What makes us who we are?

michaelgcasey Uncategorized 11/07/2019 5 Minutes

What makes us who we are? ©

By Michael Casey

Well I was going to write Tinnitus and Phlegm but this idea boiled over so you are getting that instead. Why did I chose “boiled over” well our kettle broke last night, in fact it could have badly burned one of us. The handle broke as I was having a late night drink, so luckily it was me and not one of the girls. So I have ordered a new kettle to replace it. As my dad used to say, if you buy rubbish you end up buying twice. I could talk for a page on the subject of Kettles, but you can do that for yourself. If you find Just a Minute on the BBC World Service you’ll have fun listening to the folks on that show, they talk about everything maybe they are my Spiritual Godparents. Or then again them I am just an unloved Bastard, you’ll have to decide that for yourselves.

So what does make us who we are? Well love does play a part, too much or none at all affects indeed creates our character. I was of course the 5th of 6th children, and the family Pet till a final little sister arrived. I’ve turned into the chronicaler of events in the family and otherwise a general writer, marching my words over the page and invading your minds.

So what makes me me and you you. Obviously I am much prettier than you, well apart from on my Passport photo, there I look like a Criminal or a Jailor or even a Torturer. Ask the guy at Passport control, he laughed so much, I nearly spanked him with a rolled up copy of Trump’s book on Humility. It’s a 2 page book, with Trump’s photo and one line, I’m so Humble, even God asks for my autograph. But I controlled myself and smiled at the guy at Charles de Gaulle airport, now that really really scared him.

I’m going off topic now, but that’s my gift, if you stumble over me, you soon forget what you were supposed to be doing. So I’m therapeutic, though some may say I’m just pathetic, but those are the ones I’ll stop praying for. If you tell somebody you’ll stop praying for them it does tend to confuse them. Confusion is a gift, it slows things down and then you get them to do what you want them to do.

What other traits do you have? Your smile, those come to bed eyes, though as you are an Undertaker your come to bed eyes, may mean Eternal Rest. Not Creation, though Undertakers do tend to be very happy people, otherwise they’d get Depression with all the sad people surrounding them on a daily basis. In general a smile breaks the ice, and can lead to friendship and love. But do make sure you brush those teeth first. This morning’s Breakfast is not the best view, so brush those teeth.

Then there is your hair, do you have it this way or that, or are you a through the bush kind of person. You haven’t combed your hair in weeks, there is a reporter on the tv with that look, and no I don’t mean Peston, somebody else. First impressions do count. When you are having that interview, within 15 seconds people have an opinion of you. If you look like a tramp in a suit, or skirt and blouse, then your chances are blow, just because you failed to go to the toilet before your interview. Look in the mirror before the interview. Is your hair tidy, is there breakfast on your teeth or down your shirt. Is the zip open or closed, you are looking for a new job, not a Love Island conquest. So keep it closed. If you are a girl, be professional, don’t have too much on show, not unless you want a job in a Lap Dancing Club.

There are many things that make us, our style of clothing, are we a talker or a listener. He’s just a suit, but no brains. She’s all cleavage, no brains. Obviously I have a brain, you are all so cruel I heard the laughter in Lithuanian, and from the Moscow too, you are so cruel, I’ll put you in a story, you just wait I will. Whatever we are good at we have to promote it. And we have to balance it with the situation.

So when you see me dressed as a woman with my cleavage out, please do not squeeze my derriere, I’m dressed as a woman for a reason. It’s free entrance and free drinks all night for us girls. I can see my Russian readers hurry to the closet, to try and find granma’s clothes. Free vodka all night is worth dressing up like a Babushka. Which brings us to character. This is the most important thing of all. Are you honest or brave, or quick witted?

Can you react fast? If you work in hotel or a hospital then you can really be tested at short notice. It does not matter a damn if you are so so sexy, like me obviously, or if you brain is the size of my backside, or if your backside is so so tempting, not mine but any girl’s or boy’s even depending one who is looking. Or if you speaking 14 languages, or if all you can say is (*^&&^, or any form of cursing.

What matters is how you are in a crisis. My Moscow friends no doubt as they read The Butcher The Baker and The Undertaker as they are doing at the moment, know this.Well imagine they are in drag getting the free vodka, and then bandits arrive, what would they do? Would they sneak off like little girls? They are very big girls in drag after all. What would Ichi, Dizchi and Gregorgi do? Well I’ll let them tell you for themselves when they get home to Moscow.

Let’s just say, you never squeeze a Moscow boy’s bum even if he is in drag. Obviously Ichi, Dischi and Gregorgi will take out the 6 bandits while still holding a glass of vodka in one hand. They guard the car park outside the British Embassy in Moscow, and it was the Cultural attache there who told them about Ben’s Bar Birmingham. And Cultural Exchange is always a good thing.

So I hope you have some idea about what makes us all special, and I hope we can all drink in peace to that.