My God A lost post from Feb 2007, 11 years ago

My God (c)

By

Michael Casey

To  start with , it was an impossibility , but strange things have happened since I met the wife . God had been quietly reading the sports pages of his newspaper , printed in hieroglyphics of course , he was wandering would Manchester United ever be beaten and why didn’t David Beckham call his son John , it was such a nice name after all . Instead of naming him after a bridge , God’s name was John after all , there he sat on his clouds worrying about us all , why didn’t we all talk to him more , not formal prayers ,  just “if onlys” and sighs and groans  , even “you bastard its all your fault “ or “you don’t exist anyway” . A father worries about his children and when they don’t talk to him he worries all the more . Sure some of his kids talked , or rather prayed every day , but these weren’t the ones he worried about . It was the ones who were too tired to pray , because they worked such such funny / hard hours , whose own kids made them worry so much , it was these who made God worry so much , his elbows were constantly wore away on his cardigan as God lay on the floor his head in his hands and cried , sure Mary the Virgin always darned his elbows but these past 2000 years they always needed redarning . But he heard my prayer as I stood by the fridge and said “all I want is to meet somebody and get married and perhaps have a family and do something useful with my life” 3 wishes if you like .

******

I was doing some security and this flashed by so I'm sharing it.

Exam Time

Exam Time ©

By

Michael Casey

Well its exam time, it’s May 19^th 2018, Cup Final Day, Man U v Chelsea, so I shouldn’t watch that I should be revising. There’s something else happening today too but for the life of me I cannot remember what. That’s the trouble with exams you get blockages in your brain, you should have done that section on this or that but you forgot. But hopefully you can get into Sussex, it’s pretty down there and you have the beach at Brighton too, nudists and gay life combined. So when would you actually study, assuming you pass the A Levels and get in there.

I’m sure there was one paper I should have looked at but what was it, anyway at least the Cup Final will be on if I do a bit of revising first. And on it goes, you hope and pray you revise for the right stuff. Your mother prays that the examiners miss all your mistakes and promises money to Charity so long as the Golden Child passes and gets on the Brick Laying course, or Electrical Engineering course. Or maybe gets into Cambridge to do Maths, whatever it is whatever Faith any mum has she will be praying for all she is worth. All she has to do is get you out of bed so you do some actual revising.

Luck or God does play its part, my niece revised like crazy for Geography and hey presto on the day of the exam she turned over the page and there before her was everything she revised the night before. Maybe her grandmother in Heaven had a word, my mum does control the tea pot in Heaven after all. On the other hand you can work so hard and answer all the questions but still get a bad grade. So then you have to live with it. 

Though there is this thing called grade boundaries, these can be changed so that the amount of As or Bs or Cs are shared out. My daughter tells me for her recent exam 80+ percent is no longer an A but could become a C, because lots of very high results were achieved. This seems unfair to me but apparently in the Sciences this can be the case. 

But back to the chase, you have to be organised at exam time. You have to attach your exam time table to the fridge with a magnet. You need to make sure you get up in time to catch the bus to school or college so you don’t miss those exams. That would be tragic, all the studying then the cat has knocked the exam timetable off the fridge, so you are still in bed instead of taking the exam.

There are many study methods, a little bit often and then gradually increase it till you do more and more. Staying up till 2am before a 9 am exam is probably not a good idea, as you need to get your sleep and then get up and eat and shower before travelling to the exam. In films no doubt Hugh Grant would eat and wash in the shower at the same time while reading from notes glued to the bathroom wall, I would not recommend it. As a dad with a daughter doing A Levels next year my job is to provide chocolate and plenty of it, I also have to make sure she gets up in time for the bus and exams. So if today is your Wedding Day no matter who you are then think to the Future, one day you will be doing this too.

My Wedding Day a 100% true acount

My Wedding Day (c)

By

Michael Casey

Now my Wedding Day is probably the most "different" ever.

It started at our house and then William PhD and his  beach life saver wife picked us up and took us to the Register Office.

The Registrar was  the sister of the guy I worked with in a dungeon of a computer room, perhaps even built on a graveyard.

My friend from grammar school signed the register as a witness, he was a PhD too. My brother was the 2nd signature.

We then went to my sisters for a reception. William PhD was a PhD in metallurgy so meeting my dad was a thrill for him, because my dad was a Blacksmith and worked in a steel works.

After the reception we went around the corner to my house, where friends had left 2 bunches of flowers on our doorstep.

There we chilled for a few hours, my Chinese wife now had a new name, Mrs Casey. Then we went to MacDonalds for burger and chips, we met my friend the PhD, he and my wife did Chemical equations on the napkins, both my new wife and   my friend were Chemists.

Then we went to the music pub and the back of Broad St, it used to be owned by members of the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra. There we joined the 25th year class reunion of my grammar school. So we had a few beers and met a few friends.

I even met one of my old postmen, he thought it was funny, a wedding and a reunion in one day. I told him I had been Shanghaied, the wife is from Shanghai after all.

Then we went home. Now we have 2 bilingual daughters who both have a good sense of humour.

P.S. Now we have Totoro the cat and she is bilingual too

If you were wondering

this is me writing for the world

Thursday, 17 May 2018

if you were wondering

if you were wondering why no new big new material.

Windows  10 went down again, so I had to play with my computer to get it back.

yes I do lots of off site security.

otherwise they'd be no more stories to share/bore you with.

do others out there have the same problem?

And its 40 years since I started as a Computer Operator back in 1978

Here's a list of sites to help IF English is your cousin's 2nd language

To help learn English try these

WEB SITES TO LOOK AT

WORLDCLASSTUTOR.COM

WWW.ESLFAST.COM

ENGLISHMEDIALAB.COM

WWW.USINGENGLISH.COM 

ONLINETUTORINGWORLD.COM

WWW.TEACHINGENGLISH.ORG.UK 

UTUBEENGLISH LESSONS

WWW.ESLFLOW.COM 

ESLGOLD.NET

WWW.RONG-CHANG.COM 

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com

https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC 

365 STORIES, ONE A DAY   www.eslyes.com 

JC-SCHOOLS.NET

Learningenglishwithmrduncan    ON UTUBE I think

 this one is great lots of free lessons with subtitles

USE  Freeformsandtemplates.com

Or JUST  Google “FREE ESOL MATERIAL”

“Resume and cover letter writing made easy”

Google Helps   so use it!

The Hangers On

The Hangers On (c)
By
Michael Casey

Are you going?
Of Course.
Did you get an invite?
No.
Me neither.
But we'll go anyway.
Of course.
We'll barge our way in.
Hide in the crowd.
And enjoy the Theatre.
And the food.
And the wine.
Especially the wine.
His bread is always good.
You are easily pleased.
I like his wine.
It's always the best.
Even at the very end he does give great wine.
Duck.
We were nearly spotted then.
We'd have missed out on a great feed.
Pass me more wine.
Here's some bread to soak up the wine.
What's the after dinner entertainment like?
Oh its good, always is.
Keeps it simple but always interesting.
Does he do any party tricks too?
Sometimes, he doesn't like to be pushed too much.
If it happens it happens.
I hope it happens tonight.
This wine is great.
It flows like water.
I just love this bread too.
What's the main dish?
Fish.
Fish is nice, I love a bit of fish.
Though I prefer some nice lamb.
Duck.
Let's sneak out before they catch us.
Where was he tonight?
I was too busy eating and drinking.
Me too I think we missed him.
Quick lets sneak up that alley.
Isn't that him up ahead.
He's surrounded by security.
Who does he think he is?
He's just a magician.
Yes he's just a magician.
Yes, but a very good one.
Where is he going now?
Careful, I nearly slipped on the pavement.
They need to fix it.
Yes they should fix it.
Why is he lying down now?
Tired after too much wine and tricks no doubt.
Why are they pulling his clothes off?
Another one of his tricks maybe.
That's not nice.
Is it a trick with a pole?
They are lifting the pole and putting it in a slot.
What's that on his head, a crown or something?
Let's get closer?
I wish we didn't get close.
What have they done to him?
He was just a street entertainer.
What does the sign say above his head?
Is it advertising?
I cannot read.
Me neither.
Let's ask security.
No let's run away.
The sky has gone all dark.
I don't feel very well.
He's crying out.
I'm scared.
I'm so very scared too.
All he did was heal the sick and feed the crowd with food and words.
Now look what have they done to him.
Where are all his friends now?
What's the chanting in the background?
Crucify him, crucify him.
The hangers on left him.
As they walked away the shadow of the cross covered them.
The hangers on were healed of their leprosy.

Sitting on a Bench Part Two

Sitting on a Bench Part Two©

By

Michael Casey

Part of my new routine will be sitting on a bench, the newer bench in the churchyard, the one in loving memory of John Thomas Beddall. I get a rest and he gets a prayer so its a good relationship. The view from the bench looks at the church and then beyond the high street, there is also a splendid tree. There was talk of felling the tree to increase car parking, the lady in the church told me she’d chain herself to the tree should she hear any whispers from the squirrels. So there I am undisturbed on my bench with the tree for company.

I used to sit on a bench in Saint Phillips churchyard in Birmingham city centre when I used to work in the city, a long time ago now. Though when it rained I hid in the church for 3 years. I used to stand all day in the very hot Pinsent Masons print room so a cool church with a bench to sit on was a very good thing. And yes I prayed sometimes, God alone knows how great my prayers were, perhaps John Thomas Beddall will let me know when we meet in the Future.

A bench really is a great thing, so please don’t let your local yobs destroy any, it is a great resource which you’ll appreciate when you are old or infirm. Besides when you are drunk or bladdered you’ll appreciate something that is not moving. Not unless you and your girlfriend decide on al fresco love making, a la bench.

We have other benches in the woods, you can look out at the dip, or bowl shape of grass below the woods from your perch on high. In the winter kids sledge down through dog pooh on plastic bin bags or sledges. The bench with the best view is in memory of another person, so it really is a nice memorial. Maybe if you cremate you can leave a bench instead of a grave and a headstone. Its a thought. To maintain a headstone can be very expense as we have recently discovered in our family. So you could cremate and plant a bench somewhere nice. I have asked for a bench when I’m gone. So I can climb out my grave and have a sit and frighten passersby. Which reminds me read The Graveyard Book.

As you sit on your bench you can watch the world go by, you see all the sights as they pass you and you get some fresh air too, so long as you are not sat too close to the main road or a bus stop or crossings. There goes the traffic wardens wrapped up against all the weather, you watch them warming their hands on car bonnets, or rather checking how cold the engine is and thus how long ago the driver parked. Then you smile as drivers hurry back claiming they’ve only just popped into the pharmacy to get medicine for their sick mum. But you saw the name of the pharmacy, Smiling Paul’s Honest Betting Shop, but the traffic warden lets the punter off, in exchange for a tip for the next race at Windsor. Number 19, Harry’s Girl.  

Bench life is nice, you can even bring sandwiches to eat and a flask of tea too. When on holiday my dad would take his false teeth out and suck them saying. That sandwich was the best ever, mom is such a great chef, she bought them in Tesco’s on the way to the beach in Abergele. But being on a bench is like being on a cruise ship if uou are poor. The bench is your floating island as people pass by. You are static but there is a sea of people and things passing by. The Casey family are like refugees planting themselves and their lives on a park bench.

Rain is the enemy of bench life, so you must dash to the tea shop or chip shop, or church should the rain fall. My dad has a handkerchief on his bald patch to keep it dry, before it was to keep the sun away now its to keep the raindrops keep falling on his head, he is no Sacha Distel.

In church we read the leaflets and light a candle or too hoping the rain will stop soon. Dad is tired so he lies down at the back of the church. Mum says a Rosary, you get a free wish for every new church you visits so she is blackmailing the angels and saints while dad gently reposes on the back seat bench, a kneeling cushing as his pillow. Mum’s happy and we are bored, there’s a bit of thunder now, so we are glad the church stays open all day for us refugees. The skies clear and the inside of the church brightens up, we’ll leave soon to find fish and chips for all of us. There is one final clap of thunder from the back benches, it’s dad’s farting as only he could. So dad leaves sniggering in search of a toilet before chips.

And that’s just a few memories of Park Life, or bench life, enjoy your benches wherever you are. One day you will not be sat on a bench any more, you will be a plaque on a bench, you will be a loving memory.  

Time for bed its gone Midnight

well thanks for being my readers this week, I'll try and sleep tonight, last night was a pain

night. Then in the am. I'll dream up another story for you all.

you are allowed to look at my wordpress site too, who knows what you will stumble over.

https://michaelgcaseyfrombirminghamengland.wordpress.com/

and on Amazon you can sample a lot of my stuff before buying it.

https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC 

1,307,000 words or so now  or 3700 pages if you see my container file.

I still get this random cursor on my screen so I imagine it's Barron Trump or Kim from

Korea  trying to get a free read of my stuff. Whatever it is it feeds my imagination and that

my friends is the most important thing in any life, imagination.

Though a life without pain would be great for millions all over the world.

just remember don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, this is me 17 years ago...