Prayer Poker

Prayer Poker ©

By

Michael Casey

Lent is upon us, it’s a time of penitence and prayer, and we give things up for Lent. Or so is the tradition, while all the Easter eggs are being made to be hatched on Easter Sunday. The egg symbolises the stone at the Tomb. So that’s what we learn in RE at school. What we don’t learn in school or at church or any place else is Prayer Poker.

What is Prayer Poker? Well as a child your mum teaches you pray, you learn all the prayers ready for when you go to school. But your mum has taught you them in Polish and you are in Birmingham at your local catholic school. So you have to relearn them in English, but at least this amuses the local priest.

When you are young your Faith is strong and bright, it has not been tested by real life. You enjoy the ceremony of Faith, any Faith not just Christian, whatever Faith you happen to be born into. Now a faith is like an inoculation, it protects you from bad things, by giving you a set of values, all you have to do is attend and say the prayers.

Your mother will teach and encourage you in your prayer life, while your dad is out working or down the pub, whatever kind of dad you have. It’s the women who pass on faith and language, the men don’t bother, or have an excuse not to. Yet the women are not allowed to be the priests. Yes a sweeping statement but look around you and think how accurate it is.

As for praying you learn the Rosary, and your mum tells you it is Mary’s nuclear weapon, in fact it it much much bigger than that. So you learn how to say the Rosary and going through the beads is very soothing. You feel so happy when you have learnt the 3 different kinds of Rosary, yes JPII did start a 4^th kind but how many people still know about that? Now as a child you have your Prayer martial arts skills learnt, the Rosary is like bolas to trip and bring down all evil, you are a cowboy with a Rosary as a lasso to bring down Evil.

So you pray regularly because your mum insists. She even gives you new pink plastic rosary beads at Christmas and Birthdays as presents. They are luminescent and glow in the dark. But its good your faith is strong. However like the ebbing tide Faith can fail or just almost disappear. You grow up, get a job, get your own place. So your plastic Rosary beads get forgotten or left behind in your old family home. But your mum or gran sends you a new pair for your new place, black and strong and made of wood, not childlike at all. You wake up in the middle of the night and scream, your mum has spray painted them so they glow in the night.

As you get older you try to negotiate with God, let me off from praying tonight I’ll do twice as many prayers tomorrow. You are sincere, so God won’t mind will he? Beside your girlfriend is coming over to christen that new King size bed you bought when you got your own place. And sex is more important than prayer. In the morning you regret what happened, if you prayed first things might not have turned out the way they did.

So on life goes, if I say some prayers will you help me with my exams, or please let her not be pregnant yet. Whatever you are praying for, such as a driving test exam, or another job so you don’t have to work with your now ex-girlfriend, but thank you God she wasn’t pregnant. And on it goes, you try to short change God, a Rosary becomes a quick nod to the Rosary beads. A Rosary only takes 5 minutes, or 15 if you do the set of 3, but God is not worth your time, you have to watch the boxing on tv and drink 7 pints of Stella Artois, then fall asleep in the chair.

If I say a quick Hail Mary, will you help me get through the traffic today, I have to be at CPNEC Birmingham I’m giving a Lecture on Serendipity, subtitle from Front of House to Full House on stage. And on it goes. You are playing Poker with God, as if he is fool, you speak to him less and less and Alexa and Cortana more and more. As if Alexa or Cortana really care about you.

Then you don’t even nod at the Rosary, in fact it falls on onto the floor and ends up under your bed. Life and girlfriends come and go, a silent witness under your bed. Then one day your mum rings, your dad had had a stroke. You jump in a taxi and give him double to get to the hospital fast. Why is your dad at the far end of the longest hospital corridor in Europe. You walk fast, then you start to run, you bump into a undertaker taking a body away. Her blonde hair comes falling down. Now God has raised the stakes. You say sorry and go dashing off.

Your dad will be ok, but the Rosary is running through your head, you say 10 Rosaries in 5 minutes, you are screaming in your head, save my dad. I promise to pray every day. A pretty nurse smiles and says everything will be ok, she recognises the hum of the Rosary under your breath. She is a Muslim girl and whispers Allah be merciful, as she walks away. You stay 2 hours and only then do you leave.

As you leave the blonde haired undertaker slips out of the shadows, she hands you your wallet, you had dropped in when you bumped into her. Now God is playing poker, he has upped the stakes. You thank her and she offers you a lift in the hearse, the undertakers is just around the corner from where you live.

Turns out she is very spiritual, so she drops you off saying she will pray for you and your dad. An undertaker praying for the living. You go home and look everywhere to find your Rosary beads, then and only then do you feel relieved. So the tide has turned, well for today anyway. You return to prayer and you keep on seeing the undertaker everywhere.

Gill is her name and you cash in your chips, it turns out she cannot have kids so she’ll just be an undertaker instead. A boy had dumped her and said she was just as dead as the dead because she could not have kids. So it broke her heart. But she found praying had healed her broken heart. Now she was content, so she wouldn’t let any boy ever hurt her again.

So you become friends, and you even pray that some day the right boy would come her way and accept not being able to have kids. Once back in the groove prayer is good. But sometimes Fate screams out, dominoes fall. It wasn’t planned it never was, you and the undertaker are in that King size bed, she wasn’t laying out the dead, she was making love instead. You think in your head I wish she could have a family. And she gently cries, she can read your mind.

As every mother knows a prayer will always be answered,you get what you need, not what you actually ask for. So Gill had twins. Prayer is a strange and wonderful thing. Life may be a game of Roulette but God does answer prayers if you bother to ask him. He Holds all the cards and he loads all the dice, he calls out the numbers too and then BINGO. So there you go an Easter Prayer for you all. 

Advertising Campaign

Advertising Campaign ©

By Michael Casey

We’ve got to get the message out, the whole world must know, not just everybody in our house, but the entire world. We want to scream and shout and let all the world know about it. It must be the best advertising campaign ever. We can do it, we have to do it, it’s so important, we want the whole world to sit up and take notice.

If we tell George and Brownie for starters then the whole of Old Forge and Singing Anvil will know in a matter of hours, they are the biggest gossips in the world, or Old Forge and Singing Anvil at any rate. Then if we tell Clarence, no not the cross eyed lion, you fool, you know Clarence who drives the No.11 bus. His route is 22miles all around Birmingham, he’s so talkative he does 5 or is it 7 circuits a shift, so that’s all of Birmingham covered in a day.

Then there’s Mandy the local call girl, no I don’t mean lady of the night either, I mean Mandy is a call girl, not a call girl stupid. She calls out the numbers at the bingo. That’s all the OAPs covered, and those students who come for the cheap beer. So if they know you’ve covered two major demo demo demo catholics, or whatever is that fancy word for groups of people. Oh you mean idle bastards with nothing else to do except play bingo. Only joking, I don’t want to be attacked by a slow motion hit man, nor  a spotty  student with issues, or is it selling the big issue.

So we have all of Old Forge and Singing Anvil covered plus a ring around Birmingham with the no.11 bus route. It’s not Colgate we are advertising is it, the ring of confidence and so on? Now if we ask Big Sid in the butchers to take a leaflet or two then we’d cover all the meat eaters, and all his girls cover 3 generations of customers, so the coverage will be huge. Almost as big as Big Sid himself. 

Then is we asked Percy the Undertaker to mention it, have a few leaflets to spread about the crematorium. Percy could even write a poem for our campaign too, he’s not just an undertaker but also a poet. Then we could get Patrick to draw cartoons on the wall, he’s not as good as Banksy but always very colourful.

That’s all sorted then, Andy can run around delivering leaflets, or drive around in the hearse delivering them. If there are any left overs he can just throw they from the hearse as he drives, like confetti at a wedding, leaflets everywhere.

And what are we advertising, on walls and floors and at funerals too, oh I forgot to tell you, its and anti-litter campaign.

 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC   

****

just a piece to keep you going while I battle the snot monster.

Relishing Food

Relishing Food ©

By

Michael Casey

Well it’s been an eventful day, but the best has been saved till last. I’ve just come back from my Polish Deli on the corner, I got a load of ham plus some slim sausages, my daughter loves these. I also got still hot buns from the oven as well as some Polish apple and red currant juice. I am celebrating Chinese New Year after all.  I also asked the girl at the ham counter did she feel the Earthquake we had in UK. Sadly Earthquake was not in her English vocabulary, so I asked the other girl in the food section when I paid for my hot buns. She told me the Polish word but I could not pronounce it. The other customers just wonder who is this old English guy blocking the aisles as they smile indulgently, But they are always happy in my local Polish store.

Getting back to our house my daughters descend like wolves, hot buns with Polish ham inside is a must. Totoro our cat springs to life too, there’s great food to be had, and she wants some too. The eight buns I got are soon eaten, Totoro looks on hoping for a share. As we devour the buns with the Polish ham in Totoro does indeed get a share, we are very Democratic in our house after all.

My wife arrives from M&S laden with snacks for her and the girls, plus a new jacket for herself. She has to look business professional after all, and even as she puts the jacket half on the Gay Dad in me knows its perfect for her. 20 years with a Shanghai girl does that for you, not forgetting 2 bilingual 1/2 Shanghai daughters. I should have been that bald guy in The Devil Wears Prada, only I had Polish ham and Polish mayo down the front of my bright red paint spattered zip up jumper fleece. But otherwise, despite looking like Santa with his beard shaved off post-Christmas, and wearing red granddad pants, I really could have been in The Devil Wears Prada, such is my Fashion sense, but only for women, not for myself.

As for Totoro our cat, knowing there were no more snacks for her she just climbs into the M&S carrier and sits there majestically. Meanwhile I put the kettle on for a coffee and a mint I discovered down the back of the settee, the leftover mint from some meal my wife had. But a mint is as mint, so I’m glad of it. Now as I return from the kitchen I have a 2^nd coffee and my mint. What more do I want?

Later they’ll be egg fried rice with some of the Polish ham diced into it, made of course with Polish eggs, the rice won’t be Polish, probably Thai from the African food store up the road. Yes Chinese New Year is here, remember it is bigger than Christmas or Eid for the Chinese. And it’s food galore. Chinese friends lay tables of food ready for family to come and share, they also take photos and selfies with the food and share those by the billion. Trust me I know, I have a Shanghai wife. And what is the difference between a normal Chinese wife and a Shanghai wife. 10 to the power of 17 probably.

But I was talking about food, it really is the thing that brings families together, the breaking of bread goes back a very long way. We all know our Bible after all. And as he broke the bread etc. Food is not just the stuff we stuff down our throats. As I talk to you I can hear Barry saying, slow down Michael it’s yours don’t eat so fast, don’t choke. Not so much because he was concerned about me, but rather he wasn’t going to give me the kiss of life if I did choke. Come on think about it, you have all seen my photo with these talks, which one of you my readers would give me the kiss of life? SILENCE. Not even a beautiful North Korean Army Cheerleader from the Olympics would bother. They would just clap hands rhythmically as I choked.

But back to food, why do we love food. Because of the tastes and memories. After that North Korean Army Cheerleader DID save my life, she spoon fed me noodles and made me soup and held the cup close to my lips and controlled just how much I sipped. I smiled and wondered at her beauty. Only then Barry really slapped my face hard as Lech, Boris and Gregorgi took turns to slap my back to dislodge peanut that had ended lodged up my nose after I had choked, but only because of something Lech told me about Boris and Gregorgi. So I had had a near death experience involving seeing the North Korean Army Cheerleaders. What was real what was a dream I’ll never know.

If you have too much to drink you can have strange experiences. Like waking up in the night looking for the bathroom, only you get into the wardrobe and pee inside the wardrobe. Yes that was the story Lech told me about. Though a Cambridge undergraduate did pee on my mother’s settee once, once was enough, he did not get to the WC in time, and WC were half his initials.

I could go on with more tales of food, but as it really is Chinese New Year 2018 this dog has had its day. So I’ll hunt the cat off the settee and we’ll settle down to watch a film. There will be snacks too, M&S does do great snacks, not that I’ll be allowed any, I’ve had my ration for this week. My wife says DO look at M&S Fashion too ladies, and that’s her recommendation, and speaking as a Man not just as Gay Dad, I’d say M&S Fashion makes me want to EAT.

a ROSE between Thorns, you decide which, ends with Pretentious Writer's photo

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a ROSE between Thorns, you decide which, ends with Pretentious Writer's photo

17th Feb 2018


I am available to model for male grooming products.  Before and After.

 a ROSE between Thorns, you decide which, ends with Pretentious Writer's photo

 https://www.amazon.com/Michael-Casey/e/B00571G0YC

Filling the Silence

Filling the Silence ©

By

Michael Casey

I’m sat here full of snot with tissues all around me, it’s day 3 or so of my cold. I said earlier I’d try and write something new, and I hadn’t a clue what it would be. Then as I’d finished looking at Fox News on Utube and there was a moment of silence the thought came to me, why not write about Silence. Yes, its as simple as that, there is no master plan, just a mastery of words. OK. I’ll pause for you all to stop laughing. Lech, Boris and Gregorgi could put in an appearance to heckle at this point but I’ll let them sober up after winning those 15 crates of Japanese vodka. If you remember yesterday’s story then you’ll know about the Japanese vodka. I could insert a running link to the previous day’s story each time I write, but that might confuse rather than amuse you all.

So what do we all do with silence? We break it, we destroy it, we waste it, we lose it, when really we should treasure it. Treasure silence because it has healing properties. When you have stopped throwing the crockery or curses at each other, then silence is golden. Just say nothing and go to bed, or sleep in the bath, as the bedroom door is locked. No admittance is allowed. Silence reigns and the neighbours are thankful, or they put the glass down from holding it to the wall. They fill it with Japanese vodka instead as Lech and Boris and Gregorgi were kind enough to leave a bottle. Central heating the Trio called it.

So there is Silence as you gently cry, the things he said about you and your mum. You dab away the tears and are glad you dropped the knife, he’d be no use to you if you had really cut his balls off. You just lost your temper. There is total silence. You look at the wedding photo by your bed before when you were both much younger and slimmer. Then you begin to cry. What he said was true, but she’s still your mum.

The silence is broken by a tapping on the window pane, you tell Totoro to go away, only it isn’t the cat. Its your husband on a ladder. What do you want you ask as you sniffle. I’m looking for my snake is the reply. He’s on a ladder and he’s looking for his snake. I’ll open this window and push you off that ladder you say. But then he starts to pretend to wash the window, its 11.30 at night now. You laugh, he could always make you laugh. He was the ugliest of all the boys who chased you, but he could always make you laugh.

You tell him to climb in through the window. You kiss and make up, the silence of love satisfied. You agree with him, your mum shouldn’t come and live with you. Especially if you are doing what you are now doing. So you put the African Sanctus on the hifi and kiss and make up. Only the window is still open with the ladder against it. So the nosey neighbour thinks its burglars. It’s just you and your wife, accompanied by the African Sanctus.

The neighbour calls the Police and several police cars arrive with lights flashing and sirens wailing. Silence is totally filled now as the Police climb the ladder to catch the burglars in the act. All they discover is a rampant snake.

For my foreign readers perhaps I should explain Snakes and Ladders is originally a  children’s board game. Also the musical reference dates back to a couple of films from the 1960s 

Hello I may be back later

If you are on the  Country list below then THANK YOU for passing by, and now here's the rub.

We've spotted a house or two we like, so cross those fingers for us.....

Meanwhile its Chinese New Year so everybody is happy in our house.

I'm glad you have not given up reading me for Lent.

My cold is peaking, I've only nipped out to the corner shop. otherwise I've stayed indoors.

I cannot quite work out why some people only look at Word Press and not here. But I'm glad of all 

readers. I may write something new before Midnight GMT, so look back in the next 5 hours.

I really never know what I'm going to write about till the last moment. Its more fun for me that way.

Usually after an hour I'm done, and I try and write new stuff every day. 

1,255,555 Words is my grand total.

Go and have your dinner everybody.

And yes those really are my scars below, I should be a nudist really,

 but that would put you all off your dinner.

Michael

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Style in Poetry

Style in Poetry(c)
By
Michael Casey

I just spotted a poem and had a read, it had a particular style
The poem was good, but not the kind I'd really enjoy
Words should be  a Joy not a Ploy made from Toys

Sometimes I use this or that method, other times I'm plain blunt.

Natural Speech is Best as far as I am concerned,

watching a film I'll shout at the TV , WRITER'S SPEAK.

People don't speak  as Writer's write, and for me it really does stand out like a sore thumb

When somebody says Mrs Smith is dead.

I didn't know, when did that happen?

IS NOT THE REPLY.

Its

 What, Mrs Smith, the fat lady in the red coat, always pulling at her waist, as if her knicker elastic was bust ?

Yes, her.
But she was nice, or she was a right old bag, or I'm glad I really hated her.

YOU GET REAL WORDS not Writer's words. Especially on Radio.

So when I hear dialogue I always think THAT'S  RUBBISH.

or that's really good, that's touching.

Words go in circle as well.

Do you want a drink? What have you got. Water or Wine. Wine will be fine. This is nice where did you get it  from? A leaving present. They sacked me today. Just gave me a bottle of wine and said get lost.

What? I've spilt my drink now. Make sure you don't ruin my new carpet.

But, but why?

I was only joking, can yuo put your phone away and come to bed, you can be my hot water bottle.

See my dialogue is more natural. There is a ding and then a dong, a ping and then a pong. It is not intellectual. And that's what you get from me. Hopefully all of you all over the world enjoy it that way. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this in the middle of the night on the hotel computer or in the building where you are doing security. Or maybe you are NSA or North Korean Spies, I don't know. I just wish you all bought my books so I can move house, but really I'll settle for all your prayers as Health is the only Wealth.

p.s. Happy Chinese New Year to everybody from Panzi (my chinese name)