Looking at My Profile

Looking at My Profile ©

By Michael Casey

If you find my Elevator Ad on the Internet, https://butcherbakerundertaker.blogspot.co.uk/  is a good place to look or even at https://michaelgcasey.wordpress.com then you’ll be able to read a bit about me. And yes the bit about the Chinese Ballerina from the Birmingham Royal Ballet vetting me is true.

Ballet dancers seem to have played a role in my life. From being introduced to the Ballet by a friend at work, she knows who she is so I won’t embarrass her. I even met a Russian ballerina in a bar in Barcelona, I tried chatting her up, it was only the next day that she  danced across the stage towards me and the audience, she and her beautiful hair and broken nose, though the previous night she said she was a student in a perfect American accent.

Speaking of accents http://www.michaelgcasey.typepad.com is where you can hear my posh Birmingham accent. I have 50 audio there, I would like to use some of my 775 stories to teach English via laughter. A story then a facing page translation plus my audio. That’s the plan, so George and Dave now that you have a bit of time on your hands why not be my backers? You can share 30% of the profits and I keep 70%.

Now I always attach a stupid picture of myself to a story, as there is nothing more pretentious than the head on chin pose. That pose should only be in a kebab shop, the sheep’s head or a  pig’s head perfectly posed. Though the Thinker pose is acceptable, as it encourages people to play Twister.

We have a photo somewhere of my brother at Queens doing that pose. Queens as in Oxford, not the straight pub in the gay quarter in Birmingham where I was vetted by the Ballerina, just so you know. We also have a photo of my other brother trying to row on the Cam, he never made it for the boat race, though he was at Downing, never made it to that street either.

So what of me? What you see is what you get, I am the Birmingham Boris Johnson after all. Wait till Christmas, and you’ll hear Boris say “who do you think I am the Michael Casey of Westminster?”

I have been a computer operator, life insurance underwriter non-medical, march assessor, trainee betting shop manager, print room worker for Pinsent Masons, I thought I’d name drop like Andrew does on Sky Press Preview. Concierge and 10 other role simultaneously at CPNEC Birmingham, this was the job of my life, but very very tiring. And I was even an English teacher, English as a 2^nd language at an Islamic school.

In parallel to this I started writing 30 years ago. Before I took up a pen I listened to BBC Radio 4 for 20 years, constantly. So that’s why I try and write for ears, and if you add 20 and 30 together that makes 50, so  you know I’m over 50, though I always say I’m 28 when girls swoon. Ok when 89 year old women ask me to reach for something for them in Aldi.

By the way I got two excellents and an exemplary for my Teaching on my external assessment, so there you go, that’s why now years later I’m thinking my stuff could be marketed in groups of 40 stories to help teach English as a foreign language. By the way the wife is a Shanghai girl and we have 2 bilingual daughters. Even Totoro the cat is bilingual.

What else should I put on my profile? Yes I inherited my mother’s Arthritis, or Arthur as I call it. I was lucky I only got it 3  years ago. Thank God though I was able to buy Deep Heat in Malta, saved the holiday. When I’m rich I’ll go back, but I’d try the Hilton, though if you are reading this Paris, I accept freebies.

2015 was turning point in my life. I had an unplanned bypass. My girls were begging for a pet so I literally said “If I die you can have a dog, and if I have a heart attack you can have  a cat.” So they both went immediately online looking at pets. This would have been pre-Christmas 2014, just a couple of weeks. 

3^rd Jan 2015, with the Christmas decorations up I was in City Hospital Birmingham , or Dudley Road as it used to be called. I was in the bed closest to the office, which was right by where my dad was when he escaped death 20 years ago. He was given a week to live, but in the end he lasted 5.5 more years.

So the heart crew told me they were keeping me in and I’d need a bypass. From having no problems at all, then a tickle to a full bypass operation. I was reading Don Camillo, the Italian professor was impressed by that. I told them not to tell me anything but just to go ahead. So there you go, you could have all been saved from reading my stuff. It turned out to be 4 grafts, a quadruple bypass, not a triple as anticipated.

Now its 18 months later and I still get pain as well as Arthur joining in, then just for fun the occasional stab in the chest, which is not heart pain, I suppose we could call it a Michael Gove pain. So I have Arthur and Michael playing with my body. Yes other pains are available and lots of people are stoic about their pain.

If ever I did make my fortune like Dick Whittington then I really would set up the Birmingham Pain Centre. I can see the irony in the title, I would prefer the Don Camillo Centre but copyright would prevent it, and people would think it was a pizza place.

What else show I put in my profile? I’m 5’ 10” or 178cm with 46 inch chest and I’m 17.5 stones which is about 110 kilo. I did lose 10kilos after my op which is about 21lbs but after a year of monastic diet I got bored with that. So these past 6 months I put the weight back, but I’ll try and lose some again. I look 20  lighter kilos than I really am, but if I stand on your foot you’ll know about it. 

And yes the bit everybody is jealous of, my hair really is silver, though ckd may be the cause, and no ckd is not a perfume by Calvin Klein, though I do like that one, so Paris put some in my room at the Malta Hilton.

That’ your lot, don’t bother clicking on Telegraph Profile this is the most accurate one 19/July/2016

p.s. enjoy the photos