My Standard Reply

 Hello Anon, DOUBLE EXCLAMATION MARKS, 

so this indicates you are young and American and SALES.

I am right so far?

YES

BUT

NO MONEY

If you have done Research and are not just a random salesgirl, in both senses of the words, then you'll know

I have a ton of stuff. 33 years Writing, with 20 years of EARS, before that. No, I'm not 100, though on pain days

I look like Death Warmed Up. Yes, I've really had a Quadruple Heart Bypass now just over 6 years ago.

 With the bonus of a "breast" now poking through my bypass scar, it's a hernia, 1% of bypass patients get them

So, I'm truly blessed, with Arthur my Arthritis for company. Not to mention Kidneys that should be cooked with 

beans and lentils, whatever lentils are. Topped off with a side order of 3 years of Tinnitus.

Tinnitus is not a Roman slave by the way. So, I have a sea shore in my head 24/7 and it gets louder at night

This means I have Taylor Swift, Mylie Cyrus, Will Young and even a whole host of Soft Rock in my bed

every night, I'm SOOOO promiscuous . Their singing distracts me from Tinnitus, who is a noisy bugger, not literally.

Bet you wish you didn't bother sending me a circular, though emails are linear.

BUT YES

If you find me an Angel Investor

This is what could be done

Use my words to help teach English as a 2nd language, so 1/2 or USA for starters.

Because my Stories are Funny, and if you have done your research, 80 Countries read my rubbish

And on some days my book The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker 

is read in TEN languages on the same day

So, my Words work everywhere, unlike Wordsworth, who is dead

Enough Said

It would be a Partnership, and I'd take my share

I have NO money, I do have two teenage daughters, so obviously I have no money

And one statistic, the average survival rate after Quadruple Heart Bypass, is 11 years

So, if I'm average, maybe 5 more years

Though as you read this, I hope you think he's far from average, a real SOB, but far from average

So, there you go, as Jon the Hippy used to say, if you reply I'll tell you who he is.

SO, in conclusion, and So is one of my favourite words, as well as a Peter Gabrial album

If you can find an Angel Investor, and not just a jester, though the Jester was a gay bar in Birmingham

Straight or Gay or Any which way, I'm happy with anybody, so long as they buy me a pint of Stella Artois

Then if your Angel Investor, or even your rich dad, am I right again, anyway

If they want to invest in Me, then please do reply.

Otherwise, you can print and laminate this and put it in the gents' toilet by the urinals

I know you're a lady, so get the janitor to do it.

Then google me again, for you can find 208 stories read by me. 

As well as 2000 plus online, or 20 books in the car park of Amazon books

Just look for the really stupid photos, and if you are angry by now, then, that's what you are saying

Perhaps I should put this email online?

Why waste material

That's why Bernie had such silly mittens

Kittens rhythms next, so maybe I'll add a photo of my cat Totoro

I told my daughters they could have a dog if I died of a cat if I had a heart attack

A few weeks later I had an UNPLANNED Quadruple Heart Bypass

Ok, that's enough, you may be thinking what drugs am I on.

Just heart meds and pain killers, but not opioids because of my weak kidneys

The rest is PURE IMAGINATION

Well maybe not so pure, but Imagination

I'm attaching 2 books as a punishment

Bet you wish you did your homework

And your nights cold in Canada?

Maybe John Denver is your boyfriend...

Confused or Smiling

Michael Casey

p.s I just got out of bed, Totoro drinks Comfort instead of Milk, hence so white and fluffy