Tears
for a Butcher ©
By
Michael Casey
2/May/2016
This
is what I’ve written so far in Tears for a Butcher which is the follow on novel
to The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker, God knows if I ever finish it. But
IF I get a legal typist to type it , then maybe I will, or I could just record
it. Let’s see.
*****
jul99
A Nation Of Shopkeepers Book Two / The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker
book2 ©
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Tears For a Butcher ©
by
Michael Casey
Chapter One ...Mrs Murphy to the
Rescue
ÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿÿ
The next day found the street nursing
a collective hangover , Mrs
Murphy being
the sole sober person . It was
her soul and that of her
infant grandchild which concerned her , so as usual she had got up and
said her
three rosaries before going to early Mass . In
the afternoon
little Shiela was to be Christened so Mrs Murphy at
least was getting in
the
right frame of mind . Mrs Murphy did
stop to light a candle in front
of
Saint Anthony as thanks for help in finding Jaswinda , after all wasn't
he the
saint in charge of lost things
and you
might call Jaswinda's
kidnapping
a form of being lost , lost from her
parents and friends that
is . Fr
Shaw had privately offered the Mass up in thanks for Jaswinda's
safe
return , even he had felt humbled by Mrs
Murphy's faith in God . He
had
noticed the lit candle by Saint Anthony's statue and the nod and smile
Mrs
Murphy had given to a poster of Mother Theresa of Calcutta . So united
in
prayer the Mass was celebrated .
When the Mass was over and Fr. Shaw had taken the vestments off
he
walked down the side isle and sat on the bench in front of Mrs Murphy ,
leaning
back he spoke to her .
"Well that was quite a night . I didn't have as much fun since the last
ordination
I was at " , he said with a smile .
"It was grand , I'll agree with you there
, BUT you do know that the food
we
were "ateing" was for Shiela's Christening do " , replied Mrs
Murphy as
she
heaved her bussom indignantly .
"You don't begrudge Jaswinda and her
family that do you ?" asked Fr. Shaw
trying
not to smile .
"I
do not , I enjoyed myself too ! It's
just that Patrick doesn't seem to
do
anything in the right order . I mean he
fathered a child before he got
married , now he eats the food before the Christening
" ,
sighed Mrs
Murphy
.
"You
don't mind being a grannie , I mean some
women feel that they've got
one
foot in the grave now that they are
grandmothers " , said Fr.
Shaw
teasingly
.
"I
do NOT , now that's the best thing Patrick
ever did , and June is such
a
nice girl . It was almost the will of God them meeting , fancy it being
her father
who lent us that money all them years ago . Now we
are one
happy family ,
APART from that mother of hers .
I just hope I'm spared
long enough to see all my grandchildren grow up
, I wouldn't want
the
"English
Grandmother" to influence them too much
" , she rolled her eyes
at
the thought .
Fr Shaw smiled broadly and tossed his
head back , stiffling his
laughter
out of respect . Mrs Murphy smiled too ,
noticing for the first
time
the small piece of paper stuck to Fr. Shaw's neck, she'd have a laugh
at
him too as well as herself .
"Is the work getting too much for you Father , not
trying to cut your
throat
are you " pulling the piece of paper from his throat and holding it
in
front of him .
"Get away out of that , besides the Samaritans are ex directory
around
here"
he replied .
"Well
I'd better go home for some breakfast ,
I'll see you this afternoon
with
the "Pagan Grandparents" for the Christening " said Mrs Murphy
as she
gathered
herself and her handbag up .
"You could always try converting them ,I mean
their daughter is Catholic
now
" , said a deadpan Fr.Shaw .
"And
how do I go about that " said Mrs Murphy as she put her gloves on .
"Well we don't have a statue like we have one of
St.Anthony nor a poster
like
the one of Mother Theresa " , Fr.Shaw paused, he could see Mrs Murphy
blush
, she was embarrassed by her shows of faith .
"Don't you dare tell anybody " whispered Mrs
Murphy as she fidgeted with
her
bag .
"Anyway
" said Fr.Shaw diplomatically
" haven't you heard of St.
Jude ,
she
likes a challenge , perhaps the "Pagan Grandparents" would be right
up
her
street " a smile on his lips .
"St.Jude
would be ringing the Samaritans then " was Mrs Murphy's reply as
she nodded
towards the altar and headed down
the isle and out of the
church
.
"Lord
grant me faith " , said Fr.Shaw . Then he smiled, he knew the saints
would
soon be bombarded with conversion prayers .
In the afternoon Mrs Murphy , Patrick and June and baby
Shiela
arrived for
the christening . The "English Grandparents" were
there
too
, that's to say June's parents Mr and
Mrs Kemp . Mrs Kemp was dressed
to the nines ,
with a big hat on her head and matching long gloves .Big
Sid , Mark
and Gillian , Percy and Sgt Mulholland
and Mathew were also
there
, along with Amjit , Balbinda and Jaswinder of course .
"The Lord Save Us , if it isn't The Duchess of York
Herself" whispered
Mrs
Murphy as she walked up the side isle to the baptismal font . June had
to look down at the baby and pretend to wipe its
nose to save collapsing
into giggles
. Patrick just bit his lip , the
pain would stop
him
laughing.
"I'll
just go and say hello to "Annette" " , said
Mrs Murphy before
striding
over towards Mrs Kemp .
"She's up to something " , whispered
Patrick .
"I know , but what ? " answered June
from behind her hand .
After a few moments they found out what
. For Mrs Murphy returned
all
smiles
, giving a knowing wink to Patrick and
June , well that's how it
seemed but in fact the wink was for the baby Jesus
in the Virgin Mary's
arms
.
"You know you were going to call the baby
Shiela , then have Annette as
the
middle name , after your mother over
there " said a surprizingly coy
Mrs
Murphy .
"Yes , we decided that months ago ,"
answered a suspicious June .
"Well "Annette" agrees with me it would
be better if the middle name be
different
, I mean
Shiela Annette Murphy is a grand name , but the child
might think one grandmother is better than another
, what with her name
coming second
and that . Now we don't want favouritism
do we . So
"Annette"
thought that you could save her name for the next granddaughter
, which won't be long in coming , as you are such a loving couple after
all
" continued Mrs Murphy .
Patrick blushed at this point , June just twinkled , Mrs Murphy was a
terror to
be sure , but it felt alright , well as
far as June
was
concerned
. Mrs Kemp saw Patrick blush and whispered to her husband .
"I
bet she's talking about the next doxen grandchildren , and in a church
too .
Well at least one will be called
"Annette" , and
NOT "Shiela
Annette"
, she consoled herself with that thought .
"So what will the middle name be then
?" enquired a still red Patrick .
"Jude , of course , " replied Mrs
Murphy .
"Jude , of course , " echoed June
while pulling a face at Patrick .
"But she's the patron saint of "
started Patrick .
"Hopeless causes , " finished June , who had recently
finished a book on
the
lives of the saints .
"Well
it nice to see you're becoming a good Catholic ,
" smiled Mrs
Murphy
beaming with pride .
"Us
converts can teach you old ones a thing or two , " smiled June .
"But
why Jude , mom ?" asked a puzzled
Patrick .
"Well its a
nice name , isn't it ? " she
replied defensively before
walking
towards Fr. Shaw who had emerged from the presbytery .
"What's
she up to ? " said Patrick thinking aloud .
"Well you are a bit of a hopeless cause , or so my mother says " jested
June
.
Fr. Shaw smiled when he heard what Mrs Murphy had
to say , looking over
towards
Mr and Mrs Kemp .
"Did you
see that ? Fr.Shaw looked at mom and smiled ,
and he said
something
too . It looked like" started already" . "
"I
didn't know you were a lip reader . I'll have to watch out when I swear
at
you in future " replied Patrick .
"Well only a
bit , but what has she" started
already" ? "
continued a
an
intrigued June .
"We can
ask her afterwards , " was
Patrick's reply , as he could
see
Fr.Shaw
was coughing and opening his prayer book , a sure sign that Shiela
was
about to be baptised .
So with family and friends looking on
, Shiela Jude Murphy was
baptised
, Sgt.
Mulholland and Mathew being her Godparents . Mrs
Kemp
rolled her
eyes at the sight , to her it
seemed like two "King Kongs"
standing
over a small bundle , which was baby
Shiela . Mrs Murphy would
later
explain how only Catholics could be Godparents for Catholic babies .
Baby
Shiela stayed asleep during the service ,
even when drenched , for
Fr. Shaw a baptism meant water and lots of it
, no dabbing for him . Yet
the
baby slept through it , June had taken a
tip from Mrs Murphy , namely
a thimblefull of Irish Whisky in the baby's
milk half an hour before the
baptism
.
Back at Mark's cafe the baby's health was toasted , Mark
and
Gillian having stayed up late to remake the eaten
buffet . Jaswinda was
looking
at her future playmate , and trying to work out when little Shiela
would
be bigger Shiela , or big enough to play at any rate . Outside Amjit
was
pacing up and down the pavement in front of the cafe and barking , he
wanted
to be let inside the cafe .
"What on
earth's that savage dog trying to do ?
" said an alarmed Mrs
Kemp.
"He's only
saying congradulations , that's all
, " said
a totally
unperturbed
Mrs Murphy . Who then went to the
counter to return with the
scraps
.
"Jaswinder ,
do you want to feed little Amjit
? " asked Mrs Murphy
,
holding
the plate out so Jaswinder could reach .
"Yes
, please , " Jaswinder replied then with a hop and a skip , her one
pigtail bobbing she dashed out to feed Amjit .
"Is
it safe , he might harm her ! " said an alarmed Mrs Kemp .
"I
don't think so ," said a smiling Mrs Murphy .
After
an hour of festivities , the
people began to disperse ,
Mrs
Kemp was about to leave herself , when
she leaned over conspiratorily
and
with a glance at Patrick whispered to Mrs Murphy .
"Shiela
, it's Patrick's birthday next month and I was thinking of getting
him
a nice watch , as I noticed his old one is a bit worn out . "
"More
like , knackered , I'm forever telling
him to take it off when he's
humping big loads of flour and the like , but will he listen to me ?
"
,replied
Mrs Murphy shaking her head .
"Quite ,
but he's changed since he's
married MY June , so if I was to
buy
him a nice watch then perhaps he'll take care of it ? " said Mrs Kemp
trying
not to sound condescending , but failing as usual .
"Oh
, to be sure , he's a real man , now
that he's married to YOUR June ,
but then
isn't he the image of his father ,
MY dead husband in heaven
who's no
doubt having a drink with the angels to
celebrate his first
grandchild's
baptism into THE CHURCH . " , smiled back Mrs Murphy as if
butter
would not melt in her mouth , while glancing over with pride at her
own
earthly holy family , namely her Patrick and June and baby Shiela .
"Well
, you do agree with me he needs a new
watch , I mean we don't want
to
end up buying him the same thing do we ?" , said Mrs Kemo
, flashing
her
best smile .
"Yes
, you are quite right
"Annette" , and can you tell
me where you got
those
luvly false teeth from ? They are grand altogether , or did you just
soak
them for a week in Domestos ? " , replied Mrs Murphy the butter still
not
melting in her mouth .
Mr
Kemp came to the rescue , and ushered his wife out of the cafe , giving
a
wink to Mrs Murphy , behind his wife's
back of course , he had a sense
of
humour after all , but he was not totally stupid though .
"I
just hope she gets him a stretch strap
, otherwise he won't wear the
thing
. Mind you the watch he's got now isn't
too bad , he's superglued
the
glass back in , it could last a while longer . " mumbled Mrs Murphy as
she
watched the Pagan Grandparents go .
"What's this
about a stretch strap ? "
asked June as she placed
baby
Shiela
in grandma Shiela's arms .
"Annette
,wants to buy your husband a watch for his birthday next month ."
"He could do with one , he told me those Russian one's seem to
last him
the longest ,
the sweat gets in the others he's tried over the years
.
Besides
the one he's got now has a horrid picure in green of a man playing
a
lute , the man looks as if he's just came out of a concentration camp !"
"I've seen
that , it could frighten little
Shiela here when she
gets
older"
, said Mrs Murphy as she stroked the baby's nose .
"I
just hope mom gets a stretch strap , he
hates the others they dig into
your skin when you work , he likes wind up ones too , he said he'd
not
have
got his present one if he'd realised it was a battery one . "
"I'm sure she'll get a nice one , I mean now there's a real man in your
family
, besides she probably fancies him on the quite . " said Mrs Murphy
as
she played with the baby in her arms .
"You're
an absolute terror , you are ! " laughed June .
"It
might be true , I was reading it in the
Readers Digest at the surgery
when
I was at Dr. Quaringa's for my blood
pressure tablets . It said that
some
mothers - in - laws have a fixation for there son in laws . "
"Well
I'll have to get my figure back quick , and then start to seduce him
again
!" laughed June .
"You'll
soon have a brother for Shiela if you do that ,
but at least with
two
children to look after , then Patrick would be too busy to notice your
mother's
overtures . " retorted a deadpan
Mrs Murphy before looking up at
June
and throwing back her head to cackle like a hen .
Patrick came
over to see what was up . The two
women in his life just
looked at him
and resumed their laughter with fresh vigour
. Then his
daughter
joined in to .
"The sooner
I have a son , the better ,
then at least I'll
not be
surrounded
by mad women " , said a slightly indignant Patrick .
June
and Mrs Murphy just looked at each other again and laughed till they
cried
. Patrick was bemused , so he repeated his statement . "The sooner I
have
a son the better ! " June wiped the tears from her eyes ,
before
kissing
him . "I'll only be too happy to
oblige , if you can wait a few
weeks
" , she replied as she patted her
still swollen stomach . Patrick
blushed
as red as the bottles of ketchup on the tables , Mrs Murphy
just
swelled with
pride and whispered to the bundle
in her
arms " Little
Timothy
won't be long in coming , a year at the most . "
Patrick
was still blushing as June kissed him again .
Mrs Murphy then got
up and handed the treasure back to June , before snatching a kiss
from
Patrick
and leaving the cafe , she had other matters to attend to .....
Mrs Murphy had walked to the end of
the street when , she had to
stop
and shake a pebble from her shoes , leaning on a wall as she did so .
When
something cold and wet shoved itself into the back of her leg she was
naturally
frighten for a second . Spinning around she saw what it was .
"God blast you ,
the Devil carry you , Amjit you
hairy thing will you
leave
me alone . " She screatched at the innocent dog .
Amjit
lowered his head , and offered his paw
, so they could shake hands
and
be friends again . It was then than Mrs
Murphy noticed her umbrella ,
hadn't
she left it in the cafe and Amjit had brought it after her .
"Sorry
, Amjit , but you did frighten me . Here shake hands . "
They
shook hands , then with a woof , and what could easily by mistaken
for a
smile Amjit was off his tail high and proud . He
too had other
business
to attend to , if only he could remember where he had buried that
pig's
head that Big Sid had given him , Amjit
knew there was another meal
or
two left in it , if only he could remember where he'd left it .
"Thank's
again , Amjit " shouted Mrs Murphy
after the hairy hound . Amjit
stopped
to bark again , then with a burst of
astonishing speed he was off
, he'd probably seen the Post Office cat and
Amjit wanted to talk to that
moggie
. It started to rain , and thanking Amjit with a "Bless
Him" Mrs
Murphy opened her umbrella . She had hardly opened it when old
Michael
pulled
up in his taxi .
"Do
you want a lift , I've earnt my diesel for the day . "
"Well
could you take me to Weatherfield Rd ,the one by the Rover's Return
past
the old clothing factory ? "
"Hop
in , but why are you going over that way ? "
"Me and Mrs Lynch are looking after Mrs Powulska
, she's still weak after
her
operation , so we take it in turns to
keep an eye on her . Her sister
is
coming ower from Poland for a month
, she will be here in a few days
so
I've got to tidy the place up a bit . "
"I
like the Poles they are a great lot , I
was with a lot of them fellas
in
the war , they are sometimes called the
Irish of Central Europe , they
have suffered let me tell you . " said Michael as he moved up the gears
and
sped off .
"Yes they did suffer , first the Nazis , then the Communists , but they
led
the way for Europe to be free , and after all isn't the Pope himself a
Pole
, so you cann't beat that . " said Mrs Murphy her voice showing her
passion
.
As
Mrs Murphy left the taxi , Michael who'd
just had 10
minutes
on the persecution of the Catholic church in Poland was numbed by
the
outpouring . "Is it really true ,
they built a church themselves cos
the
government built the town without one .
And that in Albania they shot
a
priest dead for babtising a baby ? "
"Yes " was Mrs Murphy's simple
reply though her eyes betrayed her anger
and
passion .
"The Bastards , I fought a war for them ,
what are they afraid of ! "
"The
Baby Jesus " mumbled Mrs Murphy as she walked away .
"Let
me know when your Polish friend arrives , I'll drive you to the
airport "
shouted Michael after
Mrs Murphy .
She just waved
in
acknowledgement
, her mind was elsewhere .
Mrs Murphy did the vacuuming , and dusting for 2 hours before
stopping to make cup of tea for herself and a hot meal
for Mrs Powulska .
She
proped Mrs Powulska up in bed , before putting a tray down in front of
her
, she watched as a still weak Mrs Powulska ate .
"So
which part of Poland , does your sister come from ? " asked Mrs Murphy
as
she sipped her tea .
"Oh
the south , a little place , a university place , its called Cracou "
Mrs
Murphy's cup clattered against the saucer ,
she put her tea down for
fear
of dropping it . To her it was as if a
trumpet had sounded to herald
the
entrance of an angel .
"That's
where the Pope comes from !" she jabbered .
"Oh ,
of course , he babtised my sister's children . This food really is
good
, you could almost be a Pole , Mrs Murphy . " replied Mrs POwulska as
she
ate heartily . Mrs Murphy finished her tea fast , she'd have to give a
final
sheen to things before she went . After
all wasn't a friend of the
Pope's
coming . She had seen the Pope in
Coventry , sneaked in with the
handicaped
thanks to Fr. Shaw , but now to meet
with a friend of the Pope
,
Mrs Murphy hadn't been this excited since her confirmation .
Mrs Murphy took it upon herself to
meet Mrs Powulska's sister at
the
airport . On the drive in Nanska the
sister , told an awe struck Mrs
Murphy
all about "Carol" , which was what the Pope insisted his old school
chums
call him , his reasoning being that's
what his mum called him , so
they must
call him that
too . Michael cocked half
an ear to the
conversation
, after all it wasn't often that he had a V.I.P. in the back
of
his taxi . Mind you he had had the odd
Lord Mayor or two who did think
that
they were important , Michael knew from
his own experience that the
really
important people tended to be the quiet ones
, they knew that they
were
the guardians of gifts , however bizarre
or seemingly useless , yes
the
truly important people were the quite ones that was for sure , ask any
old
taxi driver mused Michael as he pulled up outside Mrs Powulska's .
"Thank's Michael , come inside for a cuppa , I'm sure Nanska will not
mind
. " chirped Mrs Murphy .
"Yes ,
Shiela is taking the words from me .
" continued Nanska who was
now
as a sister to Mrs Murphy . The sisterhood of the faith , was a bit of
a beneign
conspiracy . A
pair of rosary
beeds and pictures
of
grandchildren
in a bag and there you had it , instant sisterhood no matter
what
nationality , it was the mothers that
gave birth to faith , and it
was
meer men that said the Masses . The Pope
himself knew that , that's
why he
insisted on being called Carol by Nanska and all his old
school
friends
.
Inside the tears flowed into the tea
, Polish words and
songs
rang out from the heart to the heart , there in central England
, Mrs
Murphy looked on ,
she knew that but for the miracle of Poland breaking
the
chains of Communism , this happy scene
would never have happened . It
was at
times like these that a good
Irish drink was called for
. So
reaching
into the bottom of her black bag , she produced Poteen .
"Will
you take some in your "Tay" ?
" , she said but without
awaiting an
answer
she was pouring it .
"What
is this Poteen ? " asked a curious
Nanska , sitting up straight and
straightening
her hugh , black clad bussom .
"Vodka " was Michael's reply , repeating the word in Polish , it was one
of the
few words of Polish that he could remember from the
war , the
others
words he knew were certainly not fit for
ladies such as these .
So tentatively sipping at the cup , Nanska tried her fortified tea .Her
face
changed colour then slowly changed back again ,
rather like traffic
lights
changing , only traffic lights don't
breathe heavily and fan their
mouths
with their hands .
"It's good " said Nanska with a tear
coming down her eye .
"It's
fresh if I'm not mistaken "
added Michael who was a bit of an
authority
on these things .
"It
was made three weeks ago , Sgt
Mulhollands family send it over "
mumbled
Mrs Murphy a tear now coming down her own eye .
So the three ladies and an old taxi driver
got quietly and quickly drunk
, on tea strengthened with Poteen . Michael even remembered a whole song
in
Polish that he'd learnt . It's wonderful the power of good alcohol , it
brings
back the memories to the old and banishes the cold of loneliness .
As
for the song , it was as bad or as good
as the one Mrs Murphy had sung
at the do for the childrens's home . The two Polish women laughed
till
they cried
, Michael sung it even louder and
was made repeat it seven
times
, and all the time he hadn't a clue for
the life of him what he was
singing
....
The next day Mrs Murphy took Nanska on
a trip around town to show
the
sights , Mrs Murphy really liked
flashing her bus pass like a police
man
, in fact Starsky was her favourite . The two ladies stopped off for a
cuppa
at a little cafe by the bus station .
Behind them was a park and a
wood
, it reminded Nanska of home .
"I feel at home here , with these woods , with a friend by my side " ,
she
squeezed Mrs Murphy's hand , as she gazed towards the woods .
" We have woods like that back home ,
when I was in service in the hotels
in Killarney I used to walk in the woods . Its nice to see something so
tall and
strong reach up to the sky and grow .
Then you have the
low
branches
with their leaves leaning down and touching your hair . It always
gave
me a thrill . " said Mrs Murphy as she followed Nanska's gaze .
"It was such a thrill , the soft earth underneath the trees , the
bouncy
ground
, the squirrels chattering away and jumping like acrobats from tree
to
tree , the magpies too , oh it was all so grand , just think what its
like
to be young ." continued Mrs Murphy in bewteen sips of tea .
"It
was the closest we got to sex . " smiled Nanska
"Yes ,
I suppose you
are right - then we realised
trees are more
dependable
than men . " laughed Mrs Murphy .
They laughed together , a shared love of trees , a shared
faith , a
shared hope ,
they laughed as only the old can laugh ,
they laughed at
themselves
.
"Come
on , let's walk in the woods
" said Mrs Murphy jumping up and
nearly
knocking the table and chairs over .
A
smiling Nanska , eagerly joined in this
nonsense , oh to be young again
, youth was wasted on the young , they wasted so much time , life is for
living
and loving and hoping , not sitting around and saying " I'm Bored"
all
this went through both their heads as they strode towards the wood .
Not that
they actually strode , in their
hearts they did ,
but they
progressed
towards the woods arm in arm .....
They must have been in the woods for
a half hour , before Mrs
Murphy
felt the call of nature . So making hissing noises , and gestures ,
she ushered Nanska on , while she did a country pee . This is
how Mrs
Murphy
described crouching behind a tree with her dress held up about her
head so she could let nature take its course
. It was while nature took
its course
that it happened . A fact of
human nature to be prescise ,
greed
. Nanska was mugged . Mrs Murphy heard
the screams and came running
,
or rather huffing and puffing with her drawers still not fully pulled up
"What's
up ?" she demanded as she rearranged her underwear .
"A
bandit take my bag " was Nanska's reply as tried to contain her heaving
bussum
, such was her shock and heart rate .
Mrs Murphy looked feverishly around her hoping to
see the mugger , but
there
was no chance . So taking Nanska's hand
to comfort her , Mrs Murphy
led
Nanska out of the wood . On the way out
they found Nanska's handbag ,
there
was a trail of Nanska's poccessions .
"So
we are lucky after all " said Mrs Murphy trying to console Nanska .
"Yes ,
but he did frighten me , he
pushed me to the ground " replied
Nanska
as she crouched about picking up her belongings .
"Bad sest him , the divil carry him , if ever I catch him , I'd tan his
bare arse ," said Mrs Murphy as she struggled
about picking up Nanska's
belongings
.
"I
have everything now , he must have
thrown it down when he realised my
money was Polish kind . Sadly I miss the gold cross and chain that
The
Pope
gave me . " sighed Nanska .
Mrs Murphy's
ears pricked up as she heard this ,
nobody , no cheeky
spotty youth was going to steal from her friend
, she'd catch
this
"person"
if it was the last thing she did . Her head raced with anger , as
the
two of them continued out of the wood , towards the bus station . Now
how
would Starsky deal with this she wondered ,
then she wondered was
St. Anthony
the one for muggings too , after all she wanting help
in
finding that
cross . She
was awakened from
her throughts by the
"Chugg,chugg"
of Michael's taxi .
"Jump in ladies ,
where to ? " he said quietly
, as his head had
not
recovered
from the night before .
"You better go to Mark's , WE have been
mugged . " said Mrs Murphy .
At Mark's , Mrs Murphy and her soul mate , were the life and
soul
of the inquest into the mugging .
Concerned looks , and dire threats
of what they'd do to the culprit were the order
of the day . Patrick his
hands
covered in flour came running .
"Are
you alright , are you alright ? " he said , scouring his mothers face
for
signs of harm .
"Of
course , I am . Only the spotty faced monster made me wet my knickers"
"You were that afraid ? " said a
worried looking Patrick .
"Don't be so soft , you overgrown egyt , I was taking a country pee ,
when I
heard the fuss , then in my rush
I wet my knickers ." said Mrs
Murphy
with a look that said "What kind of idiot have I for a son " .
"So we've wet the baby's head last week
and now your knickers this
week ! "
said Patrick who couldn't resist the chance of a joke .
"I'm not too old to tan your bare arse
, Patrick ! " snapped Mrs Murphy
before
she saw the funny side and started to shriek with laughter .
"I'm going to catch that cheeky monkey ,
I don't mind my knickers getting
wet ,
it's just that Nanska a visiter to our country should
not get
treated
like that , it ruins the reputation of
the place , they'll think
we
are all totally uncivilised . " Mrs
Murphy sounded more than indignant
,
she had that look in her eye . Then by way of afterthought she added
"Besides
, the little bastard stole a cross and
chain given to Nanska by
the
Pope himself ! "
Patrick knew
it was definately a waste of time trying to persuade
his
mother
that she hadn't a chance in hell of finding the mugger . He looked
about
the cafe trying to think of something useful
to say . Outside Amjit
barked
and put his nose to the window .
"Well
Amjit can help you , " said Patrick trying placate his mother .
"Well
I'll take him home with me then . "
The next few days Amjit found himself
under house arrest at Mrs
Murphy's
. She was training him with the aid of a hurling stick and ginger
nut
biscuits , if he had a soul Amjit would
have sold it for a ginger nut
biscuit
, wasn't Patrick the same only Rolos were his weakness . Amjit was
a clever dog already , but
Mrs Murphy didn't quite trust him as he
had
ran after a squirrel while saving Jaswinder
. She was an old woman
she
didn't
want to be attacked while souring the town for the mugger .
Amjit
already
knew English and a bit of Indian but now the Gaelic were to be his
command
words . Mrs Murphy did not want anybody to know what was coming .
"Well , you seem to know your stuff , so
we'll go for a walk in the woods
then
."
Walking in the woods was a joy for
Mrs Murphy , a harsh word
in
Gaelic was all that was needed when Amjit started to trot , having seen
a
squirrel ahead .That and the odd ginger nut .She thought she'd only have
to
walk into the woods and then the mugger
would come out with his hands
up , but
neither life nor love is like that . The
first thing that Mrs
Murphy came across seemed to be a body , she couldn't quite see so she
sent
Amjit ahead , just in case it was
dangerous . Amjit crept ahead and
sniffed
at a white rounded thing , his cold nose
touched it . There was a
startled
scream , followed by a girl's laughter
. Amjit had disturbed a
pair of natural lovers . Mrs Murphy brought up the rear , averting
her
eyes
from the naked lovers .
"I'm
sorry if my dog disturbed your
husband at his "Work" ,
" the
laughter
in her voice , hadn't friends of hers
done the same fifty years
ago
in the woods of Killarney , in a crowded
house a wood can be a thing
of
wonder and recreation if not procreation
.
"He's
only my boyfriend !" came a laughed reply from the girl , while the
boy
blushed .
"You should only do that if you know ,
he'd be a good father to a baby !"
was
Mrs Murphy's moral retort her eyes averted still .
"Oh ,
he will be , I want lots of
children , we are just getting some
practice
in , " was the final remark before the girl got the boy to carry
on
with a job well done .
Mrs Murphy was going to say something more
but then thought of Patrick
and
June , so she just laughed and laughed
, they were true lovers just
like
her Patrick and June , so what if they were early starters . And they
wanted lots of kids , anybody who loved children was ok in Mrs Murphy's
book
.
Further into the wood
teenage children were swinging
from a
rope tied
to a tree . When they saw Amjit
they scattered ,
screaming
"Police" . They
had been playing truant from school ,
the sight of an
enormous dog
had only meant one thing to them - Police .
It took Mrs
Murphy a while to realise this . Then she realised
she had a new problem
now
, how to make Amjit invisible .
Mrs Murphy
thought long and hard on
how to make
Amjit
invisible
, it would be easy if she was Paul Daniels the tv magician , but
she was just a poor widow woman , as she insisted to her son every time
she wanted to extract a favour . Saint Francis was roped in to help but
this
only gave partial success , what was needed was something to slow the
hairy beast down .
Mrs Murphy even thought of attaching the old last to
Amjit's
collar , she ruled this out though
, something much heavier was
needed , something that would make Amjit slow down
and so make him keep
his distance and so be invisible . Then while watching the tv she saw a
blacksmith
, a light went on in her mind , now an
anvil would be just the
thing
to slow Amjit down . It was then that
Saint Francis spoke up , she
couldn't be
so cruel to a dumb animal
especially after he
had saved
Jaswinder . The
picture of Mother Theresa looked down the wall and said
"have
faith ".Mrs Murphy looked at Amjit lying at her feet like some form
of long
haired rug and smiled her own saintly smile ,
they were only
thoughts
, meer passing pagan clouds . She threw
Amjit a ginger nut , the
"rug"
awoke and caught it , licked his lips and wagged his tail ; he liked
her
, it amused him how she threatened him
with a hurling stick , he let
her
think she was in charge , after all he
really would sell his soul for
a
ginger nut .
The door bell rang , Saint Francis had sent a helper , no last
this
but a human anvil who would really slow Amjit down , it was Mathew .
Mrs Murphy smiled , those saints really loved playing games
with her
,
they
could really drive her to distraction ,
yet they always came through
in the
end , even though if sometimes they puzzled
her despite her
fathomless
faith .
"Hello
Mathew , come in I'll make some fresh
tea , I've a favour to ask
you
" , she said casting a sideways glance at Mother Theresa on the wall.
The next day Mathew and Mrs Muphy
were on the street , a trail
of
ginger nuts seperated them . The plan
was for Mrs Murphy to call Amjit
and
make him advance slowly along the street ,
picking up the ginger nuts
one
by one , Mathew was the braking device
to prevent Amjit wolfing down
the
lot . This did the trick , as Mathew was heavier than any last
or
anvil
.
"Follow " commanded Mrs Murphy from up the street
. Fifty
yards away Amjit eagerly obeyed , why shouldn't he after all
, wasn't
there
a trail of ginger nuts in front of him ,
he was only a dog , albeit
a
very large and hairy dog , but he wasn't stupid . The pavement was a bit
wet and
slippery after the early rain ,
and such was Amjit's
pulling
power
that if Mathew were wearing skis he could have water skied along the
pavement
, but since Mathew wasn't then that wasn't a possibility , but it
was a near thing . Amjit proceeded up the road after Mrs
Murphy licking
his
lips all the way , now this was fun he
thought , even if he did have
to drag Mathew after him . After half an hour the supply of ginger nuts
was exhausted .
Jaswinder came skipping out with a couple of packets of
ginger nuts
, her father like everybody else on the street
had been
watching with
interest . So patting Amjit hello
and goodbye Jaswinder
skipped
away , her mission had been accomplished
. Amjit again followed
Mrs Murphy at a distance , still weighed down by Mathew , to be
honest
Amjit
was getting bored , even though it was
his duty to do Mrs Murphy's
bidding
, it would be a shame to waste all those nice ginger nuts wouldn't
it
? "Now lets see if he'll do it
without the bribe , " yelled Mrs Murphy
to Mathew
. So Amjit followed her at a distance
, almost inventing
pavement
water skiing at the same time as he dragged Mathew along . Amjit
followed
three times without reward . "Well he seems to have leant it then
doesn't he
? " beamed a happy Mrs Murphy . Only
to be disappointed
immediately ,
Mathew had let go of Amjit , so a
disgusted Amjit dashed
off.
It wasn't fair was it , Amjit had been tricked , he had obeyed out of
duty
hadn't he , the ginger nuts had nothing
to do with it , it was the
principle
, wasn't it ?
In the cafe Mrs Murphy had a well
earned cuppa while she treated
Mathew to a banana milk shake . Where had that turncoat Amjit got to ,
just
when she thought he had learnt his lesson .
Amjit too was having a break , he'd dug up a favourite bone and
was
chewing on it , pondering on the morning's fun as he sucked the marrow
from
his bone . It was while Amjit was
chewing that he had an idea , but
he
finished his bone first before he put his idea into action .
"I've got an idea Mathew ,
what if we gradually reduce the
amount of ginger nuts , then even that stupid dog will understand
, "
sighed
Mrs Murphy , who was tired and feeling her age .
"Like
Barbara Woodhouse did on the telly last night do you mean ? "replied
Mathew
as he blew bubbles into his milk shake .
Mrs Murphy realised what
an
old fool she had been and it was Mathew of all people who had made her
realise
this .
"Come on then , I'll try and whistle the
devil back to us , " she said as
she
leant on the back of a chair to lever herself up .
Outside Amjit was sitting with his
lead in his teeth , his tail
was
wagging , he was pleased with himself
and the bone he'd just eaten no
doubt
. "Your stomach not full enough is it ? " scolded Mrs Murphy . Amjit
just barked and skipped in front of her just like
a puppy . "You better
grab
him , before the rascal runs away .
" Then in front of them they saw
the
fruits of Amjit's chewing the cud or rather chewing his bone .
Along
the pavement placed at intervals were fragments
of bone ! Amjit thought
Mrs Murphy
had ran out of bribes , so he had supplied his
own , in
readiness
for more fun .
"You'd teach this grandmother
to suck eggs wouldn't you ," she
again
scolded , as Amjit jumped about like a very excited puppy .
"But
I thought we were just teaching him to follow you at a distance , and
how
can a dog suck eggs , or do you mean carry eggs like Police dogs can
do
, like I saw on - "
"Barbara
Woodhouse last night , "
interrupted Mrs Murphy . She looked at
Amjit and
then Mathew , then she smiled
, some would call
them dumb
animals
yet both had shown her a thing or two .
There was no doubt in her
mind
, St.Francis was making a fool of her
. She shook her head then she
let the
laughter out , at her age she had
no time nor need of anger ,
laughter
was all she wanted , that and to die in
her sleep and to convert
the pagan
grandparents of course . The
shopkeepers who had again been
keeping
half an eye on proceedings came out to see what was the
cause of
all
the laughter , Mathew having started off
too , a braying echo of Mrs
Murphy's
earthy laugh , Amjit barking for joy too , which would soon start
off
all the dogs in the neighbourhood . A look along the street to see all
the bones
soon explained things . So the whole street joined
in the
laughter . When
sanity returned Amjit proved that he'd already
mastered
the
trick of following at a distance . If
the truth be know , Amjit had
worked things out pretty soon , but he hadn't the heart to admit it to
poor
Mrs Murphy , besides it was great fun , if she wanted to leave ginger
nuts
along the pavement then he wasn't going to stop her . After all a dog
was
man's and old ladies' best friend .
Mrs Murphy resumed her search of the woods with
her newly
trained
Amjit , but to no avail . So she went and had a bun and a tea from
the
cafe in front of the wood . It wasn't fair , she'd spent all this time
and
energy ,not to mention wasted prayers and still no sign of the mugger.
While Mrs Murphy was having simple
fare , on the other side
of town
Mrs Annette Kemp was treating
herself to Black Forest
Gateau
washed
down by real coffee and cream all served
by pretty young girls in
uniforms similiar to those Mrs Murphy had worn fifty
years ago when in
service in the hotels on the lakes of Killarney
. Mrs Kemp was
pleased
with herself ,
she'd just bought Patrick his birthday present , a very
nice
Rolex with clasp strap . So pleased was she that she had the watch on
her
table so she could admire it while she had her gateau and coffee , and
she
of course congradulated herself on her good taste , if only some would
rub
off on Patrick . Then she smiled to
herself , hadn't he married HER
daughter
, so if that wasn't good taste , then what was ? She overlooked
the
fact that some of her
"friends" would have called
it a "Shotgun
Wedding" ;
but now that SHE was a
grandmother those kind of "friends"
could go
to hell as far as she was
concerned , in many ways
she was
already
like the other grannie - Mrs Murphy .
Outside on the street somebody else
was admiring the Rolex , a
spotty
faced youth with a skateboard under his arm ,
a "class war" badge
on
his jumper , next to a gold cross held on with a safety pin . As far as
the spotty
youth was concerned here was one of
the enemy ,
flaunting
wealth
, that one watch would more than pay for
a years poll tax , that's
if
the spotty youth didn't feel poll tax was immoral . Not that
stealing
was
immoral , for that's was what he was about to do .
Mrs
Kemp finished her gateau , had a
last sip of her
real
coffee
, then she put the Rolex away , into a dainty carrier with Rolex on
it
. She floated outside , with the air of the Queen Mother about
her ,
she was
happy and content , it had been a
nice morning , a very
nice
morning .
So when a sneering spotty faced youth shouted in
her face
grabbing her precious cargo she was to taken aback
. She
just couldn't
comprehend the situation , it was like stealing one of the three
gifts
from
one of the three kings , or slapping an
angel's bum and asking for a
bit
of slap and tickle . It happened to other people but never to you , it
was
as likely as a man breaking into the Queen's bedroom . It just did not
happen
. Then Mrs Kemp's face fell , it had really happened and to her ,
just
as it had happened to the Queen , even the Queen .
"Stop thief , catch that little BASTARD ," she
screamed . She hailed a
taxi
and ordered "Follow that skateboard . " Only the taxi driver laughed
"It's
too late for April Fool's Missus .
" This really annoyed Mrs Kemp ,
being
called "Missus" , and by a
taxi driver . So she ordered him to take
her
to the street , her daughter at least would give her some sympathy ..
"So you see the spotty creature
grabbed the bag and made off on
his
skateboard , I doubt if he could tell
the time , unless it was on one
of those
horrid digital watches , so why on earth should he
steal a
"Timepiece" like the Rolex ? " mused Mrs Kemp to her daughter , as she
sipped
her tea in Mark's cafe .
"So
Patrick won't be getting his birthday present then ? " said June , who
was
holding her mother's twitching hand , the shock only now sinking in .
"No
, he'll have his watch , no little hoodlum is going to ruin MY plans
after
all , Patrick is family now . Though you will come with me to the
shop
to buy him another , I wouldn't feel safe on my own ."
June
looked at her mother , she suddenly seemed old and vunerable , the
hard real world had never dared encroach on Mrs
Kemp , and now there she
was
holding June's hand , looking vunerable
, June was the mother and her
mother
was the little frightened child .
"Of
course I will , but you need not go to
the expense , after all it is
the
thought that counts , " concern in both her eyes and voice .
Outside
there was a screech of brakes ,as three orange VW vans pulled up .
Out jumped
eight Indians in turbans and saffron coloured robes
, long
swords
dangling by their sides . Behind the Indians came Mrs Murphy , like
an
honour guard they heralded Mrs Murphy into Mark's cafe .
"Nine teas , please , and some cake too ,
" flashed a pearl white smile .
Mrs
Murphy sat down , her boys surrounding her . It was only then that Mrs
Murphy
noticed a crestfallen Mrs Kemp .
"Are
you alright ? You look down today , Annette , " Mrs Murphy enquired .
"Mom
was mugged , just a while ago ," answered June .
"Jesus
, Mary and Joseph it's an epidemic
. Didn't somebody have a go at
me
, only a few minutes ago ! "
"What
, somebody tried to mug you , dear God ,
Shiela what's the world
coming
to ? " a startled Mrs Kemp replied .
"Oh , I'm
ok the mugger just pushed me to the ground .
You see the bus
conducter was in
a funny mood so he wouldn't let me take Amjit
on the
bus , so
the poor dog had to walk the two miles home on his own . Then
what
with the dirty bus windows I couldn't see where I was and got off at
the
wrong stop . So this young lad jumped
out at me . But luckily my boys
happened
to be passing so they jumped out of their vans and chased him
down
the street . I think he got the fright
of his life , mind you he's a
very fast runner ,
he just tucked his skateboard under his arm and
ran
like he'd just seen a banshee , " Mrs Murphy gave glowing looks to her
boys
.
"Well
, when we saw Mrs Murphy we were going
to give her a lift , as it
was
we ended up saving her from God knows what ," said Amajit the one with
the
pearl white smile .
"This
is Amajit , and these are his brothers , Bamajit , Camajit , Damajit
,Hasajit ,Jamajit , Nanajit and the little one is
Pamajit , " said a
proud
Mrs Murphy as if they were her own sons , and in fact she would love
them
to be sons of hers . For they were all
fine strong lads , only they
were
sons of India and not of Kerry .
"And how did you you get to know such fine young
men , " asked Mrs Kemp
forgetting
her own indignatities , for Amajit had
the looks of an Indian
screen
idol .
"She
stopped me from walking under a bus when I was a child , so it is my
duty
to honour her and treat her as a mother ,
" said Amajit flashing his
smile
straight at Mrs Kemp . Mrs Kemp very
nearly swooned , a smile like
that
had never been given to her , never .
Mrs Murphy winked at June ,
wasn't this proof of what she had said , Mrs Kemp was after a toy boy ,
and if Patrick was unavailable then Amajit would
do fine , very fine .
June
looked at the ceiling and bit her lip ,
Mrs Murphy was a rogue to be
sure
. Amajit his smiling over , snapped his biscuit in two , and sipped
his
tea . His brothers forming a kaleidoscopic imitation of him
, as to
the echo they in turn snapped their biscuits and
sipped their tea , if
there
had been music it would have seemed like ballet or even opera .
"The lads
are off to the Temple for a do ,
these are not their street
clothes
, " answered Mrs Murphy seeing a question form on Mrs Kemp's lips.
"Speaking
of which we must be off , " said
Amajit looking at his Rolex ,
his action
rippling out to his brothers as they in turn looked at their
Rolexes
. So rising like a wave , with Amajit
its crest the Khan brothers
were off
, just pausing long enough to nod at Mrs Murphy
, and for
Amajit's final smile to Mrs Kemp . So with a screech and three puffs of
exhaust
, the VW vans with the Khan's in them
disappeared . Though Amajit
would
never disappear from Mrs Kemp's mind .
"He's
such a nice man , and were they
all wearing Rolex watches ?
"
wondered
Mrs Kemp trying to appear nonchalant . Mrs Murphy again winked at
June
before answering .
"He's a nice lad , so are his brothers .
They are worth a few million now
I suppose .
Working sixteen hour days does have its rewards .
They've
just bought the old pressing works , to expand
their clothing business .
They
have one sister too , but sadly she's a spastic , they love her to
death ,
they are building her a bungalow
of her own , next
to their
parents
house , so she can be independent . It's nice that , they are nice
lads . The
youngest boy is having a year off before he goes to
Medical
School
, he's going to go to Birmingham because its the best . "
"
I am impressed , " replied Mrs Kemp raising her eyebrows .
"You'll
be impressed more when I catch the mugger , " intoned Mrs Murphy .
Two days later Mrs Murphy had dragged
a reluctant Nanska to the
woods , not
in a last ditch hope to catch the mugger
, they
would be
more
likely to uncover a teddybears' picnic than that , no , to quell any
lasting
fears Nanska may hold for woods . They
were of course accompanied
by Amjit
, whose presence
would strike fear into The Hound
of the
Baskerville's
, Mrs Murphy had more than prayers to be her guide .
"I'm very sorry we haven't been able to catch that
mugger ,it really is
such
a disappointment to me . Three old woman
all attacked by one spotty
youth
. I don't mind it happening to me , nor
do I miss the fancy watch
that my
son's mother-in-law lost , its
just that you a guest in our
country
, and not to mentiopn a friend of the Pope's should not be treated
like this ,
" said Mrs Murphy shaking her head , as if it were all her
fault
.
"You
do your best Shiela , he have the luck
of the Devil , and he run so
fast as you tell me , " replied Nanska placing a consoling
hand on
Mrs
Murphy's
.
They carried
on walking through the trees
, the veins in
the leaves
looking like outstretched hands , begging hands , just as Mrs
Murphy's
heart
was begging the saints to help her and her Polish soulmate . Amjit
stopped
and sniffed the wind . The woman looked
, ahead of them a man
was
relieving himself against a tree , Amjit
began to growl softly , that
was
one of his favourite trees , he'd often
marked it , what was a mere
man
doing to his tree . Mrs Murphy was on the point of scolding Amjit when
she
noticed first the man's arm . He was far
away , but she'd seen eight
Rolexes the
other day and to be sure that was a
nineth . Then
Nanska
pointed
, wasn't there a skateboard propped
against the tree . Amjit's
growls errupted into one bark ,this made the man
turn to see where the
sound
came from . It was the worst thing he could have done .
"Bandit
, " screamed Nanska slightly shocked at seeing the mugger again .
"He'll be wetting his knickers now , " shouted a delighted Mrs Murphy .
Before
she could shout "Skither his Arse" Amjit was off , he knew that man
wasn't
nice , how could he be , he'd used his
tree , and he wasn't even a
nice
bitch , just a mere man . Amjit howled , the birds scattered , the
squirrels
raced up trees , the mugger peed on his own leg , caught himself
on
his zip , and then ran like a bat out of hell . Only it would be no use
for a hound of hell was on his tail , no longer the creeping , the slow
the steady Amjit as bribed by ginger nuts , but the hound of hell , or
rather
God's Animal making a good impersonation of a Hell's Angel . As the
mugger
ran he could hear a jangling , this was
Amjit's name tag , his our
lady
of Lourdes medal and his Indian holy man medal , it formed a kind of
clanging or bell ring , and for whom did the bell toll , the mugger
of
course .
It was while
the mugger was running for
his life that
he
interrupted the
young couple , tha naked lovers
who used the wood
to
create life ,
in fact he fell over them .
Seconds later Amjit placed a
cold
nose on a bare bum , it was his way of asking which way did he go .
Without
bothered to pause , a
finger pointed the way , Amjit sped off
barking
his thanks . Amjit was beginning to
think what a good runner this
mere
man was , then he caught up with him .
So teeth first Amjit said his
hellos
.
"We
better try and catch up with him then , " said Mrs Murphy .
"Do
you think your dog is fast enough ? " pondered Nanska .
A
scream rang out through the woods , as if answering Nanska'a doubts , it
was followed by excited barking . The ladies looked at one another
and
laughed .
So picking up the discarded
skateboard they made their
way
though the woods towards the source of the screams
. On their way
they
came across the naked lovers . Mrs Murphy averting her eyes dropped her
son's
business card beside them saying "If you need a flat give my son a
ring .
" Her son's flat above the
bakery had been empty since he built
his
house , so to save the lovers from catching cold she left the card .
Meanwhile Amjit had let his quarry go
, not so he could spit the
taste
out before biting the mugger again , but
more because it was fun to
let
him go .Then he'd have to catch him again ,first Amjit ran away before
reappearing
teeth first , rather like a toothpaste commercial , only one
with
much more bite . The mugger was cowering on the ground squeezed into
a
ball when Mrs Murphy and Nanska arrived .
"Amjit leave him be . As for you young man stand up ! "
commanded Mrs
Murphy
, having the full authority of Amjit's teeth at her command .
The
man stood , he looked scared , not to
mention tattered and bleeding ,
Amjit
had enjoyed his blood sport .
"You can take off that watch for starters , and empty your pockets ,
"
continued
Mrs Murphy .
In
the woods behind them ,the lovers now clothed watched the proceedings ,
it
appeared very strange . Two old ladies
and a very big dog making a man
strip
. For Mrs Murphy decided he might be hiding something so she had the
spotty
man strip to his underpants , she was
sure Starsky would have done
the
same thing , so it must be right . While the man shivered , Mrs Murphy
searched the
clothes . After a while she got up
from her crouching
position
, in her hand she held a cross , Nanska's cross .
"The one
Carol give me , you are a
detective Mrs Murphy ," beamed a
grateful
Nanska .
Amjit
barked his praise too , his tail moving like a windmill in a storm .
Mrs
Murphy then turned her attention to the mugger . Behind in the
trees
the
lovers edged forward , they could sense the coming storm .
"So
you think you're a bigshot attacking old ladies , and WIDOWS like me
and
honoured visitors to our country do you ? " blasted Mrs Murphy .
"Well don't think you're too old to have your bare
arse spanked , " she
continued
with her Kerry accent getting stronger by the second .
"Turn around then drop your pants mister , " she was trying to sound as
hard
as Starsky . She was getting worked up
now , in fact she dropped her
handbag ,
the contents spilt everywhere
. While she gathered
up the
contents of her bag the mugger dropped his pants
, he'd never live this
down
. But worse was yet to come , for amongst the spilt contents of Mrs
Murphy's
handbag was superglue , used to fix her
favourite beeds . In a
second a wicked idea was formed in Mrs Murphy's mind
. She
grabbed the
skateboard
, squirted the glue onto it , then used it to spank the mugger.
Only
one spank , then while Amjit barked his
approval she held the board
to
the muggers behind .
"There
you are , now see how dignified you feel
, about the same as your
victims who
you leave sprawled about ! "
screeched a triumphant
Mrs
Murphy
as she took her hands from the skateboard
, which remained stuck
to the mugger's behind . Nanska was silent for a second before bursting
out
laughing , the old ladies hugged each other as they continued laughing
till
tears formed in their eyes .As for Amjit he saw a friend ,another dog
that is to
say , so with a bark of farewell he ran
off to play . The
mugger
made his retreat , with the old ladies laughing him farewell .
When the laughing was over the ladies
continued walking out of
the
woods , the lovers broke cover to run after them .
"Excuse me
, but this card you gave us you
weren't playing a joke
or
something
were you ? " asked the girl .
"Not
at all , in fact we are going back that way now , so if you come with
us on the bus you can see my son about it ? " relied Mrs Murphy as the
last
trace of her laughter faded , leaving just slightly curled up lips as
evidence
of her revenge in the woods .
"My
car is parked by the bus station , we'll
give you a lift . By the way
we
saw what you did to that man , it was very funny , " said the man .
"Bad cest
him , he was a mugger , I don't think he'll be mugging
old
ladies
anymore , " said an indignant Mrs Murphy .
Back on the street in Mark's cafe Mrs
Murphy held court , telling
and retelling
the story . Everybody thought she
was right to turn the
tables
. When Patrick and June came in Mrs Murphy held up the Rolex before
throwing
it at her son .
"There's your birthday present from your mother-in-law
, I retrieved it
from
the mugger , Amjit helped of course
, mind you he's gone off after
some
lady dog now . "
"It's
nice , very nice , pity its not a stretch strap though ,
" said
Patrick
as he examined the Rolex .
"Well as it happens I stopped off at Jimmy's , so here's my present for
you
, " Patrick's mum then threw a stretch stap at him .
"Thank's mum ,
you were always practical ,
though it used to be boiled
sweets
you threw at me . "
"Oh June come here I've a favour to ask ? " continued Mrs Murphy
still
basking in the afterglow of fame . The two then confered , before
June
looked
at Liz and Keith before laughing , then with a nod of her head June
consented
to Mrs Murphy's idea .June edged up to
Patrick and gave him a
lingering
kiss on the lips , making him blush
, he hated being kissed in
public
. He knew June was up to something , but what was it ?
"Patrick
I have decided , or rather we have decided " she began .
"You
and me ? Decided what ? " interrupted Patrick .
"Me and
your mother , that we , " continued June , pausing
to plant
another
smacker on his lips . Patrick blushed
again , and looked at the
floor
in an effort to hide those blushes from all in the cafe .
"To
finish ,we , and this time I mean you and me are going to rent out the
old
flat to Liz and Keith over there ,
" she kissed her husband again to
press
home her point .
"I
suppose it is a waste to let it go empty , " observed Patrick trying to
appear
in charge of the situation .
"Yes
it would be . Besides we don't want Liz
and Keith to catch a cold ,
oh
and by the way I think we should have a walk in the woods next month ."
Patrick could see the glint in her eye , he did not understand but June
was
good at explaining ......
*******
well
I hope you all like this a sneak preview of Tears for a Butcher
this
is the sequel to The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker
I
just hope nobody in Hollywood is stealing all my copyrighted material.
10,000,000
plus a house and a car for the wife as I don't drive plus a puppy for the girls
is
my price Hollywood or Amazon. you know it makes sense, this is for all I've
written to date, plus you pay royalties on top, I do live in England after all.
yes
I know this hope in my Fairy Tale.
