Guardian Angel a play from maybe 30 years ago

An old play to keep you going while I have a rest.

   Michael G Casey email michaelgcasey@hotmail.com

                      Guardian Angel ©

                           by

                      Michael Casey

     Opening Scene

  A bus stops at a stop a blind lady gets off ,  the bus moves off

  leaving  her trying to cross a busy road.The  traffic  roars  by

   nothing  wanting  to  stop.We see  a  very  large  Hells  Angel

   approaching , meanwhile a car spatters the blind woman with mud

   it had been raining earlier so there are puddles.The biker gets

    nearer and sees the old blind lady having  difficulties.So  he

   slows and stops.Getting off his bike he walks towards the blind

    lady.As he stands next to her a shaft of sunlight bounces  off

   his visor into the unseeing eyes of the blind lady , he pushes

  

   the visor back then speaks.He is about very big and towers over

   the blind lady , there is a skull and crossbones on his helme

  Rob:Can I help you?

  Hanna:Thanks luv , could you cross me the road , they don't want

        stop even for this.

  She waves her white stick.

  Rob:Oh I see , sorry I mean I understand.

  Hanna:It's ok luv , just give me your arm.

  Rob offers his arm , he places the blind lady's arm on his.

  Hanna:My you are a big lad ,  so strong just like my old Sid God

        rest him.

  Rob:Er , yes.

  Hanna:Just accross the road will be fine ,  though with all  the

        traffic noise its hard to concentrate on where I'm going.

  Rob:I'll take you where you'r going if you like?

  Hanna:If you could its only down the road ,  the big blue  house

        with the nice flowers in the front garden.

  Rob:Ok then.

   They set off down the road towards the big house.Looking  down

   the road towards their destination we see another woman she has

    just left the house they are heading for.This woman  is  about

    sixty ,  with hair up in a bun ,  she is wearing a silk  dress

    and immitation pearls ,  she has a copper braclet on he  right

     arm  ,  a fob watch is on her cardigan.She is  annoyed  about

    something ,  she crosses the road  without looking  ,  traffic

    stops suddenly to avoid her.She looks looks back at the  house

    she has just left and shakes her head she is swearing , though

     we don't hear her.She goes into a block of newly  constructed

     flats.Just in view we can see a sign saying "Another Lington

     Development for the Senior Citizens".

     Rob and Hanna arrive at the house ,  it is very imposing with

     a large front garden ,  you could easily park two estate cars

     by the front door.Rob rings the doorbell.

  Rob:I'll be going then.

  Hanna:No you must come in and have some tea.

     The doorbell opens anther old woman appears.

  Julie:Yes can I help you?

  Hanna:It's me Julie.

     Hanna emerges from behinh the large form of Rob.

  Julie:I didn't see you there , your boyfriend is so big.

  Hanna:Oh  you tease , but you are right , feel his arm muscles.

      Rob is embarrassed as the two old ladies start to  feel  his

       arm muscles.At this moment a passing police car  stops ,the

       P.C.  had  casually looked out of the window  to  see  what

       looked like two old ladies struggling with the large biker.

  

       The Pc. arrives breathless , expecting the worse.

   Pc:Whats going on here then?

   

       He has his finger ready to radio for help ,  his grip  firm

        on his trunceon ready to use it if neccessary.Rob is  much

       bigger than the Pc.

  Julie:Its ok officer , this young man is with my friend.

  Hanna:What do you want officer?

  Pc.:You are ok?

  Hanna:Yes ,  this young man has been an angel he crossed me  the

        road, the traffic is terrible.

        Suppressing a smile the Pc. answers

  Pc.:There  are road works on the high street  ,  so  all  the

      traffic is coming down this road.

       Looking at one then another of the ladies then back to  Rob

  

        after casting a glance inside the open front door  the  Pc

  

        says.

  Pc.:Well if you are sure everything is ok?

  Julie:Positive.

       The Pc.'s radio bursts into action , so answering it the Pc

       dashes back to his car ,  giving one final backward  glance

       at the unlikely trio.It then starts to rain.

  Hanna:It's raining ,  make him come in for some tea Julie ,  its

        the least we can do.

        

        Hanna looks up at Robs face , her eyes unseeing.

        

   Rob:I suppose it would be nice ,but what about my bike  its  in

         way.

   JUlie:Go back for it now , there's plenty of room for it here.

    

          Rob dashes back up the road for his bike  ,  then  roars

          into the driveway.Over the road a curtain twitches on  a

          second floor flat ,  we see the lady in pearls having  a

          

          nose.Rob leans his bike against the wall of the house then

  

           the trio go in.With a final twitch the woman in  pearls

           puts her curtain back in position.We see her mouth "The

           Stupid Bitch" .

      

           Inside  Julie takes Hanna's arm and  the  three  walk

           

           down a hallway to a sitting room.Rob looks all about

  

            he  can  see that the house is "posh"  ,  there  is  a

       

            stairway with a landing half way up it , there's a suit

     

            armour there , there are pictures lining the stairway,

             Victorian  watercolours.Rob trips over a mat  in  the

             hall as he looks about him.Hanna laughs.

    

  

  Hanna:Mind you don't fall on the mat ,  I know where  everything

        is so I'm ok.

  Julie:He was just admiring my little old house.

  Rob:Its so  so , posh like , just like the tv.

  Julie:It has seen better days.

              

             She wipes away a cobweb from yet another picture.

   Rob:Its very nice.

             Rob continues to look all about him, a slight look  of

             

             envy on  his face ,  thwy enter the sitting room.This

             

             has a stags head on the wall and a zulu  spear  and

                

             shield , more pictures  too , cobwebs on them.

  

   

  Rob:Hey this is really fab , like a museum almost.

               He goes around touching things ,  he sees a  silver

               paper knife he picks it up and holds it lovingly.

               

               It must look as if he'd steal given half a chance.

  Julie: I'm glad you like it please do sit down.

               They all sit on a leather settee ,  which has  seen

                better  days.A small corgi comes  in  through  the

                French Windows ,  it immediately jumps up onto Rob

                licking his face.Hanna hears this and laughs.

  Hanna:It looks as if Scampi likes him.

                 Rob pulls the dog off ,  for a second it looks as

                 if he will hurt it ,  in fact he lifts it high in

                  the air with one hand ,  as the dog wriggles Rob

  

                 starts to stroke it , the dog licks his hand then

   

                  Rob places him on his lap ,  Scampi lies on  his

                   back so Rob strokes his stomach.THe  dog  moans

                   its thanks.

  Julie:Well while you two get aquainted I'll get the tea.

  Hanna:Can I help?

  Julie:No , you could never make tea even when you were sighted.

           Hanna  puts her tongue out as  Julie  leaves  the room.

   Hanna: She's been like that all the sixty years I've know her.

   Rob:She's very nice , the too of you are.

   Hanna:Don't tell her that or I'll never hear the end of it.

   Rob:This place is....

   Hanna:I know what you are going to say ,  its posh  and  Julie

          must be rich.

           

           Rob blushes , the dog jumps off his lap and into one of

           the arm chairs.Before he can say any more Julie enters

            the room carrying  a tray with teapot and  service  on

            it.The service is of silver , there are three cups and

            saucers on the tray ,  the best bone china ,  suqeezed

            on is cake and serving plates.Rob's eyebrows shoot up.

  Julie:Yes it is real silver.  

   Rob:I  didn't mean to stare ,  it's just that I'm not  used  to

       this.I mean all I did was cross the road with your friend.

  Julie:We were going to have this anyway , besides it is raining

         so it makes sence to have tea.

    

          JUlie is matter of fact , she is NOT being blase.

   Hanna:What's your name anyway?     

   Julie:Yes , what is it ? We could call you muscles.

     Rob:I'm Rob.

   JUlie:I'm Julie and my fat friend is Hanna.

   Hanna:See how see talks to me.

   JUlie:Well you are fat , you have always been fat.

   Hanna:Well I cann't tell , I cann't look at myself in a mirror

          can I?

          

           Rob is slightly embarrassed by this arument.Julie winks

           at him.

  JUlie:Well Hanna as you are blind you cann't see how fat  you

             are.  I'm  sure you've put it all on  these  past  few  

             years

  Hanna:Well if I'm fat then you are ugly , I'm just glad I

            don't have to look at your ugly face any more.

    

              Rob  shuffles on his seat he feels he  shouldn't  be

              there.

  Julie:Well I suppose if I wear a blindfold everytime  you  come

         then I won't notice how fat you are.

         

         The two ladies burst into  laughter ,  the tears coming down

         their faces.Rob joins in and Scampi barks.

         

    Rob:Are you two always as bad as this?  

  Hanna:No - worse.

          Hanna and Julie desolve into gales of laughter.

  Julie:I used to call her "Hanna no knickers" when we were at school.

  Hanna:Thats how we became friends , Julie gave me an old pair of her

        maids.

  Julie:Things were quite grand then , the house the gardens everything.

     

          She gets up and looks out through the french Windows at the

          garden , she waives her hand at it.

  JUlie:It was so colourful , we even had a pond with goldfish in.

    Rob:I saw one like that once , at the Botanical Gardens.

  Hanna:Yes it was lovly , I remember it as it was , I'm glad I cann't

        see it as it is now.

            Rob gets up and stands beside Julie looking out of French

            Window.He can see how delapidated the garden is.

    Rob:It is a state.

  JUlie:My Wilf , my husband used to look after it.Since he died though..

  

             She sighs , Scampi runs out into the garden hoping Rob will

             play with him.Julie goes back to the settee and slumps down.

             Hanna puts a comforting hand on her shoulder , all Rob can

             do is watch.He looks from them to the garden , then back at

             them.He licks his lips then speaks.

  Rob:I could try and tidy it up for you.

             

              JUlie looks up , she cann't believe what she has heard.

  JUlie:It would be good to have it back in shape as my Wilf used to....

  Hanna:Even the smells would be good , I can remember the looks.

              Both women sigh and smile , remembering bygone days.

     ******   We could have a memory sequence of the two old ladies and

              their spouses enjoying a summers tea in a beautiful garden.

     *******

  Julie:But you couldn't , I mean imposing on you , a stranger.

    Rob:But we don't have to remain strangers.

  Hanna:Julie couldn't pay much , repairs to the house eat into her

        pension.

    Rob:I'll do it for nothing , I like this house , it feels so so - nice.

  JUlie:But I must pay you , not much but I'll pay.

    Rob:I couldn't accept money .You can invite me to tea again.

  Julie:But , But.

         Hanna puts her hand on  JUlie's lips to silence her.

  Hanna:I'm the blind one but its me who can see the gift horse.

    Rob:What's a gift horse?

          Hanna laughs , Julie then Rob join in , Scampi barks.

  Julie:We used to laugh a lot when we were young.

  Hanna:You make us feel young again Rob.

  JUlie:And silly.

  Hanna:The silly things we used to do.

  Julie:LIke riding motor bikes.

    Rob:YOU TWO on bikes!

  Hanna:We were young once , we weren't born old.

    Rob:I'm just surprized thats all.

  Julie:We were wild when we were young , Sid and Wilf had to tame us.

        More gales of laugher , Hanna whispers an old secret in Julie's

        ear , Julie blushes.

  Julie:Don't you dare mention that.

        JUlie covers Hanna mouth to prevent her from embarrassing her in

         front of Rob.

  Rob:You two are fun.

         Looking out the window Rob can see the rain has stopped , so he

         gets up.

  Rob:I better be off then.I have to have a few hours sleep before the

      the night shift.

       

          The ladies get up too.

  Hanna:I'll see you to the door.

  Julie:We both will , it IS my house , besides your as blind as a bat.

        

          As Julie leads on she trips over the mat.Hanna laughs.

  Hanna:What was that you were saying?

  JUlie:You've gone deaf too!

          Hanna puts her tongue out at Julie , Rob smiles.

    Rob:I'll be off then , I can come back same time next week , then

           I can start on your garden.

  JUlie:If its not too much trouble.

  Hanna: And she'll have strawberries and cream ready.

    Rob: Bye then.

        Rob puts his helmet on , mounts his  bike and is off with a roar.

        The ladies wave him goodbye.Across the road a curtain twitches,

        its the same flat.As Rob goes down the road the Pc sees him again

        turning to a sergeant who is with him.

   Pc:What do you make of that then?

  Sgt:It takes all sorts I suppose.

   

  

        One week later

        Rob roars up the road into the driveway of Julie's house , Hanna

         is  standing  beside Julie .A curtain   twitches  over  the road.

         

         Rob gets off the bike.

    Rob:I'm here then , I'll start straight away.

  Julie:You don't want tea first?

  Hanna:Yes you must have tea first.

    Rob:Its best to work on an empty stomach.

  Hanna:Of course , besides you'll work up an appetite.

  

          They go around the back of the house , into the garden.It is

          even bigger close too , than it appeared through the window.

  Julie:I hope I'm not imposing on you.

    Rob:It'll keep me out of trouble.

           He smiles as he says this ,JUlie and Hanna are mystified by

           this off hand comment.

  Hanna:Julie has found a few photos of how the garden used to look.

           Julie takes them out of a big black handbag , handing them to

           Rob.

    Rob:Very nice , I am no gardener though.

  Julie:I just thought it would help you .

  Hanna: So you can picture it in your mind.

  Julie:If we could get it back to half as good it would be great.

    Rob:Well I'll go my best.I'll start by cutting the grass.Then I could

          clear the old pond.

  Julie:I found a few tools and things in the shed , I haven't been in

        it since  since...

       She stops and starts to dab her face , Hanna puts her arm around

       her to console her , they warm back into the house leaving Rob.

        

       He looks down at the rusting tools , he picks up the syth then

       with a shout of "Jeronimo" he attacks the overgrown grass.

       Inside Julie has regained her composure.

  Julie:He's really attacking the grass.

  Hanna:He's grunting a lot too , it must be hard work.Tell me what's

        happening.

   

        Julie starts a commentry.

  Julie:He's rubbing the sweat away on his sleeve.He started again now.

        He's stopped again now.He's pulling his rugby shirt thing off .

         She falls silent.

  Hanna:Go on , go on , I can only hear not see.

         She taps Julie with her stick.

  JUlie:I don't know if I should tell you , I mean its taken my breath

        away.

  Hanna:I think I'm old enough to have my breath taken away.Go on tell

         me.

  Julie:Well you know when we felt his arms they were big and strong  

  Hanna:Yes yes , go on.

  Julie:Well do you remember years ago when we went to the circus.

  Hanna:Yes yes

  Julie:Well hew's just like the circus strongman

  Hanna:No never!

  JUlie:Yes , he has a hairy chest too and.

  Hanna:Yes yes.

  Julie:Tattoos.

          

        They both giggle like schoolgirls , whispering things in each

        others ears , only to collapse in laughter.

  Hanna:Oh we did have fun when we were young.

  JUlie:THere's life in us yet.

      

        Outside there is a scream , they both jump up.

  Hanna:What is it , what is it?

  JUlie:He must have hurt himself.

        Taking Hanna by the arm ,Julie leeds her outside.

  JUlie:What is it Rob?

    Rob:I pricked my finger on a few wild roses growing in the grass.

  JUlie:Show me.

        Rob shows his finger.

  JUlie:I'll get disinfectant and a plaster.

  Hanna:You should wear gloves,I'm sure JUlie left some out.

    Rob:They were too small.

        Julie returns with the disinfectant and a plaster.She tends his

        wounds like a mother does to a child.

  JUlie:There thats better, isn't it.

    Rob:Thanks.

  Hanna:Aren't you going to rest?

    Rob:If I attack the grass , once its out of the way the rest will be

         easy.Besides I've started so I'll finish.

  

        Julie and Hanna laugh then go back inside.Rob resumes his work.

        For an hour and a half Rob attacks the grass screaming at it

        as he does so.The ladies find it entertaining,it reminds them

        of their bygone days.

  ***** WE COULD HAVE ANOTHER FLASHBACK OF THE LADIES AND SPOUSES IN THE

        GARDEN TIDING IT UP AND PLANTING THINGS.

        Rob stacks all the grass in a heap at the bottom , then with his

        sweatshirt in his hand he goes back into the house covered in

        sweat and slightly out of breath.

   Rob:Well thats that done , we could have a bonfire then the next time

       we can start on the beds and borders then some planting the time

       after that.

 Julie:You are so kind , a real angel.

 Hanna:You better have a wash before tea.

  JUlie:I'll show you the bathroom.

        Julie takes him to the bathroom , Rob looks about him the place

        still retains some of its glory.There is a faraway look in his

        eyes.888AGAIN HIS LOOKS COULD BE ENVY OR MUCH WORSE888

         Rob returns his hair is wet.

  Julie:You'll catch a cold if you don't dry your hair.

         She goes out of the sitting room and retuns with a towel.She

         throws it at him saying.

   Julie:I'll go and get the tea ready , be sure you dry your hair.

   Hanna:I'll do it for him Julie.

         So Hanna feels for the towel then starts to dry Robs hair,

         JUlie returns with the tea.Its a full meal she brings on a

         trolley.

     

  Julie:If you can stop molesting that young man , then we will eat.

          

          Hanna puts her tongue out , Rob smiles.They have a really

          good tea.With ham and salmon sandwiches and ice cream and jelly

          and cake and tea with cream.

    Rob:This is really nice , its like a birthday party.

  Julie:Its the least I can do , as you won't accept any money .

  Hanna:What's your job by the way?

  JUlie:As nosey as ever.

    Rob:Oh I fill up the shelves in the hypermarket , at night mainly.

  Hanna:So thats where you get the muscles from.

    Rob:I suppose so , I am over six feet three and quite heavy.

  JUlie:Whatever you do does not matter , all I can say is you are

        a gentleman , helping us so.

    Rob:Well its like being on holiday here , its so nice , I like it here

  Julie:Well eat up , its good to see a healthy  appetite.

    Rob:While we are asking question can I ask you one?

  Julie:Certainly.What do you want to know?

    Rob:You said last time you time were on bikes.

  Hanna:It was in the war ,  everybody did things they would never

        dream of in peace time.

  Julie:We ended up a messengers , so we rode bikes.

    Rob:Have you ridden since then?

  Hanna:Of course not.I couldn't even if I wanted to as I'm  blind

        as for Julie she's too old and scared.

   JUlie:No I'm not scared ,  and as for age I'm seven months  and

         two weeks younger  than you.

   Hanna:You forgot the three days.

   JUlie:Days don't matter.

   Hanna:Seven mopnths and two weeks do though.

         Julie puts her tongue out at Hanna.

   Hanna:I may be blind but I can tell when you are scared.

         She pauses, then adds.

   Hanna:And when you put your tongue out at me.

         Rob and JUlie laugh , Hanna just adds.

   Hanna:Told you so.

     Rob:Its a pity you haven't got a helmet Julie ,  I could  take

         you for a spin.  

   JUlie:Yes it is.

   Hanna:Scared thats what you are.

   Julie:No I'm not , I just don't have a helmet.

   Hanna:Oh yes you do.

   Julie:Of course I don't.

   Hanna:Yes you do.

   Julie:No I don't , I should know what I have or don't have in my

          house !

   Hanna:Just you wait!

         With that shwe stood up ,  trampling on Rob's toes as she

         did  so.She leaves the room to return a few minutes later

         holing two riding helmets aloft triumphantly.

  Hanna:And what may I ask do you call these!

  Julie:Riding helmets!

  Hanna:Excuses ,  excuses just because you are afraid and ashamed

        to admit it.

  Julie:Hanna you get worse.

  Hanna:I dare you!

         Julie  strides across the room  snatching a  helmet  from

         Hanna.

  Julie:Will this do Rob?

    Rob:I suppose so.

         Then JUlie drags Hanna outside ,  Rob follows a smile  on

         his face.Julie climbs on behind Rob ,  Hanna touches  her

         To prove for herself that she is really on.Then Rob roars

         off , with Hanna waving at them.Over the road a curtain

         twitches.Rob drives around the block ,  they are  spotted

         by the Pc. and Sgt. again.

  Sgt:They must be on vitamins these pensioners.

  Pc.:Is that a proper helmet sarg.?

  Sgt:The  inspector  would throw the book at  you  if  you  even

       thought of it.

  Pc.:Only doing my duty sarg.

  Sgt.:Get some experience first sonny.

   Pc.:Yes sarg.

        After several cercuits around the block Rob  returns  with

        JUlie.She is breathless and very excited.

  Julie:Hanna it was great , so fast , the wind in my hair.

  Hanna:And up your dress.

         Hanna helps JUlie off the bike , rearranging her clothes.

  Julie:I feel drunk , like VE. day all over again.

    Rob:I better be off now ladies.   

  Julie:Must you.

  Hanna:He must rest before he goes to work.

    Rob:I'll be back nmext week , bye.

        Rob roars off ,  the ladies wave him farewell  ,  again  a

        curtain   twitches over the road.Leaning on  Hanna  Julie

         goes inside the house.

  Hanna:Your behaviour was not proper , I'm sure I could have seen

        your knickers if I was not blind

   Julie:Some of us wear them .

   Hanna:That  was years ago ,  as a child ,  I was  from  a  poor

         family.

   Julie:It was so exciting , I had to hold on tight , it was like

         being twenty again.      

   Hanna:You have no shame.  

  JUlie:You can talk I saw you drying his hair .

  Hanna:Gh you.

         They  were  silent  for a  moment  then  they  burst  out

         laughing.

       

         One week later

         Rob roars up un his bike ,  the curtain twitches over the

         road.He goes into the garden and starts work.He weeds the

         flower beds and trims the borders.After an hour Julie and

          Hanna bring him out some iced barley water.THey  have  a

          large jug and a small glass.Rob hands back the glass to

          drink straight from the jug.

   Julie:My it is thirsty work ,  he's drinking straight from  the

         jug.  

   Hanna:It always tastes better that way ,  I remember  drinking

          from the milk jug as a child.My father would laugh, then

          I would burp.

   Julie:That would not surprize me in the least.

         Hanna puts her tongue out at JUlie , Rob then burps.Julie

         is disgusted and walks inside , leaving Hanna and Rob laughing.

  Hanna:Well its only nature , she is so snooty sometimes.

    Rob:Can you find your way back to the house?

  Hanna:I can , its some much easier now all the grass is cut.

    Rob:I suppose it is, I've stacked all the grass in the corner of

        the garden , we can have a bonfire when it dries out.

  Hanna:I'll  tell Julie to start on the tea you'll  be  finished

         soon won't you?

    Rob:In  about  half  an hour ,  then next  time  we  can  start

         planting.

   

        Hanna  makes her way up the garden into the  house  ,  Rob

         resumes his work.Fourty five minutes later  Rob  finishes

         and goes into the house.

  Hanna:Your fifteen minutes late.

          She  is reading the time with her finger  on  her  blind

          persons watch( the glass moves on a hinge).

  Rob:Sorry , I'll get washed before we eat.

          Rob goes to the bathroom ,  when he returns the table is  

          set, with best china and all manner of goodies.

    Rob:I'm sure the teas get better each time I come.

  Julie:Well my father said "always feed the worker".

        As they eat they talk.

    Rob:I can start planting next time ,  then if you have a mower I

        can trim the grass a bit more , the syth has knocked it down but

        to make it real tidy I need a mower.

  Julie:I'll see what I can do

    Rob:I'll be off now , I'll see you next week.

  Hanna:You are always in such a hurry.

    Rob:Oh I meant to tell you , I'm going to Stratford this weekend

         with my friends , so I'll bring you back a postcard.

  JUlie:Ok  , we'll just see you out.

    Rob:There's no need I'll go through the french Windows.

       Rob  gets  up  and takes his helmet  off  the  settee  then

       leaves.A few moments there is a roar then he's gone.Julie looks

       at Hanna then speaks.

  Julie:He's so helpful I don't know what I'd do without him ,  my

        children  are so far away in Australia.They'll  only  come

        back for my funeral.

  Hanna:You could always visit them , I heard Australia is quite

        civilised nowadays.

  Julie:I'm too old to go traipsing all over the world , besides I

        have vertigo on a stool , never mind up in the clouds.

  Hanna:You are a baby ,  if I could go to Australia I'd go like a

        shot.

  Julie:In the olden days you would have been sent!

  Hanna:Thats no way to talk to your oldest friemd,  just for that

        I won't help clear the dishes.

  Julie:Thank God for that. (SHE WHISPERS)

  Hanna:I heard that ,  I may be blind but only an alstatian  has

          better hearing than me.        

  Julie:Thats a comfort ,  at least I don't have hairs to clear up

        too.

   

         With a flourish Julie picks up some of the  crockery  and

          heads  for the kitchen.Hanna blows a  raspberry  as  she

          leaves the crockery rattles but is not dropped as JUlie

          starts to laugh.

   Hanna:I think your problem is that you have too much starch  in

         your knickers

        

           (fadeout or ads are next if this is on itv)

     Next scene

          Rob roars up on his bike ,the curtain opposite  twitches

           as  usual.Rob gets off and takes a container  from  the

           pannier.He goes to the garden The ladies are waiting  ,

            Julie is standing by a flymow.Rob goes over to  admire

            it.  

    Rob:This is new .

  Julie:Well it is an investment in the future.

  Hanna:Sometimes she thinks she'll live forever.

  Julie:I'll live longer than you at any rate.I am younger.

  Hanna:Don't forget to mention the three days

    Rob:I've brought some parafin , we can burn the pile of grass.

      He shows them the container and waves it in the direction of

      a mound of cut grass.

   Rob:Right If you go inside and hook this up to the  power  I'll

       get cracking.

       

        With a flourish he takes off his leather riding jacket and

        throws it and his helmet to one side.Julie takes the container

  

         and  puts  it by the  French  Windows.Hanna  follows  her

         indoors, they Rob starts with the flymo.       

         Back in the sitting room Julie takes up her position  and

         watches giving Hanna a commentory.

   Julie:Well he's started,   he works really fast ,  the flymo is

         gliding like a stone bounced on a still pond

   Hanna:Remember when we went to the seaside ,  I go a pebble  to

          bounce seven times.        

   Julie:It was six.

    Hanna:OK ,  six then , your just jealous because you couldn't do

          it at all.

           

        She pulls a face at Julie ,  Julie does not see as she  is

        looking at Rob and still giving the commentory.

  

  JUlie:He's screaming again as he does it, he's like an African

        native.

  Hanna:Has he finished yet.

  Julie:I'd say in another twenty minutes he'll be done.

  Hanna:You better had start on the tea.

  Julie:Ok I'll start.

        Julie leaves the sitting room to start on the tea ,  Hanna

        stays looking out,but not seeing at Rob.In the garden  Rob

        is  going very fast,  the stubble from  his  sything  the

        previous  time  is now lawn.After a while  he  stops  to

         admire  his work.As he is piling all the grass  onto  the

         pile from last time Hanna appears at his elbow.

  Hanna:This is nice , very short too.That machine is very good.

    Rob:How can you tell, I mean you are blind.

  Hanna:I still can feel the ground under my feet.Before you  came

         the  grass  touched my knee.When you  used  the  syth  it

         touched my ankle ,  now it touches neither and when I rub

         my foot on the ground its no more than stubble on a man's chin.

   Rob  :You'r amazing.

   Hanna:Have you finished then, its time for tea.

        

         Rob looks around him,  we see a neat lawned  garden  with

         flower beds , a real transformation.

  Rob:I suppose I am.I can do some planting after tea,  then I can

      light the bonfire before I leave.

      

       Rob  takes Hanna's arm then together they go  back  to  the

       house.Julie is standing in   the window watching.She  winks

       at Rob before saying.

     

  Julie:I think You may need a chaperone?

        

        Hanna pulls her arm from Rob's.

  Hanna:Julie you are so so , just so so.

  JUlie:Cann't you think of a word then ,  that's a  novelty  for

         you.    

    Rob:You two make me blush sometimes.

  Hanna:Ignore her , now tell us about your day out in Stratford.

    Rob:Well we all rode to Stratford ,  about fouty of us  ,  some

        with sidecars as well.We had a ride around and had  a  few

        laughs then we went for a drink.

  Julie:Sounds like a nice day out.

    Rob:It was ,  though  it could have got hairy for a finish,  but

        everything turned out ok.

  Hanna:What happened?

    Rob:Oh nothing really , just some people don't like bikers.Think

         we  are all thieves and hooligans.My friends are all  old,

         I  mean one is fourty two.We just like riding bikes ,  its not

          a crime is it?

  Julie:What happened?

    Rob:Oh  nothing ,the landlord thanked me in  fact.How  about  a

        slice more of your cake, did yuou bake it?

  

       Rob obviously does not want to say any more on the matter.

  Hanna:What about our postcard?

    Rob:I forgot to bring it ,  I remembered the parafin but not the

        card.

  Julie:Never mind , next time will do.

  Hanna:I remember when  me and Hanna and our husbands used to  go

        on holidays and days out together.      

  Julie:We haven't bothered to go anywhere in years,  its not  the

        same now since our husbands passed on

  Hanna:Julie  was describing how you used the  flymo  ,  how  it

          glides and bounces over the grass,  it reminds me  of  a

           trip to the seaside.I got stones to bounce on the  sea,

          one did seven bounces.

  Julie:She means six ,  it was fun ,  though we'll never see  the

        seaside again.

  Hanna:Nor feel the sea breeze , or hear the donkies.

   

        The ladies look into space remembering bygone days.

    Rob:You should go again.

  Julie:We are too old.

  Hanna:I couldn't go on my own ,  and in a strange place I'd  be

         too much for Julie if it was just the two of us.

         

          There's a pause then Rob purses his lips then  makes  a

          sudden decision.

  

    Rob:I could take you.

  Julie:You are so kind, but how could you?

  Hanna:Surly not on yopur bike?

    Rob:We can be in Weston in two hours.

  Julie:You are serious , you are not just humouring us.

       She puts down her cup and looks intensly at Rob.

  Hanna:But how could I go?

    Rob:I could borrow a sidecar and connect it to my bike.

  Hanna:It would be fun , one last fling before we meet our maker.

      Hanna's unseeing eyes look pleadiongly at Julie.

  JUlie:I suppose you are daring me , Hanna.

  Hanna:Of course, or are you afraid of bikes as well as planes?

    Rob:Are you two certain.?

JUlie and Hanna:Positive.

       

        They all laugh.They finish their tea,  then Rob heads  for

        the garden.

    Rob:What I'll do is start the bonfire , I'll make sure its safe

        then I'll go.

  Julie:It will be safe?

  Hanna:Of course it will.

         Rob  heads for the pile of cut grass  ,  picking  up  the

         container of parafin on his way.

  

   Julie:That's easy for you to say its not your house  that  will

         burn.

   Hanna:Have you no faith in him , after all he's done.

   JUlie:I suppose you are right.

         They  continue watching Rob as he pours  parifin  on  the

          grass  before  setting it alight.Over the  road  in  the

          second story flat the woman in pearls is still watching.

   Sharon:The  overgrown clot is making a bonfire  now,  I  better

          close my window, or I'll be smoke logged.

          She closes her window ,  then her phone rings.She  picks

          the phone up and takes up her position by the window before

          answering it.

 Sharon:Hello, Miss Lington speaking.

  Phone:Hello its Ken here, your nephew

 Sharon:Sorry Ken I'm distracted at the moment

    Ken:Howcome?

 Sharon:There's a bonfire over the road.She has some clot  visting

        her for the past few weeks , he's tidied up her garden.

    Ken:Did you speak to her?

 Sharon:I did,  but she said she loved her house ,  we  can  have

         first refusal when she dies but not before.

    Ken:Any chance of making her change her mind?

 Sharon:Not  really ,  she's besoted with her  garden  and  this

          horrible biker chap who comes and tidies it for her.

    Ken:We could always leave the garden when we develop.

 Sharon:If you mean.

    Ken:I've an idea.

 Sharon:What is it?

    Ken:I cann't say yet, bye.

      

     Ken rings off ,  Sharon looks inquiringly at the phone,  then

      she  puts it down ,  to look out the window.A piece  of  ash

      flies past , she mutters under her breath.At the bonfire Rob

      is satified so he walks back to the house.

    Rob:I'll see you on Saturday then, be ready at IOam.

  JUlie:You really mean it about taking us to the seaside.

  Hanna:Of course he does.

         Rob  then leaves.He is watched leave by Sharon  from  her

         perch . Who looks from him back to the fire.

  Sharon:The overgrown clot  leaving the fire unattended , he could burn

         the house down.

  

         She smiles as she finishes her sentence ,  then looks out

       of the window again , this time moving the curtain right back.

  Sharon:What a pity the fire is dying down now

         The Saturday Morning

          Rob arrives ,  he has a sidecar attached to his  bike.He

          hoots his horn, the ladies come out.

  JUlie:Well, in for a penny in for a pound.

  Hanna:Where will I be?

    Rob:I've got a sidecar plenty of room for you to sit down.

  JUlie:Will the riding hats do.

        She holds aloft the riding hats which she had been holding

        at her side.

  Rob:They should do , I've borrowed some leathers for you too.

      Rob reaches into the sidecar and brngs out the leathers.

  JUlie:Won't my slacks do , I took the precaution of putting them

        on?

    Rob:You really need these, in case it rains.

       JUlie leans against Rob and Hanna and unceremoniously  gets

       into the leathers.

    Rob:I forgot what about Scampi?

  Hanna:THe woman over the road is looking after him.

    Rob:I think we are ready to go then.

  JUlie:Hang on a second.

       She goes inside and brings out a basket,  which has a small

   picnic  in it.SHe also has a black handbag ,  this she  places  on

    top

  Julie:Just in case we get peckish on the way.

         Hanna is helped into the sidecar then Julie gets  on  the

         bike behind Rob.Then the trio roar off.Over the road  the

          curtain   twitches  ,  Sharon then turns  to  her  guest

          saying.

  Sharon:Don't you dare chew anything.

        Scampi  covers  from her as she  raising  her  hand  to

           emphasise her threat.

           

            On the open road ,  Rob rides carefully,  Hanna  waves

            like the Queen when she hears children shout to her.

    Rob:Are you two ok back there.

  Hanna:This is exciting.

  JUlie:Yes its fun , makes me feel young again.

  Hanna:Don't hold him too tight , or he won't be able to steer.

  JUlie:You are impossible, just because you are blind you think

        you can say anything.

  Hanna:Its my only luxury.

         Hanna smiles like a naughty schoolgirl ,  sa does  Rob  ,

          Julie just pulls a face.As they ride Hanna  comments  on

          all the different smells.A bakery ,  a tannery ,  Indian

           restaurants and flowers' scent from parks.After an  hour

            on  the  road there is a "snap"  then  a  clanging.Rob

            struggles to  control the bike he manages to  stop,  a

            lorry just misses them.

  Rob:Are you two ok?

            He takes off his helmet.

  JUlie:What happened?

    Rob:The chain snapped.  

  Hanna:What was the other noise , it soundeed like a lorry?

  JUlie:Well your lucky you cann't see it gave me a fright.

    Rob:I'll just push you off the road its quite busy here.

       Rob dismounts and pushes them onto the narrow pavement  out

       of the way of traffic. He then inspects the damage.

    Rob:I think we were lucky ,  it broke but did no real  damage.So

        all we need is a new chain.

   Hanna:What are you going to do?

     Rob:I'll walk up the road there must be a garage nearby.

   JUlie:What should we do?

     Rob:Eat , I'll be back asap.

   Hanna:Thats fine by me , all this excitement hs made me    

         hungary.

  

        

          She starts to rummage in the basket ,  Julie  shruggs  ,

0           then  with  a wave Rob leaves.He walks  down  the  road

           occasionally stopping to try thumbing.He has no luck.

           Hanna and JUlie have eaten all the food ands drunk the

            thermos dry when a car pulls up.It has a man his  wife

           and their two children in it.The man gets out of  the

            car and walks towards the ladies.

          

  Man:Hello ladies can I help you?

      Then he recognises them.

    Man:I'm Sgt Jones , I know you two , what are you doing here?

  Hanna:Ask to see identification he may be a con man

  Jones:Here you are , he shows it to JULIE  

JUlie:Its ok Hanna ,  he's got identification.Besides he  as  a

         luvly wife and two children in his car.

  Hanna:In that case tell him why we are here.

         Hanna smiles angelically.Then she tidies uop  the  basket

     

          placing the black bag on top.

  JUlie:We are on our way to the seaside , only the chain snapped.

  Jones:With your young friend?

  Julie:Yes , with Rob do you know him?

  Jones:I've seen him several times ,  he's made a good job of

             your garden.  

  Hanna:He's going to a garage to get help.

  Jones:You two are ok?

  Julie:Yes we just hope he gets back soon thats all.

  Jones:I'll be off then .

          The sgt leaves waving them goodbye from his  car  ,  his

          kids wave too.He drives for a few minutes then spots Rob

          so he slows and stops.He waves him over.

  Sgt JOnes:Rob , get in I'll give you a lift.

        Rob:Who are you?

  Sgt Jones:I've just met your friends by the bike,

        Rob:Thanks a lot ,  nobody wants to give me a lift  I've  tried

             thumbing.

       

         Rob gets in the back ,  he has to lower his head  in  the

  

         car,the kids are amazed at how big he is.The cars  drives

             on.

  Sgt Jones:You seem to be great friends with the ladies?

        Rob:We  get along fine.I like them and the house  ,  I  do  the

             garden  for Julie.

  Sgt Jones:I know , I've seen it.Its on my beat.

        Rob:You a cop?

  Sgt Jones:Yes , somebody has to do it.

           They drive on is silence ,  at a garage Rob gets out  ,

            the kids say "Goodbye Mr Rob".The Sgt drives  off  Rob

            

            goes in to find a mechanic.

                                         (fADEOUT)

            A van with a mechanic and Rob pulls up by the bike.The

      ladies sit in the van while the mechanic and Rob fit the chain.

      When its time to pay Rob reaches into his pocket to discover

      he's short.So he and tyhe mechanic walk to the van.

    Rob:Sorry to ask Julie , but I wasn't expecting this, so I'm in

         a predicament.

  Hanna:He's short of money.

    Rob:I am .

        He lowers his head , ashamed to be asking.

  JUlie:Not to worry , besides you have been so kind to us.

       

         Julie takes the black handbag from the food  basket,  she

         opens it.Money bursts out.Taking a œ50 note she hands it to Rob.

  Julie:Is that enough?

          Both  Rob and the mechanic are amazed and look  at  one

           another.The ladies get out of the van and back  on  the

    bike  then  the  mechanic drives off ,  with Rob  and  the  ladies

    following, on their way again to the seaside.

    Rob:I'll pay you back next week when I get paid.

  JUlie:No you won't , its the least I can do after all you've

         done.

         The rest of the journey is in silence ,  Julie has a self

     satisfied smile on her face , at last she has repaid Rob for his

      kindness.At  the  seaside  ,   Rob  has  difficulty  parking

     ,eventually he parks where it says strickly no parking.

    Rob:Perhaps we'll be lucky and not get a ticket.

  Julie:I'll pay the ticket.

    Rob:No you won't and I will repay you next week.

  Julie:We'll see avbout that.

       The trio leave the bike and sidecar then head off along the

      

        promenade.The ladies refusing to take their hats off.

         Hanna's nose twitches.

  Hanna:Candy floss , candy floss. I want a candy floss.

  Julie:I cann't see it where?

  Hanna:Twenty yards on the left.

  Julie:Lets see how good your nose is Fido.

        So  while Rob takes Hanna's arm Julie strides  out  twenty

        yards.

  Julie:I see no candy floss stand.

        At that moment two workmen pick up some plaster board

         to reveal a candy floss store.Rob and Julie look at  each

         other in amazement.

   Hanna:Does your silence mean , you've finally seen it.

         Rob and Julie laugh , Hanna joins in .Then Rob gets three

         candy floss.They then set of again.Hanna now has a  beard

         of floss.

  Julie:You have less manners than Scampi , Hanna.

     

        Hanna just puts her tongue out , and eats her beard.

  Hanna:Where are the donkies , I want a ride.

  Julie:You tell us , you are the blood hound.

  Hanna:Blood hound am I , Then I better howl.

  JUlie:Don't you dare.

       

      Hanna lets out a howl.

    Rob:Beam me up Scottie.  

  Julie:What does that mean ?

     Hanna howls again, people look around at her , thinking she's

     drunk.

    Rob:It means I am embarrassed.

  JUlie:Scottie beam me up too.

     

       The blood hound leads then to the donkies,  not  really  a

       hard job.Julie's nose twitches now in disgust.

  Hanna:Two for the donklies please.

       

      The donkey man looks at Rob and mouthes "Its dangerous she's

      blind"

  Rob:Its ok ,  I'll stand on one side by her ,  you can go on the

       other.

         The donkey man shruggs his shoulders ,  the ladies  mount

         then have a ride.

  

  Hanna:I feel just like John Wayne.  

  JUlie:Thank God you cann't see yourself

        After the ride Hanna is still excited.

    Rob:I think we should eat now and perhaps have a few drinks.

  Julie:Not too many you are driving.

    Rob:Four is my below the breath test limit.

  JUlie:Are you sure?

  Hanna:He's a big boy , a very big boy it would take a lot to get

         him drunk.

  

      The walk along the Prom at one pub they stop ,  there  is  a

     sign "NO BIKERS",  they don't see it , they go in.They sit at

      a table .Behind the bar the barmaid sees them.Hanna goes  to

     the toilet.

  Barmaid:I better tell the boss.

       

       She goes into the other bar ,  the boss returns with her.He

    takes  a deep breath and comes from behind the bar and  heads  for

     Rob.At that moment Hanna returns and Rob helps her  sit  down

     again.The Boss's expression changes.

   Boss:Are these two with you?

  Hanna:Yes , he's our toy boy.

   Boss:Er , Er what can I do for you?

    Rob:I was going to go to the bar and order some drinks and  some

         food.

   Boss:There's no need Sir , I'll take an order from you here.

    Rob:Well I'll have a pint of bitter.

  Hanna:I'll have a Guinness.

  Julie:I'll have a port and lemon.

   Boss:And to eat?

    Rob:Three ploughmens

   Boss:Is that all?

    Rob:Yes thanks

  Hanna:Mine's a pint by the way.

       

      The boss looks astonished.

   Hanna:WE're on holoday ,  just for a day but on  holiday  ,  so    

          mine's a pint.

    Boss:Certainly.

        The Boss returns to the bar ,  he returns with  the  order

        personally.

  Boss:Do you mind if my daughter come and talks with you?

   Rob:No why?

  Boss:Well , I'll just send her out.

        The boss goes back to the bar and shouts .A  teenage  girl

         comes out and heads for Rob's table.She is blind.She  and

          Hanna are soon laughing ,  they have common jokes  about

          blindness.The "Boss" looks on ,  he is happy.He turns to

          his barstaff.

  Boss:Keep their glasses full , do you hear me?

          The staff nod , then he goes into the other bar.

   Hanna:And they said "find the donkies" ,  so I did ,  I  howled

         like a blood hound.

   Julie:She has no shame.

   Hanna:I'm a bit old to have any.

    Mary:Do you hate being blind though?

   Hanna:At first , its not so bad if you are born blind.

    Mary:Like me.

   Hanna:Well  you  have never seen so you don't  know  what  your

          missing.  

    Mary:Thats what my dad says.

   Hanna:It is hard when you are young ,  but you can  still  have

         fun.You can get away with anything when you are blind

    Mary:Such as?

   Hanna:Well  when  I was first blind I went into  the  Gents  by

         mistake.

         

         Mary and Rob laugh , Julie is disgusted and "tut tuts"

    Hanna:They all shouted ,  I heard the zips closing ,  one  man            

          screamed.

           At this Mary laughed till the tears came down her eyes.

   Mary:I'll have to try that.

          Another round of drinks comes over.The barmaid goes away

          to tell Mary's dad that she's enjoying herself.

   Hanna:Is there a bingo hall near , I want to play.

    Mary:There's one up the road.

   Hanna:Come and play bingo with us,

    Mary:I'll just tell my dad.

    Rob :I'll come with you and settle up.

       Mary and Rob go to the bar.

  Mary:Dad ,  dad the lady wants me to go up the road with her  to

       play bingo.

  Boss:Ok , get one of the lads to bring you back.

  Mary:Thanks dad.

   Rob:How much do I owe you.

  Boss:I've been paid already.

   Rob:Did Julie pay why my back was turned?

  Boss:Er , yes , while you were in  the gents.

       Rob and Mary go back to the table , Hanna is standing.

  Hanna:You can lead, I'll follow.

       Mary takes Hanna's arm.

  Hanna:No , not that way , we are on holiday.So lets Conga.

   Mary:You are silly.

  Hanna:Come on , please an old lady.

         So Mary let Hanna take her by the waist ,  Julie and  Rob

          joined  in.The people in the pub thought it a  joke  and

          started to laugh.

   Hanna:Don't just laugh , join in.

    Mary:Everybody join in.

   Boss: So much for the afternoon trade , but its worth it to see

         Mary smile.

         So the pub crowd joined in.A conga formed ,  Mary led  it

           up the road to the bingo hall.People join in,  so  a  large

            crowd entered the empty bingo hall.

Bingo caller:Hello Mary , you come to play?

        Mary:My friend Hanna wants to play.

Bingo caller:Everybody sit down for th big game.

         He  has  a full house ready toi  play.Several  games  are

       played but Hanna does not win.Rob plays the board for her.

  Crowd:Let her win.  

 Caller:It all luck I cann't fix it , if you lot stop winning then

        she might start.

       

        Another game is played,  several people win putting  there

    hand  up  to shout house only to shake their heads  and  wave  the

     Caller  on.Eventually Hanna wins  ,  about  ten  others  have

     actually won already but they did not shout out.

   Hanna:Bingo , House , I've won.

  Caller:Yes you have won.

   Hanna:I want a  pink elephant.

  

      The caller picks out a blue elephant, he calls to the crowd.

  Caller:What has she won .

   Crowd:A pink elephant.

  

        Hanna accepts her prize, then to much cheering  she leaves

        the bingo hall with Rob and Julie.They walk along the Prom.

    Rob:I think we better start going home now.

  Hanna:Must we?

  Julie:I think we should.

  Hanna:Oh all right then , it was a good day out.

  

  

         They walk along the Prom till they find the bike again.There

         they see a policeman about to book the bike.Rob goes forward to

         speak with him.

  Rob:I'm sorry officer its just that there was no where else to park.

   Pc:Sorry the law is the law.

         He reaches into his pocket for his book.At this point a car

         emerges from the back of the carpark into the road , it stops

         just by the Pc. It is Sgt Jones and his family.Sgt Jones

         calls the Pc. over.He shows the Pc. his warrent card.

  Sgt Jones:I know this man , do you see the old lady and the blind lady

            behind him?

         The Pc. looks around and sees Julie and Hanna .

         Pc:I see them.

  Sgt Jones:This man has gone to a lot of trouble to give them a nice

             day out.

          Pc:I understand.

      

  Sgt Jones:Thanks, next time you are in Birmingham , drop in at J

  

            division , I'll buy you a drink.

         Pc:I might just do that.

          The Pc. salutes as Sgt Jones drives off.The Pc. turns to Rob.

   Pc:It looks like your lucky day.But be careful in future.

  Rob:Yes Sir.

       The Pc. watches as Rob and the ladies mount up and drive away.

       The journey back is uneventful,Hanna holding her prize with pride

       At Julie's house the ladies get out, then Rob roars off.As he

       leaves the Sharon leaves her block and returns Scampi to Julie.

  Sharon:Did you have a nice day out?

   Hanna:Yes I did , see my prize a pink elephant.

       She shows her blue elephant

  Sharon:Wonderful I'm sure.

   Julie:Was Scampi any trouble?

  Sharon:None  at all , we got on great.

            

        She bends to stroke Scampi , who snaps at her , she pulls away

        quickly.Then nodding her head by way of farewell she hurries away

        Julie and Hanna go inside with Scampi barking for joy .

       

          The phone rings as Sharon gets in.Yes graps the phone and snaps

  Sharon:Yes , what do you want!

     Ken:It's Ken , your nephew , what rattled your cage?

  Sharon:That horrid dog Scampi , Julie and her friend went out for the

         day with that clot on a bike.So I had to mind the dog.It peed

         all over the back of my favourite chair.

     Ken:Not the best of days.I rang to say I've arranged for a load of  

          manure to be delivered.

  Sharon:First the one , now the other.

     Ken:For Julie's garden , perhaps we can get around her.Tell her how

         nice the garden is, and it would be great if everybody could see

         it.

  Sharon:Which they would if you developed the site.

     Ken:Exactly.

       The following Monday a lorry arrives with a load of maure,Julie

       comes out when she hears it arrive.

   Julie:What do you want?

  Driver:I've got a delivery for you, best manure.

   Julie:It certainly smells that way.

  Driver:Where do you want it?

  Julie:I didn't order it.

        Sharon comes accross the road to take charge.

   Julie:It's a present from my nephew, Ken.

   Julie:I  suppose it would help the garden along  ,  we  haven't

         started planting yet.Once we do though things will soon grow

         with this.

          Julie holds her nose and waves her hands at the load  of

           manure.Julie and Sharon watch as the manb unloads  then

           digs in the manure into the beds.The man finishes  then

           leaves.

  

  Sharon:Your young friend has made a good job.

   Julie:Yes he has , he's good company too.

  Sharon:It  looks nice now ,  it will be even  better  once  the

          plantings done , when things start to bloom.  

   Julie:Yes it will be almost as good as the old days.

  Sharon:Its a pity everybody cann't see the garden.

   JUlie:I see it and Rob ,  Hanna sees it in her mind ,  she  can

         still smell the flowers when they are in bloom.

  Sharon:It would be nice if more people could see it though.

   JUlie:I  don't  see how that could happen.This  is  not  Alton   

          Towers.

  Sharon:A  garden  like this is a great thing  ,  it  should  be

          shared.    

   Julie:I still don't see how it can be shared.

  Sharon:This really is a precious garden.Now if your  house  was

         developed the garden would stay. And get professional attention.

   Julie:So it was a bribe!

  Sharon:Not at all.A token of friendship.

   Julie:Friendship to convert my house into flats ,  or even knock

          it and rebuild.    

  Sharon:You misunderstand.

   Julie:All I can say for friendship like yours is- manure.

  Sharon:There is no need to get offensive.

   JUlie:Now get off my property.

         At this point Scampi comes running out of the  house  and

         starts snapping at Sharon.Sharon runs away , Scampi jumps

         and tears her dress , he returns with the torn piece and

         drops it at Julie's feet.Julie starts to laugh.

         Over the road Sharon rings Ken.

  Sharon:Ken, I spoke to her.

     Ken:Yes , did she like the gift.?

  Sharon:At first ,  then she saw through it.Her blased dog ripped

         my dress.

    Ken:I'll have to talk with her myself.I'll be in Birmingham in a

        couple of weeks.

 Sharon:But what about my dress.It was beautiful ,  I got it in

          the Silk Shop .

    Ken:I'll get you another.We just have to persuade her ,its worth

        a lot of money to me.

     A Few Days Later

      Rob  arrives as usual ,  Sharon watching  as  usual.He  goes

      around the back Julie and Hanna are there to greet him.

 Rob:Hello again.

      He looks around and notices the manure and some cuttings  in

      pots.

   Rob:Where did you get this stuff from.

 Julie:The manure was from a neighbour.

 Hanna:It was a bribe.

   Rob:A funny sort of bribe if you ask me.

 Julie:Lets forget about that.

   Rob:What about the cuttings.

 Julie:My postman gave some,  then the milkman gave me others then

       a few neighbours gave the others.

   Rob:Do you want me to start planting then.

 Julie:If you could.

        She  takes a photo out of the pocket of her  cardigan  and

        hands it to Rob.

    Rob:I'll do me best.Oh by the way I might be able yto get  you

         some  plants,they're  changing the stock  around  at  the

         hypermarket  the boss said I could have any  shop  soiled

         stuff.

  Julie:That's very kind of him.

    Rob:They'll be perfect,  if the wrapping is torn a lot then we

        are not allowed to sell them.So the boss said I could have

        them.

   JUlie:You must thank him for me.We will let you get on with  it

        then .

     Hanna and Julie go indoors.Rob starts the planting looking at

      photo  occasionally  for guidance.After two  hours  he  goes

      inside for tea....

  JUlie:It  looks so nice now ,  and when things grow it  will  be

        great.

    Rob:I'll  get  the plants from work in  a  week  or  so,after

         they're in it'll be all finished.

  Hanna:I just the scents are strong,  and that there are some  of

        those velvet flowers on the roses.

    Rob:Really I needn't come any more after that.

  JUlie:But you must , I mean we both want you to come.

  Hanna:Yes you must.

    Rob:If you insist.

        There is a faraway look in his eyes.

             (fadeout)

       Its evening about eight ,Julie is locking up for the  night

        when  there is a knock on her door,  she  opens  the  door  

                

        a fraction to see who it is.Dusk is falling, in the shadows

        she recognises Sharon.So she opens the door wider , behind

        Sharon is a man.          

      

  Julie:Yes.What do you want at this hour.

 Sharon:Can we talk.

  Julie:I thought we finished talking the other day.

    Ken:Please let us talk.

  Julie:Come in then.

        Sharon and Ken come in , Scampi growls at them.

   JUlie:Well what have you to say?

  Sharon:I'm sorry about the other day ,  it was a genuine gesture

         of friendship.

     Ken:You wouldn't believe how expensive that stuff is.

   JUlie:Who is this man?

    Ken:I'm Ken Lington.

 Sharon:My nephew.

  JUlie:So your the organ grinder.

        She then looks Sharon in the face.

  JUlie:And this is your monkey.

 Sharon:There is no need for abuse.

    Ken:Ladies , ladies cann't we be civil.

  JUlie:You want to take my house, my home.

 Sharon:We want to help you.

    Ken:Yes help you.

  Julie:I don't want your help.

    Ken:Think of the money , you can give it to your children .

  Sharon:You could even go to visit them in Australia.

    Ken:Or even go live there, think of the sun , you could even

        buy a nice little place for yourself.  

   JUlie:No use to me if I loose my friends my home  ,  besides  I

         have vertigo , i could never fly.

     Ken:You could afford to go by the QE2.

   JUlie:No , I will not sell my home,so you can build battery hen

         homes for the old and stupid.

   Sharon:Just look at this place its falling down.

   Julie:It just needs a little clean.

          They  all  look  around  at  the  cobwebs  and   peeling

          paintwork.

      

   Ken:You could stay , you don't have to go to Australia.

 Julie:Yes you could have a nice place like mine.

   Ken:The pick of the development , and the garden would stay.

Sharon:Everybody could admire your garden then.

 JUlie:I  may be old but I'm not stupid.You  would  bulldoze  the

        garden just like you did to the ones over the road.

Sharon:Your mind is made up then.

 Julie:Yes.

   Ken:Do we still have first option when you die.

Sharon:When you pass on he means.

 Julie:No.I've got other plans in fact I've changed my will.

       Sharon and Ken exchange looks.

Sharon:Whats going to happen then?

 Julie:I 'm tired I'm going to bed.

      JUlie heads up the stairs, stopping by the suit of armour..

 Julie:If you could drop the catch as you leave.

Sharon:But what's going to happen.

   Ken:You promised us first refusal.

 Julie:That is none of your business, goodnight.

      Ken races up the stairs to confront Julie , Svampi barks.

   Ken:I was depending on this site.

 Julie:As they say don't count your chickens before they hatch.

      Sharon makes her way up the stairs.

Sharon:Julie,  my dear be reasonable ,  this house is much to  big

        for you.

   Ken:I'll give you another œI0000 ,  think what you can do  with

       the money

 JUlie:At my age money is not that important.

   Ken:You can leave it to your children.

 Julie:They have plenty already.

Sharon:You could even leave it to that clot Rob.

 Julie:I will be doing just that.

      Ken is getting more hot under the collar.

   Ken:Yor telling me that clot will get the lot.

      He grabs Julie by the shoulder and starts to shake her.

   Ken:If I don't close this deal in asix months I could be broke.

 JUlie:That's not my concern.

      Ken lets her go , then grabs Scampi.

   Ken:You wouldn't want yur dog to get hurt would you.

 Julie:Don't you dare.

       

       Ken grabs Scampi and starts to strangle him, the dog whines

       Julie makes a grab for Scampi but Ken holds him out of  her

        reach.Julie  then  grabs  the  sword  from  the  suit   of

         armour.Ken  passes the dog to Sharon.Sharon  is  bit  and

         drops  Scampi.Ken  struggles  with  Julie,  Scampi  bites

          Ken.Ken  kicks Scampi down stairs.Julie dives  to  catch

           Scampi,  Julie falls down stairs ,  Ken is  saved  from

            falling  down by Sharon.Ken and Sharon look  down  the

            stairs at the crumpled body of Julie , obviusly dead.

            Ken picks up the dropped sword ,  he goes down  stairs

             and hits a still twitching Scampi.He then looks  back

             at Sharon.At that moment there is a roar of a bike.

Sharon:Its that clot , Rob, he's never here at this time.  

   Ken:Just stay quiet.

          The doorbell rings, Ken and Sharon breath heavily as it

         rings again.Sharon covers her mouth.Ken looks at the dead

         Scampi and Julie.He shakes his head from side to side.

 Ken:The stupid bitch   (he mutters)

          A final ring on the bell,Then a note is  pushed  through

          the door. Rob gets on his bike and goes

          to work.Inside Sharon spots the black handbag and  picks

         it up she walks downstairs and stands by Ken.

Sharon:Did you have to kill the dog.I hated it but did you have to

       kill it?

   Ken:It was injured, what else could I do?

Sharon:What are we going to do now?

   Ken:Improvise.

Sharon:How?

   Ken:I'm damned if I'll go to jail for an accident.

       Sharon gulps , Ken looks her in the eye.

   Ken:If I go you go.

Sharon:But what can we do?

   Ken:Well this looks like burglery to me.

       He picks up the note , then notices the bag Sharon has.

   Ken:What's that?

Sharon:She had it in her hand I just picked it up.

   Ken:Open it.

       He reads the note as she opens the bag.

Sharon:Its full of money , there must be thousands in here.

   Ken:The clot is coming back tomorrow, at about 7am with plants..

      A smirk comes on his face

Sharon:What are you thinking.

   Ken:Well if her bag is missing.

Sharon:Yo're going to frame the clot.

   Ken:Have you a better idea?

Sharon:No but , its going a bit far.

   Ken:Do you want top go to jail, and do you wnnt this  overgrown  

       shit to get the house and her money , while I go bust.

Sharon:What are you going to do then?

   Ken:You can keep the money , but burn your clothes, the police

       have some fancy tricks nowadays.

Sharon:But this dress is new,do I have to?

   Ken:You can buy ten with the money in there.

Sharon:What about the bag?

    Ken:Give  me that ,now go back to the flat I'll tell  you  the

        rest later.

        Sharon sneaks out and goes to the flat ,  clutching  money

        to her breast , we see Ken leaning over Julie....(fadeout)

          The  next  morning Rob arrives  and  rings  the  bell.No

           answer,he looks up ,her bedroom curtains are  open.Over

            the road we see somebody dial 999 (its Sharon) .

            We see the copper braclet on her arm , no more.

   Rob:She must be up her curtains are open ,  what if she had  an

       accident

          He rings the bell once more then calls out.

  Rob:Julie!

          No answer , just startled pidgeons flying away.

  

  Rob:She could have fallen over Scampi.

     

         He then looks through the letter box.

  Rob:Julie!

          He  kicks the door down.Going foward he  discovers  that

          Julie is dead, as is Scampi.

  Rob:Julie,No ! (He screams this)

          Outside a police car pulls up.Sgt Jones and Pc.Reed  get

          out they go inside, Rob is there holding th body.

  Rob:She's dead.

Jones:I know Rob.Just put her down and come with us.

 Reed:Shall I radio for reinforcemts? ( HE WHISPERS)

Jones:Just come with us Rob we'll sort it all out.

  Rob:How did it happen?

 Reed:He's asking us? (HE WHISPERS)

Jones:Just come with us , we will sort it all out.

  Rob:What about Julie? It will be a shock of Hanna too?

 Reed:Who's Hanna (he Whispers)

Jones:Come with ne Rob.

         Rob is in deep shock,  He puts Julie carfully  down  then

       gets  up  and goes with Sgt  Jones.Pc.Reed  radios  for  an

      ambulance and for forensics.

       At the Police station Rob is led into an intervew room  by

      

        Sgt Jones.Only when he is inside does Rob realise what  is

        happening.

    Rob:I didn't kill her I came around with plants ,  look  on  my

        bike.

s.Jones:We just want to talk the inspector will be here shortly.

         The  door is locked behind Rob ,  he starts to  bite  his

         nails.A few minutes later a loud click as the door opens.

         The inspector enters with Sgt.Jones as note taker.Rob is

         cautioned then the inspector starts.

 Ins.Spence:Well Rob can you tell us what happened.

        Rob:I found her there dead.I didn't kill her.

 Ins Spence:Who said anything about killing?

        Rob:Why else would I be asked to come here?

 Ins Spence:Just start at the beginning and tell  us  everything

              I've had a long night.

        Rob:I came to give Julie some plants,  I've been doing  her  

            garden.

Ins  Spence:Do you know her long?  Or rather did  you  know  the

              deceased long.

             Rob flinches.The inspector raises an eyebrow at this.

        Rob:A few months ,I met Hanna first then  Julie  ,  she

             asked me to tea, we got talking then I said I'd do her

             garden for her.

Ins  Spence:Are  you in the habit of taking  tea  with  an  old

               lady,and who is this Hanna?

  Sgt Jones:If I may sir?

  

            The inspector nods.

  Sgt Jones:Rob helped Hanna, a blind lady cross the road, she was

            on her way o visit her friend Julie.

Ins  Spence:I see.

 Sgt  Jones:A  friendship  developed  and  Rob  has  become   an

              unofficial gardener.

Ins  Spence:Thank you Sgt.If we let the accused talk.

        Rob:That's it ,  that's what happened.I even took them  to

            the seaside on my bike.:

Ins  Spence:Really?

             The inspector looks at Sgt Jones for  confirmation,

             Sgt Jones nods.

  

         Rob:They both really enjoyed that< the chain on my  bike

              broke.Sgt Jones gave me a lift to a garage.

Ins   Spence:That must have cost a few bob?

         Rob:Oh it did, I had to borrow money from Julie.

             The policemen exchange glances.

Ins  Spence:Did you repay Julie?

        Rob:Yes.

Ins  Spence:Are you sure?

        Rob:I repaid her,  she did not want me to but  I  did,she

            said it was the least she could do,after all the work

            I had done on the garden.

            Rob yarns and wips his eyes.

Ins  Spence:Are you tired?

        Rob:Yes , I just finished the night shift.

Ins  Spence:You came straight from work to see the deceased.

        Rob:I had plants for her.

Ins  Spence:Did you buy them?

        Rob:No  (HE'S INTERRUPTED)

Ins  Spence:You stole them

        Rob:No  ,the boss said I could have them ,they  are  shop

             soiled, end of season stuff, you can ask him.

Ins  Spence:We will.

        Rob:It's hot in here.

              He  takes his leather jacket off to reveal  a  blood

              stained sweatshirt.  

Ins  Spence:You had an accident.

        Rob:The boss cut himself on some packaging ,I had to  hold

            my hand over the wound.

Ins  Spence:Really?

        Rob:Yes you can ask him?

Ins  Spence:Sgt did the accused have his jacket on or off when you

            arrived.

  Sgt Jones:On Sir.

Ins  Spence:Can you give us your sweatshirt

        Rob:Why?

Ins  Spence:Just for tests.

  

           Rob looks at Sgt Jones,  then reluctantly he takes  his

           shirt off.

Ins  Spence:That's all for now then.

        Rob:Can I go home.

Ins  Spence:Not just yet.

        Rob:But I need to sleep, I have been working all night.

Ins  Spence:We'll find you somewhere to sleep.

  Sgt Jones:The cells sir?

Ins  Spence:Yes.

           Rob is led to the cells by Sgt Jones as he is locked up

           Rob turns to Sgt Jones .

      Rob:I did not kill her, you must know that.

Sgt Jones:The dice are loaded against you.

      Rob:What's going to happen?

Sgt Jones:Further enquiries then you will be charged.

      Rob:But I didn't do it why should I kill her she has been so

          kind to me.

Sgt Jones:I think you should get a lawyer,  do you know one, there

          is legal aid as well.

      Rob:A fried of mine works in a solicitors,I could ring him.

Sgt Jones:Give me the number I'll do it for you.

      Rob:I think its 785 9428 ,  his name is Peter Robins, I hope

          I  don't  get  him  into trouble for  ringing  at  work,

          he says that solicitors can be very stuffy.

Sgt Jones:Leave it with me,try and get some rest.

          Sgt Jones closes the cell door ,  shaking his head as he

          does so.He has pity for Rob.

          ( fADE OUT)

           

  

          At Julie's house,  Hanna turns up out of the  blue,  she

           asks the police what's up.Police cars and an  ambulance

           are there, Hanna looks around unseeing..

   Hanna:Why are you all here,  where is Julie ,  she hasn't  been

         robbed has she?

 Pc.Reed:Who are you?

   Hanna:I'm her best friend,  I had a feeling she needed me so  I

         came.

          Another Pc comes up to Pc.Reed and says.

     Pc:I'll go with the body to the morgue.

  Hanna:What she's dead!

         She faints, Pc.Reed has to catch her.The other Pc.leaves.

Pc.Reed:Sorry you heard it that way.Your friend is dead.

  Hanna:But she was so well.

Pc.Reed:I think you've heard enough for now.

  Hanna:There's more.

Pc.Reed:ER , yes.

  Hanna:Tell me ,tell me.

         She looks pleadingly at him.

Pc.Reed:If  you come with me to the station we can tell  you  more

        there

  Hanna:Tell me now.

Pc.Reed:You will hear everything at the station.

  Hanna:Rob will be very upset.

         The Pc.  gulps and looks to heaven as he leads her  to  a

         police car.At the statio she is put in an interview room.

         The inspector arrives to speak with her.

Ins Spence:I believe you are the deceased friend.

     Hanna:for sixty years.

Ins Spence:Have you been told the nature of her death?

     Hanna:No.She didn't trip over anything did she,I always told

           her to look where she was going.

Ins Spence:i'm afraid she's been murdered.

     Hanna:Oh no, whoever would do such a thing.

Ins Spence:I believe you know a man called Rob Towers?

     Hanna:Yes, does he know yet? He will be shocked, he and JUlie

           are or were rather good friends , the three of us were.

Ins Spence:I'm afraid This Rob , appears to be the guilty party.

     Hanna:No never , he is a god boy!

Ins  Spence:Was your friend in the habbit of keeping money in  the

            house?

     Hanna:I suppose I can tell you now.She kept a few thousand in

           a black handbag.She said one day she'd fly to Australia

           to see her children,  she had vertigo you know  ,afraid

           to fly, quite silly really.

Ins Spence:Do you think this Rob would steal?

     Hanna:No , never.He didn't even ask for payment for doing the

           gardening.

Ins Spence:Tell me more.

      Hanna:I  met him first ,  he crossed the road  with  me  one

            day.We invited him in for tea , then he offered to do

            the garden.

Ins Spence:That was very kind of him.

     Hanna:Julie had commented on the garden then he offered  to

             do it.

Ins Spence:All as simple as that and for free.

     Hanna:There still some nice people in the world you know, not

           all young people are bad.  

           The inspector smiles broadly then wiping away the smile

           he asks some more questions.

Ins Spence:Do you think Rob would ever ask for a loan?

     Hanna:No ,never.When Julie had to lend him money  he  said

            he'd repay it.

Ins Spence:When was this ?

     Hanna:When he took us to the sea side on his motorbike.

Ins Spence:So he had to borrow money?

     Hanna:The chain broke on his bike.When the mechanic finally

            came Rob didn't have enough to pay him so  Julie  lent

            him some money.

Ins Spence:My Sgt.  told me something about two old ladies and a

           biker going to Weston.Would that have been you?

     Hanna:Yes of course.

Ins Spence:Really?

           The Inspector says this with mock surprize.

     Hanna:But if you know this already why ask me?

Ins Spence:Its always best to get it from the horses mouth.

     Hanna:I think you should start looking for Julie's killer.

Ins Spence:We have no other suspects.

     Hanna:This is rediculous, Rob is innocent.

Ins Spence:I'll be the judge of that.

     Hanna:But why do you say its him?

Ins Spence:We had a phone call saying there was a disturbance,when

           we arrived Rob was found with your friend.

      Hanna:I still don't believe it was him ,He loved  the  house

            and the garden .

Ins Spence:Enough  to pull up the plants and pour  oil  over  the

            flower beds?

     Hanna:Oh thats terrible , he'd never do that.

Ins Spence:He was seen last night.

     Hanna:But you said he was there this morning.

Ins Spence:He returned to the scene of crime in the morning.

     Hanna:Who saw him?

Ins Spence:I'm afraid I cann't say,  I've bent the rules rather  a

           lot already.If you have anything further to add  which

           may help your young friend please say so.

     Hanna:He did not do it , anybody can see that , even a blind

           woman.

Ins Spence:I'll have to leave you now, I'll send a WPc though she

            can  get  you a tea and drive you home  when  you  are

           ready.

            The inspector leaves the room he does and  talks  with

            Sgt. Jones

Ins  Spence:Can you find the garage mechanic who fixed  the  chain

            for Mr Tower's aand see if he can tell us anything?

Sgt  Jones :I've done that already Sir , he remembers everthing,he

            couldn't forget such an odd trio.

Ins  Spence:And what does he have to say?

Sgt   Jones:Only that Rob borrowed money,the deceased had a black

            handbag it was stuffed with œ20 notes.

Ins Spence:You have no more information yourself?

Sgt  Jones:I don't think he did it.It seems so easy , he need not

           have killed her at all.

Ins Spence:He's  a  big lad and the deceased  was  no  match  for

            him.Besides the blood on his shirt matches the blood

            from the deceased.

Sgt  Jones:I tried to ring his boss about having  cut  himself,it

            seems he caught an early fight to Spain for his holidays.

Ins Spence:So it looks open and shut.

Sgt  Jones:But why ?  He put a lot of work into that garden,if he

             did  want to steal he had plenty of opportunity  over

             the months so why now?

Ins Spence:As I see it he saw all the money in the handbag , then

            he realised she was loaded so he asked for payment for

             all  his hard work.She refused , so he messed up the

            garden.She could have tried to offer him money to stop

            the destruction , but he just carried on  taking money

            as well.

Sgt  Jones:Only she got in the way.

Ins Spence:All we have to do now is find the bag with money?

Sgt  JOnes:How do you intend doing that?

Ins Spence:By asking Mr Towers.

           The inspector does to talk with Rob again.

Ins Spence:Can you tell me anything about a black handbag?

       Rob:Julie had one.

Ins Spence:Did you ever look inside this bag.

       Rob:No.

Ins Spence:Not ever,  even when you were out with the deceased and

           her friend.

       Rob:I saw her open it the once thats all.

Ins Spence:What was inside?

       Rob:Lots of money.

            He looks the inspector in the eye.

       Rob:You think I killed her for her money.

Ins Spence:Well did you?

       Rob:No why should I? She did not judge me on face value .

           I loved doing the garden for her, she was a friend.

Ins Spence:If I put it to you that you did like the job , the

           company of two ol ladies.However when you discover that

           she had money and was not just a poor old lady in a big

           house you felt cheated, you felt you should be paid.

            So you confronted her ,  demanding payment,  when  she

           refused you pulled up all the plants and poured oil on them.

           Rob looks angrily at the inspector and starts to  stand

           but then sits down again.

       Rob:I did not kill her.I didn't touch any plants , I brought  

           some more that morning on my bike.Why would I ruin all my

           hard work , I loved her and the house and garden.

Ins Spence:I'm not saying it was deliberate ,  you got angry,after

           all if she could afford to pay why shouldn't she.

       Rob:Why did I kill the dog then?

Ins Spence:It tried to defend its mistress so you killed it.

       Rob:No,NO NO.

Ins Spence:It would be much easier for you in the long run if you

           confessed now.Talk to your legal aid solicitor he'll

           tell you I'm right.

       Rob:I went to hers last night to tell her I'd be getting

           some plants.I left a note through her letterbox.Then

            this  morning when I arrived she did not answer  so  I

            knocked  the door down ,  I found  her  dead.Then  you

            arrived .

Ins Spence:You left a note, we found no note.

       Rob:I tell you I left a note , so she'd no I'd be coming.

Ins Spence:I'll  look  into it.But just remember  what  I  saw  a

            confession now is best in the long run.

            The Inspector leaves the interview room and  talks  to

            the Sgt.Also standing at the desk is a  clean  shaven

             man  with  gold framed  glasses,  he  is  wearing  an

             expensive suit , he has an expensive briefcase too.

Ins Spence:Can you check if there was a note found at the scene of

            crime.He  says  he left a note  telling  her  he'd  be

           coming.

Sgt   Jones:This  is  Mr  Peter Bowler,  he  says  his  Mr  Towers

            solicitor

Ins Spence:You legal aid chaps must be getting paid well.

            The inspector looks the solicitor over ,  admiring the

            suit .The solicitor is unsmling.

Mr Bowler:This is not legal aid.Mr Towers is a personal friend.

          The inspector and Sgt. exchange looks of disbelief.

Mr  Bowler:Perhaps I should explain.I ride a bike when I have free

           time.I work as a junior partner for Bodkin and Hemlock.

Ins Spence:But you don't do legal aid work ever.

Mr  Bowler:As I said this is not legal aid,I am allowed scope at

           the firm.

Ins Spence:I better show you to your client.

           As he walks away Sgt Jones smiles before muttering.

 Sgt Jones:Talk of the luck of the devil , but you'll need it,Rob.

           As Mr bowler is being shown to an interview room Hanna

           emerges from another,so she hears the inspector say.

Ins Spence:I'll arrange for Mr Towers to be brought  up,  if  you

            could wait in here.

     Hanna:What's going on now?

Ins Spence:Your friend has other friends.

          The inspector walks off leaving Hanna with Mr Bowler.

Mr Bowler:I'm Peter Bowler , a friend of Rob's ,I am a solicitor.

    Hanna:You will help him won't you ,I know he would never hurt

          anybody let alone Julie.

           Rob is brought up to the interview room  by  Pc.Reed.He

           sees his two friends.

Mr Bowler:Hello Rob.

      Rob:Hello Peter , hello Hanna

Mr Bowler:I've come to help you Rob.

    Hanna:I'll help too.

Mr Bowler:If we go into the interview room

          The Pc goes away as they enter the interview room.

      Rob:How can you help me Peter its a solicitor I need.

Mr Bowler:I am a solicitor , I never mentioned it before.

      Rob:I just though you worked at a solicitors office.

Mr Bowler:Well I do , but as a solicitor.

    Hanna:He sounds like a good man , so listen to him , Rob.

          Mr Bowler looks at Hanna , pursing his lips , Rob sees

          this and speaks.

      Rob:It's ok Peter , Hanna is a good friend.

Mr  Bowler:It's most irregular,  but,  well I have to ask you  one

           questioon first.

           He looks at Hanna as he asks.

Mr Bowler:I have to ask this first, I must.

      Rob:Go on.

Mr Bowler:Did you kill Mrs Julie Hickman.

      Rob:No.She was a friend , I liked her.

    Hanna:I could have told you that.

Mr Bowler:Ok.Now tell me everything from the start.

      Rob:Last night on the way to work I stopped to tell Julie  I

           would  be  back firt thing in  the  morning  with  some

          plants.The boss said I could have them for free.

Mr Bowler:What's his name?

      Rob:Tony Marks.

Mr Bowler:Will he be at work today?

       Rob:Yes,  er no.He said he was going to Spain on  an  early

           flight.

Mr Bowler:It was him who cut himself.

      Rob:Yes , quite badly , I got covered in blood.

Mr Bowler:The blood type is the same as Mrs Hickman.

    Hanna:I feel sick.

Mr Bowler:Really it would be better if you waited outside.

    Hanna:No I'd like to stay, she was my best friend , sixty years

          I knew her.

           She shakes her head from side to side and plays with  her

           white stick.

Mr Bowler:It could be a coincidence,but it looks bad.

    Hanna:It must be a coincidence, not could be.

Mr Bowler:I have to look at all the posibilities ,thats my job.

      Rob:Go on Peter.

Mr Bowler:Do you know which tour operator he was going with?

      Rob:Horizon , I think.

Mr Bowler:Ok ,  I'll have him traced ,  he'll have to give a blood

          sample.

      Rob:But that'll be in Spain.

Mr Bowler:I'll get the sample sent back on the late plane,I have a

           friend  at the hospital she'll test to  see  the  exact

           type.It seems the blood on your sweatshirt does match

            Mrs  Hickman's ,  however that's in  general  terms.My

            friend can tell us in hours what will take the police

            days.

      Rob:So she can prove its the boss's blood and not Julie's.

Mr Bowler:Yes.

    Hanna:Then he'll be released.

Mr Bowler:Hopefully.

    Hanna:That still leaves the real killer free.

Mr Bowler:Quite.

    Hanna:Who would want to kill her?

Mr Bowler:I was about to ask that question myself.

      Rob:I know she loved her garden that's all.

    Hanna:She didn't have an enemy in the world.

Mr  Bowler:It was probily a theft that went wrong,however  due  to

            the  circumstancial evidence Rob will  be  held  until

           further blood tests are complete.

     Hanna:We  may never have tea together again,  nor  enjoy  the

           garden.

           Hanna shakes her head and sighs.

       Rob:Of course we will , won't we Peter?

           Rob looks at Peter for reassurance.

Mr Bowler:Well I'll sdo my best.THere's nothing more you can think

          of Rob.

      Rob:Nothing.

     

          Mr bowler walks to the door , turning suddenly to ask.

Mr Bowler:Did you Robert Bowler kill Mrs Julia Hickman?

          Rob looks shocked , Hanna lifts her head and looks with

          Unseeing eyes at Rob.

      Rob:No. (he shouts)

Mr Bowler:Sorry for doing that Rob , but I have to know.

    Hanna:Of course he didn't do it.

Mr Bowler:I know you didn't , now we have to convince the police.

    Hanna:Is there anything you need Rob?.

       Rob:Just sleep ,  I haven't had any rest since  finishing

           the night shift.

Mr Bowler:I better be going then.

    Hanna:Can you give me a lift home?

Mr Bowler:Certainly.

      Rob:Bye then.

Mr Bowler:See you.

    Hanna:It will be ok Rob, just try and get some rest.

          Hanna and Mr Bowler leave the interview room,and  walk

          to the station desk.

Mr Bowler:Sgt ,  I'm having another blood match done.I'll have  a

           friend do it tonight.This will prove that the blood on

           Mr Towers was in fact from his boss.

Sgt Jones:Rob certainly appears to have friends that count.

Mr Bowler:Well he is innocent.

Sgt Jones:I'm  afraid  is a bit more  complicated,  it  seems  Mr

           Towers inherits the majority of Mrs Hickman's estate,we

           had a call from Templeton and Co.

Mr Bowler:So even when the blood test comes through ,  he'll still

          be held.

Sgt Jones:Well he does have a reason for killing her.

    Hanna:He did not do it , he's a nice boy .

Sgt Jones:Personally  I think that too ,  but in the  absence  of

           anything else to go on then .

Mr Bowler:Quite, well I'll go and see Jimmmy then.

Sgt Jones:Who's that?

Mr Bowler:Mr Templeton to you.

          With that Mr Bowler leaves ,  Hanna at his side,  In the

          background we see Pc.Reed leading Rob back to the cells.

          In Mr Bowler's car , Hanna is beside him .

Mr Bowler:Well where to?

    Hanna:Could you drive me to Julie's ?

Mr Bowler:I don't think that would be proper ,It would upset you,

          besides how would we get in?.

    Hanna:I have a spare , Julie had a spare key to my house too.

Mr Bowler:What do you want to do there?

    Hanna:Say goodbye.To Julie and the house and the garden.

Mr Bowler:I suppose you insist.

    Hanna:I do.You know where it is,  the blue house , up the road

           from  the blind center.There's some new flats  for  the

          elderly opposite.

Mr Bowler:Ok ,  I'll drive you ,  but we cann't stay long , I must

          see Mr Templeton , for Rob's sake.

     Hanna:You needn't stay ,I can catch the bus home aafter  I've

           been to Julie's.

Mr  Bowler:I  can  stay a while,  perhaps you'll  have  said  your

           goodbyes by then.

     Hanna:Thank you.

           Mr Bowler drives on in silence , he looks with pity at

           Hanna.When they get to Julie's a curtain flickers over

           the road.Mr Bowler notices it.

Mr Bowler:We are being watched from over  the road.

    Hanna:I would have thought they'd ave seen enough for th day.

Mr Bowler:You are overlooked by the new development.

           He sees the sign "Another Lington Development"

Mr Bowler:I see its a Lington development.

    Hanna:It's Sharon Lington spying on us no doubt.

Mr Bowler:A relative?

    Hanna:Its her nephew who built the flats.

          As they get out of the car ,  Hanna heads for the garden

         first, Mr Bowler, notices Sharon still watching.He then sees the

         Garden.

Mr Bowler:Rob made a great job of the garden.

    Hanna:He did us proud ,  Juklia was very pleased,  she'll only

          see it from heaven now.

          

          A silent tear trickles from one eye.

Mr Bowler:I see you have a lot of manure.

    Hanna:Sharon's nephew gave it.

Mr Bowler:That was very nice of him.

    Hanna:I suppose so.

          

            Hanna  walks about the garden stopping every  now  and

            then to breath in.

    Hanna:I've had enough of the garden lets go inside.

Mr Bowler:Ok.

             He follows as Hanna goes around to the front  of  the

             house then she takes the key fron her pocketa and  they

              go in.Mr Bowler looks up as they go in ,  Sharon  is

               still watching.Hanna leads the way to  the  sitting

               room

  

    Hanna:I just want to sit on the settee and remember how things

          used to be.Julie and I waiting , Julie would watch Rob

          working and give a commentry.It was such fun ,all so

          innocent , so peaceful.

Mr Bowler:It must have been.

    

          As they  walk Hanna stumbles ,Mr Bowler catches her, he sees

          a watch , so he  picks it up.He hands it to Hanna.

    Hanna:I remember telling Rob not to slip here,  Julie  slipped

          here too , What's this your giving me?

Mr Bowler:Your watch.

    Hanna:I have my watch here.

          She shows him her watch and opens it to tell the time.

   Hanna:This is a fob watch.

Mr Bowler:It's not Julie's?

    Hanna:No.

Mr Bowler:What's it doing here then?

    Hanna:Somebody must have dropped it.

Mr Bowler:This  could be important we'll have to go back  to  the

           police station.

     Hanna:Hurry then.

           They  hurriedly  leave the house and get  back  into  Mr

           Bowler's car and drive off for the police  station.Over

           the road Sharon's curtain twitches again she reaches for her

           phone.He drums her fingers impatiently while she  waits

           for an answer.

Sharon:Ken I'm worried .

   Ken:Why what's happened?

Sharon:Hanna has just came back to the house with a man in a suit,

       he must be a detective he had no uniform on  ,  they  were

       only inside for a moment then they left in a hurry.

   Ken:Don't panic ,  its probably nothing ,  how can a blind lady

       cause any trouble.

Sharon:I suppose you are right.

   Ken:Did the police come around.

Sharon:Yes how did you know.   (SHE IS PANICY)

   Ken:Calm down its obvious ,  they always call at  neighbouring

       houses when there is a death.

Sharon:I still think its wrong putting the blame on Rob.

   Ken:Do you want to go to jail instead?

Sharon:No but I wish there was some other way out.

   Ken:Well there isn't so stay calm , and keep your mouth shut.

Sharon:I had to talk to the police this morning though.

   Ken:What did you say.

Sharon:Only that I heard him at the house yesterday evening  ,  he

       ruined Dallas with all his noise on his bike.

   Ken:You didn't admit to calling them.  (HE IS ON EDGE)

Sharon:No of course not

   Ken:I think everything will be ok for us, I've got to go now.

Sharon:Bye.

   Ken:Bye.

        

       Sharon puts down her phone then heads for a cupboard saying

Sharon:Now where did I leave my fob watch.

       (fade out)

        At  the  police station Hanna stays in the  car  while  Mr

        Bowler hurries inside.To the Pc. at the desk.

Mr Bowler:My name is Mr Bowler I am the defence solicitor for  Mr

          Rob Towers.I drove Mrs Hanna Gordon to the house of Mrs

          Julie Hickman , whose murder you are enquiring into.

Desk   Pc:Yes Sir?

Mr Bowler:Well I found this there.

          He hands over the fob watch.

Mr Bowler:Mrs Gordon tells me it did not belong to the deceased,so

          the murder could have left it.

Desk   Pc:I'll tell the inspector.

           He goes and comes back with the inspector.

Ins Spence:Thank you for providing us with another lead.

Mr  Bowler:It will prove that Rob did not dod it. (He'S EXCITED)

Ins Spence:Or he had an acomplice,  you do know he benefits  from

            the will.

Mr  Bowler:I'm  going to speak to the deceased  solicitor  right

             now.

Ins Spence:As you like Sir.

            As Mr Bowler walks off the INspector turns to the PC.

Ins Spence:Everybody thinks they   are a policeman ,  Tv has a lot

           to answer for.  

Desk    Pc:And the watch Sir?

Ins Spence:Send it to forensics.

          

            Mr  Bowler  drives  off ,  he  drops  Hanna  off  then

            continues  driving till he gets to the solicitors.

           At Julie's solicitor Mr Bowler goes in as he is tiding

           his desk.

   George:Hello Peter.

Mr Bowler:Hello George ,  I just want to get things straight  from

          the horse's mouth.

   George:Its only bread and butter stuff we do here.

           George carries on tiding his desk ,  he buzzes for  his

           secretary.He hands her a folder ,she drops it ,  as  Mr

           Bowler is smiling at her   

   George:She used to do that all the time when you used to  work

           here.

Mr Bowler:I miss it.

          Mr Bowler helps her put photos back in the folder , one

          catches his eys , so he hold on to it.The caption is

          "Lington Dvelopments , Good enough for anybody's Aunty".

   George:I'm doing some conveyancing.

Mr  Bowler:I  went  past one today.It's just  opposite  where  Mrs

           Hickman was killed.

   

           

           George looks at the photo too,

    George:That's Ken Lington ,  its his aunt in the picture  ,  a

            client  is  buying  one  flat.He  wanted  to  buy  Mrs

           Hickman's house to develop the site.

Mr  Bowler:So that was when Mrs Hickman changed her will.

    George:Yes , she wanted her garden to go to somebody who would

           love it.

 Secretary:Can I have the photo back please Peter.

Me  Bowler:Oh  of  course ,  still open to  offers  Penny  ,  she

            blushes.

 Secretary:Subject to contract.

           She walks away , suddenly Mr Bowler  shouts.

Mr Bowler:Penny ,wait.

          He snatches the folder back and looks at the photo.

Mr Bowler:That's it , the very one we found this morning.

          He kisses Penny several times.

     

   George:Shall I leave the room?

Mr Bowler:Mrs Hickman has a friend ,  Hanna Gordon, we went to the

          house this morning so Hanna could say goodbye.We found a

          watch I'd swear it was the same one.

   George:And If She had turned down a Lington development  offer

           THen.

Mr Bowler:Lington has more reason to kill than a harmless biker.

   George:I can tell you this in confidence, Lington has cash flow

          problems , he's practically giving away his flats on his

          new site.

Mr Bowler:Can I have this photo?

   George:Of course, anything else you want to ask.

Mr Bowler:Only will Penny have dinner with me on friday.

           THe secretary nods and with a handshake to  George  and

            another  peck to Penny  Mr Bowler is off. He bounds up

            the police station steps.

Desk   Pc:Back already Sir can I help you?

Mr Bowler:The Inspector quick.

           The inspector comes again.

Ins Spence:Yes Sir.   (He is a little fed up)

Mr Bopwler:I have found the culprit and have proof.

Ins Spence:Do tell me Sir.

           Mr Bowler shows the photo.

Ins Spence:Well Sir?

Mr  Bowler:The watch she is wearing is the same one as  I  handed

            in.

Ins Spence:Could be a coincidence.

Mr   Bowler:Did you know that Ken Lington of Lington  Developments

            wanted to buy Mrs Hickman's house and he has cash

            flow problems.

Ins Spence:Wouldn't that mean he couldn't buy any more.

Mr  Bowler:Or he needs quick turnover .

Ins Spence:Did we get a statement from this lady.

            The inspector points to Sharon in the photo.

Desk    Pc:I  took it myself sir ,  she said the noise  from  the

            motor bike disturbed Dallas last night.

Ins Spence:Which matches time of death.

             At that moment the cleaner walks by.

   Cleaner:It was terrible about Dallas last night ,  the  video

             tape bust in the machine and they couldn't fix it.

Ins Spence:What did you say.?

   Cleaner:They put bloody David Attenborough on instead ,  as the

           tape  bust  in the machine ,  Dallas will be shown the

            day  after tomorrow.

Desk    Pc:She distinctly said she was watching Dallas.

             The   cleaner   walks  of   cursing   "Bloody   David

             Attenborough"

Ins Spence:Well we have giving a false statement for starters.

Mr  Bowler:Do you believe me then.

Ins Spence:Lets say I have an open mind, I suppose you'd like to

           come with me?

Mr   Bowler:Lets's  say I'd like to hear you discuss  Dallas  with

            her.

            The Inspector leaves the station with Mr bowler at his

             side.At  Sharon  Lington's from  door  the  inspector

             rings.

Ins Spence:Hello , I'm inspector Spence.I want to ask you one

           or two more questions.

    Sharon:You better come in then.

            They come inside , they see a suitcase packed.

     Sharon:It  was  most upsetting the death  of  Mrs  Hickman,my

            nephew is sending me away on holiday , he's picking me

            up soon.

            Mr Bowler and the inspector exchange  glances.

Ins Spence:This won't take long.Can you remind me of what you said

           to my Pc.

    Sharon:I was watching Dallas his bike interferes with the tv,I

           couldn't hear what was going on .

Ins Spence:That's enough.You did watch all of Dallas.

    Sharon:Of course, it is silly but its great entertainment.

Ins Spence:I suppose it is , only it was not on last night.

            Sharon fingers her pearls nervously.

Mr   Bowler:You wouldn't have the time at all my watch is  playing

            up.

             Sharon looks instinctively at her cardigan where  her

             watch should be.

Ins Spence:You wouldn't have lost it would you.

    Sharon:I appear to have lost it.I had it yesterday.

Ins Spence:Would you like to come to the station with me , I think

           you can help with our enquiries.

    Sharon:But my nephew is due at any moment ,he rang to say  he

           had arranged a flight and a hotel , he's coming with me too.

Ins Spence:I think he will be coming with you -to the station.

           At that moment the doorbell rings- its Ken.He sees  the

           inspector and gulps.

Ins Spence:Are you Ken Lington?

       Ken:Yes.

Ins Spence:Would you mind coming with me to the  station.

    Sharon:It was an accident ,  I didn't do anything , Ken argued

       Ken:Shut up you stuck up bitch.

            Ken  makes  a  run for it only  to  be  thrown  by  Mr

             Bowler.The inspector then cuffs Ken.And looks  at  Mr

             Bowler smiling.

Ins Spence:You'r a dark horse.

Mr  Bowler:Rob  and the other bikers always say I'm a weed  so  I

            took up judo.I'm a brown belt now.

Ins Spence:Lets all go to the station then.

              At the station Hanna is sitting in a corner  as  The

              Lingtons are led to the cells.

Mr  Bowler:What are you doing here?

     Hanna:I wanted to be near Rob ,I felt useless sitting at home

Ins  Spence:Well  your faith has been rewarded  ,  Pc  release  Mr

            Towers

            Rob is brought up and he embraces Hanna,  tears of joy

            stream down her face.Hand in hand they walk out of the

            station , with the Inspector and Mr Bowler watching.

                   The End....Guardian Angel

Kefir a Polish MILK yogurt drink could be good for Arthritis

I discovered today that  Kefir a Polish MILK yogurt drink could be good for Arthritis, so I'll trial it

for a month  and let you all find out my results.

I've had 4 pain days, so any relief would be most welcome.

Naked Sunbathing

Naked Sunbathing ©

By

Michael Casey

Well the sun has got it’s hat on, so my clothes are all off, let the sun bathe me in its rays and banish my arthritis away. After 4 days of pain I’m happy the sun is here after such a hard winter, a very hard and long Winter, so now I can expose my body and lap up the sun. I do of course have a great big lawn, and I can prostrate myself upon it, and worship the sun. Only Totoro our cat wants to sit on my very large posterior, or at least sit in the shade of my, well you know what.

Where I live in the suburbs of Birmingham everybody goes native at the merest hint of the sun, but today over 22degrees, which is almost as hot as the surface of the Sun itself as far as England goes, its let’s get naked time. Grown men put those shorts on, and expose parts that should never be exposed. And it is mainly men where I live. Me I am more modest, so I just check my boundaries before slowly and ever so slowly removing all my clothes till I am butt naked. I do of course leave my socks on, with a pencil and paper stuck down them, you never know when inspiration might strike. Otherwise I am NAKED.

Louise lives at the bottom of my garden, as I know she has a telescope I undress slowly to give her a chance to focus, before bending down to reveal my deep crevice and wiggle. She normally uses it to look at the stars, but instead she looks at my scars. It’s all the stars, or is it scars after all. I know she is looking as I can see the reflection of her telescope from her back bedroom window.

The I lie down, but as I am fat and I lie directly on the grass I get a green stain all over my body, but I don’t care, I got Pears soap on offer at the Co-op. So I sweat and the colour leaves the grass and transfers to my body, as I roll over slowly like a pig on a spit, I am a well sweated pig, but people will be so jealous of my sun tan. Donald Trump will be so jealous when he visits me in Birmingham.

The goggle shop is around the corner above the chip shop, so I just know Donald will come. He’ll forget about being Orange and be Green like me, or rather green with envy because of my tan. He may even try a bit of naked sunbathing alongside me, we can compare the size of our hands. The Secret Service can visit Louise to prevent her using her telescope, but 10 big strong men with bulges will more than compensate for the loss of her telescope for an afternoon.

Totoro comes to lick the sweat between my toes, its like salty crisps for cats, cool cats on hot tin roofs. I suppose I’m like a sweaty kebab now, a green tinged one, rather like the one that gave me food poisoning in Paris back in 1998, I haven’t shared my Paris story have I? It’s hot so I amble back into my house for an ice lolly, there’s nothing more satisfying that a naked ice lolly,or rather having one while you are naked. But be careful where the drips drop or you will be dancing around your garden naked like a Red Indian.

If you go for an indulgent ice cream that is even nicer. However be warned, if you are naked and should you drop some cold cold ice-cream on your naughty bits you will suffer twice over. One because of the cold, and two because Tororo the cat cannot control herself, she will jump paws first on you to lick off the ice-cream. Trust me it hurts, I know to my cost, it’s not just quadruple heart bypass scars I have, but also Totoro the cat after fallen ice-cream scars too.  

Soon I am baked with a oh so bright nose that would put Rudolf or a Meths drinker to shame. The grass beneath me is flattened as flat as after a game of cricket with the Australians, no sandpaper required. The grass has lost all its colour, it’s been transferred to my body. All I have to do is go inside and have a shower. My house key is in my socks along with my pencil and paper, I have to leave the door closed to keep Totoro out while I’m naked sunbathing.

Only my key is not in my socks, so I pull off the socks and shake them, SOCKS, by the way eso si que es, or SOCKS, is the Spanish for that’s it. I just remembered that, so you get a Spanish lesson as well today. Though my lesson was to have a spare key hidden somewhere but not where Papillon hid his “keys”, you should read the book its very good. So what could I do? I tried gesturing at Louise but she just got too excited at the site of a total naked me, now that my socks were off. She fainted and banged the back of her head of the bed and saw stars, real stars, without the use of a telescope.

So I had to climb up on top of the coal shed. Only the coal shed could not take my weight, so I was trapped inside with just nutty slack for company. I repeatedly tried to escape but more and more coal dust rose up and covered me. Finally be rearranging the sacks of coal I managed to escape the coal shed and headed for the back bedroom window. Only at this point Louise re-awoke from her concussion and as she reached for her telescope she was sure she could see a Yeti or the missing link, it was just a very sun tanned and sweaty me covered in grass and coal dust. So naturally after watching for 30 mins, and getting more and more excited she decided it was a burglar in disguise and called the police.

She obviously kept an eye on developments, and fetched her camera, it was too good an opportunity to miss, so long as she used full zoom. Then the Police arrived, Tasers ready. They Tazered me off the roof, and it was as I screamed that Louise recognised my voice. So she rushed down her stairs and climbed over the garden fence. Its Michael she said as she pushed the Police aside. Then she hosed me down with the garden hose to reveal me in full naked glory.

Louise apologized and offered me tea to make up for it. So with the Police departed she removed her clothes and we had tea, she was a secret nudist too, and had decided to come out, finally.   

The Dead and The Living

               The Dead and The Living (c)

                           by

           

                     Michael  Casey

     I first saw a deceased when I was nine years old ,my father said  not

  

     to worry as the dead are the same as the living ,  only the  laughter

  

     has left them ,  the sparkle has gone from their eyes , the worry has

  

     been lifted from their shoulders ,  and their voice has vanished  to

  

     eternity .

     In  paradise the sparkle will return for it is the  twinkle  of  the

  

     stars , the laughter will return too for it is the morning breeze and

  

     the turning tides are their sides shaking with laughter .

     

     I treat the deceased with the same courtesy as I give to the living,

  

     though I find the deceased are always more polite .  My father also

  

     had a few words to say about the living .

     He said that the living are only the caretakers of the  soul  ,  yet

  

     they think their existence is everything , that they know everything

  

      because they experience many things with their senses .

      What the living don't acknowledge is that their time is  short  and

  

      when I lay their bodies to rest then their souls  continue  without

  

      them ,  without their strong ,  without their weak ,  without  their

  

      beautiful or even ugly temporary form , to where I cannot say , only

  

      that it is a better place .

  

      Percy the undertaker placed the lid on the coffin ,the soul was free

                          THE  BEGINNING

 *********

I wrote this in Nov 1987, it was a Sunday I was going to work on the bus and I wanted the undertaker in The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker to be a poet, so I scribbled it down. Keith Jackson said it was a bit poetically when I got to StatsMR and mentioned it to him. Today we've had a few deaths in the news so I hope you all believe what I and Percy the Undertaker believe.

 One of our lodgers died while I tried CPR back in 1979 May 23rd a Wednesday,so I know a bit about death, I was still 20 then, and had just got out of bed after a night shift, about 3pm. So spare a thought for the dead.

Graveyard Humour, I nearly got there...

pain monster still attacking me so here's another old piece

Graveyard Humour ©
By Michael Casey

I was musing about what to write about when I thought how about Graveyard Humour, there is so much bad news about in the news that, we could do with some cheering up. About time I cheered you all up. The first thing you’ll all agree with is that it’s about time I stopped using ABOUT. Though I could have chosen other words to over use such as Honesty and Politicians, but I may be accused of being a Main Stream Media person.
I have watched News seriously for 50 years now, so it is a very big part of my life, yes I admit it I am 58 now, though I could have stopped at 56 if the unplanned quadruple heart bypass hadn’t caught me before a big and only one. Yes I do look 28 and women swoon in the street and give me their phone numbers, if I were Sir Tom Jones they’d throw their knickers at me, though the phone number is always the same, I rung it out of curiosity to discover it was a Plastic Surgeon, perhaps they were trying to tell me something. And if you don’t believe me then you are a bunch of Mainstream Media people, I am a Fiction Writer so I never lie, I only lie when I lie down on my bed.
I hear that all people with British accents are going to rounded up, rather like the rat catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or was he called the school inspector, I don’t know, it doesn’t matter if I’m wrong, somebody with a clipboard told me so. Anyway British accents are banned, you will be taken to a facility for re-education, there you will have to watch all the Kojak tv shows back to back until you have a perfect USA accent. Repeat offenders will have to watch all the Cagney and Lacy shows back to back, and as for the very bad cases or is it Caseys, so I am especially afraid you will have to listen to all the David Soul songs until you can lip sync them.
Why is this happening why is USA treating us this way, is it because Daniel Craig refused to wear a Taylor Swift Tshirt, or is it All about Eve. Please help us the under the covers British speakers, Did Jay Z and Beyonce use a British accent or was it an accident under the covers that doubled the pleasure, speak like a Brit and double your… Did the same happen for George Clooney and his girl, speak like a Brit under your covers and you get twins.
So is this all about Birth Control, the government doesn’t want all these twins, it would use up too many resources, Terminator and Devito were allowed I’ve seen their film Twins, but if everybody walks like an Egyptian and talks like a Brit then Manhattan would be  full of diapers or nappies as proper English speaking say.
Please hide me away from the British accent Police, I don’t want to be forced to speak like a Yank, if I promise to whisper, I love USA and all of you over there, I have cousins in Boston too, and newly discovered relatives in Chicago. But to be hunted down and jailed because of my accent, please please release me for I don’t love to be in jail at all. I only came to try my luck in New York, because Madonna did and I thought If I dressed like Madonna I’d get my Radio break, but look at me now, look at me now.
 I’m being forced to sing I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy just like Jimmy Cagney, I don’t mind being a Dandy I’ve always liked clothes, and I can Doodle too, I’m not ashamed I can Doodle with the best of them.  But being forced to speak like a Yankee, I love you as a people but if the Accent Police backed up by the National Guard is forcing me, MOI to speak in another way it’s too much to bear. 100,000 National Guard mobilised to make me speak English like you do. I can only speak the Queen’s English, and I don’t mind speaking like a Queen, Dame Helen Mirren did, so I could give it a try.
Oh where was I, was I sleeping, was it all a dream or has the Nightmare just begun. If you read Gulliver’s Travels in it they nearly have a War over which end of the egg should an egg be opened. The Price of freedom is a free press, and Mark Zuckerberg you should have a feed to real Press, pick 10 and have their feeds. I’m also available, and guess what I have in common with you Mark? Me a pauper and you a billionaire. We both have Chinese wives, and we would never tell them how to speak.