The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker: The Navvy

The Navvy (c)

Michael Casey

Now as Donald Trump flies off to India I was thinking what to talk about today, then as I looked out the window the answer lay there. The Navvy, you see Virgin Media are laying cable everywhere, its suppose to be the fastest and the best, according to the reviews. Sadly out of my price range, but if you are reading this Richard, feel free to give me the whole package for free, and I’ll thank you in pectore if I spelt that right. But obviously that’ll never happen, not unless it’s him in American Samoa who is reading me. Though it’s probably a desk clerk bored with porn who is reading me.

Now a Navvy is a misspelling of Navy, no Donald it is not, word blindness is a bad thing, it slows you down, you get tenses wrong, P for B and so on, and yes I do all that, but maybe it’s because I’m too fast. So let’s hold hands Donald and tip toe through the Tulips, just watch of for Tiny Tim, you know the boy from a Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens, the British Writer who pees all over Twain, leaving his Mark on him. But enough of the friendly Literary Rivalry. Charles is best period as you say over there, though over here a period is well, a period.

Now as you also know a Navvy was/ is the guy who digs things, not the fab and groovy, hey man what was in this cigarette, or fag as we say over here in England, not that kind of “dig” but the dig as in digging, not to be confused with Mick Diggings who used to live in Cromane Kerry if memory serves. I hope you are keeping notes Donald, didn’t Kim give you a souvenir, no not that Kim of the curves Kim, but the short fat and bad haircut rocket man Kim, before you became BFFs and pen friends. Anyway back to Digging. The Irish and the Chinese made America, and they still look after America. The Irish are the Cops, and the Chinese make everything sold in America, such as the iphone.

The Irish and the Chinese laid America, by which I mean they laid the railroad tracks, any other kind of laying, must be something to do with eggs. One of the streets where I live is named after the chicken farm that used to be there 100 years ago. Yes it’s called Chicken Lickin Street, nowadays we have roads named after the Brewery that used to be there. I used to hop, as I could smell the hops, as I went down the hill, and yes it’s been all down hill since then I can hear you exclaim, you are so cruel, at least Donald make such remarks, maybe because he thinks this is Abbot and Costello, but no it’s Gerald Wiley, go google NSA.

So the Irish Navvy and the Chinese Navvy linked America from coast to coast by building the Railroads. And AMTRAK was born so to speak. I did have an Uncle, no not the man from UNCLE, by my mother’s brother who worked for Amtrak in Boston, his son is a Cop there, he’s Irish or son of Irish, so obviously he’s a Cop. If he were Chinese then he’d be a business man or run a restaurant, or run a factory building iPhones. Though the Chinese connection is this side of the Atlantic via my Shanghai wife. I hope you are keeping up with all this Donald, or we’ll get Kim to spank you with a rolled copy of the failing Washington Post, by Kim I mean the curvy Kim, though I’m sure your BBF would jump at the chance.

As the railroad advanced people died, so they were buried at the rail side, no doubt Mark Twain would comment, and curse Dickens for being on the train behind, touring Dickens was a great big hit back then. Before TED talks were invented, and how did Roosevelt persuade a bear to talk I just do not know, but it ended in a film, but maybe Donald knows more about film than I. He was in Home Alone, after all, well apart from the Canadian version.

Early photos captured the back breaking toil of the Irish and the Chinese, without them Casey Jones would not even have had a job, and no he’s no relative of mine, Casey is my surname, my family name. There is a Genesis song on the We Can’t Dance album about Navvies. And remember too, who dug the Canals in England 100s of years ago, they were the motorways of their time. I’ll pause now for Movelat painkiller gel, which was not invented back then, so no doubt the Chinese massage was the best alternative back then.

Buy shares in Movelat Gel, it works fast and stops me from screaming in pain, I know it’s you the readers who are in the most pain, from listening to me. You are so cruel. I was going to offer you a cup of tea and biscuits, and no that’s not a metaphor, what kind of boy do you think I am? I did give my navvies outside tea and biscuits, and a couple of apples from Portugal too, as they dug the Virgin Media trench, I know how hard they work, my dad used to sweat for 10 to 16 hours, if he got overtime in the steel works, The District Iron and Steel Brasshouse Lane Smethwick. Years later Betty who taught my girls piano revealed she used to teach in the Primary School in the same road. Small world, and obviously you couldn’t put a piano in front of a furnace, that would be ridiculous.

So Navvies come in all shapes and sizes and are ridiculously strong, they have to be, you and me would just drop down dead if we tried to do their job, so when you get the new superduppa Virgin Media, spare a thought for the navvy who brought it to you. So I’m going to finish now as my belly needs feeding, I heard that Trump, it looks overfed already, you are such a card, and I’m not talking about your golf score card. Just spare a thought for the navvy as you ride the rails, without them, you’d be stuck at home with your mother-in-law all. You couldn’t go and visit the ballet, or the bowling alley, and all the other bs there are, so spare a thought and say a prayer for some soul buried there by the tracks. Irish and Chinese we salute you.

Now if you think this piece is too Robin Williams, then really it’s more Robin, Batman’s boyfriend or is it boy and friend, and Williams, Andy Williams, so as I moon over a river, I’ll say a pray too as Internet Mass is next for me.