Diary of a Cat called Totoro

Diary of a Cat called Totoro ©

By Michael Casey

I would type this myself but my “owner” does not allow me on the keyboard, how can anybody own a cat, we do what we like and allow the owner to think they are in charge. I have 4 “owners” in fact, it’s called a family, I am the most important part of that family, I am the cat. The typist who is typing this for me is Michael Casey, he’s a writer, 10 books on Amazon. What Amazon is I have no idea, I know what Aldi is, that’s where my typist buys food for the family. I can recognise the sound of plastic wrapping paper, I know what it is because inside is chicken, and I LOVE chicken. I come running down the stairs to the kitchen whenever I hear this sound.

They have to be quick opening and closing the fridge door as I may leap inside, I did it once, so they watch out all the time now. So I learnt how to open the cupboard doors instead, I just had to sit on the microwave and then reach up. It was fun helping myself to a bit of bread, I even went inside the cupboard itself. Those Caseys are stupid thinking I would not work it out. I am Japanese after all, well my name Totoro is. The Caseys are Birmingham Shanghai people, they talk to me in English and Chinese, so long as they give me food I don’t care what language it is.

When they discovered that I was a thief they started to seal the cupboard doors with tape, they have no sense of humour, I am a cat after all. Hang on a second I have to jump on the chair my owner is sitting in, just checking his story telling ability, I don’t want a rubbish biographer after all. There’s lots of black on the screen so he must be writing lots of words, whatever words are. Some words I know, such as pussy, and food, and bad cat, cuddle is a nice word. I get cuddles as I sit on my owners and they stroke me, then I purr like a late night taxi in the street.

The house I live in is big for a cat, I am allowed to go anywhere so long as I use the cat litter. They have boxes of Whiskas in the kitchen under the table, I climb them like a mountain, and when they are finished a nice man brings more of them, keeps me fed for months, whatever a month is. All in all I think I like the Caseys, if only I could have a boyfriend, but they say one cat is enough.

I sleep in a wicker basket, they got it half price from B&Q , whatever a B&Q is. Though really I sleep wherever I Iike, under the typist’s bed is my favourite place, not because he smells nice, but because it’s the warmest room in the house, I’m a cat I’m not stupid.

In fact I follow the sun around sleeping wherever the sunshine is the strongest, the family has lots of windowsills to lie on, and beds and furniture, on the bed, under the bed, in the bed under the duvet. Sometimes I just cannot make up my mind, so I sleep on the landing, they have carpet, it’s a kind of fur for corridors.

I also have a party trick, I do a double leap and bounce and then I’m on top of the fridge, so they can’t ignore me, and they give in to my big kitten eyes and give me chicken. Well I have to go now, I need a nap, so I’m ready for when the children come from school.  They study cats at school, I was very pleased to hear it, it’s called CaTuculus, I don’t know what it is but it must be good. Miaow