scroll down for the story
in honour of the heat an old piece
Stink
in the Fridge ©
By
Michael Casey
I was
in the fridge looking for any leftovers when I wondered what it would be like
to live in the fridge, it must be so cold after all. Then there is the fact
that it is so dark inside, so if you were afraid of the dark it would be a
fearsome experience. So how was life in the fridge for all the fridge life
inhabitants.
I’m so
cold in here that human hates us, leaving us in the cold and in the dark, is he
just trying to save on his electricity bill. Come on you tomatoes lets jump up
and down and we will create light, hey you sad bottles of milk make some
bubbles and lets have some heat in here, those cows must have left some methane
in the milk they are always farting, and leaving big messages everywhere.
So the
tomatoes jump and the milk shakes and light and heat emerges inside the fridge.
Look we are all gonna be eaten so we need to get this party started, lets start
with Doe a Dear to cheer us up then there is Somewhere over the Rainbow and Out
Of the Fridge. Soon the contents of the fridge were partying, outside nobody
would ever know what was going on inside, except for Totoro the family cat who
was trying to sleep on top of the fridge and could not due to all of the
singing, she was a Cool Cat after all.
The
girls came home from school and headed for the fridge, everything stopped
inside the fridge, parting kisses were exchanged between the eggs and the
tomatoes, the milk looked on and gurgled, the yoghurt and the Camembert just made a stink that’s all they could do. The eggs
were taken outside for the firing/scrambling squad, Humpty Dumpty himself could
not save them, he was trapped in the freezer box, he had his nose up against a
cabbage, a red cabbage at that.
The fridge door opened again, those
sisters were so horrid always eating when they came home from school, and in
the morning they always had, BREAKFAST, they were savages absolute savages. Now
those evil ugly girls were going to drown the bread, dipping it in the eggs, it
wasn’t natural forcing eggs to soak bread and then saying it was French, French
toast. Then together the egg and bread were burnt alive, Joan of Arc had
suffered like that. So why remind the world with this French toast. Those girls
were evil, and they even gave some to Totoro the cat when she leapt down from
her perch on top of the fridge.
The food in the fridge consoled
itself for a few hours singing songs, always look on the bright side of life
was very popular as it reminded them of the light going on. Then at Midnight,
and they knew it was Midnight as the clock chimed, the fridge door was flung
open and Totoro who had been asleep on top of the fridge purred with delight.
Midnight feast, everything left in
fridge was flung into the wok, and Mrs Casey and her evil daughters made Egg
Fried Everything. The tomatoes leaked everywhere as they were diced and spliced
and flung into the wok. The milk gurgled and the yoghurt bubbled, as for the
Camembert it made an almighty stink in protest before it too was flung into the
wok, Chinese words and laughter as it melted into the melange, those Casey
women had raided the fridge and left it empty and pointless. Totoro leapt
inside he could smell some spilt dairy and was busy licking I as the fridge
door was being closed. A sad solitary tomato laughed in glee, but Totoro
slashed his cheeky cheeks before leaping out of the fridge. The Midnight feast
was over, time to sneak into a bed, Totoro was not stupid for she had just been
fed, and as for the tomato it was DEAD.
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