeing the mugger again .

"He'll be wetting his knickers now , " shouted a delighted Mrs Murphy .

Before she could shout "Skither his Arse" Amjit was off , he knew that man

wasn't nice , how could he be , he'd used his tree , and he wasn't even a

nice bitch , just a mere man . Amjit howled , the birds scattered , the

squirrels raced up trees , the mugger peed on his own leg , caught himself

on his zip , and then ran like a bat out of hell . Only it would be no use

for a hound of hell was on his tail , no longer the creeping , the slow

the steady Amjit as bribed by ginger nuts , but the hound of hell , or

rather God's Animal making a good impersonation of a Hell's Angel . As the

mugger ran he could hear a jangling , this was Amjit's name tag , his our

lady of Lourdes medal and his Indian holy man medal , it formed a kind of

clanging or bell ring , and for whom did the bell toll , the mugger of

course . It was while the mugger was running for his life that he

interrupted the young couple , tha naked lovers who used the wood to

create life , in fact he fell over them . Seconds later Amjit placed a

cold nose on a bare bum , it was his way of asking which way did he go .

Without bothered to pause , a finger pointed the way , Amjit sped off

barking his thanks . Amjit was beginning to think what a good runner this

mere man was , then he caught up with him . So teeth first Amjit said his

hellos .

"We better try and catch up with him then , " said Mrs Murphy .

"Do you think your dog is fast enough ? " pondered Nanska .

A scream rang out through the woods , as if answering Nanska'a doubts , it

was followed by excited barking . The ladies looked at one another and

laughed . So picking up the discarded skateboard they made their way

though the woods towards the source of the screams . On their way they

came across the naked lovers . Mrs Murphy averting her eyes dropped her

son's business card beside them saying "If you need a flat give my son a

ring . " Her son's flat above the bakery had been empty since he built

his house , so to save the lovers from catching cold she left the card .

Meanwhile Amjit had let his quarry go , not so he could spit the

taste out before biting the mugger again , but more because it was fun to

let him go .Then he'd have to catch him again ,first Amjit ran away before

reappearing teeth first , rather like a toothpaste commercial , only one

with much more bite . The mugger was cowering on the ground squeezed into

a ball when Mrs Murphy and Nanska arrived .

"Amjit leave him be . As for you young man stand up ! " commanded Mrs

Murphy , having the full authority of Amjit's teeth at her command .

The man stood , he looked scared , not to mention tattered and bleeding ,

Amjit had enjoyed his blood sport .

"You can take off that watch for starters , and empty your pockets , "

continued Mrs Murphy .

In the woods behind them ,the lovers now clothed watched the proceedings ,

it appeared very strange . Two old ladies and a very big dog making a man

strip . For Mrs Murphy decided he might be hiding something so she had the

spotty man strip to his underpants , she was sure Starsky would have done

the same thing , so it must be right . While the man shivered , Mrs Murphy

searched the clothes . After a while she got up from her crouching

position , in her hand she held a cross , Nanska's cross .

"The one Carol give me , you are a detective Mrs Murphy ," beamed a

grateful Nanska .

Amjit barked his praise too , his tail moving like a windmill in a storm .

Mrs Murphy then turned her attention to the mugger . Behind in the trees

the lovers edged forward , they could sense the coming storm .

"So you think you're a bigshot attacking old ladies , and WIDOWS like me

and honoured visitors to our country do you ? " blasted Mrs Murphy .

"Well don't think you're too old to have your bare arse spanked , " she

continued with her Kerry accent getting stronger by the second .

"Turn around then drop your pants mister , " she was trying to sound as

hard as Starsky . She was getting worked up now , in fact she dropped her

handbag , the contents spilt everywhere . While she gathered up the

contents of her bag the mugger dropped his pants , he'd never live this

down . But worse was yet to come , for amongst the spilt contents of Mrs

Murphy's handbag was superglue , used to fix her favourite beeds . In a

second a wicked idea was formed in Mrs Murphy's mind . She grabbed the

skateboard , squirted the glue onto it , then used it to spank the mugger.

Only one spank , then while Amjit barked his approval she held the board

to the muggers behind .

"There you are , now see how dignified you feel , about the same as your

victims who you leave sprawled about ! " screeched a triumphant Mrs

Murphy as she took her hands from the skateboard , which remained stuck

to the mugger's behind . Nanska was silent for a second before bursting

out laughing , the old ladies hugged each other as they continued laughing

till tears formed in their eyes .As for Amjit he saw a friend ,another dog

that is to say , so with a bark of farewell he ran off to play . The

mugger made his retreat , with the old ladies laughing him farewell .

When the laughing was over the ladies continued walking out of

the woods , the lovers broke cover to run after them .

"Excuse me , but this card you gave us you weren't playing a joke or

something were you ? " asked the girl .

"Not at all , in fact we are going back that way now , so if you come with

us on the bus you can see my son about it ? " relied Mrs Murphy as the

last trace of her laughter faded , leaving just slightly curled up lips as

evidence of her revenge in the woods .

"My car is parked by the bus station , we'll give you a lift . By the way

we saw what you did to that man , it was very funny , " said the man .

"Bad cest him , he was a mugger , I don't think he'll be mugging old

ladies anymore , " said an indignant Mrs Murphy .

Back on the street in Mark's cafe Mrs Murphy held court , telling

and retelling the story . Everybody thought she was right to turn the

tables . When Patrick and June came in Mrs Murphy held up the Rolex before

throwing it at her son .

"There's your birthday present from your mother-in-law , I retrieved it

from the mugger , Amjit helped of course , mind you he's gone off after

some lady dog now . "

"It's nice , very nice , pity its not a stretch strap though , " said

Patrick as he examined the Rolex .

"Well as it happens I stopped off at Jimmy's , so here's my present for

you , " Patrick's mum then threw a stretch stap at him .

"Thank's mum , you were always practical , though it used to be boiled

sweets you threw at me . "

"Oh June come here I've a favour to ask ? " continued Mrs Murphy still

basking in the afterglow of fame . The two then confered , before June

looked at Liz and Keith before laughing , then with a nod of her head June

consented to Mrs Murphy's idea .June edged up to Patrick and gave him a

lingering kiss on the lips , making him blush , he hated being kissed in

public . He knew June was up to something , but what was it ?

"Patrick I have decided , or rather we have decided " she began .

"You and me ? Decided what ? " interrupted Patrick .

"Me and your mother , that we , " continued June , pausing to plant

another smacker on his lips . Patrick blushed again , and looked at the

floor in an effort to hide those blushes from all in the cafe .

"To finish ,we , and this time I mean you and me are going to rent out the

old flat to Liz and Keith over there , " she kissed her husband again to

press home her point .

"I suppose it is a waste to let it go empty , " observed Patrick trying to

appear in charge of the situation .

"Yes it would be . Besides we don't want Liz and Keith to catch a cold ,

oh and by the way I think we should have a walk in the woods next month ."

Patrick could see the glint in her eye , he did not understand but June

was good at explaining ......

I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS. ITS SNOWING OUTSIDE SO WHY NOT CUDDLE UP TO THE COMPUTER AND READ THIS.
BY THE WAY I HAD JULIE WALTERS IN MIND WHEN I WROTE THIS AND WHEN I WROTE The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker
JULIE WALTERS IS NOW THE RIGHT AGE FOR THE PART OF
MRS MURPHY.

p.s. If you have something better than a computer to cuddle up to, then cuddle that or he or she.







A QUICK HELLO TO HONG KONG

a quick hello to Hong Kong



a quick hello to Hong Kong
spotted you having a read, so thanks for joining  the United Nations of the Bemused and Bewildered, my “fans” ok I’ll never have “fans” just drunken stumblers the world over  who find my words, and then wish they had not bothered. You are all so cruel, if ever I get to Hong Kong I’ll steal your wok, or abacus. Though you could be one of those billionaireses who wants to adopt me and dress me in extra extra large tailored clothes. And buy me a house, a car for my daughter and a puppy dog. Well if I don’t ask I won’t get.  I could make them laugh. is laughter worth anything?
I lusted after the house below but finally it’s sold, not unless they are changing agent again
my 2nd choice is:-
IT IS SHAPED LIKE A TOBLERONE and  has been for sale several times, maybe because they are asking too much.
YES I’M very cheeky, I have no time for  anything else.
So what could I offer a Hong Kong Billionairess? I could make them laugh. is laughter worth anything? 1,357,380 words, not as useful as an abacus or a wok, but certainly more entertaining. Not unless they’d like to have fat children with silver hair and hairy backs and bushy eyebrows. What does any billionaires want?  Soft toilet paper maybe. Is that the reason they buy newspapers, as a front for owning toilet paper factories. THOUGH some would say both are full of the same thing. BS.
I’ll finish for tonight, or morning in HK, seriously though thank you for passing by and reading my words. I spotted somebody googling “michaelgcasey” the results went up to 98,000, are you all looking for me? Or is it just for the key to the paper store as you have ran out of toilet paper. If you really were a Hong Kong billionairess you wouldn’t have to do that as you’ll always have plenty of scented toilet paper.

Shop Art to Shop Reality



Shop Art to Shop Reality ©
By 
Michael Casey

Well I’ve know my local corner shop guy for 32 years now, so the banter has been passing back and forth for decades. When I wrote The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker back in  1987/1988 finishing on Leap Year’s Day I never knew which way my life would go. The one constant is the corner shop. Though I’ve lived here so long I can remember when he had not actually gained the corner. There was a furniture shop there so he had to wait before he could buy it out and then knock the wall down and  achieve full corner shop status.

I’d had a vacation from his corner shop so today when I returned, I  said my divorce lawyer had told me to pay the shop a visit. His wife laughed like a drain, he had previously asked my wife had I fallen out with my wife as I hadn’t been to his store in ages. So today on entering  the store I said to the new staff loudly and to the boss himself, I heard you had gone bankrupt and ran away with a Filipino. I  tried he said, which is code for he tried chatting up my wife. Normal Open All Hours banter.

He resumed by saying that my wife was clever, I know she has a degree in Bio-Chemistry, she could slice and dice you and rearrange you chemically. My nephew has just got a 2:1 in biochemistry from York, perhaps he could help, I continued with a smile. The new staff look on trying not to smile, so I explain to the hockey team, they look like they should be playing hockey for England. Which reminds me of the hockey story in Butcher Baker Undertaker. I explain that I know the Boss so long we both had brown hair, 32 years ago, when the boss only had 2 kids not the 6 he’s finished with. I know him so long I remember when he used  a spoon to carve away at the old furniture shop next door.

I realise I am not embarrassing my sparring partner enough, so as I look around the spruced up shop .I add, did you find the footage of me and the Boss French kissed just by the checkout. Just burn it all in the shopping trolley in the back yard. Make sure you don’t miss any bit. I pay for my milk and bread, safe in the knowledge that the Boss will be the talk of the Temple for at least a week. 

As I leave I spot another new staff member, I  lean in to him as he works on his clip board. On second thoughts, don’t burn that footage of me French Kissing by the soft drinks, with the Indian owner. Just blow it up to poster size and stick to the side of the store. This will prove the store is Gay  friendly, and encourage the gay pound. With that I left the store, with my milk and bread swinging in the plastic bag by my side. 

As for the owner he is going into semi-retirement, which could just mean working 40 hours a week instead of 95. Either way I wish him well, maybe he should sponsor the hockey team, they could have Shop with Smile as a logo.   

 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0




Thursday, 16 August 2018

Shed a Little Tear

I was watching the news and they played a piece of Aretha Franklin music and then I watched a film of her performance at the Kennedy Centre when Obama was still President. Obama wiped a tear away. So did I. How can any human  have such power just in their voice. Power and Majesty. I was watching the screen and crying. I'm love my Music, but I was surprised the effect Aretha Franklin had on me. So everybody say a little prayer for her tonight. Though I feel she does not need it, as the angels are already moving on up, and moving along the line to let everybody's Queen take her place.

The Band has  got back together as the angles might say.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gCuyrKVDCs

http://arethafranklin.net/

A Message for Donald Trump 16th August 2018

Brazil
Belgium

Germany

United Kingdom

Philippines

Portugal

United States

Vietnam
South Korea
Spain
 are some of the nations reading my stories today
i won't make a cent but it does uplift my soul to know people are reading me.
These are the figures Wordpress and Google Blogger
as well as Unknown Region
Now I don't know if Unknown Region is you Donald, but if it is then I thank you too.
Now today folks are all condemning you for condemning them.
We are all so very tired of your bluster and LIES, but you won't change and the daughter of a preacher will stand up and defend The President's LIES, because it is her job. Personally I'd go get another job. If my boss LIES so much, and cannot tell the difference and does not even care about the difference as he BLUSTERS along then I'd take a hike.

The Religious Right as it's called in your country will forgive everything you do, because you are NOT Hillary. And it was wrong for her to run, because it was NOT her "turn". Too many ancient people are in your Senate, 80+ year olds should sit on the porch and write their memoirs and not hold the "youth" back, the under 70s that is. But that's your system.

Now Donald, and it will always be Donald not unless you want to call me Mr Casey all the time, but I am the least of all the Caseys, so let's stick with Michael. Now Donald, a bull in a china shop destroys more than it builds. So Nato could be destroyed by your arrogance. But so long as you save a buck what does it matter to you. FDR did not say this'll cost a lot of bucks fetch me the accountant before he rung Churchill.

Some things have no price Donald, what price do you put on family? Even you. The Price a Soul from last week spoke about it, I never expect you to change and I can see the defiant angry ill tempered response  already. FAKE FAKE FAKE. it is not for me a foreigner to control the USA President, that is up to the American People, they need to get off the couch and vote in November. 

Did all the Trump profits go via a Russian bank to avoid tax? Is it only the Love of Money which will make the USA voters control their President, that would be the utter irony. The Love of Money being the root of all evil, and only then The religious right turning against their man, whom they finally saw as FAKE.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0




Portuguese Translations

Humour Writing by the fat silver haired writer in shades from Birmingham England read in 167 countries so far https://www.amazon.co.uk/Micha...