Writing Comedy

Writing Comedy ©

By

Michael Casey

I have been invaded by my girls, one is at her new table doing her A level Chemistry, the other is on the floor drawing for her Art, I decided I must fight the pain and write another piece and avoid having a nap. I just popped into the living room and the One show was on, there’s a new show set in a jail about to hit the screen, so they showed a clip. And that’s how I’ve decided to tempt Fate and write about Writing Comedy. I know Boris in Kiev is laughing at me already and Boris in Kracow is laughing too. How can you write about comedy? This fat silver haired writer from Birmingham is a fool, with or without his shades. They both agree on that.

Anybody will tell you not to analysise comedy it either is funny or not. Like the time Boris went shopping in Kiev and forgot his wallet, so he decided to busk outside the butcher’s shop, just so he could bring the bacon home literally. So he juggled sausages he borrowed from the butcher, as well as having a a necklace of sausages. The local girls had pity for him and went inside and put a coin in the saucer on the butcher’s counter. He also got their phone numbers, not because he wanted to date them, though he could, he’s a very attractive hunk after all. No, he got their phone numbers as he is also a plumber and plumbers are like gold dust in Kiev. Now that’s funny, can this Michael Casey imagine anything like that?

No I cannot, I just sit here listening to the younger generation’s music as my ears are hostage as my daughter is studying so I have to let her have her music on. In front of me an old teddy bear is sprawled in an arm chair, with my old surgical stocking around its face, like a bank robber version of Paddington. It makes the teddy bear more interesting I think, gives him more character. I bet when I brought him home from the hotel, CPNEC Birmingham, he was a thank you gift from Jaguar Cars after they had a visit to the hotel, 12 years and more ago, he didn’t think the little girls would grow up and he’d turn into a back robber. At least the cat Totoro doesn’t sit on him.

Comedy happens, you see things then you extrapolate them, a bit like  Pinocchio’s nose, and yes both Borises I know what you are thinking so just shut up, finish making that chicken Kiev for your girlfriend, or is that girlfriends? Plumbers are always ready with their bag of tools. So I the writer have to be ready with an idea that I can bend and turn, just as Boris bends and turns copper pipe when he fits yet another shower. Though I’m not as stupid as you Boris, you always wear a bright pink swimming hat when you fit showers. You did it as a joke at first, but the girls all loved it, and the little old ladies loved it even more.They always make you stay for a bit of dinner. You make them pay for the new shower, then the feed you too.

Killing two birds with one stone that is called, and when you fitted that shower for those twins, you really thought you had died and gone to Heaven. Only they made you strip and take a shower to prove it worked, so there was Boris with just his pink shower cap on when their 300kilo dad arrived and Boris escaped out the bathroom window. He had to take the pink shower cap off and hold it in front of his privates as he ran for his life through the streets of Kiev. Kiev in October is not sunbathing weather. The twins laughed until they cried. Luckily the told their dad it was a joke he believed them. The next day they arrived at Boris’s place with his tools and clothes. They cooked him dinner and then they took a shower.

Stop I told you I was going to explain comedy and Boris led me astray, Boris we need to go to Confession in Kracow, as for Boris in Kiev, he is a spring chicken, showered with female company. I don’t know where today’s story went, it just kind of had a life of its own, like when you cut a chicken’s head off and it keeps on running around.

I have noticed that Ukraine likes my writing too, not unless you are all hackers, I have nothing of value on my computer, just my stories, but I’ve mentioned you so you don’t feel all lonely, with just your pink shower cap wrapped around your nuts. I forgot to tell you Boris could not get back into his flat, so he had to climb a tree and swing onto his balcony, then finally he was home safe.Though it did take him 20 mins and a crowd of 150 people gathered to watch the fun.  It was even filmed and uploaded to UTube, the Naked Plumber from Kiev it was called. It got 100,000 hits in a week. He got plenty of work afterwards, especially Nudists in Kiev.

And if you believe any of this then you believe in Fairies too, or I am a good Liar, or is it Writer, Comedy Writer? You decide for yourselves. I’m off to the Nudist pub up the road, Boris recommended it, I just need to put my Winter boots on first, nothing else, I just wear a smile.