It’s All In The Stars
2016 ©
By
Michael Casey
Louise just
loved to read her stars in
the papers, but
gradually she
became disillusioned, they
were too
inaccurate, too
general, she wanted more detail, a personal touch, she wanted to know
how
her life would be. Not "you'll have
a happy day today, a surprize
could
be on its way." She wanted more, so she went to see a clairvoyant,
the clairvoyant
was a gypsie who had pitched her caravan
in the Bull
Ring. Louise happened to be there buying new
knickers for herself outside
Saint Martins
church when she spotted the sign saying "fortunes told,
cheap
prices, under a fiver to know your future. "
So grasping her knickers in the
carrier she climbed the
four
steps
into the caravan. The fortune teller
looked like a rugby player in
drag, but that’s normal for fortune tellers, so Louise wasn't afraid.
She had
30 mins before she had to get
back to Stats and
some report
writing for
Derek the boss. The bells of
Saint Martin peeled,
a
lunchtime
service was about to begin, as for Louise she held her breath,
what
would the future bring ?
Michael also wanted to know the future. He read his stars avidly
in
the papers, he'd buy his shopping in
Safeways, then once through the
checkout
he'd read his stars in all the newspapers, before discarding the
papers and leaving with just his shopping, the papers in a heap at his
feet.
He always hoped the stars would tell him when he'd meet the love of
his
life, what he failed to notice was that
while he had his head in the
newspaper, pretty
women were standing right next to him
browsing the
womens
magazines. If only he looked up from the stars.
Fate would bring these two together,
in fact they lived in the
same
street, but their paths had never crossed, Michael lived at number
19 and Louise lived in number 25. Michael had been a computer operator
for
20 years but when the job ended he took the first job that came along
,
so now he was a security guard, not one of those thick ones in uniforms
, no he was a guard in the new Travel lodge
hotel on Broad street, the
biggest
hotel in the city. He wore a suit and
had a nice badge with his
name on it, and he had a nice slim radio. So he was an
upper class
security
guard. It was the perfect job for him
because he liked meeting
people
and having a gossip.
The fortune teller had told Louise, that she'd meet somebody
strong and
reliable, though perhaps a little boring,
things would
happen
suddenly and she'd be swept off her feet.
Louise liked strong men
why she'd
been to see the Chippendales four times,
so she smiled
to
herself
as she left the caravan, clutching her
carrier of knickers. The
months passed
and still Louise hadn't found her Mr Reliable, she
got
offers of course,
she enjoyed strutting her stuff in pubs all over the
Black
Country her and her friend Mary. Only
the offers were always from
men
just past their sell by date, men who
would buy you a pint and a bag
of chips and then want to feel more than your
hips as she danced to 70s
Glamrock. So Louise said "Sod It !", as she
slapped another man across
the
face. Why couldn't men be Gay without
being Gay, you know Gay men
treated
you like a lady and didn't grope. Just why couldn't one like that
turn
up.
Michael finished another 12 hour shift
and was wandering around
his
flat naked, scratching his bum and drinking another
2 litres
of
coca cola.
He switched the telly on and surfed teletext, his HiFi was
on too playing Genesis, he always read the news on all channels
before
reading
his stars on ITV channel 4, channel 5 and Sky. His whole working
life
involved working odd hours with even odder people, so he'd never met
anybody who would put up with his lifestyle. Now 40
was on the horizon,
was he
clutching at straws hoping against hope by reading his
stars to
cheer
himself up. Jo from the kitchen had given him a Xmas card saying "I
hope the
girl of your dreams find you in 98 ", and the year
was half
over.
Michael sighed, at least he could have a quiet cry while he watched
weepies on Sky
and the other channels. Little
Women was perhaps
his
favourite
film, the ending where the Professor
says he has empty hands
&
he has nothing to give, but the girl
gave him her hands and said "now
they
are full". His own father had
nothing when he met his mom, yet she
married
him, and yet he married her and her false teeth, and they went
on
to have six children. So Michael watched
and wept, at least there
was
refuge and solace in prayer, he had taken up regular prayer when he'd
read
about Padre PIO, and when his mother
died, and to his surprize his faith
got
stronger. But still he longed for company, to talk with,
to laugh with,
to
cry with, and to wake up with. So he
prayed and read his stars in
equal
doses.
Louise slammed the door of her flat, and
rearranged her blouse,
that
bastard had more hands than an octopus, he'd left his thumb print on
her
boob too, and the bra strap was broken
too. She have to go down the
Bull
Ring on Monday and get herself a new red bra, and new red knickers
too,
it was a matching set after all. She flicked on the telly, Central
Weekend
was still on, Russell Grant was on, so
she didn't switch off.
He
was saying that a proper reading involved study. Louise examined her
bruised
boob as he talked, still listening she
practised her undressing
technique, it'd been in Mary's Cosmo three months before,
so she'd been
practicing
it. Once she met a Gay man who wasn't Gay, he'd have the full
benefit
of it, it was all about pleasing him, so to please yourself,
that's
how Cosmo explained it. So there she was
naked before her telly
with
just Russell Grant smiling at her,
"And it’s about
examining your
potential
and optimizing your best bits ", Louise was examining her boob
again, and her bum, she found another bruise there.
So it was standing
naked
before Russell Grant and a studio audience that she decided to do it
herself,
she'd go to the library and dig out some books. She'd form her
own
future, she'd caste her own fortune.
Michael dried the tears from his eyes,
and switched the tv off,
scratched his bum,
then got into bed. If only a
millionairess would
stop
at the hotel and fall in love with him,
well it happened in films
didn't
it? His stars had been contradictory as
usual, so he just
believed
the nice ones. Louise had switched off the
telly when she'd
glanced
out of her window, only to see a naked
man get into bed. Michael
was
afraid of the dark you see, so he always
left a chink in his curtain
and
Louise by chance or was it fate ? She had seen him, he was fat and
very
hairy, but at least he had a big chest, she just loved men with big
chests.
So sniggering Louise headed for her own bed.
The following Monday Louise dashed up
to the Library and got as
many
do it yourself Horoscopes books as she could find. There were five
in
fact. She'd read them all then photocopy the best bits on the works
photocopier. No more newspapers for her, she'd do it
herself, she had
five
minutes left of her lunch hour so she went and got a new matching bra
and
knickers from the Bull Ring, and some grapes too, she just
loved
grapes.
Somebody was selling a telescope too, so on impulse she bought
that
as well, it was only a fiver. She be able to gaze up at the stars.
Michael had a nice day at the hotel,
people seemed to like him,
well
in five minute doses that is, a millionairess did stop at the hotel,
only
she was a bitch, who knew she was rich and beautiful and intelligent
and
she wanted the whole world to know it. If only she had a dose of
humility
that'd change her thought Michael, would
be perfect for this rich millionairess,
a dose of humility was a good
thing, but Michael smiled and carried all her shopping
and
put it into a waiting taxi, as she swore
at him for not being quick
enough.
But his stars had said "You will be mixing with the rich
and
famous",
and so he was, by carrying her bags.
Louise dashed home with her
carrier full of library books,
she'd
know her future tonight, she was a bit impetuous at times, so she'd
work
out her future tonight. She saw the
light go on in Michael's flat,
and she did have a telescope, so she gave into temptation and spied on
him.
e was nice,very nice, then she nearly dropped the telescope, he
had
a horrid birthmark on his left shoulder, a brown stain all covered in
hair.
He was a bit like the elephant man, Louise laughed, and then went
back
to her
books. As for Michael he put the
Disney channel on and
watched
Beauty and the Beast, he could empathise
with the Beast, he'd
been
called a beast himself because of his birthmark, girls had run away
from
him because of it. They could put up with him being fat, but not the
birthmark
as well, that was too much. So Michael watched Beauty and the
Beast
and cried and cried, some say a man should not cry, but Michael
knew
that was bollocks, it was good to be in touch with your emotions, a
good
cry cleanses then system. Recently he'd started
listening to
Classic
FM, cos one of the cleaners had told him
about it, and that made
him
cry too, how could just a few violins and so forth touch your soul in
seconds.
But it was nice, besides they'd never be anybody there to see
him
cry, so he could be true to his soul, and cry and cry.
Louise looked up from her books, she'd
spent five hours reading
the
future was hers, she picked up the
telescope again, this time to
look
for Uranus, but the sky had clouded over. So she watched Michael's
bum
as he got into bed. Louise spent weeks
reading and watching naked Michael
she
even went to West Bromwich library in
search of books, she was confident,
she
knew she’d always be ok for money, and
that was all that mattered as far as
she
was concerned, so long as she could pay
the bloody mortgage and could feed
her
cat Sam. One night Mary couldn't come on
the razzle, strutting her
stuff
with Louise, and as Louise had a bit of a cold she stayed in and
watched
the telly. Elephant Man was on, the
music was good, but Louise
hated
the black and white, and was going to
switch it off, but it was
compelling
in a horrible sort of way. As she watched
she looked out the
window
and could see naked Michael, she laughed, then looked back at the
Elephant
Man, then she laughed "Elephant Man lives over the road, Sam",
then
the music touched her, she felt guilty,
a silent tear fell. She
couldn't
bear her guilt so she got up and switched the telly off,
she
didn't have a remote control. She put Heart FM on
loud to cheer herself
up,
but her eyes were drawn over the road towards Michael's back, so she
picked up the telescope. "It's not that bad I suppose, if I
were his
girlfriend
I'd shave it." Then she dropped the telescope, and reached
for her chocolate, and soon forgot him, Heart FM
was great.
Hazel had the flu, so would anybody
like tickets to see Phantom
of
The Opera. So as it was free Louise had it, she liked classical music
too
as well as glam rock, so it would be a night out for her and Mary.
The
Phantom was great, a bit like Disney's Beauty and the Beast really or
even
the Hunchback Of Notre Dame, about
love crossing insurmountable
barriers. Michael had once said to his mom, that he
wasn't good enough
for
anybody, and his mother had chided that
of course he was, Love
Conquers
All was her message. And so was the message of Phantom. Louise
ate
her chips on the bench outside the Hippodrome,
her mind troubled,
Mary
thought she was a bit quiet. Louise lied and said she was
only
tired. But once home she got her telescope out and
watched Michael's back
as she played the CD of the show that she'd
bought. Guilt overcame her
and
she cried, she cried just like a little girl.
Now sometimes fate cannot wait
no longer it bursts on the
scene,
it demands attention. Louise was returning the books to the
library,
she had just bought more knickers from the
Bull Ring. It was
while
she was crossing the road at the top of Hill Street that she nearly
walked
under a bus, had it not been for a strong hand pulling at her bra
strap
she would have been dead.
"Pervert" was on her lip, as she fell
backwards
but the noise and shadow of the bus drown her words.
"I
could have been killed," she stuttered, as she got to her feet.
"That's
why I grabbed you, your bra strap was what saved you," replied
Michael.
Louise
looked up to see who had saved her, she looked deep into his eyes
,his
child like eyes. She screamed and
fainted, he caught her in his
strong
arms. A full minute later she opened her eyes.
"But
it’s you, I've never seen you with your clothes on,
" stammered
Louise.
"Pardon?
" replied Michael not knowing her guilt secret.
"You
see, we are neighbours in Miracle Road
Qangleton, " explained
Louise.
"Here's
your knickers," replied Michael as he picked up her carrier and
it’s
spilled contents.
"But,
you saved my life, " said Louise, before smothering him in
kisses,
he had saved her life after all.
"Let's
go for a coffee in Dunkin Donuts," suggested Michael "you have
had
a shock after all.
And so that was how they finally met,
it was all in the stars, I
think
they went on to have twelve children and lived happily ever after,
you
get a lot of family allowance with twelve children after all.
*******
I actually wrote this for a girl in the office 20 years ago 96 to 98 maybe that was in my computer room days, we were part of ACNielsen for a finish.
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