a repeat you were reading this last night, How to Keep the Kids occupied

How to Keep the Kids Occupied (c) 

By Michael Casey

 

How to Keep the Kids Occupied  without getting the Police involved

Well you could handcuff them to the dustbins or a filing cabinet

A friend of my brother was actually handcuffed to a filing cabinet

It was in France, and he was drunk maybe

In Korea they give you a blanket and send you home

Koreans drink 4 times more than Americans

I read it somewhere

They drink more than Czechs if that is possible

Now as I've subdued you, or is it  the  booze

How do you keep the kids occupied

without invading their bedroom

and you can take the door off the hinges to avoid

SLAMMED DOORS

no door no slamming

I just remembered my Trainer in 1998 did that

I seem to remember now her mentioning that en passant

The Trainer was not a Lion Tamer, or Elephant Tamer/Trainer

No I was on a Presenting Course

Caroline Whitehouse from StatsMR it was you

so big Thank YOU

are you screaming now

Yes you and the Sisterhood allowed me on a Presenting Course

this was followed by my trip to Pilsner in Czech

and my Famous Czech Story

Ewina gave a 10 for it, then took a mark away

cos nobody is Perfect

But back to the Plot, though it may have been a ploy

to get me out of Birmingham and into Oxford ACNiesen office

which looked like a 6th form college, with a field behind

but I digress

This is how you teach Presening

You gather around a Table

The Trainer pulls various object out of a bag like a Magician

Or the Trainees pull objects out of the sack

Then they are placed on the table

the 5 trainees pick one each

They are allowed 5 mins to look at their object

and No a bottle of beer is NOT one

Thought StatsMR was legendary for drinking

It was a Market Research company into alcohol sales company

Otherwise, not one drop passed their lips, hic

So once you have your object you take turns to talk

for just a minute about your object

afterwards you get friendly feedback

then the 2nd person speaks for 1 minute about their object

afterwards friendly feedback

and on it goes

Then a new selection of objects is chosen

But

This time 2 mins explanation

Repeat

So you build your speaking time and get feedback

THE NEXT day

You have to speak for 15 mins

Which is Speech Time, as Kennedy said 15 mins is enough

The next day at Headington Oxford

I was due to speak for 15 mins

I told them about my Paris misadventures a few months earlier

The main event was food poisoning and me going to to a Pharmacy

and asking Avez Vous de L' asparin de bas prix

I got a box with a tube inside, bigger that extra strong mints

Asparin Tamponne was on the box, it was green

No string

It was a new word for me in French

Tamponne means in a tube

Obviously I thought it was something only girls know about

as I opened the box

outside on the wall was a machine, not chewing gum

But a Preservative vending machine

Preservative is a French word go Google

and google is shy, Preservative is connected to 

saving you from disease

Go ask the Frenchman in your class

Anyway, as I told this story

Carole Wilkes, I seem to remember she was there

If not, forgive me Carole with an E was it

or Hello Gill with G

 

So they laughed till they cried

The trainer asked how long did I think I had spoken for

I said 15 mins

She said it was 30 mins

The next day I flew to Pilsner in Czech

and I ended up in an English language Classroom

Where off the cuff I spoke for 90 mins

I could say much much more

But I've taught you how to Present now

500 each maybe for a 2 day course

I don't know for sure

Then I went to work in a hotel a few years later

Speaking to 100,000 people maybe in 3 years

Mini conversations

Years later a Teacher in an Islamic school

ESOL English

so the presenting course helped

Caroline Whitehouse thanks again

I did get Excellent Excellent Exemplary 

from my Outside assessor for my Esol Teaching

Now years later I've written 20 books

80,000+ words written so far of book 21

2,000,000 words in books maybe

but if you count everything 3,000,000 words

or 8 to 10,000 pages

Like all the pages of a Printout from StatsMR

into Alcohol sales

So this is how I keep myself occupied

despite

the quadruple heart bypass, arthritis, hernia in centre of my chest

the headaches, the Tinnitus that is like a Barometre inside me

and Ckd with GFR of 25 as I try to avoid Dialysis 

So if I can Carry On so can you

and maybe a miracle happens

I did get one in 1996 when my dad survived his heart attack

8 weeks after my mum had died in the marriage bed

and then after visiting my dad every single day for 3 years

I finally met a Shanghai girl

and the  rest is History

But a typist and 4 more sons maybe

Could be my next chapter, or story for you

Will a Singaporean come and get me

or will the Undertaker get me first

Though it could just be a Fishing Fleet

in Singapore who reads me overnight

They haven't told me, so maybe I'll never know

Though I could do Stand Up all about it

at the Masala night club in Singapore

Enough, I have to go for bread

Enough said

Enough said

gorilla with a Rosary Michael Casey

Share this:

•  Press This
•  X
•  Facebook

Customize buttons

How to Keep the Kids Occupied

30/08/2023

олько русские знают, чего хотят

30/08/2023

Thatchers Gold Cider and putting Body Butter on our Tortoise

02/12/2023

blogbooksfictionlifewriting

Published by michaelgcasey

I've updated this 15th Sept 2024 I'm Michael Casey from Birmingham England, the fat silver haired writer in shades. Beware of Others with the EXACT SAME NAME, they are not me, and would not want to be me ... use Google UK to find me, otherwise Posh Americans pop up I've done loads of writing, about 3,000,000 Words worth over 36years now But before I started to write, I LISTENED to BBC Radio 4 for 20 years, from the age of 10 or younger Frank Brown our lodger, went back to County Tyrone and he gifted us his Bush Radio. He'd be nearly 102 now if he is still alive, so say a prayer for him 56 years in love with words, and I still

fake people

fake people

darling we love you

just PAY me and I'll make you money

less my 25% for doing nothing, darling

I have been thinking

NO you have not, you have been data scraping

I do what I want

MY WAY

the rest of you, go away

and that is the polite version

MY illnesses are a pain in the backside

like being arrested by 20 ICE agents

they do not define me

they are a road block

I mention them because they get in my way

I'm not going to market them

Chick Lit

Sick Lit

only chancers and ignorant people assume otherwise

YES I BITE

so stay away

You could all just buy books

or tell or your friends

instead of trying to do a Trump

and steal and cut up my resources

Gabriels is singing he is wonderful

Go listen to him

as for me I'm tired, Tinnitus wearing me out this past week

I got 3 wrong jumpers in the post, so I'll be annoying them for a refund

wrong size, wrong design, wrong material

apart from that perfect

oh and from the wrong country of origin

I was explaining all this to Trevor, not his real name

he knows I bite and I curse for the United Nations

NEVER EVER TELL ME

what to write or say or how to say it

and NEVER lie or pretend to me

Say it STRAIGHT UP 

straight shooter as Trevor calls it

I thought a straight shooter was somebody 

who does not pee on the floor

but. maybe I've led a sheltered life

If only you knew

ok that's all for today

Hello to the Saint Anthony people in USA

and yes add me to the prayer list

you were reading this last night EXAM guidance and ItalianTranslation of BBU

 

you  were reading this last night, along with the Italian translation of Butcher Baker Undertaker

Exam Guidance Summer 2023 (c)

By Michael Casey

Well the big exams are here for my big daughter, who looks the image of me, 

when I was a kid.

Not now, luckily, now bushy eyebrows like a werewolf, and a mane of silver hair.

She did tell me to go to the barbers incidentally.

So what advice do I have for her, and any of yours doing Finals?

Well my dad said to me, "Michael, I have no education, do what you like,

 but do your best."

My dad was a clever man who went to work at 14,

 back in 1930s Ireland everybody did.

So what do I say to my 2 daughters.

I say take it steady, take it easy.

The questions should not make you afraid, you revise and

 you answer what comes up.

My BioChem daughter showed me a chart, a start chart, 

a horoscope almost to my eyes.

It was about different Cancers

So I just looked at it over the internet and said

A horoscope can be an indicator, or a pointer, but it's not all in the stars

Unlike the comedy I wrote , It's all in the Stars, from 25 years ago, but I digress

So the cancer will not come if you mix this with that, or the length of exposure

A  virgo and an aquarius won't end in something fishy

Using mixed metaphors of how it seems to me

A totally uneducated in Science person

But if you think of things from a Writer's perspective 

Then I think it can give you insight into what you are doing

The answer will come out when the Paper is marked

And yes the only paper of mine marked, is toilet paper

Hopefully I hope my daughter can use some of what I say

Which reminds me in Czech in 1998 you have to pay for toilet paper

and a lady only gives a few sheets, and you are supposed to tip her

My only tip would be, my pile is radioactive in cubicle three

so fetch the Jeyes Fluid, and ventilate

Back to exams, have a supply of chocolate, or nuts or other treats ready

So as you study, you reward yourself

And go to bed and get enough fresh air

My girls study 10 hours a day, I have to hunt them to bed

But check in with your daughters and sons, if you have sons

Talk to your kids, some parents don't

Dad time is good, if not for them exactly, but it distracts them

So they don't brain freeze

Tell them don't be afraid what may or may not come up

Hopefully, they have covered everything

and with daughters COVER EVERYTHING

But back to Studying

What will be, will be, so just think of it as another day at the office

Or wiping Granny's behind and wheeling her into the garden

Your kids have done all the studying

So now the Final exam even if it's 4 hours of BioChem

It's just a Banquet

READ THE QUESTION

then pick it apart, and stack up the evidence on your plate

ON you essay written on screen, or on paper

If you've ever worked in a hotel, and I did 3 years worth

Every day is a box of chocolate

So an exam is just the same, just pick your teeth as you go along

And PAUSE to think

Then you'll wipe the table clean

You have sampled and explained everything

Nothing to fear, the Rosary has been in Top Gear

while you do the paper, yourExam Guidance Summer 2023 (c)

By Michael Casey

Well the big exams are here for my big daughter, who looks the image of me, when I was a kid.

Not now, luckily, now bushy eyebrows like a werewolf, and a mane of silver hair.

She did tell me to go to the barbers incidentally.

So what advice do I have for her, and any of yours doing Finals?

Well my dad said to me, "Michael, I have no education, do what you like, but do your best."

My dad was a clever man who went to work at 14, back in 1930s Ireland everybody did.

So what do I say to my 2 daughters.

I say take it steady, take it easy.

The questions should not make you afraid, you revise and you answer what comes up.

My BioChem daughter showed me a chart, a start chart, a horoscope almost to my eyes.

It was about different Cancers

So I just looked at it over the internet and said

A horoscope can be an indicator, or a pointer, but it's not all in the stars

Unlike the comedy I wrote , It's all in the Stars, from 25 years ago, but I digress

So the cancer will not come if you mix this with that, or the length of exposure

A  virgo and an aquarius won't end in something fishy

Using mixed metaphors of how it seems to me

A totally uneducated in Science person

But if you think of things from a Writer's perspective 

Then I think it can give you insight into what you are doing

The answer will come out when the Paper is marked

And yes the only paper of mine marked, is toilet paper

Hopefully I hope my daughter can use some of what I say

Which reminds me in Czech in 1998 you have to pay for toilet paper

and a lady only gives a few sheets, and you are supposed to tip her

My only tip would be, my pile is radioactive in cubicle three

so fetch the Jeyes Fluid, and ventilate

Back to exams, have a supply of chocolate, or nuts or other treats ready

So as you study, you reward yourself

And go to bed and get enough fresh air

My girls study 10 hours a day, I have to hunt them to bed

But check in with your daughters and sons, if you have sons

Talk to your kids, some parents don't

Dad time is good,  if not for them exactly, but it distracts them

So they don't brain freeze

Tell them don't be afraid what may or may not come up

Hopefully, they have covered everything

and with daughters COVER EVERYTHING

But back to Studying

What will be, will be, so just think of it as another day at the office

Or wiping Granny's behind and wheeling her into the garden

Your kids have done all the studying

So now the Final exam even if it's 4 hours of BioChem

It's just a Banquet

READ THE QUESTION

then pick it apart, and stack up the evidence on your plate

ON you essay written on screen, or on paper

If you've ever worked in a hotel, and I did 3 years worth

Every day is a box of chocolate

So an exam is just the same, just pick your teeth as you go along

And PAUSE to think

Then you'll wipe the table clean

You have sampled and explained everything

Nothing to fear, the Rosary has been in Top Gear

while you do the paper, you dad and All Saints

have been there beside you, cheering you along

Besides, Padre Pio himself has been roped in

To mark all the questions for you

So Relax, just do it, and you won't go far wrong

And as for the Future, amazing happens

when you don't expect it

Smile, now brush those teeth

And do go to the toilet

after 4 hours doing a Paper

Explosions can happen, so bring your own Roll

and as you sit and pooh

Just think Dad, was right

If only this was in a room with a View

and not just a 4 hour Pooh on Matching Paper

SMILE

 dad and All Saints

have been there beside you, cheering you along

Besides, Padre Pio himself has been roped in

To mark all the questions for you

So Relax, just do it, and you won't go far wrong

And as for the Future, amazing happens

when you don't expect it

Smile, now brush those teeth

And do go to the toilet

after 4 hours doing a Paper

Explosions can happen, so bring your own Roll

and as you sit and pooh

Just think Dad, was right

If only this was in a room with a View

and not just a 4 hour Pooh on Matching Paper

SMILE

the exam taker was in Pink,  the fairy little sister has graduated too , both high top of a tree