Just Stupid ©
By
Michael Casey
I had finished leaving you all a note and I’d been to the kitchen for a drink when I thought, I can write about that, so that is this, just stupid. When we are all alone at home we are relaxed and chilled we are not in our work gear. A suit, a boiler suit, medical blues or whites, or any other kind of uniform. In my computer room days I looked like a member of Status Quo, jeans and shirt and tie. Then in my hotel days I looked almost in a suit, smart enough to be taken for the hotel manager. Now I am just stupid, lounging around the house, I did used to wear rugby shirts a la Polo Ralph Lauren for years, but for now I’m back to shirts and a couple of jumpers to keep me warm.
I did forget to say that I wear a lab coat on top, so I look like an ice-cream man from one of those vans. Or a pharmacist, or one of those men who is coming to take you away aha aha. It’s ok around the house but if I happen to pop out into the street I do get a few looks. I only wear it because I bought my big daughter a lab coat for her science lessons, but it was too big, so I kept it and got her another.
So there I am standing in the front garden as Jas my neighbour walks past, so I ask him does he want an ice-cream. He laughs, so I don’t totally look a fool. Another occasion, I say to a neighbour I’m chopping the meat, as I do look like a butcher, the baker and the undertaker are still hiding in the pages of my novel.
No doubt you are thanking God that you don’t have me as a neighbour, Peter Sellers with costumes but zero talent. Though the wife looks less than glam around the house, transforming into various faced A list model when she leaves. Looking from 18 to her own age depending on the look chosen. Though when I met her she was at her scruffy best. I fell in love with the scruff.
But what about ye all out there reading this? Do you always wear a suit. Mark Deathridge, yes that really was his name 30 years ago he’d come in in a suit after a night out and change into his shorts and Tshirt to spend the night shift me. We were all computer operators doing market research into alcohol sales, no I’m not making it up, that was my job for 21 years. I can walk a straight line too, it’s my writing that follows a strange path. It must have been 8 years after starting there that the writing seed emerged, and no a man in a white coat would have been preferred by ye all, STOP THAT STUPID CASEY FROM WRITING. Well nobody stopped me, 1,400,000 words later, you’ll all have to suffer with the Poles and Ukrainians and Russians and everybody else who was looking for a porn site and found just my writing, a big anticlimax.
What do ye all dress like at home, the Rock dresses as a tooth fairy, he kept the costume from the film and it just felt right, with bugs bunny slippers. So as he is dusting his trophies on his top shelf, which may or may not be a metaphor, he is dressed as the tooth fairy. His good friend Alice Cooper, whom I also met at the Crowne Plaza, pops by to chill dressed as a Vicar, he is so sick of being type cast. Theresa May by the way dresses as Alice Cooper in her quieter moments, stroking her cat, who looks exactly like our own cat Totoro.
We all have home look and outside the home look to quote my wife, who is wearing green fluffy slippers and pink PJs as she screams to Shanghai and her friends right now, so it must be 10 or 11 pm in Shanghai while its 3pm now here in Birmingham. There is favourite spot on the sofa or somewhere in the house where we feel most relaxed. Apart from the toilet, with cKd you do tend to visit a lot, I like my spot here in front of the computer. Though my 4 seater sofa behind me is very soft an velvety, almost as soft as a woman’s body, or my own silvery soft hair, yes full of dandruff. So it’s nice to have a little safety zone, a chill zone, almost a womb to climb back into to get away from the noise of the day.
When you hang out washing you give away all your secrets, those bloomers are yours. On the outside you may appear as an A list model, that makes real models feel insecure, but underneath you wear those bloomers, well Birmingham and England is so cold compared to Shanghai. Alternatively a postage stamp held together with cobwebs is the kind of underwear I sport. My wife allows me to wear her old knickers, we have a very liberated marriage. You see I’m going to be in the Pantomime, as Mrs Knickers the dry cleaners. I get to wear lots of women’s clothes, and Mindy Loo from the Korean takeaway dresses up as a man in my big white lab coat. She trying to cart me off to the local asylum, O Come all Ye Faithful Michael Casey is disgraceful.
