If I were a Right-Wing Agitator

If I were a Right-Wing Agitator ©

By Michael Casey

I was reading the newspapers before going to bed and I was bored to read about the British guy making so much news in USA. Let’s see if he can guess I’m talking about him, but of course he can, he must follow his press avidly. He has a “strange” name, to be honest he sounds like a chip shop owner in Birmingham. He also happens to be gay, but that is as unremarkable as the colour of his eyes.

What is remarkable is that people allow him to annoy them he should be locked in a cupboard and ignored while people enjoy a party without him. That wasn’t a bad joke about coming out of the closet either, in Brad Pitt war films people are bundled into closets, hence that idea.

So people invite him to speak somewhere and there is a major demo against him, which is good for his ego and he is adding it to his book as we speak, in an attempt to make it more interesting. If he was a pop star, then that’d be interesting, if he could actually sing or do magic tricks and pull rabbits from underneath his scalp, there must be plenty of space, as he lacks any brains.

This person should just be ignored, have a silent demonstration and turn your backs on him, or moon at him, but he’d use that as a book cover so on second thoughts just turn your backs. But you could all have You are Unoriginal printed on the back of your Tshirts. It’s like the punk look that you sometimes see nowadays in 2017, I remember it 40 years ago so really that is UNORIGINAL just like the man himself.

People who crave all this fame and have so little talent or none in his case should just be IGNORED and backs should be turned on him, don’t engage in conversation. Give him vouchers for a tanning centre at the North Pole and maybe he’ll go there and never come back. Though Santa may be livid, so make sure is for-warned and he can go to his holiday home at the South Pole.

I am an Altruist more than anything else, and I’ll probably die unnoticed but I hope I leave a few laughs behind. I even have a party trick, where I set fire to my behind.  BRIGHT FART I call it. 

*****

I bet he'll think this a Valentine request, massaging his ego, oh no its not, boys and girls, oh no its not